"Don't lose yourself in front of anything, even dogma, even the eyes of others, even love." -"Be Jane"

Humble vanity

I once met a little girl in her twenties. She told me that a 77-year-old female colleague in her company looks like a famous brand. Once the little girl went to her place of residence, she felt that her sister should have an independent house or live a good life. As a result, the female colleague shared a house with others. She was the lover of a leader of their newspaper in her early years, and in the end she had to scrape by at the newspaper.

When the little girl told me, her heart was filled with disdain. In the eyes of a little girl, a woman's dress needs to match her place of residence and living environment. If not, it is vanity. Especially in a place like Beijing, if you live with several people, you can reveal your cards. After all, renting a one-bedroom apartment in Beijing's Third and Fourth Ring Road will not be less than 6k a month.

My friends in Shanghai told me: In Shanghai, don't look at the fancy clothes those women wear. In fact, they live in a house of 15 square meters, which is full of famous brands. They think appearance is a necessity. We Shanghainese ask you whether you live in Pudong or Puxi, Jing 'an or Zhabei, and we can know how many meters your home is at a glance. It is not enough to confuse others just by appearance.

I've heard a lot about women's vanity. After all, I am also a woman. Vanity, like self-esteem, must be consistent with identity. If it doesn't, it's self-deception. Even if you pretend to be upper class, upper class people will jump out and expose you. After all, Gaoding brand is customized with people who consume it all the year round, not with people who use it to package themselves, otherwise they may get themselves in.

How to be an enviable woman

Recently, I was watching the Japanese drama "Tokyo Women's Picture Book", which tells the story of Aya, the heroine from a small city in the 18th line of Japan, who is struggling to pursue her yearning life in Tokyo. Ling's childhood dream was "to be an enviable person". Just like Aya's mother, she lives in Tokyo but marries Akita, a small county town. She is still admired by the women in the village. My husband is a credit banker. He has seen the world in Tokyo. Even though she is only the daughter of a fruit stall outside Tokyo, she has at least lived in a big city and lived a different life from others.

Ling was born in Akita. At the age of seventeen, her dream was to study, work and live in Tokyo. Aya, who was not confident about the future, finally followed the teacher's advice and entered the stable Akita University. At the age of twenty, Aya finally went to Tokyo, found a job, lived in Sancha, a small third-tier city that was neither too urbanized nor too rural, and became an economic warm man. So after a year or two, Aya panicked, looked at her sleeping boyfriend and deeply felt: This is not the day I want.

Aya refused to leave her boyfriend, left Sancha and moved to urbanized Ebisu. A few years later, Aya jumped ship to Gucci, got a considerable annual salary, moved to Ginza and accepted an interview with a magazine. Already a brand manager in his thirties, he lives in Ebisu and has a rich second-generation boyfriend. The rich second generation boyfriend can give her anything except marriage, because all he wants is a brainless woman, not a career-crazy wife, and Aya is once again abandoned by the rich second generation.

Aya, 33, wants to get married. According to her conditions, blind date can also meet a man with an annual income of100000 yen. The man's sentence: "I can support your dream" touched her. Aya, who wants to get married, even though she knows that everything the blind date says is a disguise, she thinks that marriage can change the man's attitude towards her. The blind date man actually wants to find a woman to get married and have children, but Aya is a workaholic and finally her husband cheated. Aya divorced her husband without hesitation. After the divorce, Aya dated a little fresh meat man, and finally the man dumped her.

Ling, 40, is dating a rich second generation lawyer, who just wants her to be a lover. Frankly speaking, the second generation in the Bay Area will only marry people in the Bay Area. In the end, Aya had nothing but a job and a high position. Aya returned to Akita and suddenly became a celebrity there.

Aya is really outstanding in Akita's eyes. She has too many things. The confused Aya suddenly realized that she had returned to Tokyo. Aya recalled her twenty years in Tokyo. She changed from a dispensable clerk to a professional executive and bought her own house. She really became what she wanted to be at the age of twenty. At least in Tokyo, 40-year-old Aya has nothing she wants but can't get.

Women know themselves very well.

"Tokyo Women's Picture Book" suddenly made us seem to see a woman's life. If you are a girl living in a third-and fourth-tier city, look at the girls who are unwilling to work hard in Beijing, Guangzhou and Shenzhen, and you will feel more or less shadowed.

There is never a standard answer to how a woman lives. How can a woman live a good life? Whether you are an ordinary little woman or an ambitious girl, if you can't get along well with yourself, reach a settlement with your inner greed, desire and dissatisfaction, and perceive what kind of life you want, you will be entangled for life.

As a woman, the most important thing is to know who you are and where you are when dealing with people. You don't have to pack yourself high, and people are not stupid now. You don't have to prove to others how rich you are, what you have invested and what kind of person you are. Frankly speaking, people nowadays are very smart and powerful. The so-called high emotional intelligence just doesn't expose you to force, and it doesn't mean that others will recognize your behavior.

