3. Oh, my God! My clothes have lost weight again.

2. Get drunk on the wine table if you don't sleep in class ~

1. The only difference between Superman and me is that I wear underwear underneath.

I am not a casual person, but I am not a casual person.

I am in Jianghu, but there is no legend about me in Jianghu. ...

4. Take other people's road and let others have no way out.

It is said that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. In retrospect, I actually streaked 19 years too many chefs!

6. I would rather believe in ghosts than men's broken mouths!

1. Clear water means no fish, while lowly people are invincible.

2. The one riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, he may be a Tang priest; Not necessarily an angel with wings-mother said it was a bird man.

Never treat the animals that are still dead after bleeding for a week lightly. ...

6. I, a college student's life goal: peasant woman, mountain spring, a little field.

1. In spring, I buried myself in the land at the entrance of the village. In autumn, I got many handsome guys. Then I changed the name of the village to "handsome boy village", and I became the village head as I wished.

One day, I dreamed that I had spent all my money. When I woke up, my pocket was really empty. ...

I have achieved great success in losing weight. Look, my three chins are sharp!

The problem with chocolate is that if you eat it, it will disappear.

Don't wait until everyone says you are ugly to find out that you are really ugly.

If my friends can sell them for five dollars each, I can make a small fortune.

7. A big belly is not terrible. The terrible thing is that it is unexpectedly big.

8. The biggest advantage of blind date is that if there are problems in marriage in the future, you can put the blame on the matchmaker.

9. Women show their generosity first, but men dare not be stingy.

10. Living in bed, dying in bed, wanting to live and die, is also in bed.

1. Wizard, please tell the princess that I am still on my way, and there are snow-capped mountains, rivers, dragons and beautiful women ... Tell her to go back to sleep!

My lover is a stunning beauty, and one day she will marry me on a fire-breathing dinosaur. However, at the end of the story, I only saw her mount, but I didn't see its owner.

1. A tree will die if it is not skinned. People are shameless and invincible in the world.

2. Do everything, do everything.

The real meaning of the iron rice bowl is not to have food in one place, but to have food everywhere all your life.

4. Sao belongs to Sao, and Sao has Sao Zhen; Cheap means cheap, and cheap has cheap dignity.

If eating more fish can make people smart, then I must have eaten at least one pair of whales.

6. Success in life lies not in getting a good deck of cards, but in how to play the bad ones well.

8. When you were born, you cried and everyone laughed; When you left, you smiled and everyone cried.

10. Wear other people's shoes, go your own way and let others find it.

1 1. After several decades, we will meet again, send them to the crematorium, burn them all to ashes, and send them all to the countryside to be used as fertilizer.

An expert looks at the door, while a layman looks at the sidewalk.

3. There are no roadside wildflowers, step on them!

4. I met a MM personality signature: I can't play chess and draw, and I am tired of washing and cooking.

I met a GG signature: Give me a girl and I can create a nation.

6. I met an old Shaanxi personality signature: ugly women are more troublesome, and black buns are more vegetables.

7. I saw our teacher's signature: I tell you, the teacher is very angry now, and the consequences are serious.

8. I met a writer's signature: it may look like it, but it may not be.

9. I met a lover's signature: I don't have to count what I say, I like it every day.

10. I met Sleeping King in my class. Signature: three minutes full in the morning, three minutes full in the middle and six minutes full after dinner.

1. midnight 12 logout! Otherwise, the princess will become Cinderella again.

2. Hello, is this China Mobile? This is China Unicom. My PHS is broken. Can you send China Tietong to repair it?

3. I am an academician of the Institute of Advanced Diving, Chinese Academy of Sciences, and I have lost the Nobel Prize for a long time, and I won the Oscar Award for Lifetime Stealth. ...

4. We want to fly in heaven, two birds are one, and I want to be a pig in the same circle!

7. Split up-do you want a piece of the action?

8. God said, "Let there be light." I said, "No!" So we spent the night.

9. I pinned Konka's TV remote control on my waistband and pretended to buy a new Nokia mobile phone.

10. I think I would like it if I came later in the morning.

1. I can't give you happiness, but I can comfort you!

2. Life is so fucking interesting, because life always fucking plays with me.

3. Buddha said: "Looking back 500 times in the past life, you have to pass once in this life." I would rather pass the world by 500 times in my life.

The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I rolled my eyes with them.

I am an actor, and my eyes turn when I see beautiful mm. ...

6. Angels can fly because they despise themselves. ...

7. I want to puppy love, but it's too late. ...

9. I only trust two people in this world, one is me and the other is not you.

10. Don't speak English in front of me in the future, ok?

1. You can go as far as you want!

2. Rogues are not terrible, just afraid of being educated.

Guest officer, please respect yourself. The little girl only sells herself, not herself.

You can't satisfy everyone, because not everyone is human!

7. Take the road of NB and let SB say it!

8. Water can carry a boat and cook porridge!

9. Zi said in Sichuan, "How nice it is to have a boat!"

10. Driving is not difficult, but there are new people!

1. We want a small MM and irrigate it with * * *; I irrigate the head of the Yangtze River and you irrigate the tail of the Yangtze River.

2. Love at first sight, then decline and finally run out.

3. A person is not lonely, but when he misses someone.

4. Life is simple. Live, relax. Life is not easy.

If you can see my back, I think it must be very sad, because I left all my happiness in front!

6. Work QQ, refuse to chat, speak forcefully, and every word is gross; Punctuation marks, half price, 1000 words or more, 20% off; Emoticon picture, ten-month subscription, audio and video, not yet opened; Pay first and then chat, chat as soon as the payment arrives, pay online and provide invoices; Free monthly rent, single charge, weekend, business as usual; Looking for an agent,

1. If something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for its lack of gravity when you are constipated.

2. It's a long road in Xiu Yuan, so I go up and down for help.

4. knit me a scarf, and I am willing to repay it with the care of my life. Otherwise, you can strangle me with a scarf!

