1. First love is infinitely better, but it’s just that you die too early.

2. After my salary was paid, my father said that money is tight recently, so let’s ask your mother to fight the Landlord, and I agreed, and then I lost all my salary this month. .

3. I fell in love with you because my brain was filled with water, but now my brain is dry.

4. The world is not worth it, it’s worth hanging out with me.

5. I am not a casual person. When I am casual, I am not a human being.

6. If you have money, you will spend money; if you have no money, you will worship God.

7. My future is not a dream, my future is a nightmare.

8. There was once a true love in front of me, but I didn’t cherish it. If I could do it all over again, I would choose Li Bai.

9. You love to make sarcastic remarks so much. Could it be that you were born from Fengyoujing and Qingliangyou?

10. It’s good that you left, otherwise I would always worry about whether you had something wrong with your legs or feet. What's wrong? I can't walk.

11. I thought I was decadent, but it turned out that I was!

12. Last night, a buddy drank too much, and while pouring himself a drink, he said Okay, okay, okay

13. I am a little short-sighted, but not lacking. I have a good temper, but not without it!

14. You may not know why there are advertisements in the middle of the program. , that’s because the host and guests have to go to the toilet.

15. Do you love me? If you love me, put me in a white wedding dress, and then use your crazy hands to strip it naked.

16. I feel like I am not going to school now, but learning from me, simple and rough, without condoms!

17. Search and search for friends, and find one Boyfriend, kiss on the lips, hold hands, and have a baby tonight.

18. There is no love for no reason in the world, and there is no hate for no reason, but there is fatness for no reason!

19. I bought a pot of mimosa today. Don't be shy no matter what you do when you go back. Ask the boss when you go back. The boss said: Maybe you bought this basin shamelessly.

20. There is only so much character, remember to save some money, it is very shameful to squander it.

21. Such ghost stories happen every day in school. Point to an empty seat and ask the classmate next to you: Classmate, is there anyone here?

22. Nothing in the world is without a reason. There is no such thing as hate without any reason, but there is such a thing as fatness without any reason!

23. People’s brains are at least short-circuited, and I don’t even have a power source.

24. Forgive me for dressing up, holding a pen in hand, furrowing my brows, and writing furiously, just to help the top students come to the bottom.

25. I never like strangers asking me privacy questions. Today, someone I didn’t know asked me where I was going. I said: It’s none of your business? Then he kicked me out. taxi.

26. My mother asked me why I didn’t come out of the bathroom for so long. I didn’t dare to tell her: I was fascinated by myself when I passed by the mirror.

28. Please don’t stare at me with those innocent puppy eyes. It will make me want to eat dog meat.

A collection of humorous QQ signatures that make you vomit blood after laughing so hard

1. My smoking is handed down from my ancestors, so I can’t stop smoking.

2. It’s because I love you, so I Just stepped through the firebreak next door

3. I love you to reward you, don’t be shameless

4. You said you have a broad mind, but I think you have a broad mind. Big brainless

5. During an episode of chronic depression, don’t disturb strangers and don’t seek out acquaintances

6. How many good students have you raped in school? It’s a sin.

7. Some are monitors, some are study committee members, and I am the representative of the unreasonable class

8. I cannot learn to be reserved, and I am not good at being a lady, so I am destined to be a shrew

9. Many times a fool is not stupid, but just too lazy to be smart

10. Falling in love is just a rehearsal, so why say it is arranged by God

11. Are you just If you don’t know what you look like, why don’t you pee and take a picture

12. Orange said to Orange, people whose clothes are easy to take off are not good people

13. I have always felt that I am You are more beautiful than my love for you

14. I lost my hope to disappointment, so we said goodbye

15. Just because I love you doesn’t mean I can’t live without you. Be careful one day I have a bad temper and kick you down

