Over the years, I have met many people, who are like fireworks at the fingertips, flickering and finally turning into ashes.

The first time I received a small note from the opposite sex was in the fifth grade. Maybe no one will believe it. What does a fifth-grade child know? Yeah, I don't believe it either.

There are three words written on the note: I'm sorry.

Well, the story begins like this.

In the summer of grade five, in the scorching sun, I was chatting with several classmates. Unexpectedly, a boy suddenly rushed in front of me and cut my hand on the table with a pencil sharpener, hurting the back of my hand. The wound is not deep, but it is long and there is a lot of blood. Seeing the blood gushing from the wound, I cried. The classmate next to me was anxious to comfort me looking for toilet paper everywhere, but the culprit stood in front of me and looked at my hand with a straight face. I wanted to bite him to death. I stared at him painfully, trying to scratch his beautiful face. Before long, the wound stopped bleeding, but it was still swollen. I didn't cry any more, thinking bitterly that if he didn't apologize to me, I would never talk to him again in my life.

Several troubled boys actually told the class teacher about it, and the class teacher flew into a rage.

The culprit's father is our big doctor, and the teacher later asked him to take the best medicine from home to wipe it for me, and he also apologized to me.

At that time, I thought that the culprit would not give me medicine even if he killed me. Even if he gave me a bottle of medicine, he couldn't apologize to me. He is such a proud man, how can he bow his head and apologize to a girl? It turned out that I was still wrong.

That afternoon, I went back to the classroom from the outside and accidentally found a potion in the opened drawer. I opened it and found a neatly folded note inside. I opened it curiously, and three words were written on it: I'm sorry.

I don't know why, but my face burned badly! Finally decided to forgive him! Now that he has an attitude here, I will be generous. Adults don't remember villains! I put away the note, changed it, and neatly wrote "Never mind" on it. Then, secretly put the box of medicine in the most conspicuous place in his drawer.

From that day on, I couldn't help looking at him. Occasionally I see his eyes on me.

But in the later elementary school time, we never said a word again. Many years later, on a phone call, we talked about elementary school. I pretended to be angry and asked him, why did you suddenly rush in front of me and only cut me and not others? He smiled ingratiatingly and said, I don't know how such a strange coincidence broke you off.

The second note, when I was in the second grade, I fell in love with a boy, who was none other than the culprit. His surname is Pu, Pu of Dandelion. Later, I used to call him by his name in capital PDF, which is a nice name. I once wrote his name on paper after paper, thousands of times. Actually! I don't know what the concept of like is. What I thought of like at that time was probably that I wanted to watch him all the time, stay with him, miss him crazily when I couldn't see him, just want to be with him, just want to hold hands and hug him.

With the encouragement of my friends, I got up the courage to confess to boys for the first time. After the evening self-study, two classmates waited for him at the exit with me to give me courage. After a while, he slowly went downstairs. The two students shouted, hey! PDF, she wants to talk to you! He looked at me strangely, embarrassed! We walked around the runway once or twice, and I remained silent. I can't talk. He looked impatient and said, if you have something to say, just say it! I have to make up lessons. I'm going to be late. I still didn't speak! Then he was ready to leave, so I was in a hurry to call him, and so on. He said, what is it? Come on! I said timidly, I, I like you. He bowed his head silently. No one can see my face clearly under the dim street lamp. At that time, my face was red and still bleeding. I said, will you promise me? He faltered and said he was going to make up lessons, and he was late! At that time, I knew my first confession was rejected and ended in failure.

I began to like that man crazily. We were in the same class for four years and said no more than 20 sentences. I once apologized for cutting the back of my hand. Before that, I liked people for many years.

You must like someone, too, right? Put all your energy into him alone.

Because of him, you did something you never did. For example, you often have the cheek to give him love letters; For example, you often appear in his sight unintentionally but intentionally. For example, if you see him going to the bathroom after class, you should pretend to go to the bathroom even if you don't go to the bathroom, and then wait for him to come out at the door. ...

Even if that person doesn't look at it, he throws the love letter you wrote to him into the trash can, scolds you every time he can't talk for three or five sentences, and so on. You still don't hate him for it. You still tell him in the spirit of "don't abandon, don't give up", not afraid of pain or death. You pick your fingers and write him a so-called passionate love letter without fear.

