Psychological nutrition is probably expressed in this way, just as plants need sunshine, air and water, and human growth needs psychological nutrition to grow healthily. Psychological nutrition is just like physiological nutrition. The growth of many children can be achieved as long as they are given nutrition. For example, a child turns over in three months, sits up in six months, and learns to talk and walk. Only when physiological nutrition is in place can it be done. Similarly, as long as children are given enough psychological nutrition, they can grow into a mentally healthy person, and their five golden flowers can bloom. These five golden flowers are: love, independence, connection, security and value. The corresponding psychological nutrition includes: unconditional acceptance, concern, security, affirmation, praise and recognition, and example.
You see, such a simple and simple model can be said to be the most critical perfection compared with the subdivided object and self-model, just like the finishing touch, and psychological nutrition is its core.
Whether it is the object or the self, the core of the interaction between subjects is psychological nutrition. After accepting the energy of the psychological nutrition subject, it can be promoted, and there is a foundation for transformation and change. Without psychological nutrition, the subject will shrink back and fall into a state of self-protection or self-isolation In this sense, psychological nutrition is closer to the essence of human growth.
In intergenerational interaction, it is difficult to give psychological nutrition that parents of future generations can't get. Therefore, as a parent-child tutor, you need to learn and show parents how to provide psychological nutrition for children and parents present. In this way, the biggest difference between psychological nutrition and a series of parenting education models such as positive discipline and parental efficacy is that parents can learn and do. Because, it is not for children, but for parents to learn to do it for themselves first. It just triggered a sentence. If you want to change others, you must first change yourself. Similarly, as consultants, we should learn to be important people of visitors. We can give them psychological nutrition and help them realize the transformation from the inside out. The premise is that the counselor's own growth can give him enough psychological nutrition.
In this way, psychological nutrition is not only a model, but also a systematic model for the growth of a person and a group of people, which is passed down from generation to generation for use by parent-child tutors, psychological counselors, families and organizations.
It is precisely because this model is easy to use, so when I study, I like to study and chew the relationship between psychological nutrition and five golden flowers repeatedly, and link my learning thinking with other studies.
Of the five golden flowers, this is my understanding of them. Sense of security and value is the embodiment of a person's inner world, connection and independence are the embodiment of communication with people, and love is the embodiment of life. This is to look at a person's different dimensions, so these five golden flowers are interrelated in many ways.
Through study, the sense of security is far greater than I thought before. On the big side, a person's fear, anxiety, challenge, loneliness, etc. of the dark. It is a sign of security. On a small scale, a person's retreat, unwillingness to try, unwillingness to explore, procrastination and so on. Are all manifestations of insecurity.
The establishment of a sense of security is based on the mother's sense of security, and many interactions between children and mothers will be reflected in the transmission level of security. A mother with insufficient security will bring out children with similar security. Only when the mother's sense of security is enough to bear us firmly like a solid earth can the child's sense of security be firmly established. In fact, a stable mother includes a good relationship between husband and wife, which is reflected in the mother's emotional stability and in the fact that the mother gives her children many opportunities to do it. Among them, a steady mother will have a lot of room for improvement in personal growth.
If the sense of security that mothers bring to children is compared to the earth, then the sense of value that fathers bring to children can be compared to the blue sky. A capitalized person between heaven and earth was written by mom and dad together for their children. It is necessary to build children's sense of value on the basis of the stable sense of security brought by their mothers, and then to shape their sense of value little by little with the positive praise and recognition presented by their fathers.
If a sense of security is the basis of a person's survival, then a sense of value is the basis of a person's life. The sense of value I understand is developed layer by layer. The core is self-love, the middle is self-image and the outer is self-confidence. The self-image and self-confidence of the middle layer and the outer layer will be inconsistent in different aspects. We can often see that some people are very capable in some aspects of themselves, but they are not necessarily confident. Some people are confident, but they still show their lack of self-worth, sometimes high and sometimes low.
The inner part of the sense of value-self-love, is associated with unconditional love. If children get unconditional acceptance and unconditional love, they can learn unconditional self-love. Otherwise, children often learn to love themselves conditionally, or they don't love themselves at all and feel that they are not cute enough. Such children, even if their ability is improved in the future, their sense of value will not be improved.