16. My love for you is in exchange for your back. Fuck you, I love you

17. As people get older, there is a time for the sky to cry, so you can leave once your love is over

18. Fuck love, labor and management don’t like it, please take the mistress and get out of my sight

19. At that time, innocence was synonymous with innocence; now, innocence is synonymous with showmanship

20. Women, you have to live your own life and don’t let the dogs behind you see the joke

21. If he abandons me, he will abandon you sooner or later, so don’t be happy too early

22. A smart woman values ??sex over friends, and a stupid woman values ??friends over sex

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23. If you don’t love me, please leave voluntarily, or I will make your death ugly

24. Don’t do anything behind your back, and let me do it in front of you

25. When someone bullies you, go up and give him a kick, and then tell him that you are not easy to bully

26. Why are you crying? You are worthless and just a stinky man.

27. Gu Liang, don’t be stupid, the person who treats you best in the world has married your mother

28. I have full power, who can stun myself

29. I hope to see you turn into a gray-haired grandfather

30. I just want to prove to you that I am very happy after dumping you

31. Today is your birthday, and your friend ordered a poop cake for you

32. My colleague’s Bugatti Veyron was driven away by the traffic police one day

33. My wife said you, you Just listen; if I tell you, just endure it

34. They say you meet love at the corner, but I met a big wolf dog at the corner

35. The most vicious curse, There is nothing better than to curse someone to love each other as brother and sister

36. Happiness is when cats eat fish, dogs chew bones, and I sleep

37. Isn’t that what love is all about? Break up after the injury

38. If you compete with a genius, you will definitely lose; if you compete with his stupidity, you will win

39. Your love for me is as vigorous as a tractor climbing a mountain.

40. From now on, I can sleep in class every day. It turns out that I am dreaming. Super humorous and interesting funny quotes for children

Love story during the SARS period

Dudu is lustful Yesterday, I whimsically told Xiao Duo that I wanted to have a baby with the most beautiful girl in the class, Wu Xuanxuan.

. He actually dragged Teacher An An to Xuanxuan, pointed at the teacher's ring and said to Xuanxuan: "If you like me, I will give this to you." Xuanxuan ignored him and went to find someone else to play with. Dudu suffered this setback, and his love led to hatred. It happened that Xuanxuan did not come to school for the next few days. When he met everyone, he told everyone that Xuanxuan had been captured to fight in Iraq, or that she had SARS and was quarantined.

Mom asked: "Dudu, do you think the little sister next door is fun? Can mommy give you a little sister too?" Dudu, who still feels resentful because Xuanxuan refused to marry him, replied Said: "I don't like my little sister. Otherwise, mother, please give me a puppy. I want a white one!!"

Free child

Dudu clamored for it. His mother bought him a piggy bank. She teased Dudu and asked him what he wanted to buy first after saving the money. Dudu excitedly told his mother that he was going to buy sanitary napkins. "What to buy?!" Mom opened her eyes wide, thinking she heard wrongly. Dudu replied: "Buy sanitary napkins! It is often said on TV that as long as you use sanitary napkins, you can stand on your head, ride a bicycle, row a boat, and swim freely in the swimming pool..." Mom fainted!

Aunt Tiger

Dudu asked his father to take him to the circus. Dad leaned lazily on the sofa and was reluctant to move, yawning and said: "No, son, I don't have time." Dudu said: "I heard from the children that there is an aunt in the circus who doesn't wear clothes. Dancing on the tiger." Dad thought for a while and said, "Okay, let's go together. I haven't seen a tiger for a long time."

Popular kid

After six. It's a festival, the children have a party, and everyone performs a show. Wu Xuanxuan was the best. She went on stage to perform and play the piano. After the performance, the parents watching the show kept shouting, asking her to play another one. Teacher An An asked Xuanxuan if he wanted to play another song, but Xuanxuan was so anxious that he almost cried: "I didn't play it wrong, why do you need me to play it again?"

Angel in the World

The first time Xiao Yudian flew on a plane, she was so excited that she ran up and down the aisle and almost knocked over the drink in the flight attendant's hand. At that time, my mother was busy with luggage and children, so she was really exhausted, so she scolded Xiao Yudian and said, "If you want to play, just go out and play."

