—2003. 1.02

Made her cry.

I really don't want to answer that phone.

In addition to embarrassment, it is still embarrassing.

I'm really sorry. I am immature.

I can only keep saying that.

Actually, I want to cry myself.

My hands are too tight. I'm bleeding.

============================================

Qiankai

—2003.2. 17

Taking steroids can cure colds. What should heartache eat?

All right, put a band-aid on your heart.

By the way, one may recover slowly, so post two.

I was startled when I looked in the mirror.

My face is paler than usual, my eyes are swollen and bloodshot.

It's ugly. Is this me?

You must stop being ugly.

Start my new life beautifully.

Yes

Put on pajamas first.

This white robe makes me look more like a ghost.

I am old before I grow up.

So I decided to make up for my adolescence.

From now on.

My name is Ceekay.

16 years old.

I like black.

Long nails.

I am a promising child.

I smoke more than some adult men.

I have dark circles.

I don't think happiness is that easy.

I am lovelorn.

I ...

I slept for a while.

Even with alcohol and sleeping pills, I woke up.

I must admit that I still feel pain.

But it's normal.

I give myself a day. One day at most.

We must become better.

I came home at 3: 30 in the morning and started to keep a diary.

Excited and a little disappointed to plan my new life.

It would be more perfect if it were cloudy tomorrow.

I'm going to have my hair cut in the morning.

What can I do without me? They will degenerate and grow messy branches.

Then cut your nails.

Not at all.

Cut it all off.

I've kept it for a long time, and now it's a little annoying.

For example, every time I wear contact lenses, my nails are too long and I almost pull my eyes out.

By the way, maybe I should buy some silver eye shadow.

My dark circles will not look so good after a long time.

Cover it up.

If my emotions heal faster, I should reward myself.

Kissing in the mirror or something.

Then call Blackie and tell him I'm fine.

When I am crazy, only he will be scared crazy by me.

He's old. Every time I scare him, he gets older.

Like last night, I squatted on the street corner crying at midnight 1 o'clock. I called him and told him I was going to jump into the river.

Blackie's voice trembled with fear and she began to stammer.

That poor old guy.

What would he do without me?

What would I do without him?

This is all I have left.

My best friend, Blackie.

I really want to hold him. It's disgusting.

I should learn to run.

You know, as a big star in the future, it is impossible to work hard.

You have to run to have a big lung capacity.

How much I love music.

Music will love me too.

How nice I am.

Fools don't like me.

Before that, I was just unlucky and fell in love with a fool among fools.

You see, how miserable I have tortured myself.

Now I'm getting better.

After all, there are not many fools in this world.

Just don't meet any more fools. The whole world belongs to me.

In fact, lovelorn people have the most right to lose their temper.

But how humble I am.

I have to sign a contract for that fool who broke my heart.

Forget it.

generous ...

Write it. After all, stupidity is not his fault.

Fuck it.

This is the first day of my adolescence.

I'm awake.

I want to forget what I should forget.

That's the decision.

The big stars of the future finally began to thrive.

Come on, come on. ! !

============================================================

Kk。 Beibei chronicle

—2004.4.26

At lunch, Aunt Liu said that Mom and Dad were having trouble again.

Mom will come back to see me in a few days.

I gave Liu a helpless smile. What else can I say?

Ran Ran's cram school is almost over, come back soon.

The family suddenly became lively. In the afternoon, she likes to invite some of her classmates to play at home.

Ran Ran will miss her for a long time when she is away.

It's noisy now.

This is what people do. It's weird.

I have stopped taking medicine for three or four days.

Drugs that have no effect on detoxification except making people sleepy. Just don't eat.

And that damn black and white gram, it makes me edema badly.

The injection stopped at 300 ml, and the body was still very excited and depressed.

I tried to smoke at night, but I was shaking all over. There is still no way.

I forgot to sterilize the needle these two days, and I couldn't stop bleeding after I finished playing.

I read the report that someone was injected with venous sclerosis. A little scared.

Stagnation has come. Go to see Dr. Tang the day after tomorrow to prescribe medicine again. Come and have an intravenous drip.

Still don't want to hit the left hand. The right arm is full of pinholes.

Dr. Tang said that he was a little anorexic and his immunity was much worse after a long time.

But nobody mentioned that topic. I should thank him.

Panda's good friend had an accident and left.

Things have changed.

Very lively girl. Only seventeen years old. Her parents found the panda on the day of the accident. I cried my eyes out.

The panda couldn't react for a long time. She said it was like a dream.

She has been very sad these days. I don't know how to comfort her. I can only say that she should be left alone.

Do you know that pandas cry and say idols on qq?

I still feel like a dream, thinking that I can see her after school and that the newly bought dvd is still waiting for her to come to my house to watch.

Yes, be good, it's okay, it's okay …

It's no use feeling good about yourself. Can't even comfort a person. ...

Life is very strong, but a sudden accident will make life very small and fragile.

No one can resist.

Beibei ... Don't you think so?

============================================================

Kk。 Beibei chronicle

—2004.4.27

I was flustered in the afternoon.

Something really happened at night. This is the fourth time, the first time it was her, and the second time it was a miscarriage.

