Ye Lingfeng

Miscellanies of White Leaves Episode 15

"I don't know that I am a guest in my dream, I am greedy." In the laughter with my friends in the same year, the only thing that can make me suddenly speechless or quietly avoid walking away, besides touching my personal sadness, is the mention of going home. Every time I mention' home', I can't help feeling dejected and afraid to talk about it again. It's not that my hometown is sparse and I can't look back, nor is it that it's difficult to travel and there is no home to return to. Mu Mu, whose family is brave, still maintains the demeanor of a family; If you are determined to go home, and it is a long distance, you only need to take the train. However, I am always afraid to listen to others talk about things at home, and I have never been back to my hometown. The reason why I don't want to go home is because I suddenly heard my friend's sister calling "mom" in front of me, so I wrote here. I dare not write any more. Four friends, who have lived together for a long summer, have a home here, two have gone back, and one is going to leave tomorrow. In this situation, I have heard the birds singing at dusk in spring countless times, and the west wind has no feeling after countless times, so I have to be heartbroken here. I don't know what happened recently, but I feel homesick suddenly. Besides, I have two letters from my father in my drawer. The letter said: My parents are old and very dependent on each other. I hope my son can spare some time this summer. It should be noted that gentleman's business is the most important, and my son doesn't care about class. He walked for many years and learned a lot, but he was also good at learning. I'm not saying this to blame you. I have deep feelings for the cover period, so I don't think I'm cutting words. After this letter arrives, I hope my son will go home during the summer vacation and not let his father … I am really touched. It stands to reason that after receiving such a letter, I will be entangled in the affairs that I can't be busy. However, when I finished reading the letter, I quietly sighed, held back my tears, put the letter in my bag again, and looked down at my unfinished book. I miss home every day, but I really don't want to go back. Someone must have called me eccentric. Yes, I really shouldn't. I accept all the blame. However, I finally don't understand my ambivalence. I don't know why I feel homesick and refuse to go back at the same time. Especially when talking and laughing with the public, I overheard them talking about family affairs. I remember I have a family, too. I am a wanderer who leans against me and looks forward to an early return. I really love family life. But when I really want to pick up a book or two, I will ruin everything in the future. That's it. Under such contradictory psychology, the time of crossing the water has never stopped. I haven't been home for three years. Every time I chat with my friends and talk about my hometown, I always proudly brag about how my hometown is called "Long Pan Hu Ju, Lock Jiangnan Town". However, when it comes to family matters, I walk away silently. I don't understand how I became like this. Is it three years of wandering, no achievements in writing and sword, and no face to see my hometown elders? Or Ran Yan unhappy, Jin Yi unhappy, don't want to say it silently? A night wind blew away the messy notes on the desk and gave me an explanation to deny these questions. However, why am I?

I suddenly read my father's book, and I really want to look up and answer the questioner loudly: "Not at all, I will go back tomorrow." I really should decide this way. But I know that it is my friend who will be happy to go back tomorrow. I still ... read Lottie's A Romance of Spahi the other day, and read that this soldier was given the right to go back when he longed for his hometown, but suddenly he was willing to exchange with others and let them go back, dreaming of returning to his hometown in the cool desert. I was shocked when I read this place. Did this soldier's ulterior motives also infect me? Don't want to go home because you are afraid of tearing up your homesickness dream? Is it because you don't want the feeling of realization to destroy the misty feelings? Ah ah! I looked down at the half-spread writing paper on the table. I can't bear to say such selfish things. I have to say I'm busy at work. At this time, the four people living together are enjoying family happiness. I haven't been home for three years, and I'm still under the lamp. Next to my father's letter, this "homesickness" is written. Under such circumstances, the battle-hardened hero can't help but think about it even if he doesn't have to listen to the cuckoo whistle any more. However, I know that if I really buy a ticket and hold it in my heart, I will be in another mood, so I finally have to hold back my tears. If someone can conquer me at this time and force me to get on the bus, I may be able to overcome my mystery. However, those who can conquer me are being conquered by others and can't come to my side, so I have to dare not write anything.

