Our poor students here have grants for going to college, and undergraduates are exempt from tuition of 5,000 yuan a year, so they don't give money directly. A buddy originally chose a university with a tuition fee of 3500 when he filled in his volunteer, but he thought about it. Isn't this a waste of 1500 yuan? So I decided to fill in the university, and the tuition fee was just 5000. . .
My girlfriend is not big, only 1.6 meters tall, but she likes to cover with a big quilt. I was sick that day, lying in bed, pulling the corner of the quilt and coquetry: if only the quilt were so big that it would be pulled by the corner forever! Grandpa, why don't we buy a big house, a big bed and a big quilt? This embarrassed me, but I had a brainwave: actually, it's not that much trouble, just buy a round quilt …
Watching movies in the afternoon, I found that the whole hall seemed to be just me! The feeling of booking this time is double cool. I switched from the front row to the middle, from left to right, playing by myself, imitating movies and telling dialogues, standing in front of the screen and kissing the hostess … I was having a good time, and a man and a woman stood up at the last corner and left quickly. There is a weak voice: let's go somewhere else, there is something wrong with this man's brain …
I bought a second-hand mercedes for 40,000 yuan, installed Didi software, and started to run a special car. One day, I pulled a woman who turned out to be my ex-girlfriend. I was relatively speechless all the way, and her expression was struggling, as if she were doing some psychological preparation. After arriving at the destination, she whispered to me, can we go back? I sat there and struggled for a long time: go back? You have to add 20 when you go back.
Late at night, a man squatted on the side of the road crying. Passers-by asked, "What's the matter with you, sir?" Man: "I was kicked out by my wife. Whoops! " Passerby: Oh, well, if you go out, go out. What's the big deal? "! Don't cry. "man:" that's it! " The man cried even harder.
Ivan came home with a nosebleed. His mother asked, "What's the matter?" "A boy bit me," Ivan said. "Can you recognize him when you see him again?" Mom asked. "I can recognize him wherever he goes," Ivan said. "His ears are still in my pocket."
At the age of nine, several children each took a basin and used the buoyancy of the basin to learn to swim in the pond. When I entered the water, I didn't know that there was a raging tide under the seemingly calm water. I accidentally dropped the washbasin. In my desperate struggle, I heard my little friend who didn't get into the water on the shore say, alas, she is quite powerful. She dared to swim without a basin so soon. . . . . If I hadn't been pulled up by an adult who happened to pass by, I would have to wait until I had drunk enough water to float up by myself!
Taking my five-year-old nephew out to play, the boy ran and fell naughty. He sat up and spit out two front teeth. I was scared, but he was in no hurry. "Uncle, don't worry, I'm old enough to change my teeth. My mom said it's okay to lose your teeth. If I bury them in the soil, I can grow new teeth. " "I see." Although I don't believe in these superstitions, I dug a hole and buried my little nephew.
A friend got married to pick up the bride, and was blocked by his girlfriend at the door, saying that he would give the bride a 88888 red envelope to buy a car. His mother-in-law was very happy and didn't stop it. . . My friend has only 10 thousand yuan in his pocket, and I can't get it together, but I won't open the door without it, and I can't open it anyway. In a rage, my friend threw flowers and said, I don't want to tie the knot. Whoever loves me will tie the knot! ! ! Leave the bride a Moby face. . . . . Finally, the groom went back and told his parents about the situation. His father went up and slapped him, and he left with the money again. . . That's right. I went again. .
Flight attendant: "sir, the plane is about to take off." Would you please turn off your cell phone? " Passenger: "My flight mode" Flight attendant: "I'm sorry, sir, there are many fake mobile phones now, and it is difficult for us to ensure that every mobile phone meets the standard!" F cabin passengers great anger, "what did you say? Are you saying that my mobile phone is a fake? Lao zi is apple's! Three certificates and three grades! Don't argue with me if you don't know the goods! "
Classic Quotations: Actually, you are quite good.
