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Planned skit lines

Song Dandan: My daughter-in-law is here to eat. I'll stay here for a while and drink. I miss this thing so much, tell me. Where will you broadcast it after you finish recording it?

Cattle: in various places.

Song Dandan: Local stations are good, don’t let Xiao Cui broadcast it, it’s unreliable. Since he came back from his column, that guy has been memorizing words all the time, and he will pay for whatever he does. Let's start recording.

Niu Qun: Aunt, why don’t you invite uncle here?

Song Dandan: No, I’ll do it.

Cows: The old couple are together. So, right?

Song Dandan: Really? Otherwise, people would think we were divorced. Very comprehensive consideration.

Song Dandan: Lao Hei, wife, come out, quickly. Another big job has been picked up, and our family needs to transfer something. Please cooperate. Let me introduce, this is your black uncle, this is a great planner.

Niu Qun: Hello, uncle, I’ve seen you on TV.

Song Dandan: Take off the apron.

Niu herd: Let’s start now. As the saying goes, the world is so vast that there are no wonders. The two celebrities behind us, Heitu Baiyun, who are very familiar to everyone, had a world-wide anecdote not long ago at the home of uncle and aunt Heitu Baiyun. Their rooster actually laid eggs.

Song Dandan: You can do whatever you want.

Zhao Benshan: Why does your mouth look like a cotton waistband?

Song Dandan: What’s wrong?

Zhao Benshan: Why is it so loose!

Song Dandan: What happened?

Zhao Benshan: How did you decide about our rooster laying eggs? Are we the only ones who know about it? Neither the son nor the daughter-in-law knew. Why did you come here to say you were here?

Song Dandan: What are you afraid of!

Zhao Benshan: What are you afraid of? Our rooster. I've laid an egg~ Doesn't this mean telling others that I'm pregnant? I won’t follow you...

Song Dandan: I counted, one, two...

Zhao Benshan: Three, something like that. You've been scaring me for the rest of my life with these three figures.

Song Dandan: So annoying.

Zhao Benshan: That. . Not afraid to make you laugh. Your aunt, she, we have been struggling all our lives... After becoming famous, we published 2 books and still owe the publisher 20,000 yuan.

Song Dandan: Why are you telling people this?

p>

Zhao Benshan: The summons has come this morning. I want to sue...

Song Dandan: Does it have anything to do with anyone?

Niu Qun: Come on, come on.

< p>Zhao Benshan: It doesn't matter, this is...he...

Niu Qun: Okay, I'll take the photo here.

Zhao Benshan: How does this make sense...< /p>

Niuqun: Uncle, don’t I plan to develop this egg-laying rooster? This is the advance payment, 20,000 yuan.

Zhao Benshan: For us?

Niu Qun: No, it doesn’t belong to the two elders yet. If I ask a question later, you must cooperate. If you cooperate well, we may add more Qian.

Zhao Benshan: Cooperate. How do you cooperate? Where should I put it first?

Song Dandan: Is it reliable?

Zhao Benshan: It is reliable!

Song Dandan: Step aside! It’s annoying. Cooperate well.

Niu Qun: Let’s start.

Song Dandan: Let’s start.

Cows: Okay. Uncle and aunt, when did our rooster start laying eggs?

Song Dandan: I can’t give you a specific time. You can log on to my blog.

Niu Qun: Do you have your own blog?

Zhao Benshan: Celebrities are all mean.

Niu Qun: Uncle, please recall carefully, are there any signs before the rooster lays eggs?

Zhao Benshan: There are no signs...that's impossible. At that time, this chicken was very conflicted and depressed. Think about it, just imagine, a rooster wants to lay eggs, isn't it? It has its work to do. Is it a shame? Is it a shame? Is it a shame? What do colleagues think of it? What do chickens think of it? What do ducks think of it? What do you think of the goose? How to get along in the literary and art world in the future.

Dan: Chicken world.

Zhao: In the chicken world, not the chicken world, but in the poultry world, how can we get along? Is the little hen who had good relations with it in the past hurt? And when it is a rooster, it lays eggs and hatches and the chicks grow up. What do you call it? It’s no longer right to call me dad. It’s not right to call me aunt either. It’s even more wrong. However, when there are eggs, I have to lay them. If I don’t lay them, I’ll panic. So...