I love An'an!

Dudu especially liked the beautiful teacher An An. One day he finally plucked up the courage to tell the teacher: "Teacher, I like you!" Teacher An An teased him with a smile and said: "But I don't like children. Dudu quickly said to Teacher An An: "I will be careful, there will be no children." Teacher An An fainted!

I was listening to the radio in the dormitory that day and heard a very young girl requesting a song for her mother. She said that her mother was very hard and could not rest on Sundays. She had to go to the bookstore to buy a lot of exercise books for her. She did, so she wanted to order a song for her mother. When the host heard this, he was moved and said, "What a sensible child. What song would you like to order for your mother?" The little girl said in a childish voice, "I want to order Xin Xiaoqi's "Why bother women?"

Yudian (female, two and a half years old, a child in the small class of kindergarten)

Yudian is only two and a half years old, a child in the small class of the kindergarten. On this day, the students in the small class were playing games. The teacher poured a basket of building blocks on the table for the friends in the small class to play freely. I saw Yudidian arranging the blocks in a horizontal row in front of him, and then pushed them forward, shouting: "I'm crazy!"

Xiaoduo (male, four years old, Class 3, Kindergarten) Children)

Xiao Duo went to the street with his mother, but the mother lost the baby. Xiaoduo cried and asked the uncles and aunts on the street: "Have you seen my mother? There is a little fat man beside my mother!!"

Teacher An An (female teacher of Class 3 in kindergarten)

Teacher An An’s boyfriend came to the kindergarten to see Teacher An An today. When the children saw someone coming, they were all eager to show their merit. They ran to Teacher An An and shouted: "Teacher, teacher, your father will pick you up." The teacher fainted.

Dudu (male, four years old, a child in Class 3 of kindergarten)

Dudu VS Ants

Mom asked Dudu to help dry the clothes, Dudu But I just watched a group of ants moving insects in the yard. His mother talked to him and said, "You see how hard-working ants are and they never waste time playing." Dudu said unconvincingly, "But every time I travel to the countryside, I will always encounter them."

The little caterpillars and their mother

The weather is so nice today, even the little caterpillars came out to play. Dudu proudly showed Teacher An An a wriggling caterpillar crawling on his hand. But when Teacher An An saw the caterpillar, she trembled all over, and quickly coaxed and persuaded the children: "Get it outside quickly, its mother must be looking for it." Dudu turned around and ran out of the classroom. , Teacher An An breathed a sigh of relief. Unexpectedly, Dudu came in again after a while, with two caterpillars crawling on his arms, and said to Teacher An An: "Teacher, I have brought the mother insect here too."

Dudu Quotes

Dudu’s experience growing up: If you want to buy an expensive toy, it’s better to tell your grandpa than your dad.

Dudu’s ideal: If I grow up to be a girl, I will become a doctor; if I grow up to be a boy, I will become an engineer.

Dudu’s views on love when he was three years old: In our family, we only fall in love with relatives. For example, my grandfather, grandmother, uncle and aunt are all relatives.

Dudu’s two-year plan when he was five years old: After I finish kindergarten, I have to start thinking about finding a wife for myself.

Dudu’s most shameful past story: One afternoon, he was so tired that he fell asleep unknowingly while defecating in the kindergarten.

Dudu defeated his father:

Dad scolded Dudu: "You are so stupid, you are such a little pig! Do you know what a little pig is?"

Dudu: "Yes, he is the son of a pig."

Dudu is very disdainful of his mother: Mom: "Be careful not to eat the worms in the apple!"

Dudu : "Why should I pay attention? It's me who should pay attention to it!"

I can rest assured that you are doing the job

An old woman was sitting on a chair in the park, playing with the children on the lawn. Dudu suddenly ran over and asked: "Mother-in-law, are your teeth okay?" The old lady replied kindly: "It's not okay anymore, they've all fallen out." So Dudu took out a pack of walnuts with confidence and said, "Mother-in-law, please replace it." I'll take it and I'll go play ball."