The year before last, she was 17 years old. She saw my Ipad and said, "Brother-in-law, your Ipad is not bad!" When she went back, her sister brought her an Ipad. Last year, she was 18 years old. She looked at my IBM and said, "Brother-in-law, your IBM is not bad!" " When she went back, her sister brought her an IBM notebook. Today is her 19 birthday. When she saw me, she said shyly, "Brother-in-law, you are actually quite good" ... I'm waiting for her sister to talk!
When I came out from the hospital to visit the patient in the morning, I was very upset when I saw my ex-girlfriend's mother coming in in a hurry ... Nothing would happen, after all, we met, so I decided to find out. She reached out and stopped her and pretended not to know: "Aunt, do you remember me?" She looked disgusted: "I don't have time to know me now!" " I was even more panicked and grabbed her arm: "Then tell me, is there anything at home?" She couldn't shake it off and pointed at my nose and shouted angrily, "I don't participate in your previous grievances, and I don't participate today." You want me to pull it down my pants. Believe it or not, I killed you! "
My mother-in-law's rice cooker is broken, so I bought her a brand-new pure white rice cooker. . . I introduced it and showed my mother-in-law how to use it. When I pressed the button, the white pot lid bounced off. . . My mother-in-law froze for two seconds and said weakly, this oval white cover bounced off, and I looked like a toilet. Me. . .
I met my husband's relatives for the first time before. His relatives said: Your wife Wang Fu has a mole on her eyebrow, her mouth is upward, her forehead is full and her skin is shiny. You are blessed. However, we have been married for almost 10 years. Why are we still so poor? What compensation does my husband make? Isn't he the one who made my fortune?
My son once lost his temper and threw the plastic bowl on the ground. I pulled him over and taught him: How can you drop the bowl? What if I break it? He looked at me with an extremely surprised expression and said, don't you know that plastic bowls are unbreakable? ! ! ! I ..... This kid should fight!
"Report chief! An old man raped and killed a woman! " "What old man? To do such a shameless and indecent thing? " "Director, you misunderstood."
Just now, I had dinner with some buddies. During the dinner, I talked about how beautiful my wife is. I said a word at that time ...: My daughter-in-law dared to go out without makeup! ! ! ! ! ! They all bowed their heads to eat and stopped talking.
Yesterday, I told my colleague, "The more I look at myself, the more handsome I am ..." Before I finished, my colleague said, "You are worse than pyramid schemes." I don't understand: "What's the matter?" Colleague: "At most, people who engage in pyramid schemes cheat relatives and friends, and you even cheat yourself!" "
In the original physics class of 10, the teacher said, "Archimedes said that if you give me a fulcrum, I can move the earth." This is the principle of leverage. Give me a fulcrum and I can pry it, believe it or not! " I replied loudly, "See what you can do. You are too powerful. Why haven't I seen you on CCTV 1? " Hey hey, have you ever heard of copying books?
Ass and face used to be lovers. Later, the ass moved on and shook his face. Everyone blames the donkey, who feels guilty, so the donkey wraps himself up when he goes out. Show your ass if you don't believe me, and everyone will definitely scold your ass: shameless, shameless.
I bought a pie and stood on the balcony eating it. Suddenly, I heard a young couple arguing downstairs. The man begged the woman to continue to be his girlfriend. The woman said that the toad wanted to eat swan meat. You are poor and ugly. Me and you? Unless there is a pie in the sky! As soon as I heard this, I threw the remaining half of the pie down. . .
Learn to look at life from another angle.
Learn to look at life from another angle.
Learn to look at life from another angle.
1, the loneliness I refuse to admit attacks me from time to time. That stubborn self-esteem and strength can no longer hide my true vulnerability. I no longer pretend to be rich, no longer pretend to be rich in history, no longer pretend to be a reserved person who doesn't know what it is, and let depression gallop in the emptiness and desolation of my heart.
