100 Jokes That Make Your Stomach Hurt From Laughing

When it comes to 100 Jokes That Make Your Stomach Hurt from Laughing, everyone knows that someone asked that the super funny joke must be the one that makes your stomach ache from laughing. Kind of, in addition, there are people who want to ask about the joke that makes you laugh until your stomach hurts! The more the merrier, thank you! Do you know what's going on? In fact, 100 jokes that make your stomach hurt from laughing are short. Let’s take a look at the super funny jokes that make your stomach hurt from laughing. I hope it can help everyone!

100 jokes that make your stomach hurt from laughing

1. Jokes that make your stomach hurt from laughing: Super funny jokes must be the kind that make your stomach hurt from laughing

< p>1. Parrot: Although each of my speeches is short, it is very attractive. I am the only animal in the animal kingdom that can speak in bird language and Chinese. I am a true bilingual speaker.

2. Rooster: I am good at giving speeches, and I like to give speeches at dawn. This unique speech is both my classic opening and closing remarks.

3. Cicada: Having a loud voice when giving a speech is the most basic requirement for a speaker, and I have always done it well. As a successful speaker, I do not agree with being low-key. I advocate high-profile every day. I can hold my breath for tens of seconds during a speech. This specialty is worth learning by every speaker. A joke that makes you laugh out loud in one second.

4. Crow: Actually, I quite like giving speeches, but I just have a bad memory. Every time I say the "Ah——" at the beginning of a speech, I forget the following words. No wonder people don't like it. My speech was very unpleasant.

100 short jokes that make your stomach hurt from laughing

5. Dog: Do you know why I keep repeating the word "Woof-Woof-Woof" during my speech? In fact, there is a reason. I am illiterate. I have known this word since I was a child. Of course, I will also use this word in speeches. One-word speeches make me very embarrassed.

6. Fish: I am not good at words, because I understand that silence is golden, and I know that speaking is worse than listening. Many netizens like diving when chatting online. To be honest, they all learned it from me.

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1. A person is stupid. He wants to pay his father-in-law a birthday, but he doesn't know how to say nice things.

His wife taught him: "I wish my father-in-law to be as blessed as the East China Sea and live as long as the Southern Mountains."

He was afraid that he had forgotten the good words, so he recited them while walking. When crossing the single-plank bridge, he felt a little flustered, swaying from side to side, and sweating all over.

Crossing the bridge, oh no! I forgot both sentences! Go back and ask again, the road is too far.

He suddenly thought: The words were lost while crossing the bridge. They must have fallen into the river. Go into the water and touch them! But after touching it for most of the day, where can I find it? I had no choice but to move forward listlessly.

The banquet had just begun when the eldest son-in-law stood up and toasted: "I wish my father-in-law may be as blessed as the East China Sea and live as long as the Southern Mountains!"

At this time, he happened to arrive, and he was very excited when he heard it. Angry, he rushed forward, slapped the eldest son-in-law, and cursed: "So you picked up my words and made me feel miserable in the river!"

2. Liu I suffered from an eye disease and my pants were bitten by my own dog when I went out to see a doctor.

When the doctor diagnosed him, he also told the doctor about the dog biting his clothes.

The doctor jokingly said to him: "The dog's eyes in your home must also be sick, otherwise, how could it bite the owner's clothes?"

Liu When a certain person got home, he thought: "This dog's eyes are sick. It's a small thing to bite me. If a thief comes at night and it can't see it, it will be a big deal!"

So, he After the medicine prescribed by the doctor is ready, feed it to the dog first, and then eat the remaining medicine residue yourself.

3. A man wanted to hit a spatula, and a blacksmith happened to pass by the door. He called the blacksmith into the room, took a weight and asked the blacksmith to hit it. 2000 questions for children.

The blacksmith said: "This is pig iron and cannot be beaten." 25 sand sculptures.