After a long time, you are tired, and suddenly he tells you that he likes you, too, and keeps refusing just for fear of delaying you. At that moment, you will feel that your persistence for five or six hundred days has not been in vain.

And I, in this way, loved that boy very hard for many years. From the summer of 2004 to the winter of 20 16, in the past thirteen years, we have experienced acquaintance, mutual understanding, love, separation and forgetting. From elementary school to college, from childish to mature, we looked at each other, but in the end, we all ended up forgetting each other.

When I was in junior high school, I began to learn to drink, try to smoke and even fight! Because of this, he can push me into the corner. But I never skip class, because leaving school means not seeing him! I wander everywhere I can see him every day. I wrote him a vulgar love letter, and he didn't bother to read it, so he threw it into the trash can without mercy. I wrote it to him in another way, but he just repeated the same action, throw it!

I often dream about him in my dreams, and occasionally I burst into tears. Once, I received a note that he asked a friend to bring to me. This is the second message I have received. It says: May your tears stop flashing. Such a simple sentence made me happy all summer.

At that time, children born after 90 liked to hurt themselves, which made people feel cool! Like them, I like to carve the English letter F on my hand. Later, I had an idea to write him a bloody book. Well, maybe you will all say I'm not smart. As a result, I really wrote. I asked my classmates to pick their fingers. I gritted my teeth and wrote sentence after sentence on a big piece of paper. I squeezed hard and there was no blood! Now you have a little scar on your finger! That's also a scar in my heart.

I was going to give him the damn book myself as soon as school was over, but no one expected that our head teacher was so wordy that it dragged on for a long time that day, but it was rare for their head teacher to give them an early leave of school. My first love letter written in blood was so glumly thrown into the trash can! But I still haven't given up on him! We chatted on QQ, and each time we quarreled, we scolded each other less than three sentences until we blacked each other out. But it will be added back in two days, either me or him.

By the third day, our situation has eased, and occasionally we can have a heart-to-heart joke. I think that's enough. I remember one night after self-study, he went home with a friend, and that boy was also my good friend. The boy's girlfriend had her period and got her pants dirty. As a result, the boy took them home and washed them. PDF read that you even washed your girlfriend's pants and didn't bother to wash yours. The boy said, I just want to be nice to her. Don't you have a ready-made one? You obviously like it but don't cherish it. When she really leaves, you will regret it. He said, I'm afraid of delaying her. Of course, the conversation between them was told to me by the boy's girlfriend a long time later, and I don't know if it is true or not. At the beginning, I was still thinking that I couldn't be a lover or a friend. These days, I am also very tired.

We began to get along like good friends until one day, because of one of my signatures, he ignored me and didn't say hello when he saw me. At first, I was confused. I didn't think I offended him. Two days later, he confessed to me that we deserve to be together. We graduated together, went to the new high school together, ate together, and trained together. I used to want to be with him, from hair to white hair, and finally turned into a pile of loess.

When I came home from military training, my parents asked me to transfer to another private school. They say the quality of teaching there is particularly good. I don't want to. I refused. I've been hiding in my room all day, just crying and my eyes are swollen. But there is no way. I can't beat them. I finally spent those three years in this private high school, and I survived through the ups and downs!

We broke up after two years. I don't know why, but it's probably really inappropriate. In his sophomore year, he went to Hengyang, where he studied medicine in the medical school. After a long time, we tortured ourselves and each other. They also watch each other being loved by others and watching each other fall in love with others. They just know it quietly, secretly understand it, and then pretend they don't know anything. Where they can't see each other, they still live willfully and openly. But no one knows how sad and unspeakable it is behind this waywardness and publicity. My heart hurts, but I still smile like a spring breeze man. I suffered a lot in those years. I couldn't sleep for over a year. I couldn't sleep all night. I think of him occasionally and cry.

In order not to think about him, I read novels all day and all night. I can't even eat a meal without novels. Later, I felt that it was not enough, not busy enough, not tired enough, and I would still miss him often. Later, I went to practice sports, and everyone said, so thin, did you go to practice sports to find abuse or die? I didn't answer, just smiled. In this way, every day after that, I was tired and numb, and then fell asleep. However, I often dream about him after I fall asleep. Every time I wake up, the pillow is wet. I keep a diary every day, and I think it has become an indispensable part of my life. We have an affair with different people and then fall in love, but we can never be serious. That's because we all have a name hidden in our hearts, a name that has been written thousands of times on a piece of paper, a name that has penetrated into the bone marrow, and a name that will never be forgotten.

