2 The fish at home died and floated to the surface. I shouted, "Dad floated up! ! !"

3 Last weekend, in front of Hualian, someone who looked like a student asked me to donate money for love. My classmate happened to have only 1 yuan's ticket in his pocket, and there was no change at all, so she blurted out-"I'm really sorry, I really don't have any love!" (Originally, I wanted to say that the change was gone)

4 Primary school students went to the army to express their condolences to the performance. The counselor read a letter "Dear Leaders", and probably saw a group of people under the stage, so his mind was hot and he said, "Dear martyrs!"

5 when I was discussing the Three Kingdoms with a classmate of mine!

I asked the military commander in the Three Kingdoms who he liked best. He stood up and said, "Red rabbit among men, Lu Bu among horses, haven't you heard of it?"

6 On my way home, I saw a small stall selling turtles, and a small sign was erected beside it to attract business. I only heard my classmates seriously read to the small blackboard: "Ba-Xi-Xiao-Cai-Dian!" Oh, my gosh ... It's obviously a Brazilian turtle.

when I was in college, my classmates went to Sichuan cuisine restaurant together and asked for a pig's head when ordering. After talking for a long time, the waitress couldn't understand it. One classmate smiled and pointed to his head and said to the waitress, "Here! Pig head meat! " Miss: "Oh … I see!" " Since then, this gentleman has been nicknamed "Pig Head Meat".

8 in junior high school, once, before the end of the exam, the teacher said, please put your desks on the test papers and you can go out. I laughed wildly, and it took the teacher and other students a long time to react.

9 once I was shopping with my friends, and I was so excited when I was talking while walking that I stepped on an aunt and wanted to say, "I'm sorry! Sorry! " The result is "Thank you! Thank you! " Then we walked away while chatting ...

1 A sister in our dormitory often makes these mistakes

Because we are studying Chinese, all we say are four words

Her most classic is "jump and kill yourself"

and "cheat and be cheated"

11 In high school, our class teacher said, "Some students dare not take a ruler in math exams.

the diagonal of the triangle? ! !

when I was in college, I went to Hengshan Mountain to play. I was halfway up the mountain. When I was tired, I saw a souvenir-buying Obasan on the roadside. When I went up, I asked, "Wife ..."

13 One more thing: I went to work early in the morning, and several employees of the unit got into the elevator with my boss. One of the directors looked at the tired face of the boss and said ingratiatingly, Boss, you are everyday. As a result, the office building has been laughing all day.

14 I used to have peas on my face, which was called acne medically. I wanted to go to the hospital and said to the doctor with the registration form, "Doctor, please take a look at it for me. I have hemorrhoids on my face! ！”

At that time, the doctor's mouth and eyes were askew, and he couldn't speak with his mouth open for a long time. All the people next to him fell down!

15 when the plane landed. I heard the stewardess say this in a very gentle tone: "The toilet is descending, please don't get on the plane!" " (It should be: "The plane is descending, please don't go to the toilet")

The last item of the class meeting in p>15 primary schools is to sing the team song "We are the successors of * * * capitalism ..." The teacher asked the monitor to start. The monitor cleared his throat and suddenly sang, "We are human beings-(with a long sound)"

The whole class laughed so hard that they couldn't even hear the bell. . .

16 high school requires wearing school uniforms. We boys sometimes only wear school uniforms. Once at a gathering, our classmates were not dressed neatly in school uniforms. The class teacher was furious: "All those who don't wear pants stand out for me ...!"

17 I remember playing by the river (the Yangtze River) in junior high school. Suddenly, a water snake swam to the shore, and his face changed greatly. He threw a sentence in his mouth: A good snake is long ~ ~! !

18 Let's play with an old chicken to catch an eagle.

19 When I was in high school, the class teacher taught geography, and once I talked about China's minerals in class. When it came to the coal pipeline, our teacher said, "The vas deferens in China ...", and all the "brushes" who crawled on the table and slept sat up straight.

2 Once, I went to eat jiaozi, and the boss said there were five pieces, six pieces.

the boss was suddenly cold ... his face was suddenly red ...

actually, I want to ask how many are six dollars?

21 My friend's high school math teacher talks about rectangular coordinate system in class.

Students ask: Why do you want to build rectangular coordinate system like this?

teacher: I'm so cheap (built), I just want to be so cheap (built)

When I was a freshman in VB class, a classmate didn't have VB software installed on her computer, and she suddenly raised her hand and shouted, "Teacher, teacher, I can't open my QQ.