The man said: "Then come tomorrow and I will give you wrought iron." A thousand people laughed to death.

The blacksmith arrived as promised the next day, and the man took the weight out of the pot.

The blacksmith said unhappily: "I told you that this is pig iron and cannot be used!"

Unexpectedly, he lost his temper: "If your skills are not good, don't show off! Yesterday I made this Put the weight into the pot and cook it over high heat for most of the night, how can you say it's still raw?" I laughed out loud in a minute.

The above is related to the kind of super funny jokes that must make your stomach hurt from laughing. It is a funny joke that makes you laugh until you die in ten seconds

laugh Funny humorous jokes about dying

1. When the boat of life faces dangerous shoals and rapids, the weak will choose to escape and give up, while the strong will choose to face and challenge.

2. I thought the air was free until I bought a bag of potato chips.

3. There is no fear of choice, but it is not because of poverty; there is no indecisiveness, but it is not because of cowardice.

4. Youth passes quickly. Music, movies, and lovers are not preservatives.

5. I am not a bone and cannot be chased by every dog.

6. I would rather be fat and exquisite than be thin and the same.

7. Tears are not the answer, hard work is the choice. There is only a past that cannot be returned, and there is no tomorrow that cannot be reached.

8. If my life were made into a movie, then I have already thought of the title, and it would be called A Poor Life.

9. Since I used black toothpaste, my teeth have become whiter and my appearance has become darker.

10. Listen to me, you have lost several times, but you will make a comeback.

11. Obesity makes breathing painful, eating KFC hurts, eating McDonald’s hurts, and even drinking water hurts.

12. Don’t be so nice to me that I can’t tell whether it’s love or friendship.

13. The road under your feet must be completed even if it is difficult.

14. To like is to be unbridled, but to love is to be restrained. Meeting is reserved, getting along is patient.

15. Toss a coin: If it’s heads, go online, if it’s tails, go to bed, and if it’s up, go do your homework.

16. It doesn’t matter if you like waves, as long as you don’t drown.

17. The only thing in the world that can be obtained for nothing is poverty, and the only thing that can be made out of nothing is dreams. Nothing can be realized without taking action. Although the world is cruel, there is always a way as long as you are willing to walk!

18. There must be a road before the car reaches the mountain, and I can’t stop even if there is a road.

19. Be so independent that you don’t rely on anyone, don’t expect warmth from anyone but yourself, and be so independent that you can live a better life alone.

20. My mother said you can’t make friends who are neither good nor bad, so my friends are all bad.

Funny humorous jokes that will make you laugh until you die

21. If life deceives you, don’t be sad or sad, it will be the same tomorrow anyway.

22. Every effort deserves to be respected.

23. You are the song of anxiety in my heart, which always makes me thrilling.

24. First learn not to be angry, and then learn to make others angry.

25. You buttoned the wrong button on the first button, but you didn’t realize it until you buttoned the last button. Some things are wrong from the beginning, but you have to admit it only in the end.

26. When you choose others, you should also think about letting others choose you. When you test others, you should also think about letting others test yourself. There are few people in life who cannot sell themselves. Big achievement.

27. A dream is a pretentious thing to say. It is a seed born in the dark. Only when it breaks out of the ground, grows joints, and eventually blooms, can it be upright and bright. Let everyone know. Until then, there is no choice but to persevere.

28. The longest relationship I have ever been in was narcissism. I love myself and have no rival.

29. I wish that when I received the red envelope, I would open it and it would say another one.

30. No matter how cheap my love is, it will never be discounted for you.

31. Positive thinking leads to a positive life, and negative thinking leads to a negative life!

32. You think that you are powerful because you are big. Dinosaurs are still big, so they are not extinct.

33. There will always be a blind person who falls in love with you and treats you too well.

34. In my mother’s eyes, the origin of all diseases is not drinking water, not eating vegetables, and not going to bed early.