2. Full ears of grain bow their heads because they carry the joy of harvest; The mussels that knead sand are tightly wrapped in shells because they are pregnant with bright and moist colors; Gorgeous jade is hidden in a rough stone coat because it grinds its own spirit inside; The moving carriage is silent because it is full of heavy glitz. So do people. The richer the connotation, the more modest and self-restrained. So learn to be modest, know how to be modest, and achieve yourself.
The road is long, and I will go up and down for it. The pursuit of dreams is endless. If I indulge in temporary glory and stop at seemingly successful, I will still accomplish nothing. Xiang Yu settled down as a tyrant, lost his former glory, and was finally destroyed by Liu Bang, leaving only the courage to pursue him, and could not sell his reputation. Ford was obsessed with the improvement of production efficiency, ignoring the innovation of style, and was finally eliminated by the trend of the times. Staying on the present achievements and being complacent is like taking the road of Wan Li, which will eventually fall short.
No matter how strong and excellent a person was, it can only prove that he has made great efforts and got rich rewards. However, if he lies in ignorance, immersed in yesterday's glory and forgets today's duty and mission, then he can only sit in an empty seat, leaving a pale and helpless tomorrow, which will only add a sense of loss and sadness in the end. Only by cherishing what we have now, grasping happiness in our hands, managing our present life with a beautiful and peaceful mind, and living every day in a down-to-earth manner, can you calmly meet the brilliant tomorrow.
Learn to look at life from another angle, and you will feel that the sky is blue and the wind is light. Sow a state of mind and you will reap an idea; Sow an idea and you will reap an action; Sow an action and you will gain a character; Sow a character and you will reap a destiny.
6. Time has given me something and lost something. The key is not clear whether to lose more or gain more!
7. Perhaps, we are all far-sighted and always live by looking up to others; Perhaps, we are all nearsighted and often ignore the happiness around us.
8. Other things in earthly customs, such as drinking tea, traveling in the mountains, watching clouds, enjoying the moon, the wind knocking on leaves, and the clouds shaking birds, are all in a state of pleasing the mind, that is, nourishing. Moisturizing gives the mind the feeling that it is tireless, non-greasy and endless.
9. The emotional ups and downs in our daily life will inevitably affect the people around us; Being moody is also destined to destroy others' trust in themselves. Therefore, knowing how to be a man is sometimes more important than knowing how to do things. Even if you don't know how to behave, at least learn to control your emotions and don't let them control you.
10, looking back on childhood, it turned out to be so happy that things changed. Some things can only be forgotten; Some things can only be commemorated; Some things can only be recalled. Why are there so few memories and memorials? It's a long road. Although the scenery along the way is beautiful, I can only watch it while walking and forget it.
165438+ There is only one shortcut to heaven, and that is to surpass yourself. To surpass ourselves, we must first change ourselves, and changing ourselves requires changing our lives. Only a unique lifestyle can give birth to a unique life course. That kind of majestic elegance, that kind of majestic spirit, is just an instant embodiment of a person's harmonious life, and the real sublimity is filled in every surging wave of his life.
12, remember the story of Socrates and Plato? Socrates' simple actions made Plato's wonderful life. He succeeded and became a great philosopher. This is the extraordinary in the ordinary, and the simple is not simple.
13, attitude determines fate, and details determine success or failure. Whether the lifestyle is suitable or not is directly related to the success or failure of the work that an individual is engaged in. Career is a front-stage performance, and life is a backstage operation. Only a healthy and decent life can promote the vigorous growth of the tree of life and compose a colorful waltz of life.
14, worry, when people are very upset in their lives but can't find someone to talk to, they are often helpless, sad and want to talk, but silently find that no one is around, and no one has left me at night, so they have to sit alone, listen to the subtle voices in the seasonal cycle, and watch the flowers bloom and fall outside the window at dawn and dusk. Staying in an empty room, looking at the rotating fan alone, I feel inexplicable. I can't tell you this loneliness. I can only digest it slowly by myself and turn it into a kind of strength, a process that makes me strong, work hard and go on alone. Maybe this is life! It is possible to make mistakes, and troubles always come with troubles, but don't ask yourself that every step you take is right, just ask yourself that every step you take is without regrets, and life is enough!