23 I have a classmate who is a twin, and he is a brother. Then another stupid classmate actually asked him," Is your brother older than you? " ..... several students on the side froze immediately, followed by a burst of laughter ........................................................................................................................................................... .......

The whole class was speechless and then burst into laughter for 1 minutes ...

25 Last time I had dinner with my friends, I ordered five dishes, one cold and four hot. After waiting for a long time, my friend asked, "How many dishes did we order?" "I blurted out," Four are cold and one is cold. "Sudden cold

26, there is an elevator in the air conditioner!

27 During the physical examination of the college entrance examination, a classmate was highly nearsighted, so he memorized the test form filled with E, but he still failed. We asked him what happened, and he said, I can't see clearly where the doctor's baton is. . Faint on the spot.

28 The last time I went back to my dormitory after squatting, as soon as I stepped into the dormitory door, I heard my classmate say, "I really want to taste the smell of death." (What movie was he watching at that time)

I immediately replied, "You didn't tell me earlier, I just rushed."

29 The boss of our dormitory once said, "Take medicine and take needles."

3 once in an Internet cafe, after he died in CS, he suddenly shouted, MD picked a bullet without a gun, and was laughed to death by the people in the Internet cafe ...

31 once, a buddy went to buy meat buns and said to the boss, "Boss, give me two meats." The little girl on the side blushed and didn't dare to laugh.

32 Another time. I said there are big and small bowls, and after introducing the prices respectively, the buddy came to this sentence: "Is the big bowl big or the small bowl big?" It was accompanied by a face of incomprehension ...

33 In junior high school, the class teacher was a giant bt. Each of us is required to take plastic belts to pack our own garbage. At noon one day, the head teacher came back to see the classroom dirty, stood on the podium and said loudly, take out all your grenades! ! ! ! (said in a vicious tone) The whole class was extremely cold ~ ~ ~ and it was silent. . . . . . . .

34 A math teacher in high school once said, "Although this solution is not strict, it is not a bad thing if everyone can use this method in the exam."

35 It's hot every summer in junior high school, and some boys are shirtless in the last row of the classroom. As a result, the chemistry teacher said with a stern look when she entered the room, "You boys and girls are not allowed to give me shirtless!"

The whole class burst into laughter

36 On a double-decker bus in summer, the flight attendant took a microphone and shouted, "It's hot in many days, so don't crowd the door!" After saying that I thought it was wrong, I changed my mouth and shouted, "It's a hot day, so don't crowd at the door!" "

37 In high school, A and B blindfolded B and asked: Guess who I am?

B said: I guessed it ~! !

A said, Ah, you guessed it.

Then I took my hand away.

38 I had dinner in the school dining hall, and I cooked a dish to clear the cucumber. I found that the cucumber was stale and a little yellow, so I said, "Master, why is the cucumber yellow?" The master said loudly, "classmate, is the cucumber still green?" ! !" I am speechless. 1

39 I remember that drinking fountains were just popular in high school. The school decided to equip each class with one in order to create a reputation. On that day, the head teacher (male) hurried into the class and said happily, "Students, the drinking fountains in our class have arrived." The students asked, "What brand?" The teacher replied: "Anerle". At that time, we were cold ..... later, we learned that the water dispenser was "Angel" ...

4 I remember once telling my colleagues in the office that someone was like a farmer, rustic, silly and cute. Everyone said yes, yes, like a farmer, and suddenly the phone rang. The colleague who answered the phone actually said, hello, farmer! ~

41 One day, I was watching "Muslim Funeral" in my dormitory, and my classmates asked, "What book are you so fascinated by?" I grabbed it and read "Stalin's Funeral", which made me laugh. Before I finished laughing, he said, "Hey, hey, the author is Radar (Huo Da). At that time, we were just studying radar collision avoidance class, and I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt.

42 When I was a child, I wrote: Our life was bought with the blood of my uncle in the People's Liberation Army. As a result, when I got up to read aloud, I read "Our life was bought by the uncle of the People's Liberation Army with fresh fish ... < P > 43 One student read" Wang Erxiao led the enemy into the ambush of the Eighth Route Army "as" Wang Erxiao led the Eighth Route Army into the ambush of the enemy "... < P > 44 My mother has cervical spondylosis and puts medicine on her neck every day. One day I asked her," Do you want medicine? " My mother stared at me puzzled and said, "I'm not going to commit suicide yet!" "

45 The last time I went out with my friends, I happened to see McDull (pink pig) in the unit activity lottery the day before yesterday in front of a window on the road. I said to my friends in the bus, "Look, I am the big pink pig." In fact, I want to say that it was the pig I took yesterday. I was so excited that everyone on the bus looked at me!