35. I am young and need your guidance, but I don’t need your pointing.

36. You have only two choices, I will either become your wife, or I will become your wife’s nightmare.

37. It’s noon to hoe the crops, it’s so hard to go to work. After going to school all morning, I still have to go to school in the afternoon. If you don't have enough money to spend, your heart will be even more painful. For a good life, work hard.

38. If you think you are poor and ugly, please don’t be sad. You still have hope. At least your judgment is correct.

39. The thing that hurts me the most is that my express delivery has all flown by plane, but I have never done so.

40. Life is actually very simple, and there is no need to care so much about many things.

Funny humorous jokes that make you laugh until you die

41. With your appearance, you don’t need to lose weight at all. Now you can still use fat as an excuse for being ugly. After losing weight, what will happen? No more excuses.

42. Only young people still cry for love, while we adults only cry for poverty.

43. Youth is like toilet paper. There is a lot of it, but it is not enough after using it.

44. My wife asked me: If a female colleague seduced you, would you obey? I smiled and shook my head, haha, who do you think I am? I am the kind of person who will tell you what I really think. Human?

45. It doesn’t matter if your head is empty, the key is not to get wet.

46. Where there is ideal, hell is heaven; where there is hope, pain becomes joy.

47. The most hateful thing about a person is not that he uprooted a tree, but that he failed to bury the hole under the tree.

48. Don’t always be hot and cold to me, otherwise I’m afraid of catching a cold.

49. Who doesn’t have a good musical instrument these days? I’m pretty good at playing the backing drum.

50. Apart from love, there are also radishes in other people’s fields that you can’t extricate yourself from.

51. If you don’t work hard, you will be out!

53. You are not afraid of not passing the exam, but you are afraid of not taking the exam.

54. My dear, you have to believe me. I feel dizzy even on a boat, let alone two boats?

55. The recent bad weather has made me dizzy. I feel like I'm opening the refrigerator every time I open the door.

56. Although I can’t cook, I’m good at ordering takeout.

57. When you are treated as a human being, please try your best to act like one!

58. Don’t despise those who accompany you, and don’t despise those who despise you.

59. Getting up late will ruin the morning, and getting up early will make you stupid, so it’s better not to get up!

60. If you are bright, the world will not be dark. If you have hope, the world will not be completely hopeless. If you don't give in, what can the world do to you?

40 Top Funny Jokes

The old man in the dormitory got out of bed and looked for slippers for a long time, but he didn’t have them. I asked everyone: Why did my slippers disappear?

3. I once went to buy mutton skewers

I held out four fingers and said to the boss, "Here are three mutton skewers."

The boss was confused. Roots?”

I stretched out three fingers and said “4 roots”

4. My surname is Zhu, and I manage the unit’s computer room. Someone once called me on my mobile phone: "Chief Chicken Section, are you in the pig house?" At that time, he scolded the guy.

5. My parents had a quarrel, and my dad said angrily: "I gave him Get out!"

6. When I was in military training, the company commander shouted the command - "Drill to the left!"

< p>7. When I was in college, I heard a girl ordering: Master, stir-fry a plate of hot and sour potato shreds, without the potatoes!

8. When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me which year I graduated.

I originally wanted to say the year 2000, but I got excited and said: "Two thousand years ago..."

What was even more shocking was that the examiner actually said "Oh" : "A student of Confucius.

”

9. At a literary evening, the host came to the stage to announce: Please enjoy below: Xinjiang singing and dancing, lift your skull! It’s creepy!!!!

10. The tiger does not send the cat. , you think I’m critically ill!

Me: That’s our physics teacher.

What do you teach?

Me: Chemistry...

