Many restorers start working on reconnecting after a period of disconnection, but they are often confused: What should be the first sentence to help restore the relationship?

Just say a simple greeting, which will seem inconsequential; chat directly, which will be too abrupt; say a long and sincere apology, but you are afraid of arousing the other person's disgust... I really don't know what to do.

Here I hope everyone will correct a misunderstanding first: there is no right or wrong in the topic introductions listed above, only whether they are appropriate.

A very simple sentence, such as the three words "I love you", will definitely respond to you enthusiastically during the love period, "I love you too, baby"; but after a breakup, you will When trying to recover, you often make the other person feel like a formidable enemy:

Direct and rude ex: Go away, I don’t love you anymore;

Conflicted and entangled ex: I’m not in the mood to think about this right now Question;

Sensitive and suspicious ex: Stop pretending, I’m tired of watching you act;

Avoid the important and take the easy way. Ex: I think it’s good to be friends now;

You will find that the same sentence will get different answers when faced with different types of exes. This tells us that in many cases, your ex’s attitude towards you is “induced” by you yourself.

For a direct and rough ex, you always complain that he is cold and cold and does not give you any chance. But think about it carefully, wasn't it you who took the initiative to hit the muzzle of the gun? You keep asking him if it's possible and if he still loves you. In his usual style, he will only ask you to leave gracefully.

Similarly, when faced with a sensitive and suspicious ex, you will always act fiercely, such as blocking him, asking to add him as a friend, and telling the world that he is a scumbag. , and then you cry and apologize to him, which makes him dazzled. He will naturally think that your motives are impure, and even cause him to guard against you like a thief.

Therefore, the first rule of recovery reply: do not take the initiative to say things that will cause the other party to reject them

Many people are too utilitarian and want to get back together as soon as recovery is mentioned. Reunion feels it must succeed. But nothing is that easy. Even those who finally get back together have a bumpy start.

Before you reply, plant two anchors for yourself.

Don’t expect the other party to reply;

If the other party replies, you don’t expect immediate results. effect.

Remember, the lower your expectations, the greater your chances of success. Because your low expectations mean that you will put less pressure on the other person. If you make him feel better, he will not be ignorant of good and evil. Understand this premise first, then pay attention to avoid several minefields when sending content:

1. Don’t mention feelings during recovery

When countries negotiate, they will know that sovereignty issues are not allowed to be discussed. This is a matter of principle and bottom line. And after the breakup, your positions are also fundamentally conflicting. You want to recover, but he wants to break up. Fire and water are incompatible, thunder and lightning hit the earth, and sparks hit the earth. Do you think such a huge problem can be solved through negotiation? The more you try to talk clearly, the other party will kill you completely, and you will have no hope of becoming a serf and singing again.

Many people who recover will angrily tell their ex, why don’t you reply to my messages? Did you rent a room with that mistress? Why don't you talk to me if you don't want to be friends? And so on. This is actually a phenomenon of power intrusion. You are no longer a couple, but you still want to rely on the role of boyfriend/girlfriend to shine and abuse your power. The other party will definitely drive you away faster.

Don’t make long speeches when recovering

Do you know what couples like most when they are good, like being bored, and liking to send crazy messages; then do you know what couples are most afraid of after they break up, the same , the most afraid of Niwai, the most afraid of your information bombardment.

I had a boyfriend before, but we broke up after a quarrel. Originally, I thought there was no need to stay away from each other forever, but after the breakup, he called me dozens of times a day, which really annoyed me. I thought I wanted to give him some color to see see, so I blocked him. There are many people in particular who like to send WeChat messages to their exes all the time. When they took screenshots and showed them to me, they were filled with text. It really felt like an overwhelming feeling of oppression. This method must be avoided.

Don’t anger the other person during recovery

Human nature has its weaknesses. The most common ones are that men are afraid of being called poor, women are afraid of being called ugly, and men are afraid of being told that their sexual abilities are not good. Women are afraid of being called slutty. Everyone has forbidden areas. I had a consultant before. Her husband’s ex-girlfriend committed suicide and was directly related to her husband. This matter has been buried in her husband's heart for more than ten years, and no one can mention it. One day, she was quarreling with her husband, and she might have been a bit tongue-tied, but for a moment she couldn't control herself and said: If you want your ex-girlfriend to commit suicide, can she commit suicide for you?

Unexpectedly, her husband beat his chest and shouted on the spot. For those who didn’t know, she really thought that his husband was having a mental illness, which was very scary.

In the end, her husband wanted to divorce her even after he left home, saying that he never expected that she was such a person and that he would never be able to love her again.

As the saying goes, don’t slap someone in the face, and don’t expose someone’s shortcomings by scolding them. When your relationship is already very sensitive after a breakup, don’t hurt your ex a second time. Even if you don't think about him, you still have to think about yourself. After all, you still love him. What good does hurting him do to you? Are you going to play sadomasochism?

If you can avoid the above four points, you have successfully taken the first step. At least you have controlled the situation and prevented it from deteriorating further. At this time you can consider the correct approach: The second rule of recovery: weaken your purpose and blur your intentions

There are three situations here:

Disconnection time Relatively long, at least half a year:

There was a student who had been separated from his ex for three years. By chance, he discovered that his ex’s phone number was still in use because he could not forget his ex, so he thought Contact him to see if he is married, thinking that maybe he still has a chance. But he didn't know how to properly contact him after so many years.

