1. I want to see clearly the past, and then underestimate the past. That's all!

2. Your world has nothing to do with me; in my world, you are only qualified to watch.

3. Happiness is not given by others, but is controlled by yourself.

4. Forgetting someone does not mean that you no longer think of it, but that when you think of it, there is no more waves in your heart.

5. I have seen thousands of people with hair like yours, Eyes like yours, but not your face.

6. It doesn’t matter if you don’t love me! I can always make you fall in love with me

7. Sister, you are so generous! I am very happy to fulfill your shameless happiness!

8. A person is just a person! It's okay, I'm fine!

9. I frequently change my signature for you, but you never take a look.

10. Don’t take the reason why I love you as a reason for you to be mean - you are not worthy.

11. My heart has been lost in your world

12. Say softly to yourself: I am fine, I don’t feel any pain!

13. The sky has cleared up after the rain, but when will my love clear up?

14. I am not as gentle as you want, nor as considerate as you want. I am full of dirty words. If you don’t love me, I don’t blame you.

15. Falling in love will not delay learning. If you find a good partner, it will make learning progress. What really delays learning is lovelorn and secret love.

16. Sometimes, what we miss is not time, but feeling

17. I love you because I like you. If I don’t like you, I won’t care. Take care of you!

18. I don’t have to compromise myself to please anyone. Besides, I’m not that great. Whether I like it or hate it, I don’t care.

19. I can bend down to tie your shoes. A better man is always better than a man who only helps you take off your clothes.

20. I don’t understand. The one you marry (marry) is not marrying (marrying). If you marry (marry), I will die!

21. Okay! It doesn't matter if you don't love me! There will always be a day when you regret it

22. When I don’t want you anymore, just squat in the corner and cry!

23. No matter how good things are, they will always expire. Love, too.

24. Isn’t it just lovelorn! Who has never been in love when he was young?

25. Your value to me is that I still love you now. When I stop loving you, you will have no value to me at all! Let’s talk about something a bit mean

Let’s talk about something a bit mean

1. The husband and his wife were sleeping on the bed. The husband saw that a hair of his daughter-in-law had fallen out, so he picked it up and put it away. to yourself. The daughter-in-law said: Why are you picking my hair? My husband said: Pretend that you are interrogating me and asking me where this hair comes from! She said seriously: Tell me honestly, where did this hair come from? The husband said calmly: It's from the pig

2. Mom, give me some money to spend! Why? Today is Children's Day! You little brat, who said I have to give you money on Children’s Day? No! But grandpa celebrates Qingming Festival and you all waste money!

3. The doctor said to the patient sincerely: If you want to live a longer life, then you really should quit smoking. Patient: It's too late to quit now. Doctor: How could that happen? It’s never too late to quit smoking! Patient: Well, then there’s no rush, haha.

4. I have been married for two years without having children. One day when I was shopping, I saw a pregnant woman passing by. I was a little envious and quickly showed my wife. My wife took one look and said: My belly is so big even after I’m full. I was speechless. .

5. My son was watching bears. I saw that the scene was winter, so I asked: Why don’t bears hibernate in winter? Son: How can I have time to film all day long?

6. Ordinary people like me really can’t enjoy the life of high-end people.

Yesterday at a star hotel, the waiter at the door handed me a towel even though I had wiped my bowels and came out. I had no choice but to go back and wipe it again with a towel, fold it and return it to him. . .

7. A colleague drove a new BMW to work. An unmarried female colleague next to him asked who owned the BMW. The colleague said it belonged to his brother-in-law. After hearing this, she immediately asked: Does your brother-in-law have a partner? Please introduce me to him.

8. While shopping, I bought a scratch-off ticket and won four hundred. I happily ran home and told my wife. After we were happy for a long time, my wife said: Hand it over.

9. I brought my nephew to our company to play. My colleague Xiao Zhang enthusiastically gave my nephew some juice to drink. I said to my nephew: "Uncle brings you something good to drink. You have to tell your uncle." What? Unexpectedly, my nephew pointed at Xiao Zhang and said: Just having something to drink is not enough. Go and get me something delicious.

10. A neighbor’s child was 7 or 8 years old. When his grandfather passed away, his father burst into tears. His younger brother ran over and said to his father: Dad, you don’t have a father anymore. I can be your father. . . His father grabbed him and beat him up.

11. Received a call: Brother, I got into a fight with someone just now, please call 20 brothers over. Okay, what guy to bring? Buy some fruit baskets and make your apology sincere.