12. One day when I was in school, I received a phone call. After receiving the call, my classmate handed it to me and said, “Your mother is looking for you. ”

I picked up the phone and said casually: “Male or female”

Everyone laughed wildly and I was laughed at for 4 years

13. Yes One time, the mother of a classmate in the dormitory called me. I was used to saying "He's not here", but this time what I wanted to say was "He's gone out". The result was: "He's not here anymore"

< p>14. gg handed me a piece of ice cream, I took a bite and shouted: "It burns me to death!" ”

15. My sister and I went to Li Ning to buy shoes. My sister said, “Miss, how much do these shoes cost per pound?” "

16. I went home on the weekend when I was in school. I got addicted to cigarettes after dinner, so I planned to go for a walk as an excuse. When I was changing my shoes at the door, my dad asked me why I was going? I casually said: "Go for a walk. cigarette! "As a result, my dad found a pack of 555 from me and gave me a good beating.

17. The teacher left homework. If I didn’t know how to do it, I would copy other people’s work, and then go to the office to hand in the homework. I saw the teacher saying: "I've finished copying!" ”

18. Our company has a car to pick up and drop off work in the morning. Because the car is not big, once, after I got on the car, there was no seat. A male colleague sitting next to me stood up and greeted her warmly. Said: "So-and-so, sit on my ass! "I kept laughing until I got off the bus~!

19. When I was in college, a classmate and I were arguing about an issue. We were at a disadvantage for a moment. In desperation, he slapped the table, stood up and shouted: You are talking nonsense, I am not stupid. !

20. When I was young, I usually sold popsicles on a bicycle. Once, I heard an aunt in the house shouting: The new ice cream is hot.

21. One day, she went to a classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He originally wanted to call him uncle, but he made the mistake of saying, "Dad, come and sit down!" "~~Han! A lot of classmates were laughing so hard

22. Once at KTV, when I asked for a song, I shouted loudly: Order me a song called "Double Jay Chou" by Zhou Jiegun... .

23. In the past, when the exam teacher handed out papers, the girl behind him took an extra paper and shouted, "Teacher, I have it, I have it." Then the boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine. The whole class was shocked~~~

24. My friend’s child was half a year old. I called to care about it. After a few words of greeting, he said: Is your child eating human milk now? Your breasts

25. One evening, when I met an acquaintance, I said: "Morning"...

26. In the evening, a roommate came into the room and announced loudly: “Today I watched the midnight version of American Ghost! ”

27. Due to a business trip opportunity, I had to go to the Bank of China somewhere to repair equipment. After getting into a taxi from the hotel, I said to the female driver: “Go to the Bank of China and find a hardware store to buy some.” "Knife!" At that time, I meant to buy a screwdriver. I didn't notice that I said it wrong. At this time, the female driver kept looking at me and said aggrievedly: "Brother, I have to get off work. You can take a taxi again." At that time, I was very angry and said viciously: "Why should you park your car at the hotel when you get off work?" The female driver looked at me and said, "Brother, I don't want the car money after buying the knife. You can find another car." I fainted!!! Only then did I realize that I was wrong, so I quickly explained for a long time. Now think about it. I feel sorry for the female driver.

28. During a lecture, the politics teacher once said: "Let me give an example." Then he felt it was wrong and said again: "Give me an example."

29. In junior high school, the teacher called the translator Whoisthisman?

A classmate translated: Whose man is this? The whole class laughed and the teacher was speechless

30. Politics class Talking about Sino-Japanese political issues, Laala talked about Japanese samurai committing suicide by caesarean section.

The teacher introduced: "Japanese samurai all had caesarean sections before they died~~~"

31. When I was in college, a classmate of mine just bought a mobile phone, got a mobile card, and dialed 10086 The artificial desk asked, excited for a moment: May I ask about your earthquake belt business? From the hands-free speakerphone, we actually heard the operator lady politely say: Our ground moving service. . . The whole dormitory burst into laughter

