What kind of tone should I tell myself, calm or sad?

0 1.

When I made a lot of so-called efforts, I was instantly decadent under the pressure of reality. I went to the circle of friends silently and finished my serious shopping. There are photos of my back that looked comfortable when I went to the beach, clips of slapping and laughing with my family, and a sentimental mourning circle set as private. ...

I lay in bed and felt weak all over.

After reading the words, photos and comments very carefully, I mechanically "deleted" them with my right thumb. All deleted, and finally want to send a circle of friends: I think I have reached the limit of psychological endurance. I may disappear for a while, but don't worry, I just disappeared on WeChat. I will come back, but I don't know how long it will take for the time being.

But I stared at the shiny mobile phone screen and didn't type a word at last. Forget it, who cares about your little emotions?

I hid under the covers and cried for a long time, crying very quietly. I didn't talk to anyone about it, because I didn't want to influence others to give them trouble.

I don't seem to know what kind of person I am these days

I have a complete class during the day. Ironically, I have two mental health classes a week, and my health is not healthy.

I'm afraid to turn on my cell phone. I am afraid to see those short messages asking me where I am and urging me to go to WeChat. I am afraid that WeChat will be bombarded by various private chats and group chats. I was scared, but I still had no choice but to turn on my cell phone without hesitation.

02.

I get tired easily. I think sleeping is a good thing. I just want to sleep and lie in bed.

But I know that the more I lie in bed, the more depressed I am, and my current situation is that being unable to sleep will also aggravate my depression.

One night, I was so tired that I lay down at ten o'clock. I think I can have a good sleep. I woke up in a daze and saw a bright light outside the curtain. I looked at the time of my mobile phone: 0:2 1.

I didn't react at the moment and was shocked. God, it's past twelve in broad daylight. I'm afraid I wasted half a day. I'm afraid there is still a lot of work and study to do.

I poked my head out and the balcony was dark. I looked up and found the incandescent lamp on the ceiling. Then I went back to look at my mobile phone, which turned out to be after midnight.

I was relieved and went back to sleep. Half an hour later, I tossed and turned for half an hour. I can't sleep. I just ran down from my desk, blushing inexplicably and staring at myself in the mirror.

I kept copying English until my eyes were tired before I went out of the balcony. It's dark outside, and my body is integrated with the night. I'm not afraid at all, but I feel as if my soul has been lost.

03.

I feel worse and worse.

I promised a reader that I would write more in September 10, but I didn't.

I promised to hand in the script that has received 40% of the manuscript fee within ten days, but I didn't.

There are many empty documents in my computer with only titles and no body, because I can't write any more after writing the titles.

Even my favorite thing is hard to go on. I asked myself in my mind: Deng, how can you live like this?

More ironically, people always tell me that I envy you, and you are really excellent.

Do you really know what the person you admire is like?

This is a depressed person.

I used to like to say that I was distracted, but I was more melodramatic and blx. Now these two words are too light to define me.

A friend and classmate told me that you think too much.

I smiled bitterly, and you were only half right. I used to think more and farther than others, but now I don't want to think so much, but those troubles will automatically drown my brain and make it extremely heavy.

I may not just think too much.

I wrote an article "What did you learn after a year in college?"? After reading it, a freshman left a message saying that this article is really rewarding for prospective freshmen. Thank you.

There are also some readers my age or even older who believe me privately. They said that they were very moved, and they also said that they had recently encountered difficulties and unhappiness in college. Some even said they would drop out of school.

I will enlighten them one by one and chat with them about each other's previous stories.

For readers, I especially don't want to bring them any negative emotions, so I encourage and support them.

But in fact, I really need the encouragement and support of others. It's just that I've always been strong and calm

04.

I have worked as a makeup teacher in a tutorial institution, and I need to take an hour bus from Dongguan to Shenzhen every weekend. Because the salary of teaching high school is higher than that of junior high school and primary school, and one-to-many earns more than one-to-one, I ask to teach science in high school. One-to-many afternoon tutoring is from two to four, but some students can't come until after four. I told the class teacher that students who come after four o'clock can give it to me.

As a result, I became the most earned female tutor and the most tired one.

At the end of my freshman year, I told my mother to continue to find a job as a tutor during the summer vacation and earn money to buy a SLR.

I found several tutoring institutions in succession, took the bus from school, passed through another town from this town, and interviewed after the written test. The final result is that either I am dissatisfied with my salary or the other party doesn't like me.

Mom asked me, how was the interview today?

I am confident that the hope is not too great.

She said, it's too difficult. Stop looking and go home.

At that moment, I choked, and I was really tired. I want to go home, I don't want to be a tutor, I don't want to save money.