Song Dandan: Then she became determined. Faith, lay your own eggs and let others speak.

Zhao Benshan: My analysis is that it just can’t hold it in. It can’t lay if it holds it in.

Cows: Uncle, where did it lay its eggs?

Zhao Benshan: Where did you go?

Song Dandan: Let me ask you, where did you go?

Zhao Benshan: Where did it go? At that time, it was thinking, "Where did it go?", and he walked around. He thought about it while walking, and when he came to the chicken coop, he was too embarrassed to go down. . It wandered around again, pinching wherever it came. When it came to the duck stand, it was too embarrassed to get off. Where is it? I can’t put it down anymore. I can’t hold it in any longer. If it falls, it will all be lost. Where is it? Where did you put it? Guess where it was placed!

Song Dandan: Doghouse!

Zhao Benshan: Oh my god, I’m in the doghouse!

Niu herd: Who discovered that?

Zhao Benshan: Are you a puppy!

Song Dandan: The paparazzi discovered it. On the second day, all the chickens, ducks, geese, dogs and cats in the county knew about it. Our chicken became a famous chicken overnight~~ That guy~ The chicken in our house walked past, with its chest raised and its head raised, and it looked majestic. ; Kaka~~ Since I laid the rooster egg, the walkway has changed. It has changed like this. Oh my, my paws are on the ground, scratching and scratching. I will understand after a closer look. I am practicing my signature.

Niu herd: That’s so good and wonderful. Uncle, where is the egg laid by the rooster?

Zhao Benshan: Eat it.

Niu herd: Eat it? Who ate it?

Zhao Benshan: She didn’t dare to eat what I ate.

Niuqun: What was your reaction after eating it?

Zhao Benshan: No reaction after eating it. It is exactly the same as normal eggs.

Niu Qun: Uncle, you are not cooperating. How can you say that? This cannot be the same as eating ordinary eggs. You cannot say that it is a cure-all for all diseases. At least it must have some effect.

Niu Qun: p>

Song Dandan: Yes, please cooperate. I know, you turn on the phone. Can cure diseases and turn on the machine. Many elderly people are troubled by the sequelae of cerebral thrombosis. My wife suffered from cerebral thrombosis. Before eating the male eggs, his walk looked like this. You can follow Wu Laoer's walk. After eating the male eggs, everyone will look like this. so. Get up!

Zhao Benshan: Are you lying?

Song Dandan: How do you call this lying! This is not a fake medicine, it is not harmful to people.

Song Dandan: Maverick, go back and play it backwards. Before I eat the eggs, I always fall over them, but I can walk away after eating them. You pour the wine, and I'll go down and get the food. This thing.

Niu Qun: It’s very good, it’s done well.

Zhao Benshan: Come and have a drink, Niu is inciting rebellion.

Niu herd: It’s not Niu who instigates rebellion, it’s planning.

Zhao Benshan: No matter what you do, in our family, this is the first time you get money since your aunt became famous. What are you going to do next?

Niu Qun: I will just speculate and buy out this chicken.

Zhao Benshan: Come up quickly. There is a lot of speculation. In the future, if you are speculating, find more people and go to the CCTV. Like Bai Yansong, Cui Yongyuan, find two of these people, otherwise your hype will be in vain.

Niu herd: Uncle, please take that chicken out.

Zhao Benshan: Oh, that chicken is so cool after you finish reading it!

Niu Qun: Aunt, let’s hurry up and sign the contract.

Song Dandan: Then let’s sign the contract, that’s great.

Niu Qun: The 20,000 yuan is to buy out the chicken. 20,000 yuan. Sign here. There is one clause you should take a look at. If you breach the contract, you will have to pay double the amount. You have to give I have 40,000.

Song Dandan: Don’t double it, ten times it. I’ll give you 200,000. Can I not let you take it away?

Niu Qun: Otherwise, it would be great for me to cooperate with Auntie. By the way, aunt has to trouble you to be the image of an egg-laying rooster.

Song Dandan: Advertisement, no.

Niu Qun: There is an advertising slogan, okay.

Song Dandan: I’ll record it, record it quickly. I got the money while recording. Turn on the phone.

