I am sensitive and insecure in Scorpio, so it is difficult to give my heart to others, and I will always avoid some feelings and people unconsciously. Last night, I was drinking and chatting with my college roommate, and suddenly I couldn't help asking my roommate: Why? As long as the boys are kind to me, I can feel that I like this state, but as long as I find that this kind of kindness has gone beyond the relationship of friends, I will deliberately play dumb. When others start brewing feelings and are ready to express their feelings to me, I always tell him gently before he says it: we can't do it. I hope we will always be friends and don't express our feelings. Roommate said coldly: in the face of love, you always protect yourself too well, don't want to try, don't give others a chance, and don't give yourself a chance. This is undoubtedly your extreme self-confidence and inner cowardice. I nodded, yes, all kinds of situations make me a person who doesn't know how to try. Timid, I dare not fall in love easily, for fear of being abandoned after dependence. I am afraid that every relationship will have a bad ending, and I am afraid that I will compromise and ignore love because I ask for that kind of care.
So in the beautiful school days, I have always been alone, so there is nothing wrong with it. But occasionally in the dead of night, I will ask myself: why not live freely and casually, even if there is no result, the process of staying is beautiful, isn't it? I told myself over and over again, but it was hard for me to take that crucial step.
I often think of the beauty of the past to cherish it. People often say: why memories are beautiful is because you only remember the beauty and directly ignore the pain, so memories are often blinded by the illusion of beauty. Memories are obviously a healing place. When you are tired, feel that life is very difficult, and find that your current emotional love is very humble, you will suddenly find that at least there are so many good memories to accompany you through countless lonely and cold nights! So I like memories very much, imagining that the people in those memories have always been the same as before, but the reality is often the opposite. The only constant in this world is change.
? Most of the memories, feelings occupy a large part. So what is an unforgettable feeling? Most people's answer is: first love. Many years ago, I didn't think this answer would go away, because the first love was just the germination of ignorant feelings, which was nothing. But when I experienced that not so vigorous first love, I found: Really, only first love is the purest emotion, because it is the first time, so it temporarily occupies a rare position in my mind, because it is the first time, so it is unforgettable. I will remember those words in a relationship that can be moved for a lifetime, those eloquent and eloquent promises. As everyone knows, later he just changed the protagonist and gave this sensational sentence to another innocent girl around him intact. I only remembered his kindness to me in my memory, and selectively forgot how he seriously hurt me and how he slapped himself with what he said.
? Speaking of which, I think I should talk about my first love. It's the first time to disclose my first love in an article, and I'm a little nervous. If I start from the beginning, I think I'll be verbose until tomorrow (I should be a person who talks nonsense when writing). So I'll cut to the chase. What surprised me recently can't be said to be his problem. I can only say that I am too attached to him in my memory and deserve it.
? We met while working part-time. He is smart, sociable, sweet-tongued, and talkative, and naturally he is quite pleasing to girls. I'm the opposite of him. It's hard to be crazy with strangers. When he was working part-time, he was very interested in our cashier girl, often helped her cook, and they also made an appointment to cut their hair and press the road together. These were all told by my colleagues around me at that time. At that time, I thought it wouldn't be too much trouble to be with him. I just listened to my colleagues' leisure after dinner, but I don't know why I still remember it. How ridiculous!
When we broke up, I told him that we were both immature and didn't know how to manage relationships. It takes time to hone, so let's separate and just be friends. If the prosperity is gone, we still think that we are the only one and can be together again. F said to me when he left: You will never meet anyone who likes you as much as I do. My feelings for you will not change, whether it is 1 or a few years. If you don't believe me, we can go and have a look. When we left, we parted at the turntable. You held me and I didn't respond, so you let me go. I walked silently without looking back. I knew, looking back, I would be reluctant to go. This long road, you didn't keep me. I cried and called my best friend 1 hour, and you didn't know where it was. Yes, the next holiday, you will send me a text message asking me why I left so firmly, but I didn't say. Because I feel that I have broken up, these explanations don't make any sense. I lied to myself that I treated you as an ordinary friend and kept all your social ways, but I never contacted you again. Although I will secretly look at your dynamics and then delete my own browsing mark. ? After the separation, I told many people that F is good for me, which is my problem. I didn't like him that much, and finally broke up peacefully. My friend said that I don't know how to cherish, so I can only smile.
