Replacing blaming children with encouragement, letting children understand the significance of this matter and letting children find the reasons for doing something wrong are more conducive to making children better for growth problems. Babies are curious about new things. Let's share with you the ways to use encouragement instead of blaming children.

Instead of blindly blaming children with encouragement, your mouth is the feng shui of children.

There is a kind of "man in the mirror" in psychology, which was put forward by American sociologist Charles Horton Cooley. It means that a person's behavior depends largely on his self-evaluation and cognition, and this cognition is mainly accomplished through others' feelings and judgments about himself.

For children, parents are his most intuitive mirror, and parents' evaluation of themselves is their most direct cognition.

If parents' words are positive encouragement, children will also face themselves and life with sunshine and optimism; On the contrary, parents' words are negative and negative, and the children's world will face a dark and helpless dilemma.

In the famous director Xie Yong's work "Language Violence", he investigated six teenagers collected by Shenyang Juvenile Crime Center, and found that they all suffered from language violence from their parents.

"What a pity!

Are you a pig?

Why don't you go to hell, punk! 」

……

These blurted words, like a sharp knife after another, unconsciously carved the child into the parents' mouths and pushed the child to the abyss of crime.

Yin Jianli, an education expert, said:

"Violent education can make children obedient and will not make children smart and sensible; It can make them obedient and will not make them conscious and motivated. "

This kind of education can only achieve a temporary and superficial effect, and the price paid is the children's overall depravity and sinking.

By scolding to promote children's learning progress, the result can only make children hate learning; By scolding children for being obedient, children will become more stubborn and rebellious; Let the child become a good person with scolding, and the child will only be psychologically distorted under scolding.

Most parents will never know what kind of harm you will bring to their children and what kind of character you will shape. In the long run, it will destroy not only children's self-confidence, but also their life path.

Your mouth makes children stop loving themselves.

I have seen such a girl. She has studied well since she was a child. She is always at the top of her class. Every once in a while, when she gets the tenth place in the exam, her father's face becomes terrible.

Dad hastily signed it and threw it on the ground to let the girl reflect. This action is like losing a girl's dignity.

From then on, the girl devoted all her thoughts to her study, but no matter how hard she tried, she didn't get a word of encouragement from her father.

When she is timid and inferior, her father will say that she is not as cheerful as others, like a gourd.

When she takes the third place in the exam, her father will say that others have always been the first, so we should learn from others.

When the guest blushes and has stage fright, the father will say that the child is glib and clumsy.

......

After puberty, girls began to close themselves off, not interacting with classmates or communicating with others. Over time, she began to please others deliberately, lost herself, and couldn't lift her head anywhere.

Parents are used to contemptuous blows, which shatter their children's self-esteem and value.

Professor Li Meijin of China Renmin University once said:

"A child who is denied by his parents will never learn to love himself."

The constant degeneration of parents will make children lose confidence in life; Constant denial will make children lose their pursuit of self-worth. A child whose parents have destroyed his sense of self-worth will be confused about the future and indifferent to life.

In the book Inferiority and Transcendence, psychologist Adler said:

"Those losers-mental patients, criminals, problem of juvenile, suicides, degenerates, failed because they didn't find a sense of belonging and value."

Sense of value is the motivation for children not to give up, lose themselves and regard themselves as waste. All these depend on parents' objective understanding and evaluation of their children.

Children are not animals. Using tame education methods will only make children less confident and feel more and more useless. When everything is wrong, it will gradually weaken the maintenance of self, the longing for the future, and even the yearning for life.

Constantly belittling will only make children lose confidence in life, and constantly denying will only make children lose their pursuit of self.

Good boys are encouraged.

There is a saying in "positive discipline":

"When we pay attention to safeguarding children's dignity, respect children and have a firm attitude, children will soon understand that their bad behavior will not get the results they want, which will motivate them to change their behavior while maintaining their self-esteem."

The famous teacher Wang Jinzhan also shared a set of data:

A person who is often discouraged, his potential is only developed by 20%-30%; Once encouraged, his potential can be developed to 50%; If encouraged by his family, his potential will increase to 70%-80%.

Remember the strongest "dark horse" in the college entrance examination last year?