Before he came to see me, he couldn’t help but ask: How have you been these past few years? His ex also replied to him, but the reply was: What are you doing? It was obvious that he was very curious about his sudden corpse fraud, and at the same time he was also wary.

What I taught him to reply was: It’s okay to have your contact information. I saw it by chance and wanted to contact you. After so long, many things have been relieved. It’s okay. Don’t think too much. If you carefully understand these sentences, they actually have multiple meanings:

(1) I saw randomness by chance. I didn’t just wait for this day, and I lived a good life.

⑵ After so long, people have nostalgic feelings, emphasizing time and arousing good memories of each other.

(3) Many things have been released, emphasizing that you have stepped out and clarifying your motives;

(4) It’s okay, don’t think too much about this trick, it will be a bit of a loss, just focus on the customer. Look, I just want to have a casual chat with you. Why are you reacting so hard and having such intense emotions? Is it because you haven’t let go of me yet?

In this way, even if the other party doesn't want to talk to you, she will be too embarrassed not to reply to you. Because if she doesn't reply to you, it will appear that she is petty and brooding, or that she still has thoughts about you, so she deliberately avoids you, and any of these "crimes" are not something she is willing to bear, which is detrimental to her role as an ex. famous festival.

Maybe you will say that she can indeed reply to me, but she has no choice but to do so, or it is entirely out of politeness. Let me tell you, if you want to reunite, just achieve this goal. As for the quality of the chat, we will slowly improve it later. If the other party is sincerely convinced and submissive to you from the beginning, why would he ask you to redeem him?

In short, if you are reunited after being separated for a long time, you should remember this secret: Don’t even admit that you want to get back together, and if necessary, throw the blame away: You are overthinking; don’t mess up Thinking; it’s been so long; there’s nothing left anymore… These sentence patterns can be used casually.

The disconnection time is relatively long, a few months:

This situation is actually in an intermediate state, and the attitude of the ex is very complicated and ambiguous: a few months It won't take enough time for him to completely forget you. He may still miss you and think of you from time to time. This is why some students often receive phone calls from their exes in the middle of the night after drinking. But at the same time, the unhappiness of the past is still lingering in his mind all the time, and he still has a shadow on you, and he is afraid that if he has a good interaction with you, he will fall into the same way of getting along with you that hurt him before.

Therefore, according to the normal distribution, the ex at this time will have two attitudes: tending to get back together, or tending to continue the breakup

state. And you don't know what he is thinking, and you can't ask directly. If you ask, he may not tell you. Even if he wants to tell you, he may not be able to tell you. After all, emotions make people messy.

In this case, you must abide by this tactic: I will not move even if the enemy does not move, do not show your trump card that you want to get back together/have a good talk, but first test whether the other party is willing to contact you, but You can't simply send him a message. Even if he wants to reply to you, it may be: talk about something if you have something to say, but don't comment if nothing matters. This sentence will make you speechless, which will dampen your enthusiasm.

Therefore, you can try to find an objective reason to contact each other. There are several better ways:

(1) Emotional bonding method. The pets you both raise together have financial implications. , the concert we agreed to go to before, etc.;

(2) Returning things to their original owners. Is my so-and-so still there with you?/I just found this while cleaning, do you still want to wait?

(3) A simple way to seek help... If you are sick and have no one to accompany you (make your illness more serious, or describe yourself in a more miserable way), you don’t know much about work and business, and you are being harassed by the opposite sex (this trick is more suitable for girls) ), etc.;

(4) Find an intermediary by insinuating yourself, pretend to mention you casually in front of him, and see what his reaction is.

In fact, there are many kinds, so I won’t list them all here. Again, the methods and strategies are just a reference for ideas. Don’t copy them mechanically. Which method should you use? You can tell me your specific situation first and I will give you some advice.

The time of disconnection is very short, within two weeks:

In such a short period of time, the ex is often still in a period of intense emotional ups and downs, and has a lot to vent and talk about. Speaking. But at the same time, the person who recovers is also in the most uncomfortable stage, and often has not yet accepted the fact that they have broken up. Therefore, the common way is that the restorer nags, the mother-in-law and the mother-in-law always drag the ex into a lot of trouble, trying to persuade the ex 360 degrees with true feelings + swearing to reason.

You must know that the avoidance attitude of the other party is often forced out by you. I myself have had such an experience. I originally wanted to have a good talk with someone and tell him the whole story, but he just kept talking about my dreams, constantly speculating on my thoughts, and constantly discrediting me. Me, it really makes me angry. In the end, I felt that he was unreasonable and that summer insects could not talk to Bing, so I spread my hands and gave up communicating.

Therefore, the tactic in this situation is to remain immobile while the enemy moves. You should speak less, let the other person speak first, and learn to listen. The more your ex talks, the greater the amount of information exposed, which will help you discover and solve problems.

Finally, I want to say that if my ex doesn’t want to get back together, he just doesn’t want to get back together. Even if you bring out the five thousand years of Chinese history, he will still say, I’ll think about it. Never try to win him back by persuading or reasoning. You should still influence him subtly to achieve the purpose of redeeming him.