On the night of1July 22nd, 926.

In childhood

Homesickness is a small stamp.

I'm at this end

Mom is over there.

When I grow up

Homesickness is a narrow ticket.

I'm at this end

The bride is over there.

We'll talk about it later.

Homesickness is a low grave.

I am outside

Mom's inside.

But now

Homesickness is a shallow strait.

I'm at this end

The mainland is over there

Yu Guangzhong, a homesick writer, is a famous poet, essayist and poetry critic in contemporary Taiwan Province. /kloc-0 was born in Nanjing in 1928, and/kloc-0 went to Taiwan Province province in 1950. Due to special political reasons, the mainland and Taiwan Province Province have been separated for a long time, and poets often wander overseas. Homesickness is an important content in their poetry works. In this regard, he once said humorously in an essay: "The mainland is the mother, Taiwan Province Province is the wife, Hong Kong is the lover, and the United States is an affair."

: "cutting homesickness"

First, homesickness

At the end of last year, the news of "opening the mainland to visit relatives" was announced.

The news is like a hot spring, which suddenly gushes from my heart and then rises to my limbs and eyes. I can hardly describe the mood at that moment. There is a voice in my heart shouting:

"Thirty-nine years! How many months are there in thirty-nine years? How many days? How much homesickness has accumulated in thirty-nine years. Now, can we write off these homesickness? "

I can't believe it's true, but people are returning to China to visit relatives one after another! This has actually become a fact! I'm so excited. Tao Xin is planning that we should also visit relatives in the mainland. Tao Xin went to the Red Cross to go through the formalities and came back and said:

"Need to fill in the names and addresses of third-degree relatives!"

For a while, neither of us knew that "third-degree relatives" included finding some people, and we didn't know whether we had this "qualification". Excited, I blurted out:

"The mountains of the old country, the water of the old country and the soil of the old country, how close are we? The relatives we want to explore are not just' people'! "

However, after all, I don't need to worry, because Tao Xin and I both have my uncle's period in Chinese mainland, so we successfully obtained our visiting passport. I couldn't sleep the night I got my passport. The Yellow River and the Yangtze River flow in my mind. Not only the Yangtze River and the Yellow River, but also the Wuyue Great Wall! Tao Xin was so excited to see me that he couldn't help reminding me: "Everyone says that life in the mainland is hard and travel is not as convenient as expected. As for relatives, they have been estranged for 39 years and may already be strangers. Have you considered all this? " Consider? I really haven't thought about it seriously. I just feel homesickness is like a big net, which has caught me firmly. Moreover, as the departure date approaches, my homesickness is getting deeper and deeper. I think I am very different from others. A friend of mine told me: "I have been away from the mainland for 39 years, but I don't think I have any homesickness!" " "This sentence surprised me too much. I have always believed that homesickness is born to vagrants, just like all basic human feelings. However, some people are strong, while others are indifferent. I, probably born with strong feelings. Even my "homesickness" is a little more than others!

When planning to travel back to the mainland, Tao Xin asked me:

"Where are you going? The first stop is your hometown of Hunan? " My ancestral home is Hunan, and I was born in Sichuan. Childhood, an eventful era, is an era of drift from place to place. The footprint of childhood has traveled all over many provinces in Chinese mainland. Now when sorting out my complicated homesickness, I don't know where the peak of that melancholy is. Is it Hunan? Is it Sichuan? Is it the Yangtze River? Is it the Yellow River? Is it the Silk Road or the Forbidden City Beihai? After thinking about it, I know that my homesickness is not at any point in the mainland, but on the whole land of the mainland!

"But you don't have time to travel all over the mainland!" Tao Xin said: "We can only walk for forty days in a row!"

