Everyone is familiar with the word "comparison", but few people really know its harm. Since ancient times, comparison has been hindering the pace of social progress, and it has swallowed up a lot of property. In ancient times, when ministers compared wealth, they would try their best to accumulate wealth, "searching" junior officials, and those who were "scraped" took it from the next level, and so on. In the end, it is the people who suffer. If the monarch loses the hearts of the people, the country will become weaker and weaker, or even perish. Such incidents are too numerous to mention.
Nowadays, there is also a trend of keeping up with the joneses: in recent years, pop singers from Chinese mainland, Hong Kong and Taiwan have given concerts and signed autographs, and hundreds of thousands of yuan of appearance fees have all come from state property such as taxes, so corruption is serious, and the illegal phenomenon of "idolizing big officials and paying the bills by the people" has spread among government officials. I like to compare with others, and the management of the country has made great efforts in this respect, but why can't the phenomenon of comparing with others be eradicated?
There is a simple reason. The phenomenon of comparison comes from people's vanity. Everyone wants to get ahead and be respected, but they don't want to work in a down-to-earth way. They think that the honor won in this way is not worth it and will only consume financial resources. This method is both quick and effective. If you "rest on your laurels" like this, you will never make progress, and the consequences can be imagined.
Therefore, if the country wants to develop and the nation wants to prosper, it is urgent to control and eliminate the phenomenon of comparison. Otherwise, the national strength will decline, the nation will be decadent, and the country will fall behind. If it falls behind, it will be beaten and humiliated. As the future of the motherland, we hold the destiny of the country and the nation and shoulder the heavy responsibility of developing the country and carrying forward the national spirit and culture. We must resolutely stay away from comparison, put an end to comparison, and study in a down-to-earth manner to lay a good foundation for our future career.
Comparison can also be the sunshine of growth. The so-called comparison psychology is a psychological state of deliberately comparing oneself with others in intelligence, ability and living conditions, hoping to surpass others. Comparison is a common phenomenon among children, such as material conditions, parents' social status and appearance, which often makes parents feel at a loss. There are many unexpected questions about comparative psychology. ...
About comparison: A parent has a new feeling.
Tintin's father and I run a thriving hotel. Tintin has lived in a rich material environment since childhood, and we love him very much. Now he is not only naughty, but also has developed the habit of "doing whatever he wants", and he must get whatever he wants. Otherwise, you will cry and make trouble, and you can't wait to turn the whole family upside down.
One day, Tintin's good friend Niu Niu came to play at home, wearing a children's watch brought back from other places when his father was on a business trip. "Niu Niu, your little watch is really beautiful!" Tintin said enviously. "Of course, this is an imported watch!" Niu Niu proudly raised her hand. As soon as Niu Niu left, Ding Ding began to cry to me and insisted on going to the store to buy a watch more beautiful than Niu Niu, but when he went to the store, he couldn't find a small watch more beautiful than Niu Niu. Finally, Tintin forced his father to go to the provincial capital and bought him a cool little watch.
In September this year, Ding Ding began to attend kindergarten. One weekend, I went to pick him up and found him with a big red flower. The kindergarten teacher told me that Tintin was polite and United with his classmates in kindergarten, so he was rewarded with a big red flower.
On the way home, Ding Ding told me that in kindergarten, teachers often reward good children with big red flowers. In order to get the big red flowers, the children scrambled to do what the teacher arranged. ...
It turns out that the comparison psychology between children has played a role! I had a brainwave. Can I get rid of his bad habits at home with Tintin's Love to Compare? At this moment, my sister will go abroad for training for a period of time, and will temporarily foster her 5-year-old daughter Min Min to my home. Min Min is two years older than Tintin. She is very clever. She can consciously eat and bathe by herself. Great, I can change Tintin's bad habits through "comparison":
At dinner, I gave two children the same amount of rice and vegetables to compete who ate clean; There are guests at home, who is polite in the competition; Whoever wears dirty clothes all day, whose hands are clean. ...
In order to prove that he is not a "stupid boy", Tintin tries his best every time, right in the middle of my "comparison" plan. I keep offering them more games. Gradually, Tintin's bad habits disappeared.
Psychological test: Why do children love to compare?
External inducement: Children's comparison psychology is mostly induced by the outside world, especially by their parents' "words and deeds". Not to mention the comparison of various material consumption, as far as children's education is concerned, there are many comparisons between parents, such as interest classes, super-long classes or characteristic kindergartens, aristocratic kindergartens and so on. In such a big environment, it is hard for a blank child not to be influenced by it.