Zhao Qichen, a student from Ninghai Middle School in Zhejiang Province, was always the last in his class when he was a freshman, but he entered Tsinghua University with the second good score in the college entrance examination.

Behind this miracle is my mother's support and encouragement all the way.

He said: "It is one thing to keep promise, but the most important thing is that my mother never scolds me for my unsatisfactory grades. When I am confused, she always encourages me, supports me and gives me the warmest hug. "

In the book Let Boys Listen, Let Girls Speak, Duan Liyang Sugawara said:

"The most important mission of parents is to give their children support and affirmation. This is an act of conveying love to children. Children who realize love will live happily for a lifetime. "

In education, there are no miracles and shortcuts, only parents affirm, support and encourage their children with love and sincerity. Children's self-esteem and self-confidence are sometimes more important than talent and talent. Only children who grow up in an environment of full encouragement and affirmation can have sound values, independent personality and the ability to get happiness. These are the sources to stimulate children's unlimited potential and automaticity.

Children don't always blame children with encouragement, but the best carrier for a person to understand his first half of life. Our minds are almost immature before adulthood. When we face our children, they are actually our real mirror.

Only when you really participate in the whole process of raising children, can you really appreciate the influence of family background on children. Children are almost a combination of parents and every member of the family. His behavior habits, his thoughts and his future values are actually almost a reflection of this family.

In a family that always blames and blames children, children can't be docile, and children can't become excellent, just like a person who has been criticized and destroyed for a long time, how can he grow up smoothly? Of course, maybe the child will be raised to be extremely strong and strong inside, but this is a very small probability event.

We always say casually, how can you be so worthless, so bad and so disobedient? These have a great influence on children. Everyone is the same. Children are the original appearance of human nature, and people are usually like this at first. Many of our parents' ways of education and getting along with their children are anti-human.

What we have to do is to let children develop good habits of life and study, cultivate children's thinking habits, cultivate children's certain interests, tap children's potential and carry it forward, give heuristic and inductive hints on his life growth path, and leave the rest to the children themselves.

Schools are not as good as before. Although the hardware conditions are good and the teaching AIDS are advanced, the teachers have begun to be lazy. Of course, the main reason is the mechanism. Now teachers basically don't assign homework on the blackboard. In order to save trouble, they all send homework directly in the WeChat group. This is a very irresponsible practice. The contents of the school, especially the school interest classes after class, are basically perfunctory. Students don't copy homework tasks, come back and ask their parents. Parents have been made to look silly. Now the teacher basically no longer corrects the homework of the day, and all the tasks are handed over to the parents. This is extremely irresponsible. It is such a trivial matter, but it has become a common phenomenon, which has caused a heavy burden on the whole family in China.

One is that school leaves school too early and children don't study by themselves. The other is that all homework is given to parents, which makes the whole family in China feel anxious. In fact, the school is the culprit. Children eventually become victims. They are watching their homework at home 360 degrees by their parents. Just like staring at a prisoner, everything is under the supervision of parents. This feeling of being monitored can easily cause children's rebellious psychology, and the effect and efficiency are extremely low. Because of this atmosphere, this way is anti-human, and children are regarded as monitoring animals in the zoo. Think about it. You are writing articles, writing documents, working, working and eating. A day or two is no problem. It's strange that you're not crazy after a long time. Isn't it the same with children nowadays?

Children are a mirror for us. The advantages of children are given by their parents, and the shortcomings of children are also the reflection of their parents' shortcomings. It is very foolish to blame the parents of children blindly, because children are with their families at birth, and all their consciousness, habits, cognition and understanding are influenced by their families. Therefore, if children misbehave, it is influenced by their families, because most children are disturbed by their families when they grow up.

We should cultivate a kind of interest and enthusiasm for life for children, because only interest and love can accompany people's continuous efforts and progress. A child must love life enough, because only by loving life can she be interested in and love the people and things around her.

Some children are bored, are not interested in anything, study well, become masters of learning, and do well in exams, but they just have no hobbies. Such a child, who has been trained as a walking corpse, is actually a walking corpse. If you are not interested in anything, you will not be beneficial to society. If people have no interests, they will lose their humanity.