Nearly forty years of homesickness, but it will take forty days to make up for it. Is it possible? It's impossible! People have to give up many places. Hunan, most of Hunan's relatives have been separated, and their homes may have been unrecognizable. Somehow, my biggest fear is my hometown of Hunan, so I can understand the ancient people's feeling of "being close to home". When I told Tao Xin this feeling, he blurted out:

"This is also the reason why I dare not go back to Shanghai!"

Therefore, we set the first stop of our trip in Beijing. Beijing, where my parents met, fell in love and got married, where my grandmother and grandparents lived and died, where my history textbooks were repeated, and where I was familiar with novels and stories! There are Dreams of the Old Capital and Clouds in Beijing! And my immaturity-"Six Dreams"!

So, we set off; Go to Beijing via Hong Kong.

Second, before departure-Hong Kong

My trip to the mainland with Tao Xin included not only the two of us, but also Tao Xin's sister Chu Xia and brother-in-law Cheng Yun.

Early summer and Cheng Yun have settled in Hongkong. In recent years, they have visited relatives in the mainland many times. For the mainland, they are experienced old horses. When they knew that we were going to the mainland, they immediately enthusiastically helped us arrange the route, book bus tickets, buy boat tickets (we need to buy boat tickets because we are going to see the Three Gorges by boat), book hotels ... and decided to accompany us. I'm really relieved to have Chu Xia and his wife with me! After all, the mainland is a place that has been away for thirty-nine years! This time difference has caused great psychological pressure. The mainland feels so kind to me, but it's actually so strange.

Chu Xia is two or three years older than me. She is warm, frank and considerate, and likes to help others. In her eyes, I am very delicate, so she really understands me. As soon as we arrived in Hongkong, she was busy helping me to run China Travel Agency, get my visa and go through all kinds of formalities. I don't have to do anything, just fantasize about Beijing, the Great Wall and the Three Gorges in the hotel ... Until the day before I left for Beijing, Chu Xia said to me:

"There is one thing I can't do for you. Hepatitis is very popular in Chinese mainland now. Must be injected to increase resistance! "

I went for an injection, and the doctor and medicine were arranged by Chu Xia.

Of course, many things were prepared for me in early summer, such as various medicines, alcohol, cotton wool, plastic syringes, chopsticks, knives, cosmetic paper ... even sportswear and sweatpants. The strangest thing is that she also prepared four "milk bottles" for the four of us! Afraid that I would laugh at her, she solemnly said to me:

"We are planes, trains and boats all the way. From north to south, we have to walk thousands of miles. No water bottles on the road. No problem. But the glass bottle is too heavy to keep warm, so it is very troublesome to bring a cup. After thinking about it, only the bottle is the most suitable, light and warm. After making coffee, you can shake it! "

This is a good point. But ... Tao Xin was embarrassed to answer:

"Xian sister said is very. However, I ... can't use a pacifier! "

This language, early chardonnay smile bifurcation, laugh out, just stare big eyes and said:

"Who wants you to use a pacifier? Just use the bottle mouth to drink! "

I admire Chu Xia's idea of replacing "kettle" with "bottle", but I always feel that it is a bit "that" for such a big person to drink water from a bottle. Early chardonnay saw my hesitation, and before she left, she made four "clothes" for the bottle with cloth, so that they couldn't see that it was a "bottle" and forced two of them into my box.

Our costumes are great. It was early April and it was expected to arrive in Beijing on April 8. It is said that Beijing is chilly in spring at this time, and the temperature is sometimes only four or five degrees. So, we brought enough winter clothes. Because of the long-distance train ride, Chu Xia was afraid that the quilt on the train would not be clean, so he asked me to bring four sleeping bags for mountaineering from Taipei. Tao Xin is the best. After reading many reports on mainland travel, he made a decision: "I want to bring my own pillow!" " "

Oh, my God, his pillow is so thick and big! A box full. He insisted that he couldn't sleep without his own pillow, so I brought him a pillow. When I saw Chu Xia preparing a bottle, I really thought they were brother and sister! Each has its own tricks.

