Saying something shocking can show your sense of humor. I have compiled some sentences for interested parents to read!

Excerpt 1. When my hair reaches my waist, it is like the tip of a binary tree. I was covered in hay when I got up early, and I had fluffy hair before I went to bed. Shampoo was used up at night, and shampoo bottles piled up; A bunch of thick hair bands is broken, and a small hairpin is deeply stuck; You can climb the castle with a rope, but you can roll a stick to tease the domestic cat; Ah * * *, if you want to go out with humans, you need a catty of hair gel first.

2. Girls often say, "None of men is a good thing." So when the girl you like tells you that you are a good person, you and her are basically hopeless, because you have withdrawn from the ranks of men in her mind, so you and her have lost the possibility of further development. Only when a girl says "you are a dead fool" can you play. Ah, what a painful understanding.

It's not too cold this winter, because we have the Guangzhou subway, which runs twice a day to keep warm and drive away the cold. There are not many free things these days. You missed the Olympic Games, the World Expo and the Asian Games. The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but when I was on the subway, you didn't squeeze in.

4. I quarreled with my wife at night. Afterwards, the wife said, "Husband, go to sleep." At that time, I was still angry: "My husband is dead." Then my wife was so angry that I had no temper at all: "handsome boy, my husband died." It's still good. "

5. Learning is like a big wolf. Every semester, I appear in an extremely NB posture, and at the end of the semester, I leave in an expected SB posture. Finally, I want to shout: I will study hard in the coming year. ...

6. The sky is gloomy, the land is vast, and prices are rising. If you can afford a car, you can't afford gasoline. The bus is very busy, and the owner will eventually get hurt. I can't make money to buy a house, and the beauty is rising, and the price is unstoppable. With my income, there is no hope in this life, sighing and worrying about the moon, and the breeze blowing tears!

7. Let me give you a suggestion. Don't stay on the earth for too long. The earth does not belong to you. Very dangerous. Go home quickly! If you can take the initiative to let scientists study, it will make a great contribution to the world's understanding of alien life! You should be grateful that everything in this world is fake, even birth control pills, otherwise you wouldn't have grown so big.

8. The young man asked the Zen master, "My ambition is noble and noble, and I can't tolerate this filthy world." The Zen master took out a bag and asked the young man to put the garbage in the house. The young man quickly filled it, and the Zen master took out another bag. The young man suddenly realized, "You mean, as long as you have a broad mind, you can tolerate the world?" The Zen master shook his head, pointed to the bag and said, "pretend, you keep pretending."

9. At a county meeting, a male cadre was assigned to Room 2 13. When he opened it with his luggage and took out the key, he froze. A female colleague he knows is sitting in bed watching TV. This is not a G tide. They looked at each other for 2 seconds, and the woman screamed and asked eagerly, "XX, this is my room, how did you get in!" " "The man glanced at the room number again and calmly replied," You asked me how I got in. I was organized to sleep with you! " "

10. My dead wife called and my husband said angrily, Hello! This is the departure service hotline. Please press 1 to admit your mistake and 2 to divorce. If you want to hit someone, this service desk will transfer you to 1 10. The wife hung up the phone angrily. Late at night, my husband came home and found the door locked. He called his wife's cell phone, and she said in a falsetto, Hello! This is the who's afraid who service hotline. If you want to go home, please kneel down and rub the washboard; If you want a divorce, please kneel on the nail board; If you feel unwell, the service desk will transfer you to 120.

1 1. Husband can't sleep, and his wife asks him what's wrong? Husband said: the boss invited them to drink coffee today. The wife said: Why do you drink coffee when you know you can't sleep? Husband said: I can't sleep without drinking things that don't cost money.

12. Every girl has such a man in her heart: she doesn't talk much, but she always worries you. Sometimes he doesn't care about his work and study, and always thinks about where he is now and how he is doing. Although he makes you angry, you really need him. Nobody knows how much you love him. Sometimes he comes to see you. As long as you call, no matter how busy you are, you will always put down your work and come to him to confirm the package.

