2. There are always some embarrassing melons and dates around beautiful women.

3. Others are holding hands, and I am holding my dog, walking and swimming to see who is not happy to take a bite.

If eating more fish can nourish the brain and make people smart, then you should eat at least a pair of whales. ...

5, boast that you are a bird, you really think you can fly.

6. Clear water leads to no fish, while mean people lead invincible.

I can choose to give up, but I can't give up my choice.

8. Friends around you, become famous quickly, so that my memoirs can sell well.

9. Prices are in line with Europe, house prices are in line with the moon, and wages are in line with Africa.

10, people who believe in fate follow it, and people who don't believe in fate are dragged away by it.

1 1. Since ancient times, no one has died, and those who die early or late have to die.

12, two heads are better than one, Zhuge Liang stinks.

13, life is like a play, one is in love, the other is married and has children. This is normal.

14, let's face it, life is often much heavier than those idol dramas.

16. Spitting is used to count money, not to make sense.

17, is this a turning point? This is obviously a breaking point.

18, bet me that it's not what you want, it's what I have …

19, help me cut the carrot into diced meat.

20. Where there is identity, there is identity card.

2 1, what's the difference between you and direct reincarnation? !

22. I am a fat man, not a clown.

23. There must be a road in front of the driveway, and I can't stop it.

24. There is no right or wrong in the world, because there are more people who say right or wrong, so there is right or wrong.

25. The cashier said: No change. Here are two plastic bags for you!

26. I smiled at the sky from the horizontal knife and went to bed after laughing.

27. My life has two aspects: A and B, and yours also has two aspects: S and B. ..

28. My advantages are: I am handsome; But my shortcoming is that I am not handsome.

29. I am like a fly lying on the glass. I have a bright future, but I can't find a way out.

30. If you are not sure who you love, fall in love first. If you are not sure whether you are in love, live together first.

3 1, heroes don't ask for a way out, hooligans don't look at their age!

32. What is happiness? Happiness is that cats eat fish, dogs eat meat, and Altman hits small monsters!

Very funny classic funny quotations

1, it's not that my happiness should be based on your pain, but that you should make your pain make me happy …

Don't come to me when I'm bored, or I'll look redundant.

3. Facts have proved that feelings can withstand wind and rain, but they cannot withstand dullness; Friendship can stand the dull, but it can't stand the wind and rain.

I am not a genius, because I have never worn Finch's diaper.

5. Status quo: I'm wasting time, I'm wasting time, I'm blurring the present, and I'm afraid of the future.

6. When someone is pretending to be cool, the younger sister will lower her head. I'm not a good girl. I'm looking for bricks.

7. Every time I see the word hehe in chat, I want to hold the hose, connect the faucet at one end and poke it in your mouth at the other. Let you drink enough! Who the fuck told you to say delicious food?

8, Valentine's Day confession, people do not listen. April fool's day confession, people don't believe it. Qingming confession, people should not. Alas.

9. A Xiong Haizi asked her sister to help her hold a parent-teacher meeting. The teacher asked him why your mother was so young, and he replied that my father was capable.

10, those who are irresponsible don't know that the food is expensive, and those who don't take pictures don't know that they are fat.

1 1, it is said that love and marriage are the graves of marriage, so if you don't get married, throw your body into the wilderness.

12, I tried to control the magic in my heart, but I ignored that you might just be the ghost who played soy sauce …

13, people who like to drink also like women and prefer friends. Because when drinking, it is easy to think of women and talk about friends.

14, I don't think you are a qualified friend. You'd better change careers and be my wife!

15, yes. How famous you are. You have made more than 100 movies, and now you are not allowed to play pornographic content.

16, when I was a child, my deskmate asked me what the monster looked like. I took a mirror and told him to look inside. Two seconds later, he cried.

17, each of us is a dreamer. Dreams are gone, only homesickness is left.

18, real warriors dare to face up to beautiful girls and dare to face bleak singles.

19, who will be the trader in your life? Fuck!

20. Save water and try to take a bath with your girlfriend.

2 1, break up with you, because you are not even worthy to hold hands!

I can't miss myself, I can't take care of myself, I can't take care of myself, I can't take care of myself, I can't give myself happiness.

23. Don't keep loading and loading like a trash can.

24. The law stipulates that men can join the army at the age of 0/8 and get married at the age of 22, which shows that women are more difficult to deal with than the enemy; Marriage is more dangerous than war.

25, socks cry: foot odor is originally, but people blame me. God smiled and said, who told you to hold your feet tightly?

26. I have been wondering why the teacher invited parents to school. A person who hasn't even educated a minor wants to educate an adult?

Very funny QQ. Tell me about it.

1. If you make a mistake and are caught by the teacher, say to the teacher: Teacher, just let me go as a fart.

Do you know why I haven't lost weight for so many years, just because you said take care.

3. A senior picked up a junior in public and kissed her face. The schoolmate immediately got angry and shouted shameless! Senior stare blankly for a moment, decisive kiss.

When I hate someone, if the other person suddenly says that he likes me, I don't hate him so much, because I can't hate a man with vision.