During my three days in Hong Kong, I had dinner talks almost every night. During the dinner, friends from all walks of life gave me a lot of "suggestions" on my "trip to the mainland" At this time, my attitude towards the mainland is very complicated. There are ideas, curiosity, expectation and fear. I am really afraid that the mountains and rivers that have been isolated for 39 years will no longer be beautiful, and I am afraid that people in my old country will lose their warmth and enthusiasm. The greater my homesickness and expectations, the more my fears and contradictions. At this moment, I really want to hear some words of encouragement. There are so many people who don't think much of my itinerary:

"What?" A friend said, "Are you going to the Three Gorges by boat? You are miserable! Hurry up and prepare seasickness medicine! " "You can't go to the toilet on the mainland, be careful of cystitis!"

"What? You want to take a civil aviation plane? I tell you, there will be clouds floating in the plane! " "Besides, there is no air conditioner in the plane, and they will give you a fan!"

"You'd better take the train!" An "old horse who knows the way" said: "The plane is slower than the train because it is always late. The train has reached the end of more than 20 hours, and the plane has not taken off at the starting point! " "How many days do you expect to go? Forty days? Your car logo, boat ticket, plane ticket and other procedures have been done for ten days, and you can't book a hotel for ten days! "

That sounds really bad. The day before departure, Lao Wu invited a guest, and a writer who had just been to the mainland also came. As soon as he heard that we were going for forty days, he nodded at once and said quietly, "Like me, I expect to stay for forty days!" "

"The result? ChuXia and I almost shouted out with one voice.

"As a result, I' escaped' after seven days!"

"Why?" Tao Xin and Cheng Yun asked quickly.

"Because there is nothing to eat!" The writer raised his eyebrows and said, "if you enter the restaurant late, you won't be given anything to eat." If you go in early, you won't be given anything to eat. It's hard to get in on time. That thing can't be eaten at all? " The writer patted Tao Xin on the shoulder and kindly told him, "Have some chocolate. In case of malnutrition, you can chew chocolate to satisfy your hunger! " A few words make me, Tao Xin, Chu Xia and Cheng Yun look pale. Lao Wu wanted to go with us, but at this moment he quit resolutely. Then look at me and say, "I expect you will be back in twenty days!" " Forty days is absolutely impossible! Qiong Yao can't suffer! "

One sentence pissed me off! Why did you specifically name me as not suffering? What's more, this trip to "visit relatives" is not for "enjoyment" at all, but for finding something lost, something that throbs in my heart ... This feeling is beyond Lao Wu's understanding, so I simply said, "Lao Wu, I'll make a bet with you!"

"bet on what?" Lao Wu asked. "Forty thousand Hong Kong dollars, the four of us, whoever comes back early will pay you ten thousand Hong Kong dollars, otherwise, you will pay us forty thousand Hong Kong dollars."

Lao Wu is a little hesitant. Seeing my firmness, he let go. Finally, he smiled and said, "Let's bet on four gold rings!"

"It's a deal!" The four of us said.

After dinner, Tao Xin asked me:

"Why are you so sure that you can stay for forty days? I remember that every time we travel to Europe or America, you always go home early! "

"This time is different." I said eagerly, "this time we are not going to Europe and America, but to our own country, to see our lost relatives, to eat our own food, to speak our own language and to walk our own land." I will go back with an inclusive heart. My heart is full of love, and this kind of love-will make me willingly suffer. After all, I didn't plan this trip to pursue material enjoyment! "

Tao Xin nodded, he fully understood my mood. However, I looked at Chu Xia, but I was a little confused. If what you say is true, there were many "trips to the mainland" in early summer, how can you bet with me? I asked her, and she said, "I have only been to Shanghai and Beijing before. As for Wuhan, Three Gorges, Chongqing, Chengdu, Kunming and Guilin, I have never been there! I don't know if I will suffer. You must take risks to go to so many places! If you dare to take risks, I will give my life to accompany the gentleman! " Shit! It turns out that our "tour guide" has never been anywhere! I'm really worried! Is hesitant, early chardonnay patted me, a face of optimism:

"Don't worry, we have Yang Jie!"