She added, as for your SLR, I'll buy it for you. You look tired. You don't want to teach elementary school and junior high school, but you want to teach senior three. It's really hard to do such a brain-burning thing when you are busy with your studies.

I don't want to explain too much, and I don't want my family to know that I am really tired. I can only say that "well" has no ambition.

05.

Four months ago, I took part in the school comic novel competition. After the first two rounds of screening and elimination, my willpower and I were tenacious enough to enter the final.

On the night of the final, as soon as I finished the afternoon class, I rushed back to the dormitory, took a shower, put on a long white shirt and a rough makeup, and hurried to the competition site to debug PPT and communicate with the staff.

I was the last one to play, but I didn't have the heart to listen to the passionate explanations of the contestants on the stage. I looked down at my mobile phone and silently watched the staff arrange the speech we wrote. I've seen it many times, but I still can't remember it.

Time to go on stage. Let's improvise.

Looking at the played PPT, the language was quickly organized in my mind, and I slowly told the story of my work.

Halfway through the song, my eyes were red and I choked for a few seconds, because I stood on the stage and looked at all the audience. None of them are for me. Maybe I haven't even seen the works.

At that moment, I was dazzling, but also sad and lonely.

Applause rang out from the audience, and I walked off the stage with applause.

The host announced that the first place was No.8 player Deng.

The judges said that you are very real, without too many fancy expressions, and you are very affectionate and wrote this work with your heart.

I thought I could go back and have a good sleep. 10: 30 after dinner, the news in wechat made me fall into freezing point.

The contestant said, why did contestant No.8 win the first prize, because she cried so much after working overtime? Didn't you see that the emotional card of contestant No.8 was very appetizing to the judges? Shouldn't she be deducted so much for working overtime? Why can you win the first prize by being melodramatic?

I dare not send a message, but as the protagonist, I can only watch the scene like a passerby.

They probably don't know why I am crying, because they don't know that I participated in two competitions, made two PPT and wrote two speeches in one week. They don't know that I finished another competition in English the day before the final exam of comic novels. They don't know what it's like to stay up late that week, and they don't know what it's like to come to the scene hungry after class and endure the pain of menstruation to support the whole game.

I watched the news slowly become 100+, but I still dared not say it. Even if I said I was tired and hard, would anyone care about you? Will anyone comfort you?

The important thing is that participation and friendship come first. This is bullshit. Everyone wants to be the first.

They just say, don't pretend to be pathetic.

"Don't bow your head, the crown will fall; Don't cry, the bad guys will laugh. "

Facts have proved that this sentence is correct.

06.

I dare not cry casually, dare not cry in front of anyone.

Even though my heart is sensitive, I still become indifferent, and I no longer know how to express my emotions as before.

I don't understand, but I don't want to express it at all.

I am afraid that others will see through it in an instant, and often "hahaha", pretending that I am normal and happy, and all the joys and sorrows are hidden in the deepest corner.

I'm not afraid of the night, but I can't sleep in bed at night.

I try to find as few windows as possible in class, which will make me feel more relaxed.

I don't look for friends to complain about grievances like before, and I dare not show my emotions in my circle of friends, because I really don't want to spread negative emotions.

Some readers say that after reading all your articles, I feel a little sad.

I said, yeah.

In my present state, how can I write some nice and pleasing articles?

On the surface, the wind is light and the clouds are light, but the heart is particularly contradictory and complicated.

I saw a special heartfelt sentence in Weibo: What is love for life? I am always depressed, but I have to encourage myself to cheer up.

Obviously, I am depressed, but I still smile mercilessly at my friend.

When you are in a bad mood, you should be a soul coach to forgive others.

Obviously disappointed to the extreme, but still struggling to find a reason to move forward.

People with depression actually love life, but they love life in different ways.

07.

Great pressure and fragile psychology may be the chief culprit of depression.

I told my friends that everyone will have their own unfavorable period, and I may be at this stage now.

There is such a passage in "Night Walk": "There is no sun in my sky, it is always night, but it is not dark, because something has replaced the sun. Although it is not as bright as the sun, it is enough for me. With this lamp, I can treat night as day. I have never seen the sun, so I am not afraid to lose it. "

There is a video about depression, which says that people with depression usually have only two choices in the end: one is to die, and the other is to seek help from others (including family, friends and doctors).

Because of occasional depression, I haven't been as bright as the sun for a long time, but there is always a little power to keep me alive.

I've been adjusting myself, and I always think I can make it. If one day I really can't take it anymore, I think I'll see a doctor.

At least, we should live in the world with an open mind, because there are still too many ideals and ambitions that have not been realized.

At least, I feel much better after writing this article.

I don't know whether the world is beautiful or not, but I always hope to meet the beautiful side one day.