Next, on my birthday and Chinese New Year, you will take the initiative to call me to say hello. I don't know if I think too much, or if you only call me when you are lonely and bored and think of someone talking, but I am still very happy. I still can't bear to part with it, so I picked up your phone again and again and chatted with you for so long. I admit that I am a bit cheap, but I think you never tell you. The year before last, you came back from other places and asked me to meet you. Although I said I didn't want to meet on the pretext of embarrassment, I met at your request. When we met, the two of us were sitting in the restaurant. I pretend nothing happened and chat with you like a friend. I can't believe I arrived at the restaurant early. Yes, I miss you more, but so what! During the chat, I kept talking. You just answered my question lightly, which is just the opposite of what I remembered before. I thought to myself, in that case, why did you ask me to meet you? Why are we not two familiar strangers? You suddenly said, we have been apart for more than two years. How are you doing? A simple greeting actually warms my heart, which is worthless! At the end of the conversation, you ask you from the bottom of your heart: Have you talked again in the past two years? You answered me: yes, but we separated soon. Hearing this, the rotating spoon in my hand stagnated, and I repeatedly answered myself: Yes. Yes, we did. So I still care. I just want to say to myself, hehe ... and then you ask me if I have it? I'll answer you for sure, I didn't. To add the last sentence, it is inappropriate (to cover up your inner embarrassment). You said with a smile, don't be so demanding. After coming out of the restaurant, you suggested taking me home. I smiled and said, no, I can go by myself. You said it felt like we hadn't changed all these years, and we didn't break up yet. I didn't respond positively, PS didn't break up, so you're not in love again. Finally, I insisted on going alone, and you turned around and left. Under the dim street lamp, I plugged in my headphones and listened to the song alone. Joker Xue's voice came from my ear. ...
When you get home, you don't think about anything, but you send a message: Are you at home? We are very happy together today. But what I want to say in my heart is that I am very tired. I only reply to you in two words: yes. I thought this was supposed to be a game. I didn't expect you to send me a message on the way back to the bullet train: I hope we can get back together. After some technical expression of prevarication, I didn't agree. I said we can't go back. Let's be friends. If you insist, it depends on the fate time. The following week, you sent a lot of greetings, but I didn't reply, because I really didn't know how to reply. Suddenly I saw that your personality signature was changed to: If there is someone in your life who makes you forget the past, then she is your future. Yes, I'm a thing of the past, but why do you still want to participate in my present life? I admit that you once liked me, but you are not the F you used to be, so even if I know my mind now, I will never admit it. I still won't admit it, say that I am respectable, say that I am bitter, and say that I am doing it. I don't want to humble myself and promise myself an unreliable future.
? The dramatic side actually happened again. It was just one day after my birthday in October, 20 16. 165438, and a strange number called me. So it was you. You said happy birthday to me! I can only say, thank you! You asked me to meet again during the Spring Festival. I said we'll see it later, or on the phone. You couldn't make it clear on the phone. But just yesterday, after the end of the year, I finally felt that I could take a deep breath. Open QQ that I haven't waited for for a long time. In the recent contact, a gloomy image suddenly became strange, because I am not familiar with the QQ image, but I am familiar with the name. I clicked on it and gave me a fright. It's a photo of F and a girl. That kind of face-to-face intimacy is really enough. I want to slap myself at the thought of chatting with him 10 days ago. I just remembered what you said a few months ago. I think it's a pity that you can't be the best actor The most exasperating thing is that F hacked me, hacked me. . . The party came too suddenly. I was the only one in my memory!
? Now write down this experience and feel like a dissatisfied housewife or a big idiot. Why bother? Love rat is similar, so let it stay there. I deleted all his contact information. I want all my favorites to draw a happy ending after I write this diary, and I don't want to read it again.
"You really don't come to me again, I really like you, but so what? We can't be together. Leave me alone! Please don't come to me again. We eat together, sing together and go out to play together, but it's all a waste. We can't be together, which is not good, but I can't help it if I like you so much! In short, don't come to me again. " -the love of a pure child (end)