Yang Jie? I have heard this name from Chu Xia many times, because we don't want to be formally accepted when we go back to the mainland this time. Chu Xia told me that she has a good friend Yang Jie in Beijing who can arrange everything for us. I forgot to listen, and I didn't pay much attention to this Yang Jie. At this point, I didn't ask until I knew who ChuYangJie was. Early summer loudly say:

"You don't even know Yang Jie? She is "women's basketball number five"!

"What' women's basketball number five'?" I'm more confused.

"Wow!" Chu Xia almost fainted: "You don't know' Women's Basketball No.5'! The mainland made a movie called "Women's Basketball No.5"!

I still don't understand. Thirty-nine years of estrangement, people and things on the mainland, are far away from me! Cheng Yun looked at me in a daze, nodded heavily and said firmly, "Anyway, don't worry, we have Yang Jie!"

Can I not rest assured? Well, then Yang Jie must be a "character"!

Third, Beijing Airport and Yang Jie.

My heart beat faster when the plane left Kai Tak Airport in Hong Kong. I can't believe I'm flying to Beijing! Looking down from the window of the engine room, there is a hazy and continuous land under the stratus cloud. I took a deep breath and felt that this vast land had such a long and profound relationship with me. How many "China people" were born in that vast land! Are these people scattered around the world! He will always be a descendant of this land ... My blood is boiling and my eyes are moist when I think of it! Over the years, I have written many love stories, but none of them touched my heart as deeply as this endless land! On the plane, I thought about it with sadness and joy, and vaguely recalled 1949 leaving the mainland. When I was eleven, I followed my parents from Gui Xiang Railway to Guangzhou and Taiwan Province Province. Since then, it has been such a long time! I repeat the ancient poem in my mind, but I have to change one word in the sentence:

"The local accent changed when young people left home."

When I left Hunan, I spoke Sichuan dialect. Now, I speak Mandarin with a slight southern accent, and I don't even know what my accent is like. When I was a child, my language was very complicated. In order to adapt to the environment, I speak Sichuan dialect, Hunan dialect, Shanghai dialect and Beijing dialect ... Now, it has evolved into the only "national language" I can speak at present.

I was thinking that the plane had started to descend, and the announcer reported that it was landing at Beijing airport. I tried to see "Beijing" with my eyes wide open, and my heart beat faster. I don't know what it will be like to set foot on Beijing for the first time! Beijing, thirty-nine years, is the name in the history textbook, a point on the map and a distant dream in my heart! But ... I'm finally going to set foot on this land

The plane finally landed. I saw Tao Xin. He's looking at me. The tacit understanding between us is deep, and both sides are hidden in deep feelings. Chuxia Cheng Yun has been to Beijing many times, so she naturally won't be as excited as the two of us. Early chardonnay briskly said:

"So soon, it will arrive in three hours!"

Three hours, instead of three hours from Hong Kong to Beijing. So far, but flying for 39 years! I was too excited to speak for a moment. Cheng Yun look at me, suddenly said:

"You'd better get ready. There may be reporters at the airport!"

Reporter? My heart is a mess. I'm not ready to meet the reporter. I don't know what to say. The bitterness and sweetness in my heart can't be explained clearly in a few words. I was in a trance, the plane had stopped, and I followed the crowd, so I got off the plane in a daze and set foot on the land of my old country!

Stepping on the land of Beijing is the soul throbbing, and the land is the land! Look up and walk into the airport lobby. You have to go through the customs and stamp your passport. Everyone is getting ready to line up. A customs official said:

"Well, I'll do it for you alone!"

