Joker Xue has always been famous for being funny, but later he was slowly discovered that his singing is so good. But it is true that Joker Xue is also the king of jokes in the entertainment industry. Now I will share with you Joker Xue’s classic jokes.

Selection of Joker Xue’s jokes (quotes)

1 Being young allows you to absorb pain, so that you will become more and more mature and mature. Powerful and then invincible.

2 In fact, my songs are also very good, but my jokes have become more popular than my songs for no reason, which is indeed a very sad thing. In the near future, I will prove that my songs are also very good. My songs are super popular, but people are not popular. I am used to it.

3. One of the drawbacks of my songs is that they are difficult to sing. To be honest, even I will be a little out of tune if I don’t sing for three days, so I will make sure to practice every day.

4 I would rather stay within a few miles of you than give my heart to you, because I love you and have nothing to do with you.

5 Adapt to the changes of the times and watch those poor performances, but why did you love me so much? What should I become to delay boredom? It turns out that these are the things that happen when love lets down its guard. test.

6 Every song must be done carefully, so in fact, I have been doing this from beginning to end, but no one knows. I found that my persistence was right, although I have persisted for ten years and it seems very embarrassing, but I think it is right.

7 Human beings always have an unspeakable helplessness. It seems that there are many options about life before them, but in the end they can only get one. If we had never seen so many options, we wouldn't be so greedy and would have to make choices all the time. Only then can we mature in the separation.

8 At least when we were separated, I was generous. I would always choose to bypass that street later, hoping to meet him on another street.

9 I don’t care how scarred I am, but I care who you let accompany you in the future.

10 When I was a child, I felt that the world was unfair, but later I discovered that the world is unfair, but unfairness is a good thing, and it will make you work harder.

11 Do you want me to sing? You want me to sing until I faint and vomit blood! My whole body fell into a pool of blood...

12 Prince Just have a white horse and you can't run a red light.

13 Please let me sing till I burst out today, dance to death, be so tired that my blood leaks and my body explodes, and then please let me give you an explanation?

14 When I was little, I didn’t I know how big the world is, so I can love you without any worries and love you with everything I can. The funny thing is that I actually have nothing. I thought my shoulders could cover your ambitions, desires, etc. But then it still took you away.

15 I really like this casual way of singing, it’s like wearing shorts and a belt at home and the rice dumpling on your right hand spraying rice in front of the mirror. A person who has smooth sailing is not a strong person, but a strong person will definitely defeat the guy who relies on luck in the end. Selected Joker Xue jokes (funny)

1. After mentioning it, the boss thought I was leaving too, so I I felt that I was not happy with my job anyway, so I mentioned it, and then my job was approved. She said that she would not leave and asked for her resignation form.

2. Today I saw in the news that those who were too handsome were beaten. Are single people nowadays mentally perverted and their humanity corrupted? Not to mention, I have to buy a mask as soon as possible, it’s too scary.

3. I bought a box of laundry detergent and took out a bottle to put under the dormitory bed. I also use laundry detergent to wash my socks and underwear. Bottle, I took a leave of absence and went home for a week to go to work. Why did I feel like washing my socks at night became too much? As soon as I used it, I realized that someone else had used up the water you gave me. It was gone when you used it. You still gave me some water. .

4. My roommate and I played ranked League of Legends together. I thought I would play assist, so I chose assist. After a while, my message popped up with the content, Third brother, you are sensible. I feel so wronged.

5. I came back from dinner yesterday and my husband went to bed at around 10 o’clock. I couldn’t sleep on the other side. It was around 12 o’clock when I saw this guy. I really couldn’t sleep so I pushed him up and asked me to chat. , and then fell asleep. At about two o'clock, he stopped sleeping and kept fussing, saying, mosquitoes were flying around and buzzing on your face, and I was awake. Why did you sleep like a piglet?

6. Yesterday a boy proposed to me. I told him that I don’t like boys who smoke. He said that as long as I agree, he can quit smoking immediately. I just want to ask someone who has smoked for more than ten years. Can I still want this man even if I can quit smoking?

7. When the freshmen started their military training and stood in military posture in the summer, a boy in the class fainted and his classmates surrounded him. There are knowledgeable people The classmates shouted from the outside: pinch people, pinch people. The female classmate closest to the boy thought for a long time, made a lot of determination, and accurately pinched the penis of the fainting man.

8. A few friends went hiking in the mountains. When they reached the halfway point of the mountain, they were tired and the sun was shining brightly. So this conversation came up, "It's so hot." ?When you feel hot, stick your tongue out wide to dissipate heat quickly. ?In the end, everyone believed it!

9. Apologizing does not always mean that I admit that I was wrong. It can only say that I care about our relationship more than myself.

10. When male and female colleagues quarreled, the male colleagues could not defeat the female colleagues. Male Colleague: A woman can’t talk enough about you. Female colleague: Even if you have three legs, you can’t catch up with a mouth. Then the female team leader laughed, and then everyone laughed.