13. I came quietly, walked quietly, waved a dagger, and left no one alive. What is the biggest difference between Jesus and Sakyamuni? They have big curly hair and small curly hair. Why are my eyes always full of tears? Because I pretend to be deep. There is no windtight wall, no hanging beam. When there is a bright moon, look up by yourself.

14. Dozens of senior officials traveled by plane, and one of the governors said: I lost a bill of 100 yuan, and whoever found it was happy. A mayor said: People who throw 10 10, 10 will be happy. Another district chief said: Just throw down the one-dollar coin of 100, and people of 100 will be happy to find people of 100. The pilot said after listening, or I'll leave you all behind and make the whole country happy!

15. Life is a pressure cooker. I know myself well when I'm under too much pressure. Do you think I'll watch you die? Absolutely not. I close my eyes. The furthest distance in the world is not the ends of the earth, but that I am in telecom and you are in Netcom. Spitting is used to count money, not to reason. If something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for its lack of gravity when you are constipated.

16. There are still 100 days, dear! There is also 100 days of pure freshman and junior, which is coming soon! There will also be a sophomore girl with 100 days, and there will be a discount promotion, dear! There is also a school girl who is 100 days old. I plan to buy one for free, dear! Four-year-old girl with 100 days, coming off the shelf soon! Honey! Hold on! Honey!

17. Time is for wandering, body is for loving, life is for forgetting, and soul is for singing. Love is like a ghost. Many people believe it, but few people see it. I met a writer's signature: it may seem rough, but it may not be. I met a GG signature: Give me a girl and I can create a nation.

18. Girlfriend: Can we break up? Boyfriend: No girlfriend: Why? Boyfriend: Just like the buns in this canteen. If you take a bite, will people change it for you? Girlfriend: But you are not as good as I thought. Boyfriend: Just like the buns in this canteen. You wanted to eat meat buns, but you took them by mistake. You took a bite, but you didn't want to change it for you. Did you throw them away? Make do with it. Girlfriend: Oh ...

19. Husband: "In my opinion, Columbus never had a wife. Otherwise he can't find any continent. " Wife: "Why do you think so?" Husband: "If he has a wife, before going to sea, she will definitely ask, where are you going?" Why are you going? Go with who? Can you come back for long? Why? Wife: "Of course Columbus should make these things clear! "

20. It hurts to be idle at night and send an event message to a lesbian. I wrote: Are you busy? I have opened a room, waiting for you! She replied: Don't be ridiculous. I replied: really, everyone says you are good at technology, and I want to try the truth. She replied: Where are you? I'll go back: Happy Landlord, Room 1 12 of Netcom, Table 22, come quickly. She replied, get out ...

2 1. Treat your wife as a princess and you are a prince; Treat your wife as a queen, and you are the emperor; When your wife is a nanny, you are a security guard; Treat your wife as a servant girl, and you are a eunuch. So, whether you want to be an emperor or a eunuch depends on the way you treat your wife. The surprised God replied: Take your wife as air, and you are God! …

22. Go to the pizza shop to buy pizza! The waiter asked me whether to cut it into 8 pieces or 12 pieces. I thought about it and said: 8 yuan! 12 can't eat! Men fool women and call it flirting; Women fool men, called seduction; Men and women fool each other, which is called love.

23. Big Brother got a heavy automatic rifle at home. Whenever his sister-in-law loses her temper, he always cleans the gun without saying anything. Sister-in-law turned pale with fear, and a civil war ended before it started. I can't help asking my eldest brother, "Sister-in-law is afraid that you will kill her?" Big brother is very proud. He said, "No, she is afraid that I will commit suicide."

24. Today, on Valentine's Day and Lantern Festival, I took my daughter-in-law to see a movie, a love story in Beijing. Ten minutes after the movie started, two girls came in! Cut off their mm, and one of them asked the other sister, don't you have to pee? How to get out when you come in? Sister A: You have to shit when you go to the toilet! No paper! Is it a little noisy? My wife and I both laughed. My sister turned to me and said, borrow some toilet paper. I heard it anyway! Stunned, there is wood!

