Human Disqualification is basically his autobiography. Taizai was sensitive and pessimistic all his life, but he wanted to pursue beauty but could not bear to look directly at all beauty. In the end, he made a choice in the absurd philosophy of life put forward by Camus, and he chose to commit suicide. The author's determination to make this choice is basically understandable from the life in the book, but I don't agree with it except for the insignificant sigh. I skipped many chapters in this book. Probably, everyone's ability to read their true selves is too different. Whether influenced by social environment or family education as a child, most unfortunate people and happy people have no right to choose themselves. Taizai's family gave him a pessimistic and sensitive attitude, which made him feel that if he wants to survive well, he must please others. Therefore, his life has never been able to show his true self. Although he is kind and talented, he still failed to live a beautiful life.
Maybe I am an optimistic person by nature. Although I seldom go to see a literary work with my emotions, because I know that it will only make me read what I originally believed, this work still makes me very uncomfortable. The author depicts the world reflected in his heart with pessimism that sees through human nature. I admit it has some practical significance, but it has nothing to do with me. As a bystander, I can only sympathize with his situation, but I can't fully understand his choice. Probably because I am one of the so-called "lucky children" in this world.
The protagonist feels that he doesn't deserve happiness, which makes me sad. This is a kind of inferiority engraved in the depths of the soul, with self-denial. Xiong Peiyun has a book called Freedom Above, but I think "you are your freedom". What do you mean? Only by letting go of yourself can you have absolute freedom. Freedom is not the ability to follow one's inclinations, but no matter what choice you make, you can reach a settlement with your true self in any situation, and you will not be dissatisfied and regretful, nor will you feel inferior and unable to accept the present state. If a person's heart is full and calm, happiness is like a shadow.
It seems a little off topic. In short, this book is not to my taste. If you can get comfort from it, I hope you can get closer to your true self.