People live not to work, not to earn money, not to eat the next meal quickly. People live for faith, for ideals, for fun, and for pleasure in spiritual travel. Cultivating a child is not to let him eat, bathe, study and take exams for the sake of eating, but the child will eventually fall into a prison-like life. He should be an interesting person with ideals and curiosity.

In the future, artificial intelligence will definitely replace many repetitive tasks, such as cooking, washing clothes and calculating basic mathematics. What children in the future need more is creativity, imagination, curiosity and interest. Need something more human, and now parents are desperately trying to get their children to train those stylized things. In the future, humans no longer need to do those stylized things, and robots will do them.

Some parents are not training their children, but training them to be what they want to be. This is extremely dangerous. It is quite possible that the child does not meet what he wants. Many parents want their children to be scientists, and their children may want to be bass players in bands. Some children like billiards, but their parents are only willing to train him to be a pianist. Such examples are staged almost every day.

We are not trying to create a habit for him, but encouraging him. For example, many parents are now enrolling their children in cram schools, but those cram schools are actually showing that their cram schools are very good or difficult. They often hand over some senior courses and knowledge to those lower grades to let them feel the pleasure brought by some difficult challenges or satisfy their curiosity. In this way, children feel more tired and have no time to go outside and have no time.

The biggest harm is blame, because anxious children and parents are in an increasingly anxious state in this busy study. I want to learn because the parents of the children next to me are learning, and so are the children who go to school and play together. Without study, there would be no * * * same time rhythm. Even if there is little contact between classes, children don't have enough time to play with each other, so everyone is scrambling to sign up, and even many of these very general courses have no places. Children grow up in blame and form a vicious circle in anxiety. At present, the city is actually like this. It is not surprising that such children grow up in a fixed time and space and have limitations.

In blame, children are denied, and when blame becomes a normal state, children begin to get along with it. Children's behavior in school will also be influenced by other students, and those children are the product of family influence, so children are influenced by blood-related parents.

We all want our children to succeed and become elites in the future society, so please turn yourself into elites first. The child will not listen to his parents, but he will imitate and he will be influenced. Sometimes imperative demands will certainly work, but words and deeds have a great effect and the effect is obvious.

Good children are encouraged. The present society is different from the past. Few families are short of clothes, and they are not too poor to survive. Parents need to become self-disciplined, because there are too many temptations and too much material wealth. Parents should first step out of their comfort zone, establish good living habits and set the goal of pursuing Excellence to influence their children. Good self-discipline can influence children, not just ask them.

Children will not listen to our demands, but will unconsciously imitate us. If we like reading, he will also like reading, instead of letting him read books and novels while you are playing with your mobile phone. You told him to sit up and do his homework, while you were lying on the sofa. You make him study hard, which is very sensitive, but you do nothing every day. You tell him to get up early and you sleep late.

It is popular now that it is no longer difficult to have a noble child in a poor family. In my opinion, there are basically no poor families now, at least the problem of food and clothing has been solved. Even within a few years, absolute poverty was eliminated, and even the whole people began to live a well-off life. In the future, poor family is a relative concept. What is the contrast? Rich and powerful families are not only rich, but full of strict family education, strict family atmosphere and elite consciousness in the whole family. A lazy and unmotivated family may bring up carefree children.

Therefore, blame and normalized reprimand and depreciation are the biggest destruction to children. They hit their young self-esteem and enterprising spirit. Perhaps the difference of children in the future is not the difference of intelligence at all, but the difference of parents' educational methods. Excellent parents decide excellent children, which may decide her class. Poor parents raise their children at the bottom, and his children will eventually stay at the bottom.

The world is fair, because in order to survive, the poor demand perfection and are eager for success; A stable family seeks stability, and happiness will gradually decline. Now that basic poverty has been eliminated, the real poverty is actually ideological poverty. If you just want an ordinary sense of life, then you can only be an ordinary person.

Children who are always blamed lack self-confidence and security, and are always afraid of being blamed. Many people take care of others' feelings and opinions because they care too much, which greatly limits people's thinking and behavior, and this influence is very subtle and anti-human.

Promising children are praised and encouraged. It is impossible to cultivate healthy and active children with a cynical attitude of hating iron and not producing steel. Human nature is stimulated and rarely suppressed.

Children are our mirrors, where there are shortcomings and advantages, we can almost find our shadow.