Developmental characteristics: children have a desire for expression in early childhood. When they want to get others' attention or feel that they have not received enough attention, they will use beautiful toys, beautiful clothes or be rewarded to attract everyone's attention. In addition, children are very imitative and curious, like new things, and with children, it is easy to produce herd mentality, which will lead to his comparison behavior.
Analysis: Two Sides of Comparative Psychology
Passivity: Because children are in the stage of growth and development, and their abilities of judgment, analysis and self-adjustment are still immature, blindly comparing with others will often turn into imitation, following, and even blindly following, which will inevitably destroy children's psychological balance. In the long run, the psychology of comparison will have a negative impact on the healthy growth of children's body and mind, which is not conducive to the development of children's personality and makes children's self-confidence gradually lose in comparison.
Enthusiasm: From one point of view, comparison psychology is a kind of psychological consciousness that is not satisfied with the status quo, unwilling to lag behind others, and hoping to have or even surpass others, which can play a positive role in promoting under certain circumstances.
The trick of a n experienced person: facing children who love to compare with others.
As the saying goes, "One tree doesn't make a forest", a tree in vilen has a completely free development space, but most of it grows horizontally and can't be good material. Good materials that grow tall, big and straight are all grown in the jungle. What is the reason? That's because, by comparison, every tree should grow wholeheartedly for its own sunshine.
Thinking of children's children from trees is like a bush in the jungle. The longer they grow, the less sunlight they get. They were quickly squeezed by other trees and even lost their living space. Therefore, in the face of children's comparison psychology, parents should not regard it as a "scourge", but should carefully weigh the advantages and disadvantages, change "blocking" into "sparse", and let comparison become the sunshine for children's growth.
Then, in daily life, what should parents do by themselves and how should they guide their children? Our editorial department conducted a random sampling survey in June 5438+February 2005. According to the feedback from parents, it is arranged as follows:
Lv Li: Pay attention to guiding children's comparison content.
There are many things to compare between children, including whose toys are more advanced and who wears more beautiful clothes. As parents, we should guide our children to focus on good specialties and behavior habits. We should not only pay attention to the cultivation of good habits, but also combine children's comparison with their own interests. Because the aspects that children are interested in are often the ones that they are good at, which is conducive to cultivating children's self-confidence.
Wang Xiaoxue: Make children's comparisons more practical.
If parents set too high a goal for their children, it will not only bring them fear of difficulties and excessive pressure, but also the long-term loss will make them lose confidence and affect their character development. Therefore, the goals set by parents should be suitable for children and create more opportunities for children to experience success. You can also divide long-term high goals into small goals step by step, so that children can gain confidence and happiness at the same time.
Leaves: broaden children's horizons and put the psychology of comparison in a suitable position.
I think it can only be used as an auxiliary means to promote children's progress by comparing with others. If the children's psychology of comparison expands to a high level, such as studying for a high ranking and taking surpassing others as the greatest honor, such behavior is not desirable. For such children, parents should cultivate their children's interests in many ways, broaden their horizons, and let them know that comparison is for progress, and progress is not only for comparison with others, but more importantly, for increasing their knowledge and talents.
Zhang Wei: Let children compare with themselves.
Every child is unique, and children's personalities and development levels are different, so we can't simply compare them. Aggressive method is a double-edged sword, which can not only stimulate children's competitiveness, but also cause depression and inferiority to children. Parents may wish to compare their children's progress with his past shortcomings and use their children's achievements to motivate themselves.
From my personal experience in educating my daughter, the comparison of "Shuntian Mu" can make children gain a successful experience, enhance their self-confidence and give full play to their potential.
Because of the job transfer, my daughter came to Suzhou with me when she was 7 years old, and studied in the second grade in a primary school, but her first exam results were not satisfactory. Her mother and I did not blame her, but encouraged her to catch up. After the second exam, my daughter's grades have been greatly improved. I said to her, "As long as you are better than the last one, you will succeed!" " In this way, children's confidence is constantly enhanced, their enthusiasm for learning is effectively mobilized, and their grades are getting better every time.
Yang Guo: Attach importance to ability and creativity.
Although scores and rankings can reflect children's intelligence level to some extent, they are not absolute. Children should be encouraged to discover or put forward their own ideas and then use them flexibly in life. Parents' evaluation system for children should be developmental and continuous, and should not be confined to the small box of academic performance. Parents should encourage their children to learn to accept themselves and give full play to their abilities, so that their children can have multiple functions in their future lives.
Feng Fei: Recognize the uniqueness of children.
Parents should respect their children's inner world and personality differences. This is also the child's self-worth. Parents' acceptance and recognition of children's unique rights will make children confidently reflect their differences and uniqueness.