A little girl got in the car at night and said, "Master, drive quickly, there is a pervert chasing me." Then I heard someone shouting from behind: Nana, wait for me, listen to my explanation. I was so happy that I put the car into gear and stepped on the accelerator and dumped the man.

The conductor on the train had a bad attitude and used her mobile phone to open a hotspot called "Ask the conductor for the free WIFI password"? She was already annoyed to death.

On the bus, I saw a couple as soon as I got on the bus. I walked up to the man and said, "I'm pregnant." The man looked at me in shock, and the woman too. She looked at me with wide eyes, and the air froze for three seconds. Then the woman slapped the man and got off the car. Before I had time to finish, "Can you give up your seat to me?" < /p>

It is said that the learning degeneracy of two people at the same table can be divided into four stages. Did you do your homework? Did you do it? Let’s get along, okay? Did you do your homework? Did you do it? Lend me a copy for you to do your homework. No, of course there is no me. I didn’t do it either. Haha, I’m going to die together. Have you done your homework? What homework? I don't know either.

At the wine table, some ignorant people often say to me: "Brother, if you don't drink this glass of wine, you are looking down on me!" At this time, I usually drink the wine and then say something to him. Said: "I drank it, but I still look down on you."

I was woken up by the alarm clock in the morning, and an angel and a demon appeared in my head. The demon said: "It's so warm under the quilt, why bother to get up so hard?" Are you at work?" Angel said, "Why are you so noisy so early in the morning? You can't let anyone sleep!"

Only one person didn't arrive at the New Year's Eve reunion, so we ordered first and the restaurant was very quick. After serving all the dishes, we waited for a long time and the classmate didn't come. We couldn't help but eat first until all the plates were bottomed out. The waiter was very diligent and collected all the empty plates. Just then a classmate arrived. He looked at the empty table and said, "I'm sorry to keep you waiting for so long. Just order! I'll treat you to this meal!" After hearing this, we didn't explain, but silently picked up the menu again. .

The goddess said: "I dreamed about you last night." I asked in surprise: "What did you dream about me?" "I dreamed that my male god proposed to me, and you clapped and shouted: Marry Give it to him and marry him."

My mother always urges me to get married. I said: "Don't worry, you have to believe that there will always be someone waiting for me to show up." My mother thought. I wanted to ask: "Lord of Hell?" I was speechless.

Today I took the bus and saw a boy and a girl sitting together. The girl fell asleep leaning against the window. The boy looked at the girl and smiled lightly. He kissed the girl gently on the face and the girl woke up. What a beautiful picture this would be, if the two of them knew each other.

I accompanied my wife back to her parents’ home and hailed a taxi. I asked: Master, how much does it cost to go to the train station? The driver said 10 yuan, and the second-rate wife said: Is 15 yuan okay for two people? When I go to your parents’ house, I must ask my father-in-law to return the goods!

There is a new girl named Huanxi. My colleagues said how happy the family must have been when you were born. The girl said, my surname is Bai, and the world suddenly became quiet

My mother’s youngest nephew just complained to her, Auntie, why don’t girls want to date me? I'm actually very kind. The old lady replied: Good boy, kindness is invisible, but ugliness is visible.

To test whether a boy likes you, you can stare at him for 18 seconds to see if he will kiss you; to test whether a girl likes you, you can stare at her for 18 seconds to see if she will kiss you. Won't laugh out loud. I don’t think this experiment can succeed at all in the Northeast, because it is estimated that the following dialogue will occur in less than 5 seconds: “What are you looking at?” “What are you looking at!”

Brother-in-law, if you don’t buy me an iPhone 6, I will tell my sister about our affairs. Haha, aunt, you are too naive. Your sister has already said that if I buy her an iPhone 6, she will forget everything about us!

Thank you, thank you. Your uncle, thank you for your family and your eighteen generations of ancestors!

In the first 20 years, we ate, slept, played, and enjoyed life; in the next 40 years, we struggled to support our families; and what about the last 10 years? , squatting at the door every day, greeting passers-by?

My new girlfriend and I have only been in a relationship for a week and are breaking up with me, just because I haven’t read Octavio· Paz's books and Borges's poems.

When I smile, my smile is full of the bohemian temperament of a poet, and behind this bohemianism is a delicate and warm emotion. When I am silent, I look up like a pure and elegant girl in a choir, and when I lower my head, I look like a profound and elegant nobleman. Yes, I am such a man who perfectly combines various seemingly irreconcilable qualities.

Since ancient times, there have been no beautiful women on the Internet. There are only a few pairs of mandarin ducks, pheasants and wolves.

I don’t like to go to bed with just one woman many times. Instead, I like to sleep with many women only once.

The escalator broke down when I left the subway station this morning. I was stuck on it for more than an hour, so I was late.

Don't hang yourself from a tree. How many more times should you try to die from a few trees? - Die completely!

I would rather you hold another woman and miss me than you. Holding me thinking about other women.

There is only one word difference between life and survival, but it is in heaven and on earth. How many people are living and how many people are surviving? Ask yourself whether you are living or surviving?