Common sense of classroom jokes 1. Jokes about the classroom

One day, when the teacher came into the classroom, the students all stood up and shouted, "Good morning, teacher!"

The teacher said angrily, "Just good morning? What about my afternoon? Is it not good? "

Then the students shouted together: "Good afternoon, teacher!"

The teacher said angrily, "What about my evening?"

The students shouted together again: "Good evening, teacher!"

The teacher nodded and said, "That's it. Now shout it again!"

The students shouted, "Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, teacher!"

The teacher said, "Sit down! Today we are going to review antonyms. Let's practice like this. When I say something, you say antonyms out loud. Start now. "

teacher: "the weather is fine today."

student: "the weather is very bad today."

teacher: "the sun is shining everywhere."

Student: "Clouds are gathering everywhere."

teacher: "the road is crowded with people."

student: "there is no one on the road."

teacher: "young."

student: "old."

teacher: "stand."

Student: "Lie down"

Teacher: "There is a young man standing on the road."

Student: "There was an old man lying on the road."

teacher: "I found a dollar."

student: "I lost one yuan."

teacher: "I found a dollar and gave it to the teacher."

student: "I lost one yuan to steal the teacher."

Teacher: "Wrong, you can't say that!"

student: "correct, you should say so!" "

teacher: "error."

student: "Correct."

teacher: "that's no good, it's illegal!"

student: "it's ok, it's legal!" "

teacher: "I made a mistake."

student: "We are right."

Teacher: "Listen to the teacher, what the teacher said is correct!" "

student: "listen to us, what the teacher said is all wrong!" "

teacher: "you are stupid."

student: "We are smart."

teacher: "stop!"

student: "Go on!"

teacher: "you stop now! Stop it! "

student: "let's continue now! Say it! "

teacher: "you stupid pigs, I said stop!" "

student: "We are all geniuses, we say go on!" "

teacher: "You listen to the teacher!"

student: "The teacher listens to us!"

teacher: "all students have to listen to the teacher!" "

Student: "Teachers have to listen to students!"

teacher: "now you stop practicing!" "

Student: "Now let's keep practicing!"

teacher: "are you endless?"

student: "We finish what we started!"

teacher: "then stop! Stupid pig! "

student: "Then we should continue! Genius! "

. Then the teacher angrily walked out of the classroom with the book in her arms

2. Funny jokes told in class

1. The bus IC card happened a few years ago. At that time, when the bus arrived at the station, a tall woman got on the bus. Her IC card may have been put in the pocket behind jeans, so as soon as she got on the bus, she leaned against the card swiping machine and "dripped". Not tall, she felt strange, how to get on the bus as long as * * * leans against that thing, so as soon as she got on the bus, she tried her best to balance the footboard and leaned against the credit card machine, but it didn't work several times. At this moment, the driver said, "Auntie, what are you doing? Get on the bus with a coin."

Auntie said: Isn't that girl able to take the bus by leaning against it? Ha ha, that's the way it is. The driver is in distress situation, so he can only explain to him that the girl uses an IC card, but the aunt doesn't understand that shrimp is called an IC card, and she still pesters the driver. "You are so unkind. You let people in when the beautiful girl pouts with you, and my old woman pouts with you so many times. What do you mean?" Everyone in the trunk laughed, and the driver couldn't get off the platform because of him, so he had to wave it to let her in. 5. Chasing the car in the morning to catch the bus, and by the time we got to the platform, the bus had already started. So I had to chase and shout, "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! "At this moment, a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me," Don't chase Wukong. "

6. When getting off the bus and waiting for the red light, a man shouted, "Driver, open the door, I want to get off. "Is this the bus stop?" The driver growled.

"I'll let you know just because this is not a bus stop. "The driver is speechless.

7. Pull ring A very fat woman got on the bus and couldn't find a seat, so she had to pull the pull ring on the bus. Unexpectedly, the driver braked suddenly, and the fat woman pulled the pull ring off and jumped in front of the driver. The driver looked at her and the pull ring in her hand and said angrily, "There are three sets, so send the driver an autographed photo!" 8. There was a beautiful lady in the seat. After getting on the bus, she took out a paper towel from her bag and wiped the seat hard. When she was about to sit down, she farted. A gentleman next to her heard it and jokingly said, Miss really loves hygiene. After wiping it for so long, she still needs to blow it! The first one: in high school, the whole school must wear school uniforms, and some students who repeat their studies have never been * * *. Teachers in charge of this field squat at the door every day to check.