Self-image, the middle layer of sense of value, is related to the father's identity. The relationship between children and mothers is from integration to separation. The appearance of father is the key to let children perceive the world and promote separation from children. The concept related to this key is boundary, in which children gradually know themselves and establish their own image and basic relationship with the outside world. With the growth of children's own ability and interaction with the outside world, the growth brought by their own ability and the feedback brought by interaction with the outside world become the external construction of children's self-worth. In fact, this part of the outer layer is based on the inner two layers. There is a saying that a person's self-worth is determined by his recognition of himself. No matter how much the outside world praises him, it is useless for him not to recognize himself. Only when a person knows himself clearly can he be accepted by the outside world.
Connection and independence are the embodiment of the relationship dimension. Connection is closeness and correlation, while independence is also a relational dimension. At the same time, it also reflects a person's sense of responsibility and ability to choose. As a kind of psychological nutrition, the model is related to five golden flowers. As a demonstration of external words and deeds, it may be more closely related to a person's independence and connection, often what parents are like, and so are children.
And love is the foundation of human existence or life, whether love or not, it exists. In the presentation of love, the model of parents is often silent, and a model parent is the source of children's love.
Looking back, what is a sense of security? When the child feels safe around his mother, he will go out to explore. When he felt that the outside world was different from his imagination, he came back to look at his mother. When he feels safe enough, he will go out to explore again. When we can't digest some shocks, such as this sudden epidemic, masks, the number of infected people, the severity of the epidemic, and all kinds of information, it will impact our sense of security. So I define the sense of security as the difference or conflict between the inner world of adults and the outside world, and a person will fall into panic.
In the process of children's growth, they often encounter such things, such as transferring, moving, entering a higher school, taking exams, etc. It is also the case that the sense of security is closely related to children's learning and concentration.
The problem is that parents often ignore their children's needs in this respect and only see the results behind, but not the reasons ahead. What children need is a sense of security. In this respect, it is up to the mother to increase the child's sensitivity to this aspect while enhancing the sense of security, so that it is easier to help the child.
What is a safe mother like? Such a mother is keen, flexible, patient, calm and gentle. Compared with those women, she is insensitive and careless to emotions. Although she is not afraid of anything, it is difficult for such a mother to give her children a full sense of security.
Therefore, to give children a sense of security, this job is really suitable for mothers to do. Is it difficult to be calm and gentle? Therefore, the psychological nutrition of security has gender characteristics and is suitable for women. Women give their children a sense of security, which is much more important than men.
Therefore, understanding the sense of security from the perspective of female characteristics can make you feel more about it. Because of women's physiological characteristics, women's comfort is more effective than men's. In particular, women's brain structure, perception and integration of emotions, far more likely than men to feel the same way. At the same time, we understand the intimate relationship and know that security is the greatest desire of women in intimate relationships. What a strange combination. Women are most suitable for psychological nutrition with a sense of security, and they also need a sense of security most.
In contrast, men are more suitable for affirmation, praise and recognition, which is the psychological nutrition to enhance the sense of value, and men also need the sense of value most in intimate relationships. Isn't it coincidence? No, the sense of value needs to be completed on the basis of full security and the separation of children from their mothers. At this time, the boundaries must be praised and recognized. This kind of strength and vision is also the most suitable for men, suitable for men's brain structure and concerns.
So to put it simply, a sense of security and value are the two cores of the five golden flowers that mom and dad can help their children create. And the basis of these two cores is given, one is unconditional acceptance and the other is concern. How to understand it? Acceptance is the basis for parents and children to communicate with each other. Without acceptance, there will be no communication and exchange, and the connection between the two will be interrupted. (unconditionally, the impact on children has been analyzed before. ) and attention corresponds to the impact on children. The more you attach importance to children, the more dependent they are on you and the more inclined they are to accept your influence. In this sense, unconditional acceptance and concern are the basis of parent-child relationship. Security and values are the core of parents' influence on children, while mothers influence security and fathers influence values.