Yang Jie's arrangement! I thought vaguely. From the moment I got off the plane, my mind was unclear. Once the long-term expectation is realized, people are a little groggy. After completing the formalities, we walked out of the customs. Suddenly, a large group of people rushed towards us. First of all, three old ladies with rustling white hair rushed over, grabbed Tao Xin's hand and shouted:

"Second brother! Second brother! " Tao Xin is a fool. He has no relatives in Beijing. A turn in my mind, has been roughly understood, I took the old lady said:

"You probably mistook one for another, her name is Ping! Who are you looking for? "

The three old ladies froze, only to know that they had picked up the wrong person, and immediately went to the crowd in tears. This commotion seems to make Tao Xin more confused. Just then, the crowd rushed to me, and a young female reporter grabbed me and shouted excitedly, "Are you Qiong Yao?" ? We have been waiting for you at the airport for hours! "

I nodded. This is a great event. I was surrounded by the crowd in a few seconds. The flash kept flashing at me. There are all kinds of "Beijing films" echoing in my ears, which are very nice and touching. Some asked me how I felt when I went to Beijing, some asked me how long I would stay, some asked me how many times I had been to Beijing, and some asked me if I knew my "popularity" in the mainland ... Before I could answer any questions, many people asked me to sign my novels published in the mainland. I have to go to a counter to sign for those readers or journalists, but as a result, it seems that more and more people are there. At this moment, suddenly heard a loud roar, like Hong Zhong, amazing:

"Everybody get out of the way! If you want to visit and sign, wait until tomorrow! Now the car is waiting outside the door! " With this huge roar, I looked up and saw a female giant about 180 cm in height, with long hands and long feet, striding into the crowd, separating the crowd with her hands. She went straight to me and loudly ordered me:

"No longer signed! You can't finish signing! "

A female reporter looked at me imploringly and put a note into my hand:

"Please write two sentences for our newspaper! Just one sentence! "

Kindness is hard to refuse! These reporters and readers who have been waiting for me at the airport for a long time, I really can't bear it, so I bowed my head and wrote again. Just after I finished writing, another book was stuffed in. I was about to sign the last name, but I felt very light and my feet left the ground. Oh, my God! The "Giantess" picked me up like a chicken and dragged me out of the airport lobby without hesitation. I was crammed into a car before I regained consciousness. When I saw it again, Tao Xin, Cheng Yun and Chu Xia were waiting for me in the car. The car door slammed, and the giant girl stretched out a child prodigy's palm from the window and said to me loudly, "I'm Yang Jie!" " I reached out to shake hands with Yang Jie in shock, but she couldn't wait to shake hands, and this hand was withdrawn. Only heard the hand "bang" on the roof, Hong Zhong voice shout at top of voice:

"Drive!" Before the car started, a beautiful young girl's face hurried to the window. I saw a pair of bright big eyes, a pair of black braids hanging over my chest, and her plain face was delicate and touching. What a northland girl! I like it in my heart At the same time, my heart is trembling for my compatriots on this side of the strait. The little girl climbed up the window savagely and said to me imploringly:

"May I visit you? I am a reporter of XX newspaper! "

Before I could answer, Yang Jie knocked at the door on the roof:

"Drive! Drive! Drive! "

Seeing that the interview could not be completed, the girl's eyes showed disappointment. There was a stir in my heart-I was excited by these warm welcome, and I was excited when I first arrived in Beijing-

I took the girl's hand and whispered in her ear sincerely:

"My first impression when I arrived in Beijing was that the girls in the north were also beautiful, such as you!"

I let go and the car sped away.

I looked back out of the window, and the girl blushed and stood in a sandstorm unique to Beijing. My heart is full of apologies. I feel sorry for all the people who didn't contact me at that airport. The bus had been gone for a long time. When I turned around, the little girl was still standing in the street, waving to me. Ten days later, I finally accepted her invitation to dinner in Beijing. Her name was Hong Ying.