Later, I will receive strange calls from time to time. After feeding for a long time, I can only hear a slight breathing sound, and then I hang up the phone strangely and often receive strange text messages. It was strange at first, but later, I knew it was him, and this situation lasted for a long time.

I never mentioned him in front of my friends, and occasionally I learned some news about him from others. One day, he suddenly added my friend, talked a few words, and asked me, do you have a boyfriend? I said no! Being in love all day is too tired! He said, oh!

Later, when I asked him, he said yes, but he had a bad temper. I said, then you love her well, and he said, I will. Looking back, I found this conversation really sad.

Over the years, he has piled up in my four seasons like countless flowers in the past, but in the days to come, it will probably never happen again. After listening to a lot of truth, I still can't live well. While healing, while growing, the pain is only known to yourself. I thought we should still have a chance to be together. After all, I really loved him, and he really loved me. Even though we have been on and off several times, we still love each other. But it turned out that we were not suitable, and time proved it. I waited with him. I'm sorry with him.

You see, I secretly checked his information for four years; I secretly use someone else's QQ to add his QQ, and then look at everything in his space word for word; Later, I learned that he had a girlfriend, so I carefully checked everything about him in her space. I know when they started and how they got along. You see, I can only know him from these places. Although even I hate such a move, I have watched it for so many years.

After a long time, he fell in love with his girlfriend. At that moment, I realized that they really love each other and really pay for each other without reservation. I bless them in my heart, well, bless them, and wish them happiness and love in the future until the temples are frosty and snowy.

In fact, he is right. He is just a passer-by in my life, accompanying me and witnessing my growth. There is no denying that he is right.

3.

Suddenly thought of a sentence: I heard that you had a passion later, and I married a drifter!

I came to another city and started my college life there. I met many different people, ate many unheard-of foods and had a good time. After being single for more than three years, I still think of him occasionally, the boy I once loved.

From Hengyang to Changsha, he changed two campuses. I have been to their school twice. When he was still in Hengyang, I took a bus from Changsha to Hengyang to see my friends, but the truth is, I just wanted to see what his place was like, the classroom where he studied every day, the dormitory where he slept every day, the canteen where he ate every day, the park where he walked every day, the Internet cafe where he played games every day, and the Starbucks where he often went ... Well, I have secretly seen all these. Later, he came to Changsha, although in the same city, but we are at the southernmost and westernmost end of the city. I still squeezed the bus and subway and went to his school in the name of visiting my friend. I went to the classroom where they had classes, the canteen where they ate, and the backstreet where they often went. In their school, there are many girls in white coats walking in groups on the campus avenue, hip-hop. Occasionally I see several pairs of foreign students, some black and some white. In the backstreet, I will see many similar outlines, similar backs and similar eyes, but ah, it will never be him.

You see, I've been to so many places near him, but I've never seen him.

Later, I comforted myself, perhaps, when I went to their classroom, he had just finished class; I went to their canteen, and he happened to go to the internet cafe to play games; He happened to be walking with his girlfriend when I went to their backstreet. Well, yes, it should be. Why else have I never seen him in this small campus?

So, I love myself more later. When the weather is very hot, I will drink normal temperature instead of ice water; Warm baby and hot water will be prepared before menstruation; When winter comes, you will never show your ankles again; I will put on thick socks, a thick scarf and a thick coat and wrap myself like a zongzi, instead of being elegant and torturing myself without temperature; I also eat on time and often eat fruit; I will read and write quietly, I will close my eyes and feel warm in the warm sunshine in winter. I always take an umbrella in case the rainy season comes ... Look, how much do I love myself?

I will live a good life, I will keep my life in order, I will study hard, I will eat well, I will keep warm, in short, I will take good care of myself.

Every day in the future, I will do what I like, such as reading my favorite books, watching my favorite movies, listening to my favorite songs, raising my favorite cute animals, traveling to my favorite places and meeting my favorite writers ... I will live a full and free life and bring my best self to the future.

I just want to tell myself and all the people who love me. Later, I was fine.