12. I met a manager of a construction company and told me: There is no project that our company cannot handle! Building buildings, installing elevators, laying ceramic tiles, anything related to construction! I asked weakly. Sentence: Brother, I want to install an elevator on Mount Everest, please give me a price! Manager: Me: If it doesn’t work, we can tile the Great Wall! It doesn’t matter how much you want

13. The miser’s wife is dead , the miser cried until he died. The person who expressed condolences was very moved and said to the miser: Looking at you, I know that you and your wife have a good relationship. Scrooge: Can it be bad? When she was alive, she would nag about everything every day, so I didn’t have to buy TV or radio. Now that she is dead, who will let me watch TV and listen to the radio for free?

14. I was watching TV with my wife at home during the holiday. She suddenly said to me, my dear, shall we never be separated in this life? I was so moved that I nodded, and I saw her clumsily taking a pear from behind and chewing it on her own. It was the first time I had ever experienced eating alone and talked about it in such a sensational way. Life is all a routine!

15. One day, my father and brother went to buy goods. When it was time for dinner, they went to a restaurant to eat. As soon as we entered the restaurant, my father shouted loudly: Boss, please bring two bowls of shaved noodles. After a while, the boss brought out two bowls of noodles. While eating, my brother looked at the menu posted on the wall of the restaurant. When he saw egg soup, pork rib soup...he said, "Dad, please give me a bowl of soup." My dad said loudly without raising his head, "Boss, here's a bowl of noodle soup."

16. Jiang Taigong was fishing. A passerby saw him and asked curiously: Why do you use a straight hook to fish? Jiang Taigong rolled his eyes at him and said: "You haven't studied physics, haven't you? Look at it, it will bend when you put it in the water!"

17. A man has been secretly in love with a girl for a long time. One day he finally got up the courage to confess his feelings to the girl. Man: Please accept my love and be my girlfriend? Woman: I'm sorry, I don't like you! Man: I had feelings for you when I first met you. Don't you have any feelings for me at all? Woman: Yes! Man: Thank God! Woman: It’s just that I feel like vomiting!

18. The doctor told me to hold my urine for color ultrasound at 3:30 in the afternoon. I was very obedient and couldn’t hold it in any longer. . . Sir, tell me what the twenty people in front of you are doing? You want to suffocate me to death! ! !

19. A girl’s boyfriend broke up with her because of her greed. I asked her: How are you feeling now? She said: My heart is broken like a crushed potato chip!

20. My cousin is hospitalized for surgery, and I will accompany him. At noon, the nurse took his temperature and asked him how many times he had urinated and defecated in 24 hours. He was drowsily asleep and asked: Does the urine that comes with you when you defecate count?

21. A new bathhouse opened nearby.

The guests asked the boss: Why is there no water in the pool and no water in the shower? The boss said: The bathhouse I opened is a dry cleaning shop.

22. A man wanted to go to the train station, but he was lost. He asked a child carrying a schoolbag: Hello, kid, can you tell your uncle how you got to the train station? Child: My parents took me there.

Twenty-three, I went to buy Bao Yuxi and gave him twenty yuan. The boss insisted on twenty-one yuan. I had no choice but to open the cigarette and hand him one. I will never forget the look in the shop owner's eyes when he saw me leaving.

Twenty-four. When picking up the bride, he was blocked and asked the groom to kneel down and imitate the barking of a dog. The groom made up his mind, knelt down and shouted. The woman continued to make trouble and had to give 88888 to get in! The door wouldn't open even after begging for a long time. The groom was helpless and gritted his teeth and said: Go home and stop answering! So he really left! The woman was dumbfounded and hurriedly called the groom. The groom’s father answered the call and told the woman directly: Let the two children go to the Civil Affairs Bureau tomorrow to get the divorce certificate! The bride is miserable.

25. I met a female colleague on the way to work. The female colleague happily walked with me on the road carrying a newly bought mink bag. I pointed at her bag and she proudly said: Newly bought! I pointed to her bag again, and she said: It’s not expensive, only more than 20,000 yuan! I said: The mobile phone in your bag has been ringing for a long time. Are you deaf? !

26. Mrs. Li is 70 years old this year, and her wife has passed away many years ago. Not long ago, a neighbor wanted to introduce her to someone of a similar age. Mrs. Li asked her neighbor: What is his character like? The neighbor replied: There is absolutely no problem with your character! Mrs. Li then asked: How do you look? The neighbor replied: He is also very handsome! Mrs. Li asked again: Is it high? The neighbor replied: High, three high!