Both men and women, whether they get married or achieve themselves, should have self-knowledge. Only with self-knowledge can we take a step forward without entanglement or panic. No matter what age you are, you are certain, because you know you can rely on your ability.

In Tokyo Picture Book for Women, Ling experienced many women's lives, and finally she realized that the most important thing for a woman is to have a high attitude and abandon her hypocritical appearance.

1, obviously 5k monthly salary must buy 30 thousand Chanel. Work as a company development strategy consultant in Beijing with a monthly salary of 30,000-50,000. Only live in a 5-6k one-bedroom apartment, have 24-hour hot water, buy hundreds of clothes and skin care products, and buy a bunch of books to read and write your own things at home. If you don't cooperate to make money, you will never go out to socialize, make meaningless friends, rarely associate with strangers, don't go out to die, don't dress casually, you must be killed by taking a special bus or hitchhiking to work, don't squeeze the subway, travel abroad once a year, go to the gym every day, prepare food and buy flowers for yourself every week.

In my spare time, my standard is to invest more money in my studies or real estate, and then expect to earn more money to find more opportunities to make money. When a woman goes out, the most important thing is not to dress up, but to make herself feel comfortable when she goes home. Investing in famous brands is not as good as investing in yourself. Famous brands will be eliminated. Even if two lots are sold, sometimes few people want them. A There are too many goods, so it's hard to tell the true from the false.

2. I invested in a man when I was young, thinking that marrying a local tyrant would make me healthy all my life. /kloc-after 0/0, I was in my thirties and didn't grow up with men. You can only be raised by a man if you have a second child. Local tyrants also treat you as a wet nurse and nanny. Everything you buy depends on his face. Men will not appreciate your baby, you will not make money, men's families will have opinions, and your baby will dislike you as a poor mother.

3. Women believe that beauty can last a lifetime. There are too many beautiful assembly lines among online celebrities, and you are not outstanding at all. It is fundamental for women to live beautifully. You can be as beautiful as you want when you have money. After thirty, all your beauty is made of money. Over forty years old, you are still a little princess like Summer Xu. You are rich and self-disciplined. You have the ability to make you live a good life. If you try to change your destiny through marriage, the bride price will change your life. Please read through the Marriage Law of China.

4, you think that married men really love you, and letting you be a lover means having feelings for you. The men who tell you this are all old drivers in love, and their wives are super powerful. It's not that men at home don't agree to marry you, nor that men and mothers don't like you. It's that men don't love poor women by nature, so they just pity you and no one loves you. Playing doesn't cost money and you don't have to be responsible. I will also tell you something about the so-called emotional friendship that I have known for many years. For middle-aged men, having money means playing with women, and you can't spend money indiscriminately, otherwise it will be a loss. Can you play with those rotten people?

Tokyo is a place with dreams. Just like Guangzhou, Guangzhou and Shenzhen, these places are originally the matching of class channel resources. It is mutually beneficial for men and women to fall in love and get married. It is impossible for others to marry you. What the North, Guangzhou and Shenzhen lack most is youth. What is lacking most is a heart that can see through the secular and be independent.

The world is impetuous, and it is easy for women to lose their direction. But if women can't be independent and firmly control their own destiny, they will be confused and helpless no matter how old they are. There are too many temptations in this world. A woman who is less competitive and vain has her own attitude of choice and her own pursuit of life, so life will not be so tired and embarrassing.

If you like my article, please add my official WeChat account seagirl-2.

At present, the problem of caring for children has become a very serious social problem. Many young people's current working conditions and economic conditions are very easy to force themselves into unscrupulous unfilial sons and squeeze the love of their parents.

Whether for children or the elderly, if possible, I suggest that I bring the best.

From the analysis of the characteristics of children's psychological stage, children's 6 -3 years old stage is a special emotional connection stage. From 6 to 7 months, the child will show deep concern for the attached object, and the object will cry when it leaves and be happy when it comes back.

At this stage, only when children's needs to be loved and protected by others are met, will children take the initiative to explore and learn and be willing to communicate. Children who leave their parents are prone to show timidity, poor active communication skills, poor independence and willfulness.

General: This question is not easy to do. Weigh your own conditions or try to create conditions and make the most suitable choice.

You have a mother-in-law to take care of your children during the day, and you want to create good material conditions for your children. Make arrangements, and then you can go to work with peace of mind.

It depends on the actual situation of your family. If you marry a billionaire, there is no need to go out to work. Just be a good wife and mother at home. If your husband is excellent, working alone can fully meet the living expenses of your family, and there is no pressure of mortgage and car loan, then look after the children at home first, and then go to work after the children go to kindergarten or elementary school. It is better to compete for the income of two people's work than to bear the family expenses alone.

If your grandparents are healthy and willing to take care of your children, you should also go out to work, because there is no worries about taking care of your children.

After giving birth, I stayed at home for a year and came out to work more than a year later.