College life is as decadent as everyone says. Every day, except those two classes, I stay in the dormitory and sleep all day. Every night, there must be a sleeping party. My roommates always share their stories. Every night, I just listen quietly and occasionally express my feelings. The first Mid-Autumn Festival in college, I didn't go home. I went to buy a lot of wine to drink alone. I can't explain why I want to drink. I can't help it I sat on the stone chair next to the football field, watching the full moon in the distance, and I couldn't stop crying. Later, a boy I knew accompanied me to drink, and I fainted. I haven't drunk like that for a long time. I will tell him all my stories about the boy I once loved deeply. I said, I've known him for eleven years, I've loved him for five years, we've been together for two years, and I'm only eighteen. I have raised him for eleven years. I said, the Mid-Autumn Festival the year before last, I almost booked a plane ticket to his city. It's Mid-Autumn Festival! It's also the Mid-Autumn Festival! I burst into tears. I cried my eyes out. I feel very sad. It's really hard. That boy said, you are like a wolf, hiding yourself deeply, but after you are injured, you lick the wound silently. This sentence made me cry even harder.

He sent me downstairs to the dormitory and called my roommates on his mobile phone to ask them to pick me up. When I got back, I didn't say anything, so I washed quietly and climbed into bed. The next day, I acted as if nothing had happened the night before.

A few days later, the sleeping party started again, and I listened quietly as before. Later, I didn't know who it was, so I called me. My strange answer was: Hmm? She said, you are a man with a story, aren't you? I hesitated for a few seconds and said, what's my story? Oh, no! Someone once said to me, "You are a man with a story". She once said that the first time I saw you, I thought you must be a man with a story. You always sit there quietly, don't chat with people, and don't like contact with people. When someone accosts you, you just smile and respond politely. I really wanted to be friends with you at that time. Later, she and I really became good friends.

That night, I shared my story with them. Everyone's youth is like a hurried book, recording everyone's comings and goings. That night, I calmly told them the whole story. No sadness, no sadness, no regret. Everyone comes into your life for a reason and a meaning. So, until now, I am glad that he came into my life and taught me how to love someone.

A long time later, at a party with old friends, they suddenly mentioned the past and asked me, monitor, do you still have contact with him? I said no. She said, when was the last time you met? I said, about a year ago. To be exact, I didn't meet him, just met him. I was in the car and he didn't see me through the glass. I said, he has a girlfriend and has been together for about a year. I heard that he has lived together. The friend said, maybe, he wants to settle down, or maybe, he just needs it, and that girl only appears when he needs it. I said, maybe so. Later he asked me, do you still love him? I was silent for a long time, saying that I had long since stopped loving, but when I said this, I knew I was lying to myself. The friend said, in this case, don't cling to the residual, it's time to talk about a boyfriend. I said, yes, it's time to find someone, so I'm waiting for that person to come. Although I don't know who he is, I know he will come.

4.

It took four years to change from shoulder-length hair to waist-length hair and then from waist-length hair to shoulder-length hair.

I met another man when my hair was waist-high, but unfortunately I broke up after four months together. That day he asked me, if you break up with me, will I agree? I said, I will. The result was out of control. I think there is nothing wrong with my answer. Since we broke up, it's useless for me to stay, because that's what he is determined to do. Even if I am sad, I will respect your decision.

They all say that you are too good-tempered in front of him. If you lose your temper occasionally, maybe your ending will be different. I remember he once said that sometimes I can't guess you and don't know what you are thinking. Maybe, but I can't always be honest with him. I'm only 19 years old, but I'm beginning to worry that I'll never meet someone I like again in my life.

I really envy those who break up and move on to the next relationship. I think they are very strong, but I can't do it anyway.

Cut short hair, keep it long, then cut it short, and then separate from the person you like. Now I have become like the most familiar stranger, knowing a few people and losing a few people. I once turned down a bunch of people for one person, but in the end it was me alone.

I know that everyone has to go through something before they can really grow up and move from youth to maturity. I have only one life, and I can't give generously to the people I don't love.

I know, far away, there is a person, maybe a cold person now, sitting on the side of the road, drinking dozens of choking beers. There may be ten mountains and ten seas between us, thousands of monsoons and hundreds of snows. We don't know each other's existence, but fate will eventually let us cross Qian Shan Wanling and meet love when flowers bloom. So, before that, I will make myself better, and then when I meet him, I can proudly tell him that I know you are good, but I am not bad.