25. My friend Xiao Wu did a romantic thing. One day he saw the girl he liked downstairs and immediately folded a paper plane and flew to her. Like magic, the plane landed right on the girl's chest. She turned her head and saw Xiao Wu cheering loudly to her upstairs. She also said it was not the airport, hahaha. ...

Appreciation 1. Today, I asked my boyfriend to wash clothes and suddenly asked me, "Do you know that you are so lazy?" "yes! I called my mother yesterday and said I would take you back next year. My mother said that I am so lazy, I don't hurry to get married, and slowly find someone who knows that you are so lazy and can stand it. " The goods had to wash clothes silently.

2. Passing by the mall after work, a couple stood on the escalator and went upstairs and downstairs. This woman is holding a beautiful gift bag in her hand. The woman came out of the bag happily, and then quickly turned around and gave the man a hug. The hard one raised one leg. The man was looking at his mobile phone and didn't notice his girlfriend's fierce movements. Then he leaned down and they rolled down the escalator. About seven or eight steps ... fortunately, there are many clothes and no serious injuries. Call you Xiu En Ai, but also look at the place!

A young couple was joking when they got on the subway with heavy things on their backs. The man saw me get up and give up my seat. I refused, but he insisted. I said thank you and sat down. Later, the girl got up and stood with the boy. Woman: There are so many girls standing in the car. Are you afraid I'm jealous? Man: I just knew you were narrow-minded, so I chose an ugly one!

4. At the gate of the community in the morning, a car was leaving the door. An old man in his 70s lived in front of the car and walked very slowly ... The car couldn't pass, but the old man just walked slowly, especially slowly ... I thought the driver had a good temper and didn't honk or scream. At this moment, a balding middle-aged man in his forties poked his head out and said, "Dad, will you stop playing? I'm going to be late … "Then the old man walked away neatly …

5. Traveling to Europe with my leader, I was about to smoke after dinner. I accidentally felt something in my mouth, touched my handkerchief and wiped it, and then habitually spat on the ground. It suddenly occurred to me that this is a foreign country, and the strange eyes of many foreigners around me made me very uncomfortable. At this critical moment, the leader blurted out "Eight Qi!" As long as we don't break the first bottom line ... we can do whatever it takes.

6. Time is the best teacher, but it kills all the students.

7. Brother, are you tired of pretending? Come and have a cigarette!

8. The old wife is hugging, and I'm going to start shaking WeChat.

9. Once upon a time, there was a man named Shuang. He is dead. On the day of the funeral. His family cried: "Cool? Double ai "passers-by. Q: Why are you cool? The family cried bitterly: "It's so cool! Cool! " ! !

10. Thank you, thank you uncle, thank you family, thank you ancestors for 18 generations!

1 1. I'm so pure, I'm a little pure!

12. If he doesn't respect you, you have to respect him. If he still doesn't respect you, you still have to respect him. If he always disrespects you, you will kill him.

13.*** Is amniotic fluid sulfuric acid?

14. That year, the warehouse was empty and the well was empty. At first glance. Tick-tock Palace goddess of frequent urination. After the eunuch. Pitiao Hutong. The girl's English name is John. Studying in Dongguan. A man with anal fissure. Durex in billiards. I took off my cotton trousers and Miss Chun came. What should I do if I am pregnant unexpectedly? Go to Tiecuzi Hospital. Looking back 500 times in the past life, I got the painless abortion in this life. Meet like Sanqiu. Teacher, just follow the old woman.

15. I don't even believe in punctuation.

Selected 1. Don't call me if you have nothing to do, let alone something.

2. What do you like about me? I like you. Stay away from me!

We are old if we are not crazy, and we are crazy if you are not!

* * *, I haven't seen you for a few days, and your affectation is becoming more and more mature.

Brother, I have no problem with you. Why are you pretending to be forced in front of me?

6. Pretend to be forced today, and then the family will be silent.

7. Pretending to be forced is a career and you can't give it up easily.

8. When you miss pretending, you also miss life.

9. I have practiced for 10,000 years, and my pretending ability is less than 1% of yours.

10. If you pretend to be good, the mixed society will flourish; It's hard to live everywhere if you don't pretend well.

human