My uncle came home today and saw Dudu sitting on the ground playing with the building blocks seriously, so he asked him casually: "Will your teacher give you music lessons? ?" Dudu replied: "Of course! Teacher An An also taught us to sing "Little Duck" last week. "The little uncle wanted to test him, so he asked Dudu to sing a new song." Dudu thought for a while and seemed a little confused. After a while, he suddenly twisted his waist and swung his hips and sang with great enthusiasm: "The most beloved woman hurts me the most. Why do you love others behind my back..." Uncle stunned.

Musical Cell

In order to cultivate Dudu’s artistic accomplishment, his father took him to the concert hall to enjoy a violin recital. One hour, two hours passed, and the performers on the stage were still playing nonstop... Finally, Dudu couldn't bear it anymore, and he asked loudly: "Dad! When can he saw that wooden box open?" "Dad fainted. Funny and humorous talk

1. The so-called sleeper can be summarized in eight words: spring sleepiness, summer fatigue, autumn nap, and hibernation.

2. I asked: Is my avatar awesome? He said: Like...

3. Apart from you, I have no one else.

It's just that I don't want anyone except you...

4. My love for you lasts until the day of the Xinwen Network finale...

5. I only knew you when I was drunk Who loves you the most? Only when you are sick will you know who loves you the most...

6. Only you know whether it hurts or not, and only you know whether it has changed...

7. Don't take one. A person's past, to doubt a person's essence...

8. Don't say sorry to me, because we have nothing to do...

9. Once unfaithful, it will last a lifetime, who will let I am disappointed, who am I letting in?

10. God, I will never call you my father again. You don't love me as your granddaughter at all. 11. Look at people with your time and heart, not with your eyes...

12. If you have five days off and two days of school a week, no one will miss school.

13.A: Wow...it’s so hot! B: What’s hot? A: Water. B: Drink slowly. A: Foot-washing water...

14. They say words are like people. I read the medical records. I can’t even imagine what a doctor looks like...

15. In the future, I will make a movie about girls like us who no one chased in those years. I don’t believe that they are not popular...

16. Yesterday I participated in a pigeon-flying competition in the city, but I went alone...

18. Little Sunflower's mother's class has started, and the child's cough is not good, and he is probably disabled.

19. In the Northeast, there is a sport called rolling calf...

20. Being beautiful does not depend on your parents, living a beautiful life is the real ability.

21. When you are sad, you will cry when you are a child, but when you grow up, you will laugh when you are sad.

22. If a woman were a book, many women would only have 3 pages: one page with cars, one page with houses, and one page with bills.

23. Kou Kou's signature: "He's so big and hot."

24. Why do orangutans have big nostrils? Because its fingers are very thick...

25. Don’t let others get you easily, otherwise you will be easily forgotten.

26. A scene that exhausted the clown and made the audience laugh...

27. Youth is like a dandelion, seemingly free, but unable to control it.

28. If I die, my first words will be: Finally, I don’t have to be afraid of ghosts anymore.

29. The fairest thing in life is that everyone will die.

30. The color of the money in your pocket determines your mood today...

31. In the dead of night, I often ask myself whether I was right or wrong when I decided to come to Earth...

32. Being online and being invisible these days are the same - no one will chat with you.

33. Center parting depends on the nose, straight bangs depends on the face shape, slanted bangs look on the temperament, no bangs looks on the five

34. I just finished watching Titanic 3D today. At that moment, a 2B shouted: Let women and children go first!

35. The so-called brothers are those who don’t meet each other until they get rich. Suffering and happy reunion.

36. You are in my special care, but not among my recent visitors.

37. Do you know how disgusting you are? When your mother felt your presence for the first time...she vomited! !

38. Only through hardship can you drive a Land Rover. If you are young and don’t work hard, you can only drive Xiali...

39. Ruin your life, Warcraft will make you poor for three generations. If you don’t touch either, you will become rich and handsome...

40. Must change Laptop - it takes 5 minutes to start up, but the battery only lasts for 3 minutes!