27. He who has more money goes home less; he who has more beauty wears less; he who has more ideas has less success; he who has more success has less longevity; he who studies more has less vision; he who has more vision has less peace. Having more lovers means less sleep, having more friends means less difficulties, and having more jokes means less depression.

Twenty-eight. After taking the train for 8 hours, I finally arrived home. This year I can finally spend the New Year with my parents. It seems that my parents don’t like me very much. As soon as I walked in, my parents said: What are you doing back? Still not back to the construction site? Me: I’ll celebrate the New Year with you when I come back! Dad got angry and said: It’s only May, why the hell don’t you want to go out to work?

29. I was a little nervous when I went to a restaurant with my girlfriend for the first time. My girlfriend ordered a cucumber salad. After the dish was served, I put a piece of cucumber on her plate and said, "Here, eat it while it's hot."

Thirty. Wife: The woman in front is very beautiful. Husband: I don’t think so! Wife: You lack aesthetic vision. Husband: Yes, so I often praise you for your beauty.

31. Picking up a mobile phone, the owner later sent me a message saying: I can give you the mobile phone, please return the card to me. Then I sent him a message back and said: I can give you the card, please. Bring me the charger! He agreed, and we made an appointment to meet in the park, and then I was beaten and my phone was gone.

Thirty-two. The second hand of the watch fell off with a hanging thread, so I took it for repair. After the repair was completed, I asked the watch repairman: Why did the second hand fall off for no reason? The master rolled his eyes and said: You are shaking too much, please change which hand to use next.

Thirty-three. Wife: Husband, the season has changed, and I want to buy clothes. Me: Are you obedient? Wife: Disobedient! Me: If you don’t obey me, I won’t buy it for you. Wife: Then I will obey you! Me: Be good and be obedient! We don't buy it. Wife: Ni sister, I don’t want to change the season anymore, I’ll change it for you. I dared to say: buy, buy, buy.

Thirty-four. The little niece is over 4 years old and often makes surprising remarks. One day, her father watched a ghost movie in his arms, and the little niece probably didn't dare to sleep at night. After going in and out of the room several times, she looked at her parents, pointed at her father's nose and said: Today you sleep on the sofa, and I want to sleep with your wife!

35. I will never forget what the photographer said to me when we were taking pictures: Beauty, please stretch your neck forward as much as possible. We cannot repair double chins.

Thirty-six. I went to the doctor when I was sick. The doctor prescribed some medicines for me, but I didn’t want to take them because they were too painful.

The doctor advised, "How can you get better if you don't accept it?" I was still dissatisfied and said stubbornly. Unexpectedly, he hit me with a brick on my head: Why the hell did you hit me! The doctor sneered and said: Haha, just treat all kinds of dissatisfaction.

37. During the physical examination and urine test, aren’t everyone given a small cup? Just drop a little in it. But I saw a young man holding a full glass in both hands. He walked up to the doctor with difficulty and carefully put the glass down. The doctor was an aunt and looked straight at him and said: Young man, are you here to toast?

Thirty-eight. Wife: Husband, go down and turn off the light. Husband: I have taken off all my clothes. Go down and turn it off. Wife: Oh, please close your eyes for a minute. Wife : Okay, I have taken off my clothes now, you can go down and lock me up.

39. I have never had a girlfriend before. When I see other people having girlfriends advising them to quit smoking, I think it is a wonderful thing. So I started smoking, waiting for the person who asked me to quit smoking to appear. Until many years later, I met my current partner by chance. I still remember that she was the first to say: Hey! Borrow a fire.

Forty, male: I like drinking coffee. Woman: I like drinking water. Man: I like playing CS. Woman: I like reading novels. Man: I like to see beautiful women. Woman: Me too. Man: We have the same thing in our headquarters. Woman: Yes. Man: Let me tell you, one time I bumped into a pillar just to look at a beautiful woman. Woman: What is this? In order to make it easier for me to see beautiful women, I even had sex reassignment surgery.

41. Hello, I live in room 816. The quilt in my room is a bit damp. Thank you for the compliment, sir. You are really discerning. This is indeed the latest model this year.

42. Accompanying my buddy on a blind date, she is a pure loser and won’t say anything when she sees a beautiful girl. As a result, the girl and I had a lively conversation. It was cold, and the girl sneezed. When I saw the opportunity, I poked my brother to express something. This guy scratched his head and scratched his head for a long time and said: It will be sunny when a dog sneezes. . .