One day, the teacher saw that this classmate was not wearing a school uniform and asked him why. This classmate was furious and said, My mother is not dead. Why should I wear mourning clothes? Second, an art teacher is famous. A newspaper has a large report with photos, so he boasted in class: "Recently, some students always told me that you are really good, and you have published photos in the newspaper ..." One student: "searching for you?" From then on, the art teacher refused the student to attend art class.

third: in Chinese class, the teacher called a sleepy classmate to answer questions, and the classmate was in a daze and couldn't say anything. The teacher said helplessly, "will you?" I won't scream too! " The classmate: "Zhi-."

the teacher is sweating. Fourth: it's almost time for the senior high school entrance examination. One day in geography class, the teacher reported a place name on it, so let's answer the local minerals below.

After talking about many places, the teacher suddenly asked, "What is produced in Jiangnan?" The boys in the class replied in unison: "Jiangnan produces beautiful women!" Fifth: in junior high school, a biology teacher once talked about the ecological environment on the African grassland, but no one in the class listened, so he was angry and said, "You all look at me! If you don't look at me, how can you know what African wildcats look like? " Sixth: In an advanced math class, the teacher asked my brother, "Calculus is a very useful subject. What is our goal in learning calculus?" That man was deserting at that time, so he shouted without thinking, "No cavities!" " The whole class burst into laughter. Seventh: In biology class, the teacher said, "In fact, weasels don't eat chickens. Scientists have done an experiment. They once locked a chicken and a weasel together. Guess what the next day?" The classmate interjected: "Is the chicken pregnant?" Eighth: Senior three, the geometry teacher is an old lady, who likes to brag and is particularly annoying.

I said in class one day, "I am highly valued by the Municipal Education Bureau. They always invite me to study problems together, and I am always sent by car." I accidentally asked, "Three rounds?" As a result, I was banned from geometry class for a week.

Ninth: When I was in high school, my English teacher (a middle-aged woman in her fifties) thought we boys wouldn't listen, so she cursed, "What are you thinking?" I was at a loss, and somehow I said, "I miss you!" " There was a long silence in the classroom, but a pair of frightened eyes were looking at me. The teacher stayed for a while, then pointed at me and cursed: "You are a smelly rascal!" " Wrongful! Tenth: When I was in high school, I had my first labor class. The teacher was an old man and introduced himself: "My name is Wu Shushan."

I was suddenly inspired and immediately answered, "Looking at Chang 'an in the northwest, there are countless mountains." The whole class laughed and the teacher was livid, and then I was punished for heavy work.

3. Give a joke story that can be told in class

There was a kind-hearted young man who asked a beggar there for 5 yuan money every time he walked across the overpass. One day, he asked him why he didn't give it to the beggar. The young man replied that he was going to get married, so his money was tight now.

The beggar said angrily, OK, you took my money to get your daughter-in-law! When people form an inertial expectation of a person's behavior, if this person's behavior changes, it is difficult for people to accept this change. Financial leverage One day, the professor and some friends went to the newly opened small restaurant next to the school for dinner. The sign on the table of the restaurant said that eating was 2% off, so they ate it and settled accounts with 19 yuan.

When the waiter asked them to pay 19 yuan, they were surprised. Didn't they say 2% discount? At the bottom of the sign was written a small line: From 2 yuan. So I ate another dish from 1 yuan, ***2 yuan, and then paid 16 yuan.

I underpaid 3 yuan and ate an extra plate of 1 yuan food. When I was a child, I read english as a classmate who should give interest and became the president; Those who read hard to change history become politicians; Those who read causality become philosophers; Read as a vegetable seller washed in the sewer; And I accidentally read that I should be exhausted and now I'm an accountant.

There is an accounting director. The first thing he does when he goes to work every day is.

Open the first drawer on the right of his seat, have a look and then close it.

. Sometimes I open the drawer in the middle of my work and have a look again.

many colleagues have noticed it. .. curious.

but dare not ask.

finally. The director is retiring.

. Everyone held a farewell party for him.

after the end. Go to the director's seat and open that drawer.

It says, "Debit is on the left, and credit is on the right." Someone found a dollar missing when receiving his salary. He flew into a rage and asked the accountant.