46 I remember that when I was at school, there was a sports meeting, and no one in our class signed up. Our physical education committee (boys) was very anxious, and announced in the class with the registration form: I tell you, girls should listen carefully, or they will be forced to sign up (compulsory registration). Girls are angry.

47 once my mother's classmate came to my house for dinner, and after eating a bowl, my mother wanted to refill it for her. She said, don't give it to me, I don't have enough ...

48 Once, I called my classmate, and the other person picked up the phone and gave me a hello. I suddenly forgot who I was calling, and after a long time, I asked, Who are you?

49 At a friend's party, I chatted that someone was sad "tears turned red and eyes fell off", but no one responded, and then I went home and laughed.

5 Once I watched Good Morning on Shanghai TV, the host in Shanghai blurted out: Don't come back after the advertisement. _ It seems that advertisements are so annoying that even the host can't stand them.

51 A new shop assistant is memorizing everything. An old lady bought a bottle of soy sauce. The shop assistant said, "I charged you xx yuan, and here is your change. Do you need a straw? The old lady suddenly fainted ...

52 When she was still unable to read in primary school. My deskmate reads the ingenious plan as the ingenious chicken (machine) fried garlic (calculation)

53 I'll have one, too. When I was in primary school, the teacher asked a boy to recite poems. As a result, he was in a hurry and recited as "Zhumen stinks of wine and meat, and there are frozen dogs (bones) on the road." The whole class laughed like crazy

54 Another time, I went to bed at night in winter, and probably the temperature of the electric blanket was too high, so I said to my classmates, Hey, you turn the electric blanket to the fresh-keeping position.

55 a few days ago, when the United States attacked Iraq, my classmates and I were going back to school. His mother said: The train is too slow, so you two should take an Iraqi train. We fainted on the spot.

At the beginning of p>56, a group of us went to visit relatives in other places, and took Evick's car. When we came back, we stopped at the side of the road for a while before getting on the expressway. Some people thought it was a long-distance bus, so they leaned over and asked, and a man sitting by the window in the car shouted: This is not a car that pulls people, this is not a car that pulls people! Sweat

57 to buy a "pulse" drink,

"Boss, have a bottle of" artery "

58 hours later, I sang: imperialism has escaped with its tail between its legs. The national people's unity

I sang, and the whole nation fled with their tails between their legs, and the whole class burst into uproar

59 that day, I just entered the office, and it was the same plmm who shouted at me: "Xiao Wang, did you buy a newspaper? Let me have a look at today's special issue on sex." I fainted on the spot, even if everyone talks about "house" all day, you can't read "building special issue" as "sex special issue"!

6 In English class in senior high school, the teacher asked me to translate an English sentence: An arrow roared past my ear. I confused the word "arrow" with "sparrow", so it translated into: a sparrow whistled past my ear. So the whole class laughed and didn't get a good class.

61 When I was in the third grade, there was a chemistry teacher who was very beautiful. One day, when she went to the oxygen drainage method, she said airway and fart tube, and the whole class laughed!

62 temporary Chinese teacher: Speaking Chinese multiple-choice questions: Students, why not choose A? Yes, because A is wrong; Why not choose b, yes, because b is wrong; Why not choose C? Yes, because C is wrong. So this question should be chosen? The students shouted d in unison. Yes, let's talk about the next question.

63 My roommate asked me for sesame paste and said, "Where is the black sesame paste?" (My last name is Xu)

64 My roommate looked for her mask all night. Finally, when everyone discussed going to Peking University to eat chicken wings, another roommate shouted, "I want to go to Peking University to eat a mask."

65 I went to eat shabu-shabu with my roommate, and went to the door of the store. My roommate looked at the name of the store and said, "Brush it?" (The name of the store is Shuan Shuan Bar)

66 Bing Xin's Little Orange Lamp contains a piece of orange petals, and the students read "a gourd ladle of orange petals"

67 When the criminal law teacher told the case, he said, "At that time, blood was called a flow. It flowed from the first floor to the second floor, and it was a river of blood ..." < p Wow, Kaka

7 Last time I asked my teacher for leave

As soon as I opened my mouth, I wanted to treat you, teacher ...

Tianyu staff: Chunchun, I'm going to be interviewed by a newspaper tomorrow, and people want to photograph the real you, so you don't have to wear makeup, just dress neatly.

Chunchun: Oh, good.

the next day. I saw Chunchun wearing a brand new, pure white one.