32. My husband is very thin. Once I got anxious and said, "Husband, you look as skinny as a pig!"

33. Original transcript of the broadcast : Two gangsters injured me, 110 police officers, and then fled

The announcer read: Two gangsters wounded me, 110 police officers, and then fled

34. One of our colleagues, he went When taking the driving license test, I said a classic saying to the examiner:

Report the instrument, the examiner is normal~~~~~~

35. I remember one time, I went with a girl KFC, when I was queuing up, I heard her mumbling something: a chicken drumstick burger, a pair of chicken wings..., finally it was her turn, and she made everyone laugh as soon as she opened her mouth. She wanted to say, "Miss, here you go." "Chicken Leg Burger", but the words turned out to be "Calf, let's have a burger"

36. MM told me about KFC's new "Boil and Bone" and asked me to take her to eat it. During those few days in Beijing It was extremely hot and I felt dizzy. When I arrived at the restaurant, I said to the smiling KFC lady: Please give me two "bloody" pieces, thank you! .............

I am so embarrassed -_-! < /p>

38. A very shy male classmate went to the cafeteria to have breakfast. The chef at the window asked him: "What do you want to order?" He lowered his head and said: "I want a steamed bun and a steamed bun." The master stared at him for a long time and asked: "What do you want? Say it again!" "I want a bun and a bun."

39. , Teacher: "Good morning, teacher!"

Student: "Good morning, student!"

The whole class burst into laughter.

40. A classmate called his friend's house, and the other person's grandfather answered the phone. The classmate didn't know what he was thinking, so he opened his mouth and said, "Grandpa, I'm grandma." Suddenly he felt something was wrong, and he suddenly Hang up the phone

41. A buddy once made an appointment with the girl he had loved for a long time and was going to confess to her. The two of them sat in silence for a long time before he mustered up the courage to ask the girl: "Do you have a boyfriend?" The girl shyly replied: "Not yet", and he was ecstatic: "Then can you be my boyfriend?"< /p>

42. The wife asked reproachfully: You don’t even know your grandma’s name?

The husband replied aggrievedly: How did I know? My grandma was only seven years old when I died.

My wife was surprised: What?

The husband quickly changed his mind: No, no, I died when grandma was seven years old!

43. Before my mother went out to play mahjong, she said to me: "Put all your clothes in the refrigerator and pick up all the vegetables in the washing machine~~~~~

44. Once I went to my wife's place after leaving my mother's place. When I saw my wife, I habitually called out: "Mom!" ”

45. Two people were quarreling, and suddenly a person next to them said: “You are really full and have nothing to do!” "

5 humorous little jokes

1. Hilarious men and women: A tourist said to the female tour guide: "I want to give you a gift. What do you like? "The female tour guide was very happy and wanted to ask the other party to give her an expensive gift, but she was embarrassed to say it clearly, so she hesitated and said: "I love to dress up, give me something useful for my ears, fingers or neck! "After hearing this, the tourist took out a gift from his bag - a piece of soap...

2. Cold joke: A friend of mine got a gastrointestinal flu, so we asked for leave and took the car home together.

As soon as we got in the car, my friend felt like vomiting... Then a couple came up... The woman was acting coquettishly with the man and asked him to sing to her. The man didn't want to sing, but couldn't help it. The woman kept acting coquettishly, and the man I really didn’t know what to do so I sang a line...and then my friend vomited smoothly...

3. Hilarious men and women: A girl broke up with her boyfriend and made a very strange move: She logged into her boyfriend's QQ and sent a message to every woman in her friends: I broke up because I found out that I love you! This included classmates, colleagues, netizens whom she knew but did not know, etc... After posting, she calmly quit and left a message to her ex-boyfriend on her QQ: As an ex-girlfriend, this is just a small punishment for you. ...

4. Medical joke: A fat man weighing more than 100 kilograms went to consult a doctor on how to lose weight. The doctor said: If you run eight kilometers a day for 300 consecutive days, you can lose 34 kilograms. Three hundred days later, the fat man called the doctor: I have indeed lost 34 kilograms according to your statement, but this has also created a new problem. The doctor asked: What's the problem? The fat man replied: "I am now 2,400 kilometers away from home..."