The third time is you, and the fourth time is fish.

Four stitches in the car accident. She was afraid of being scolded by her grandmother and was dirty when she came to my house.

I fell asleep with her, and suddenly I was afraid. Thinking of panda's friends, life is so fragile …

Fortunately, the fish is fine.

Watch Zhou Lili mv at dawn.

Very quiet, desolate singing involves auditory nerve, drinking water and smoking for two hours.

I don't feel bad about wasting time like this. When I miss you, they become close to me, which makes me very happy.

Dear, I do these boring and interesting things every day.

I am always absent-minded when you talk to me. But I never let my heart leave you for a second. Really.

When you sleep,

I often walk around the empty room in my pajamas and look very busy. But nothing was done.

I'll leave my computer on and the music won't stop. Or sit in front of the computer and watch movies most of the day.

Looking over and over at Suzhou Creek, and cherry granules.

I'll click on your head in a minute. Open it, then close it. Open it, then close it. Nothing will be said. This seems to be a habit.

She is no longer so brave when she was in Suzhou Creek. I've never been able to amplify happiness like cherry maruko.

If one day, I do it, will you love me more?

The heart will suddenly become transparent at a certain moment.

I have seen all our changes.

I will analyze this point slowly, but I will always be interrupted by some sudden happiness or sadness.

You love me. You don't love me.

These have become sensitive factors to control my emotions.

When tears are about to fall, I look cold and indifferent in front of you. It is the thin and fragile shell of mollusks.

I forget when you started to form this habit. When you feel heartbroken, you will put a band-aid on your heart.

You always laugh at me and call me stupid.

There are always hallucinations. I felt someone knocking at the door in the middle of the night.

When the curtains were opened at dawn, the sun suddenly flashed in without warning and slammed on my face.

At that second, you can still hear tiny dust particles tearing in the air.

I closed the curtains, and my eyes were closed for a long time and I dared not open them. A little dizzy.

I told everyone who asked me about my loneliness that I should learn to enjoy it. So I am very happy.

But I know I'm scared at this moment. I just want to tell you. Only you, I love you, but you have given me a deep unspeakable loneliness.

I can't and I don't want to resist.

Because that's part of the love you gave me …

But Beibei, will you be lonely for me?

=================================================================

Qiankai

—2004. 10. 1 1

It's been two days.

Still in a trance, a person is stubborn and silly in his dream.

Nothing seems to have changed, it seems that the next second you will appear and say that my wife is coming …

I am peacefully immersed in my dream.

I think you just went to bed, one hour, two hours later, in short, you will get up, you never left.

I sat in front of the computer, imagining that I was just waiting for you to get up.

Just waiting for you to get up. ...

You must be too tired to sleep this time. When you wake up, I will pretend to be angry and tell you that I am a little sad to wait.

Then, then, as usual, you will say, all right, Shao, be good and stop doing it.

I keep telling myself, don't be afraid, and so on.

You should get up at once.

======================================================

Start paying attention to a boy.

Added my QQ and hardly talked to me.

In the diary of my beloved blog for two months, it's all about me.

I saw it occasionally, so I began to form a habit.

He always goes to read his diary when he is in a bad mood.

Make yourself a little happier.

I am very happy.

At least someone likes me.

Maybe I'll never talk to him, and no one has looked for anyone.

But the gentleness of this stranger made me in a trance.

What kind of feeling is this?

At a loss, warm, vain, slightly short of breath.

Ceekay, you are great.

Don't be so insecure.

I told you, you are a good girl. Don't believe any slander that discriminates against the opposite sex.

Don't you feel your heart beating?

======================================================

I have a stomachache.

Weird posture froze in the soft chair.

Sweating all over.

Probably hungry.

I stood up in high spirits and went to find some baking soda cookies to eat.

My stomach is cramped.

Rush into the bathroom and retch.

I can't spit anything out.

I can only habitually squat down and pick my throat.

When I put my finger in, I felt sick.

Finally spit it out, and the gastric juice lubricated the esophagus.

I just want to get rid of this discomfort.

Digging for a minute or two, the fingertips are getting harder and harder.

There are blood drops on the white tiles.

I don't know if my nails hurt my throat or I have a nosebleed.

In short, the throat and nose began to spray blood, mixed with stomach acid and filth.

Your face and hands are covered with blood and saliva.

I am hysterical. I just want to throw up everything in my stomach, so I will feel better.

My eyes are black when I stand up.

Stumbling against the wall for a while.

I stared vaguely at myself in the bathroom mirror.

This scene is repeated almost every year.

I'm so tired.

What festival is it today?

It seems to be New Year's Eve.

Fireworks were set off everywhere, and the night outside the window was like day.

Ears, but can't hear any sound.

The nosebleed is still running.

Slip through the corners of your mouth, drop down your chin and drop on your collarbone and chest.

Sweet smell of fish.

Wash your face with cold water at will.

He cocked his neck motionless and finally stopped the nosebleed.

Go back to your room.

Go online.

The dim light of the computer.

Look at her signature and make fun of Mr. and Mrs. White.

After watching her for a long time, she is still a door.

Suddenly I cried.

That's all I know, and there may be many more. I can tell you when I find it. .