The accountant said, "Are you annoyed that I gave you an extra dollar last month?" The man snapped, "An occasional mistake is completely understandable, but I can't tolerate this second mistake!" " An accountant suffered from insomnia, so he went to his doctor: "Doctor, I can't sleep at night!" " The doctor said, "Have you ever tried counting sheep?" Accountant: "Ah! This is the problem. I made a mistake when counting sheep, and it took me three hours to find out this mistake. "

A company wanted an accountant, and Lao Wang Li recommended his wife. The director asked, "How can you prove that your lover is qualified for this job? "Lao Wang said," whenever we quarreled, she remembered all the old scores and trivial things clearly, without any omission.

Engineers and Accountants Three engineers and three accountants went to other places for a meeting. When they got on the train, three engineers bought three tickets, but three accountants only bought one ticket. The engineers were puzzled. The accountants said, "You will know when you get on the train." As soon as the train started, three accountants squeezed into a toilet. The conductor began to check the ticket and finally went outside the toilet. She knocked on the door and said, "Check the ticket".

Then the door opened a little and a ticket was handed out from it. After the meeting in other places, when the engineers returned, they thought that the accountants' methods were very good, so they only bought a ticket. This time, the accountants didn't buy any tickets, and the engineers were puzzled. The accountants still said, "You will understand when you get on the bus."

After getting on the bus, three engineers squeezed into a toilet and three accountants squeezed into the toilet on the other side of the carriage. Soon after the train started, an accountant came from the toilet and came outside the engineers' toilets. He knocked on the door and said, "Check in". After receiving the newly printed business card, a financial professional consultant angrily called the printing house: "What the hell are you doing?"? My business card is printed as' professional door', and there is one less mouth! " "Sorry, sorry, we'll reprint it for you right away!" A few days later, the reprinted business card arrived ... with the title printed on it: Professional Door Keeper! Fate is-non-operating income; I am-fixed assets; Life is-continuous management; Reflection is-internal inventory; Love is an intangible asset; Lover is-paid-in capital; Children are-accounts payable; Miss is-journal; Quarrel is-bad debt preparation; Marriage is-consolidated statement; Secret love is a bad debt that can't be recovered; Wrong love is-overestimate net profit; The disease is-business loss; Age is-accumulated depreciation; Tears are-owners' rights and interests; Human feelings are-other payables; Misunderstanding is-wrong entry; Explanation Yes-Correct the entry; Memory is-financial analysis; Break-up is-bankruptcy liquidation; Compound Yes-reversal entry; Remarriage is-asset reorganization; Reading is a long-term investment; Buying clothes is-packaging fee; Unforgettable old feelings are-deferred assets; Looking for a lover is-non-operating expenses; Going to the hospital is-the maintenance fee is full of blood, and I have to be in place all day long when I become an accountant. I am tired at my desk all day long, and I am more tired than an ox from morning till night. I dare not be wrong when I fart. I have to work overtime on holidays, and I dare not leave my job for a moment. I have to have a meeting on weekends. The tax inspection makes people collapse. I don't understand the society every day, and I have to pay taxes because of my low salary. I suffer from spinal hyperplasia every day, and I have to live up to my elders and fear when I get home. Hey, being an accountant is really tiring! Don't be too tired and take care of yourself at the end of the year-I would like to dedicate this to all accountants in the world. 1. One day, a customer rushed to the counter and said, "Hello, my card swallowed your ATM."

2. Once, a customer could not use the ATM, and the lobby manager taught him to use it. After putting the card in the ATM, the lobby manager said to the customer, please enter the password here ... But the customer lowered his head and whispered his six-digit withdrawal password to the computer screen. The customer listened to "entering the password" as "saying the password" ... 3. After saving for a long time, he suddenly came out as the lobby manager. When buying funds for the customer in the online bank, he pointed to the keypad and wanted the customer to enter the password, but he popped up: "Please sign here."

4. Once I answered my mobile phone, it was my younger brother who habitually said, "Hello, China Merchants Bank." The younger brother was stunned first, and then replied, "Hello, I am recruiting his younger brother.

5. A customer comes to handle business. Colleague Xiao Wang: "Hello, what business do you do?" Customer: "Oh, I save a death date (lump sum deposit and withdrawal)!" " Xiao Wang: "How long have you been dead?" Customer: "Well, die.