Niu herd: Let’s get started.

Please also ask the uncle to bring the chicken over.

Song Dandan: Good words, very concise and reliable. The egg-laying rooster, the fighter among roosters! Oh yeah! - Another one from the side for you to edit and use. The egg-laying rooster, the fighter among roosters! Oh yeah! Here's another one from the back, a rooster that lays eggs... What are you doing? We're recording commercials. If you don't like anything else, hurry up and cuddle the chicken. I've signed the contract. I'll compensate you 40,000 yuan.

Zhao Benshan: Come out.

Song Dandan: What are you doing? Why are you so boring?

Zhao Benshan: You have signed the contract. Why are you in such a hurry? The chicken is gone and the daughter-in-law has stewed it. Just eat it.

Zhao: My wife, my wife~~Baiyun, Baiyun, Xiaoyun~Xiaoyun~~Look at me.

Song Dynasty: Famine has become 40,000! 5555~~

Zhao: Wife, look at me. Don’t be anxious, don’t get angry. The old man is here. If you can’t do it, just look at my eyes and act. Try to make up for it.

Song: How to fix it?

Zhao: Stop crying. Okay. Look at me. It’s funny. There’s an old man here, there’s an old man, Heihei. Baby is here, baby. What are you scolding, baby, look at the old man, baby, hey, Heihei~~

Niu Qun: Auntie was fine just now, what happened?

Zhao: It’s over. You said, I heard that the rooster was taken away, and I feel sad. Oh, why are you crying? Come and sit here.

Niu Qun: It’s okay! I have feelings.

Zhao: Cooperate, you can keep the money first.

Niu: Uncle, you can’t make this joke. If you break the contract, you’ll have to refund the money instead of 20,000. You’ll have to double it, get 40,000, right, aunt?

Zhao: Why are you still crowing?

Niu: Uncle, why didn’t you bring the chicken?

Song: I can’t hold you.

Niu: Why?

Zhao: Take a nap.

Cow: Chicken takes a nap?

Zhao: This chicken even lays eggs and crows. This chicken does two jobs. It's tiring. Come and have a drink. Do you think this chicken can be so valuable? Don't lose money!

Niu: Uncle, let me tell you the truth, if this chicken is left in the hands of your second wife, the first penny is not worth it. It's worthless. You leave it to me. I'll speculate it. After the speculation is over - it's worth money.

Zhao: Then the stew is finished?

Niu: That’s valuable too!

Zhao: Ah, that means this chicken is a famous chicken. No matter life or death, even if you eat meat and stew it, it is still valuable!

Niu: That’s right.

Song: You are so talented!

Zhao: For example, you are that chicken, how much does it cost to eat one piece?

Niu Qun: That’s it One piece, if you don’t give two thousand yuan, you have no right to eat.

Zhao: Where are the chicken hearts?

Ox: four thousand.

Zhao: Where’s the chicken liver?

Ox: six thousand.

Zhao: Where are the chicken kidneys?

Ox: Eight thousand.

Zhao: That’s enough.

Song: So talented.

Zhao: Okay, eat this...

Niu: Uncle and aunt, you guys should eat too, don’t just eat it for me. You guys eat.

Zhao :No...we can't afford it.

Niu: Uncle, we can't drink anymore. No matter what, you have to let me take that chicken away later.

Zhao: Hug You can’t carry it away! You can take it away.

Niu: Take it away?

Zhao: Let me tell you the truth. You want the chicken to be stewed by your daughter-in-law. , just eat it. But the method is different according to your request. You said stir-fried, but we stewed it. The price is set. You have already decided it. Anyway, this is the situation. If you want to keep the 20,000 yuan, you can keep it. If you don’t want to keep it, you can take it. If you are willing to eat, you can take away the 20,000 yuan meal and I will take a piece of it. Not moving, what do you think?

Song: You are so talented!

Niu: Uncle and aunt, please stay still and cooperate. I can't smash the chicken into my hand.

Expression and appearance: When people get angry, they tend to be short-sighted. I have always been short-sighted in the past. Ever since I ate the meat of this egg-laying rooster, hey, I have become smarter. A piece of meat only costs 20,000 yuan. , true value!

Song + Zhao: You are so talented!