5. Folk joke: A: My son, who is only a few months old, stops crying when he hears two sounds. . B: Oh! What two sounds are they? A: The first sound is your singing voice. B: Well, that’s right. It seems that your son will definitely be a musical genius in the future! What is the second sound? A: The second one is that as soon as you hear a dog barking, you stop crying immediately...

6. Campus joke: I woke up late in the morning and ran to school without even eating. I kept dozing off in class, so I was afraid of sleeping on the table and dreamed about eating a big meal. Suddenly a burst of laughter woke me up, and I asked in confusion: "Why are you laughing?" My deskmate replied: "Just now you farted loudly while sleeping! It smelled very strong!" "Then you can't laugh like this, right? "The key is that after you put it in, you clicked your mouth and said: It's so delicious!" Damn, I'm really embarrassed now...

7. Funny masterpiece: Liu Bei is stationed in the new country and has nothing to do all day long. , can't help but indulge in the pleasure of bed. Zhuge Liang advised: If the lord wants to achieve hegemony, he must not indulge in women. As the saying goes, beauty is a disaster! As soon as he finished speaking, Guan Yu suddenly jumped out and said angrily: "What do you mean by that?" !

8. Family joke: My wife is very dissatisfied with doing household hygiene alone every day! So she wrote the words "Family hygiene is everyone's responsibility" on the small blackboard at home. At noon, after my son got out of school, he added a horizontal line to the Chinese characters, and my wife found that the blackboard had changed to "Family hygiene is the responsibility of adults." In the evening, after the husband got off work, he added another horizontal line, and the wife found that the blackboard had changed to "Family hygiene, the wife is responsible..."

9. Animal jokes: The puppy saw the big dog crying and looked sad. So I asked: What happened? Big Dog said: Archaeologists found a large number of bones in the owner's garden! The puppy said: That is a new discovery! What a good thing! Why are you still so sad? The big dog cried and said: That is my private money...

10. Cold joke: One person really likes adventure. I heard that there were venomous snakes in the virgin forest, so I prepared a knife and hired a guide to explore together. After a while, he was bitten by a snake on the arm. Thinking that the venomous snake could kill him in an instant, he cut off his arm with a knife in desperation. At this time, the guide said calmly: This snake is not poisonous...

Source:

Humorous hooligan jokes

1. A friend of mine is an intern at China Unicom. One day, an old man came up to me and said, "Get me a mobile card, okay?" Then my friend said without raising his head, "Master, someone is here to cause trouble!"

2. When a colleague went to meet a client, he might be nervous, but as soon as he opened his mouth he said, "Hello, Mr. Liu, may I ask what your last name is?"

3. The geography teacher used to be a man. He was very violent. He would punch anyone who spoke or was distracted, but he would not hit the girls. There was a new girl who didn’t know and thought that men and women were equal. One time she I was secretly reading comics in class, and was discovered by the geography teacher. He walked up to her, and before she said anything, the female classmate turned pale with fright and shouted: It's indecent. Our geography teacher, Waterfall Khan.

4. My classmate said: I put too much washing powder.

Another asked: What? Does your brother have too many wives?

5. Last time I was abroad, I saw a handsome guy selling pastries on the street. My friend and I said he looked like Elvis Presley while we were buying. He heard us talking about him and asked us what we were talking about. I thought for a long time: "kingofmiaomiao."

Extended information

Joke is a Chinese word, the pinyin is xiàohua, which means words or things that make people laugh.

Jokes are short in length, simple and ingenious in plot, often unexpected, and give people the wonderful feeling that the God of Laughter has suddenly arrived. Most of them reveal the perverse phenomena in life, which are ironic and entertaining. There are different levels of interest.

On June 7, 2008, the joke was approved by the State Council and included in the second batch of national intangible cultural heritage list.

Source: Baidu Encyclopedia: Joke