The boy is less than 5 years old and loves to cry and lose his temper. Mom has a bad temper, too When the child makes a mistake, she will yell at him.
The program arranged for mother and son to go to the supermarket. As a result, this scene happened: the little boy was very curious about the things around him and kept asking his mother, "What is this?" "Is this edible?" ..... and when the mother heard these questions, she was impatient and shouted at the child: Don't bother me, don't ask me again, remember it yourself!
On the way home, the child was tired from walking and clamored for a hug from his mother. His mother is angry again: what shall I hold you with?
Finally, when I got home, the children began to play with toys and made a harsh toy sound. My mother has a headache. Yell at him. Are you making noise? Every morning!
Later, the program invited the mother to listen to her roar. Hearing her hysterical abuse, she collapsed and said, "This sound is terrible."
Even parents themselves can't stand this kind of voice. What kind of torture is it for young children?
Parents always want their children to succeed and their daughters to succeed. Anyway, they are all their own children. What does it matter if they yell twice and curse twice? This is precisely the most wrong idea.
"strict father gave birth to a dutiful son, and the loving mother lost more." Will those children who are scolded really become dragons and phoenixes among people? Watch them grow up.
@Timber:
I was born in an ordinary state-owned enterprise worker's family, and my parents are both dominant. From the age of 8 to 15, I almost grew up beating and cursing. There are many reasons: math miscalculation, playing games, floating grades, tampering with signatures ... There are also many ways to be beaten: slippers are whipped, feet are kicked over, and things bought are broken ...
Left home after the college entrance examination, 18 to 26 years old, never missed home for 8 years. After working for 2 years after graduation, I used the money I earned to stay in school. Since I went abroad, my parents haven't contacted me once, no phone calls, no news. Later, I sent my blessing on my father's birthday and didn't receive a reply.
@ Prunella vulgaris:
When I was a child, I was often scolded because my parents forced me to learn piano, but I prefer painting and I was scolded every time I didn't want to practice. Later, there was a problem at home, my mother was in poor health, and my father often drank. When he got drunk, he lost his temper and hit people. I became very sensitive, feeling that every look and every word of others was directed at me. Many things will get to the bottom of it, and there are few friends.
When I was in college, I met my best friend. She brought me into a circle of friends, and life seems to be getting better. But I still keep silent about my family. I only said three words to my father at home during the summer vacation. Now that I think about it, the beating and cursing of that year planted seeds in my heart.
@ 丫丫丫丫丫:
Primary and junior high schools are often scolded by their parents or in front of relatives and friends. I always thought I deserved it, and my parents did it for me. When I grew up, I began to think: Do parents really express their love by beating and cursing? However, the answer is no longer important. When I grow up, I won't say anything in my heart. My parents and I are getting farther and farther away, and I will only go back during the holidays.
1, the brain has become stupid
In 2009, the Harvard research team used diffusion tensor imaging to analyze the brains of adults who often suffered from verbal violence from their parents. The results showed that parental verbal violence would increase the gray matter volume of the left superior temporal gyrus. The more verbal violence, the bigger the area, which is related to language and IQ.
From 2065438 to 2008, the Harvard team also found that the memory and brain development of hippocampus and corpus callosum of children who suffered from verbal violence from their parents for a long time decreased, which affected their IQ.
2. Timid and cowardly
Children who grow up surrounded by love have confidence that ordinary people can't match.
Psychologists have found that children who have been scolded for a long time will not become stronger. On the contrary, when doing other things, you will appear cowardly and timid, and you will be bullied and afraid to speak out at school. Because in their subconscious, they are the ones who should be bullied and scolded.
3. Depression
Roaring parent-child communication mode covers up many problems and has not been effectively solved. In the long run, it is likely to cause the loss of children's sense of security and make them feel inferior when they grow up. Negative emotions such as inferiority complex are often important factors that induce depression.
4. Adolescent rebellion
Many parents gave feedback: My children used to be obedient, why have they become like individuals now?
Psychologists have found that children who grow up prematurely under strict education will have more serious rebellious behavior. Children's rebellious psychology is closely related to the way of education, and compulsory parenting is more likely to give birth to rebellious psychology.
The biggest misunderstanding of parents is that you think that "yelling" will only affect childhood, and children will grow up. But this kind of education will shape the character of children all their lives, and even pass it on from generation to generation. They will unconsciously apply this kind of education to their children.
American studies have found that if teachers praise students more than condemn them, children's learning attention will increase by 30% and their grades will be better.
Praise and recognition are important ways to cultivate children's self-esteem and self-confidence, but many parents feedback: "I also want to change, but my child is disobedient and I can't help it when my temper comes up."
Indeed, parents are not saints, but also have emotions. If we want to accept this, we should think about how not to let emotions hurt the parent-child relationship.
Next, Xiao Jiu introduced a very practical A-B-C-D rule, which was put forward by Rona Reiner, a famous American educator, to help parents control their temper.
Ask yourself.
When you want to make a hullabaloo about, try to ask yourself a few questions and know what you really think.
How do I feel now? Can you accept your feelings and change your opinion? Can I accept my feelings at this moment? Do you want to make some changes?
B-breathing
Consciously take 3~5 slow, relaxed deep breaths, and the number of inspiratory and expiratory hours 1234, 1234. ...
Calm down
Try to replace angry thoughts with positive and realistic thoughts and try to calm yourself down. For example, when children don't want to do homework and want to play with toys, parents can tell themselves: "Love to play is the nature of loving children. As long as you educate them well, you can let him know that it is their duty to do homework and play. "
listen
After the previous steps, parents can calm down, which should understand the child's real thoughts. Why do children do this? Do you want your parents' attention or do you have other needs?
Electronic empathy
Put yourself in the child's shoes and try to feel his emotions and thoughts.
Don't think it's normal to have a dutiful son under the stick, and it's normal to yell at children. Verbal violence can make children "obedient" temporarily, but in the long run, TA's life may also change. Try to control your emotions and communicate with your children!
# Zero Zero Plan #
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