Now think about it, if I have another child, I don't know how to take care of the baby at work. Maybe it's because I was too comfortable before, and I have been taking care of my children at home.

When I was pregnant, I was in rotation, so I didn't go to work directly. I didn't go to work until more than a year after giving birth. Mainly because the early pregnancy examination said that it is not easy to move more and you need to lie down and rest, so you can't find it. Later, after three months, he said that the position of fetal implantation was low and he should try to move as little as possible. Use this as an excuse to never go to work.

Whether to take care of children at home or go out to work after giving birth can be analyzed from the following aspects according to personal circumstances, and then decide whether to take care of children or work:

First, the economic situation. According to the family's financial situation. If the conditions are good, you can take it at home or at work, and ask for a month. The choice is relatively large and the degree of freedom is high. If the family must let the mother work to share the family expenses, perhaps the mother will have fewer choices.

Second, the family situation. This mainly depends on whether there are elderly people at home to help take care of the children. If other family members help take care of the children, it is ok if the mother can continue to work.

Third, for the better growth and development of children, it is relatively best for mothers to take care of their children. In fact, stay-at-home mothers can also have their own things to do, and work doesn't have to go out or work from nine to five.

A lot of work can be done at home, such as translation, design, writing, sales, agency, manual work and so on. Stay-at-home mothers can also develop a career according to their own interests, so that they can take care of their children and work.

Should a woman stay at home and take care of her children or go out to work after marriage?

Qing, listen to me. I want to know what you think. I feel that a woman is married, and it is best to go out and look for a job after she is pregnant, breastfeeding or the child reaches the right age. Of course, you don't have to go out to work, you have to make different choices according to the specific situation.

1. Only when women are economically independent can they have greater freedom.

Only when women are economically independent can they enjoy greater freedom. This is the WeChat signature of a divorced female friend of mine.

There are three girls in my friend's house, but no boys. As the second child, she undertook the main work at home, running a daily grocer's shop, and purchasing, delivery and contact business were all her own. She gets up early and is conscientious. One girl does better than other boys. Asked why she worked so hard, she said: women can't rely on men. Only when women have money can they have a greater say.

2. When a woman goes out to look for a job, both husband and wife have income and support a family together with the man, which reduces the heavy pressure of family life on the man.

When women go out to work, it is easier to support their families and reduce the burden on men, which is more conducive to enhancing the relationship between husband and wife.

Women have their own jobs and can gain relative economic independence and freedom like my friends, instead of reaching out to men for everything.

3. Say "women stay at home as full-time housewives for their children". So, what should women do when their children grow up, go out to work or get married? Continue to work at home or go out?

After children leave their mothers, mothers always feel lost. They will miss their children at home, and they may feel idle and empty. The main reason is that I can't adapt to the child's departure and feel lonely psychologically.

What work brings to people is a sense of urgency, which can drive away people's psychological inertia, mobilize people's psychological enthusiasm and make people feel a kind of enrichment in life. So for some female friends, she likes working, and she is looking forward to having a job.

To sum up, my opinion is that whether a woman should be a full-time housewife at home or go out to work after marriage depends on her personality, temper and specific situation. Some people are suitable to stay at home, while others like to go out to work. If we can better coordinate child-rearing and work, it is not bad to take care of both.

The choice of this question should be based on several foundations. I hope the experience I shared can help you.

Please try to bring your own children when they are 0-3 years old. This is to cultivate children's sense of security. If she is not satisfied during her attachment, it will be difficult to make up for it later.

There are many things to look at after marriage: if you have a good job, such as a civil servant or a career editor, or a technician, and you definitely don't want to give up your career, then you must go out and earn money. There is really no old man to look after your children, so it is ok to hire a nanny. The choice of nanny is relatively professional. Of course, there are still a few unscrupulous nannies who want media exposure, which is still acceptable.

Of course, the conditions at home are quite good, you don't want to go to work, and you are not allowed to go out to work at home. This is another matter. I can only take care of my children at home and spend money to kill time if I have nothing to do. It's really boring to take the children out for a walk. Every girl dreams of such a petty bourgeoisie life, but she doesn't want to waste her youth on it. It is very necessary for women to have their own skills. She once read a book. It is very necessary for women to be economically independent. In this society, many realistic examples tell you that women can constantly enrich themselves and accept new things, which can make your love last forever.

The most important aspect is that your conditions allow you to take care of the baby at home? If your conditions don't allow you to take care of the baby at home, or your family conditions can't meet the needs of life, your knowledge depends on your husband going out to earn money, but his salary is not high or he is busy at work, then your sorrow will come. Can you watch him struggle alone? Can you reach out for the money at home? It may be ok for the time being, but if you ask for money and don't work for a long time, the relationship between two people will definitely get worse and worse. People's emotions are sometimes uncontrollable, and the number of times you ask for money determines his attitude. So, don't be naive to take care of your baby at home. If your heart is not strong enough, don't just ask for money, learn to be an economically independent woman.