15, and what I want to say is that I'm trying to achieve better myself and stick to my utopia (ideal life and residence). In fact, only when a person is strong can he have enough energy to protect the people he loves and reach out to help those in need. Young me, what I have to do is one thing: make myself strong and be the best I can be!
Taking a holiday is equivalent to doing homework somewhere else, isn't it?
1. Only by eating all the time can you maintain your complete personality.
The heaviest topic between men is talking about their own women, while the easiest topic between men is talking about other people's women.
3. Scold: Why are you late today? Calm answer: my bed is old and needs someone to take care of it.
If you stay in nature for a long time, you will sprout naturally if you stay in the depths.
We are all good students. We don't love each other or elope. I play the trumpet with you in Class One, Grade Two. My name is Zeng.
6. The summary of this exam, in Chinese, says: exam, exam, not broke out in the exam, but died in the exam. In mathematics, scores decrease monotonically within the defined range. English: Gameover. In physics, the result is free fall. In chemistry, precipitation does not react. Historically speaking: 165438+ October bloody battle week, the anti-Japanese war failed. In political terms: scores depreciate, the exchange rate falls, and the stock market crashes. Geographically, the future will enter the extreme night. Take sports as an example: China men's soccer team played against Argentina.
7. Everyone looked for her for thousands of times, and suddenly looking back, that person still shrugged off me. Search fortune-telling knowledge
8. The beauty of 8.KTV said that I was handsome, so I smiled and told her to treat my eyes.
9. Wife is the road, friends are cows, there is only one road in life, and there will be many cows on the road. Don't go the wrong way if you have money, and don't sell cattle if you have no money!
10, I really want to put an eraser in my head so that I can erase you easily.
You always have thousands of reasons, but I always follow your feelings.
12, maybe your own incompetence makes you feel so insecure.
13, spit is used to count money, not to reason!
14, a holiday is equivalent to doing homework in another place, isn't it?
15, you get low-level happiness, what you don't want is high-level happiness.
16, MM button signature: covered on the big man, so hot.
17, you will never become an excellent college student, relying on excellent quality!
18, I just froze and endured the pain, waiting for you to let it hang like that, and finally endured the pain.
19, learning to bask in the results, the goddess basks in the selfie, the local tyrant basks in the money, the model basks in the body, and Laozi goes home for a holiday to bask in the sun!
When everything is done, don't say you are wrong.
2 1, women are spoiled, and the more they spoil, the more they grow. Men can't get used to it, and the more they get used to it, the more asshole they become! !
22. I heard that you have a bad life. I sat at the door and enjoyed the whole day.
23. If I don't hit you, you won't know that I am both civil and military.
Remember: everyone is kind to you, because they can't do it.
25. I have a heart for knowledge, but I have a failed life.
26, kill birds, I am an angel.
27. Every day at 3: 00: 00, 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds 00 seconds
28. Beijing University of Science and Technology cheated me for four years, so I plan to cheat the society with the knowledge taught by Beijing University of Science and Technology for life!
29, go straight ahead, behind a bunch of dogs, one does not pay attention, the dog bites you and does not hide.
30.good morning! Happy Valentine's Day. Give me a diamond ring. It's on sale now, as long as 880 yuan RMB.
3 1, without medical insurance and life insurance, don't try to be brave after dark.
32. The teacher said: Look at the long term, but when I look at it, I am far-sighted.
33. The typical sign of being single is that a traffic packet is long gone, and more than half of the call packet is left.
34. One day when you are gone, I will be very depressed.
35. Some people are destined to amaze your time, but they will not warm your years.
36. Those who leave me, please move on and don't look back.
The most considerate thing for you is that your shoes are not dirty, because the road you walk is not clean.
38. As long as the hoe moves well, you can't pry it without a horn.