Men pretend to understand if they don't understand, but women are just the opposite.

In order to cooperate with the successful completion of family planning work in China this year, I decided not to contact friends of the opposite sex for the time being. Thank you for your cooperation.

1. Birds are big and there are all kinds of Woods.

2. The garden can't be closed in spring. I'm pulling apricots from the wall.

Do you think I'll watch you die? I close my eyes.

I thought I was decadent, and I didn't know that my morning paper was scrapped until today.

5. I am old, my wife, my wife.

6. I regard money as dirt, and my father regards me as a cesspit.

7. I drown my sorrows in wine, but I learned to swim in this damn pain.

8. I am your kite, the thread is in your hand, and only wind energy accompanies me.

9. Everyone else is pretending to be serious, so I have to pretend not to be serious.

1. Money is not a problem, but no money!

2. I am drunk and won't accept anyone, just hold the wall!

I am like a fly lying on the glass, with a bright future, but I can't find a way out.

4. You know what, big brother? Second brother's meat is now more expensive than master's.

6. Clear water leads to no fish, while mean people lead invincible.

7. Youth is like toilet paper. It looks a lot, but it's not enough to use ~

8. Being pregnant is just like being pregnant. It takes a long time for people to see it.

9. Friends around you, get famous quickly, so that my memoirs can sell well ~ ~ ~

12. I always treat handsome guys and money like dirt, and they always treat me like this.

13. Don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compare with you.

14. I am not a casual person. I am not a casual person.

16. I am in a bad mood today. I only have four sentences to say, including this one and the first two. I quit. ......

18. My name is God, my name is Jesus, my English name is God, and my dharma name is Tathagata. ...

2 1. The farmer's three punches hurt a little.

22. In fact, I have always been very popular: everyone loved me when I was a child, and now I am a bitch.

23. Don't be afraid of enemies like tigers, but teammates like pigs.

Go your own way and let others take a taxi.

25. Rats are looking for cats all over the street with knives.

26. As long as you work hard, you shit seriously.

27. Who runs fastest in China? It's Cao Cao (not Liu Xiang). Because speaking of the devil.

29. Only when there is a long queue at the railway station can we truly realize that we are "descendants of the dragon".

30. Lovers form families.

3 1. Spring comes, and a flock of geese fly north, forming a B-shape for a while and a T-shape for a while. ..

32. Lie down where you fell.

33. If the tiger doesn't show off, you can treat me as HELLO KITTY!

34. Donkeys can look backwards ~

◆ Women are plump, thin, slim, tall, slim, short and petite; Men are fat, pigs are thin, ribs are tall, bamboo poles are short, and melons are white gourd.

Professor: 90% of adult women in China are not virgins. The president sent a letter to the other 65,438+00% women. Have you ever heard of this? The girls shook their heads. "So you didn't get the letter!"

◆ "How much do you love me?" "Almost a dime." "Is that all?" "Isn't a dime ten dollars?"

You are very creative. It is your courage to live. Ugliness is not your intention. God lost his temper. If you live, who will set off the beauty of the world without you!

0 1. The early bird catches the worm, and the early worm is eaten by the bird!

02. Arguing with MM about whether a whale is a fish, I finally said "I also bring a personal word", and she agreed that a whale is not a fish.

03. The iron pestle can be ground into a needle, and the wooden pestle can only be ground into a toothpick. The material is wrong, and it's no use trying again.

If the answer was a virtue, I would have become a saint.

05. Life can't be like cooking. You can't cook until all the materials are ready.

07. Wear other people's shoes, go your own way and let them take a taxi to find it.

There is an old legend that people who can see beautiful women in XX campus will live forever. ...

09. Can eggs from all over the world unite to break stones? ! So be realistic. ...

1 1. Summer is just not good. When I was poor, I didn't even have to drink the northwest wind. ...

12. I used to have a pair of wings, but I didn't use them to soar in the sky, but put them in a pot to stew soup. ...

14. I am not a casual person. I am not a casual person.

15. Today, a group of Japanese people visited our school-to be honest, this is the first time I have seen Japanese people wearing clothes!

16. How far away your thoughts are, how far you go! ! !

17. I am poor, and so are my servants, gardeners and drivers. ...

18. When the bank charges, it says, "This is in line with international practice!" When he was in service, he said: "We must consider China's national conditions!"

19. It is not necessarily a prince riding a white horse, he may be Tang Priest; The one with wings is not necessarily an angel, he may be a bird man.

23. My friend's name in his girlfriend's mobile phone is "He", and later they broke up and became "It". ...

24. Don't look for me if you have nothing to do, and don't look for me if you have anything to do!

27. What can I do to kill your lover ...

28. The Internet is like a prison. You stole a wallet in, but you know everything when you go out.

3 1. Teacher! Just follow that old woman!

I love you! What do you care?

33. There is no limit to learning the sea, and turning back is the shore!

37. I really want to call your grandfather in person: Dad!

38. Beijing University of Science and Technology cheated me for four years, so I plan to cheat the society with the knowledge taught by Beijing University of Science and Technology for life!

39. Friends around you, get famous quickly, so that my memoirs can sell well ~ ~ ~

When you put on the wedding dress of love, I also put on the monk's cassock. ...

4 1. Never seen such a disgusting school-set the mid-term exam on May 8th! ! ! (hidden)

42. House prices are getting higher and higher, and there are fewer and fewer good men. ...

43. If I become an emperor, I will make you a prince!