Never race a dog. If you win, you are better than a dog. If you lose, you are worse than a dog.

I once had a pair of wings, but I didn't use them to soar in the sky, but put them in a pot to stew soup.

7. When you are in a bad mood, go to the toilet. After you say that, you say to the toilet with a ferocious face: Go eat shit for me.

8. When I was a child, I wrote essays to help the elderly. Now that I think about it, I'm so bold!

9. Don't think that putting cow dung on your head is laziness, besides, laziness is not so diligent to get cow dung.

10. Pretending to force is only an instant, and shamelessness is eternal.

1 1. The athlete missed five shots in a row. Coach scolds: Idiot, watch me! The coach missed five shots: see? That's how you voted.

12. Grandpa said: I watched the news broadcast for decades, but I didn't see the finale.

13. W: Why are you so kind to me? Man: I respect that you are a man!

14. Geography teacher: What is the outer layer of the earth? I said: fragrant milk tea

15. I haven't held a girl's hand for a long time. Holding chicken feet with pickled peppers makes you feel tender and slender.

16. Whenever the chemistry teacher does an experiment, I always say one word in my heart: Fried!

17. Look, look, look. It is flying. It's breathing. . . . Come on, you just want to fart.

18. Lei Feng did a good deed. Although he didn't leave his name, he recorded it in his diary.

19. The woman said to the man: If you touch me tonight, you are an animal. The man agreed. At dawn, the boy really didn't touch the girl. The girl said angrily, you are worse than an animal!

20. I haven't seen a movie for a long time. I wonder if Conan has become one piece. When he became a dragon ball, he saved the world with seven dragon balls, and later returned to Yangcun to continue to be the village head. Finally, he and Snow White gave birth to seven gourd dolls.

2 1. Love that doesn't aim at marriage is all about raising a husband for others.

22. Hey, what song is your chest singing? I don't want, I don't want, I don't want to grow up.

23. He said to me affectionately: Don't forget that you are not alone! I said excitedly, really? He said: Yes, you are a pig. . . .

24. What's it like to be in a long-distance relationship? Like a widow!

25. It's obviously a pad-sized test question, but the test range for daily use is the same. It needs to be extended for review at night, and it will still be missed.

26. Since I can play QQ, I found that my pinyin is getting better and better, and reading has no such effect.

27. It is said that there is a monkey in the zoo, so ugly that everyone vomits! I went to see it the next day and threw up! On the third day, you went to the monkey and threw up!

28. How can I quickly become a schoolmaster? Go back to the first grade of primary school!

29. But gold always shines, so you can only reflect light.

30. That day, I found a famous palm reader to read my palm. ~ he looked at my hand and said, your palm is very big. You must be lonely. ~ I said, huh? I can see that. Why? ~ palm reader says: because the bigger the palm, the more lonely it is.

3 1. I decided to flip a coin and study when it broke.

32. Be gentle when rolling your calves. Go away, heifer.

For the senior high school entrance examination, what I can do is to help you lower the admission score. That's all I can do. . .

34. When the document broke out, Xiao Ming looked at the big fork in the book and said indignantly, it's so unfair! When can the ancients write how time flies? Why can't I write how time flies!

Classic Non-mainstream Funny Quotations of National Day Holidays

1, you have a pit in your head. There is water in the pit, fish in the water, and fish are spitting bubbles.

2. Whoever loves you again in the future will get a slap in the face. If he doesn't fight back, then he really loves you.

The realistic society ruined my chance to be a good person!

There are many people holding hands in the street. How many of them are getting married?

5. Men would rather be envied than pitied!

6. The only thing in the world that can rise without hard work is age!

7. Other people's money and wealth are things outside their bodies.

8. The biggest tragedy in life: the beauty is late and the hero is bald.

9. Who told me that Nokia can smash walnuts? Now the screen is black.

10 As the saying goes, people are jealous of talents, and stupidity is better than stupidity.

1 1, I believe that the poorest sentence is nothing more than begging, and there will be a day when you die.

12, I'm not the kind of person who hits people when they're down. I just closed the well.

13, wool, who dares to say that I am not cheerful, let's fight first.

14, there is one of the scariest books in the world, and that is the marriage certificate.

15, making money is as hard as catching dew, but spending money is as fast as running water.

16, a funny signature: I am not Youlemei, I am just dichlorvos. Do you want to hold me in your hand?

17. Now I'll tell you my wedding day. Audition is in progress.

18, life is a play, and we are all Oscar winners.

19, not all stars can shine, and there are light bulbs.

20. God didn't take special care of me, nor abandoned me, just playing with me.

2 1, at least I wear glasses, how can I flirt with a good woman?

22. Making money is like digging the ground with a needle, and spending money is like water seeping into the soil.

23. Love what I don't love, and kick what I don't love to death.

24. I am a special person. I am an ordinary person, so I am a particularly ordinary person.

25. The highest level of cuckolding is a belt that has been repeatedly worn.

26. I don't know much about music, so sometimes it's unreliable and sometimes it's out of tune.

Fat, why are you always so attached to me?

28. The shit on your head may not be the enemy, but it may be your son.