11. Today I had noodles for lunch. When the noodles came, I suddenly wanted to eat garlic. I thought that garlic is so expensive and only costs a few cents per clove, so I grabbed a handful and ate it back, but I ran out of noodles. , I didn’t finish even a clove of garlic, it was too spicy. The garlic the boss buys is really good. He doesn't buy expensive ones, only spicy ones. Selections of Joker Xue Zhiqian's jokes (Weibo)

1. One day I was shopping with my wife and saw a picture of a pig pulling a cart passing by. My wife said, "Look at your relatives." I suddenly felt annoyed, so I Then he said silently, if I hadn't married you, where would I have so many relatives, and then fell silent.

2. Today my girlfriend said to me: I am alone at home, lying on the bed, so lonely. ?I say, go watch a horror movie so that you feel like you are not the only one in your house.

3. What does it feel like to have a cute deskmate? She is playing Rhythm Master after class. She is so excited. With her hand speed, she ignores me when I talk to her. I am right there. Shaking her hard, she said: Stop making trouble, stop making trouble, I'm going to die, ah! One of them fell! Ah! It's so miserable, it's dead, it's dead! Then she yelled at me, peat, labor is dead. , are you happy? Are you satisfied? Then she changed positions and started again, leaving me confused!

4. My son is four years old! Today I will teach a two-year-old child how to recognize Human facial features. He pointed to his eyes and taught the children to say eyes, and the children followed suit. Finally, he pointed to his nose and said what it was. His son was taught about noses before, but the children said it was a nose! Then his son dug out some boogers from his nose and said: Wrong! This is boogers, haha!?

5. Grasses and flowers planted on construction sites tend to get sick, so every time they pass by, they squat down and take a closer look to see if they are sick. If they do, spray them with pesticides. The mother-in-law who was selling flyers next to me saw me looking at these flowers and said: If you like it, you can pick some and take them back. I said: I planted these flowers, and they look like they belong to your home.

6. In the Chinese review class, the teacher popularizes the poet Li Bai, the poet Du Fu, the poet Wang Wei and so on.

Then the teacher asked, who is the King of Poetry? A student in the back row who had just woken up answered, isn’t the Lion King Xie Xun?

7. Reposted from Moments: I finally figured out how pork belly was formed: it It must be caused by the pig's repeated hesitation, hesitation, and struggle between fat and thin. This complicated and difficult to understand mood!

8. I saw three or four girls about 14 or 5 years old on the road. Jumping around chasing each other and having fun, I really envy their innocent happiness and freedom like the wind. I can't help but sigh. I couldn't experience this kind of happiness when I was 14 or 5 years old. I can't help it. It’s so big that it hurts when I run!

9. Why don’t I have a girlfriend? That day, a girl I really liked asked me to go to Happy Valley, and I happily agreed. At eight o’clock the next day, I Arrived and waited until four o'clock in the afternoon. I still wonder why you let me go. The next day I heard from a friend that Labor went to an Internet cafe and she went to an amusement park.

10. Once I went to a fortune teller. After sitting there, the old man looked at my palm and said: Although you are over thirty this year, you are still single. I was overjoyed: You are really a genius. You were right about everything. How did you see it? The old man said: I am very familiar with the smell on your hands.

11. My niece is in her first year of high school and is doing well in her studies. I asked her what she wanted to do when she grew up. She said she could be a doctor, where she could save people and treat them. I said, then you should get into a good school and go to a big hospital in a big city. She said it was the same everywhere. I said, then you go to Shangougou and treat people in Shangougou. She said solemnly that Shangoogou is also okay. The purpose is to see a doctor. It's fine there. What a simple child

12. I wonder if any of my embarrassing friends are like the original poster, who gives all the money they earn from working every year to their families. In the eyes of parents, they are not as good as other brothers and sisters who don't give a penny but still ask for money. Is this feeling of being so heart-wrenching my own?

13. I just went shopping for groceries and my aunt gave me the wrong money. My brain twitched and I said: "Don't lie to me, my math teacher is dead." morning. ?I saw an old man next to me kicking me? I really didn’t recognize that he was my junior high school math teacher!!!

14. I went out to eat at noon and met a beautiful woman in red. The white puppy stopped walking. When the beast met a gray bitch, its eyes glowed, and it pounced on it like a piston. The beauty in red kept holding her hand to witness her sloppy behavior. The passers-by covered their mouths and laughed, so she had no choice but to Drop the leash and let it run its course. No, when I came back after dinner, she was still looking at them pulled together. The picture is so beautiful that I dare not secretly take photos for fear of being beaten.

15. Today I went to eat hot pot. When I was paying the bill, I said to the lady boss, "Sister, check out!" The lady boss smiled and pointed to a beautiful woman next to me and said to me, "That one over there is my daughter." , I am 19 this year, and you still call me eldest sister. Think about what you should call me. ?I thought about Mom!?

16. It was during the Chinese New Year. The neighbor next door was timid and asked me to kill the chicken for her. I held the chicken tightly in my left hand and cut it open with scissors in my right hand. Half a bowl of blood flowed out of my artery. The chicken slowly fell silent in my hand. I felt a life passing by. The neighbor brought a plate of hot water. I put the chicken in and the hot water splashed all over us. , the chicken ran away.