Forty-three, I went out alone and met a naughty kid selling flowers. . Child: Uncle, uncle, buy a flower for your sister. I:. . . It’s my brother. Child: Uncle, uncle, buy a flower for your brother. I. . . Those cheap networks

1. Mental patients have broad ideas, and mentally retarded children have a lot of fun

2. Since I blocked you, the Internet speed has become faster! ! !

3. Cheese is power - bacon

4. If you are well, it will be a bolt from the blue.

5. My quilt is sick today, and I have to stay in bed to take care of her.

6. Don’t shock the world with your coquettishness, but try to impress the world with your shamelessness

7. Many people rely on their faces to make a living, but I don’t, I rely on my mouth =.

10. Do you want the coffin to be straight or with a sliding cover?

11. For a girl like me, there is no way I can suppress my beauty without any weight.

12. Computer, don’t do this! Let me go, I am a person with homework! ! !

13. If my life were a movie, you would be the advertisement that popped up

14. I must have been homeless in my previous life, so I ended up living like this in this life.

15. Hello, I am currently away for something, and I will never be able to contact you in this life!

16. I have never met you, I have never met you, I have never met you, but I have passed by you, I have never met you, but I have no chance to know you, life is so wonderful!

17. I like the confident, proud, and beautiful version of myself, but I don’t like the inferior, sad, and unbeautiful version of myself that I am now! I always help others and disgust myself. Why do I suffer so much? It is better to disgust others and help myself.

18. One day, I will get used to your straightforwardness, and you will guess my duplicity. We looked at each other, smiled, held hands, and grew old together.

19. Human life is really short. I really want to cherish the present, but I can’t keep the past!

20. When you are with a person, if the energy he gives you is to make you wake up happy every day, sleep peacefully every night, and be full of motivation in everything you do, If you are full of expectations for the future, then you have not loved the wrong person. The most suitable relationship is never to torture each other in the name of love, but to accompany each other and become each other's sunshine.

21. I hope to have a job that is not boring, to meet a person who is not ugly when I am not very old, to have a leisurely love, and to have a wedding that is not noisy or noisy. , give birth to a lovely baby, live peacefully, and live my not-so-bad life. What I want has always been simple.

22. A person will meet about 29.2 million people in his lifetime, and the probability of two people falling in love is 0.000049. So if you don't love me, I don't blame you.

23. Life is just joking with me again and again. Although it is not a thrilling life, it is still a traumatic life for a hundred days.

24. There is no direction in the heart, and there is escape wherever you go.

25. The only thing in the world that cannot be deceived is your own heart. It always exposes your joys and sorrows when you are least careful.

26. Have the courage to give up something for the life you want. There is no justice in this world, and you will never get the best of both worlds. If you want freedom, you have to sacrifice security. If you are idle, you cannot achieve the achievements that others evaluate. If you want to be happy, you don't need to care about the attitudes of people around you. If you want to move forward, you have to leave where you are.

27. When you have no choice and are under too much pressure, remember to smile at yourself in the mirror and say: I'm sorry, you have been wronged by following me, but I will definitely make you happy.

28. Don’t always evaluate your status in the hearts of others. Living in the eyes of others is equivalent to losing yourself. Very mean, very mean talk

Very mean, very mean talk

1. The Queen was unwell, her face turned pale, she had unbearable abdominal pain and was sweating. After diagnosis, the imperial physician concluded that the queen had an ectopic pregnancy and must undergo surgery immediately! The emperor said: The queen accompanies Lian every day and never leaves the palace. How could it be an ectopic pregnancy? Someone come! Pull out this nonsense quack and behead him!

2. I went shopping with my sister and her daughter at the mall, and the little guy was sitting on the shopping cart! While my sister was looking at the products, I pushed the shopping cart and left! Who would have expected that this little guy would actually shout for help! The looks from others are unfair to me.

3. I went to Daming Temple to burn incense. When I made a wish, I silently thought of my loved ones and asked Bodhisattva to bless them. When I got home, I realized that I had forgotten to ask Bodhisattva to bless my wife. . . Then I thought about it, my wife is so strong, she probably doesn’t need the blessing of a Bodhisattva. . . .

4. My wife used to be very cruel to me, so I asked her to learn Sanda and Judo. What now? I'm much better now. You bowed to me before you hit me!

5. I went for a walk in the park with my buddy. While we were walking, a little kid ran out from the flower stand next to me, and then hit my buddy in the face with a water gun. After the beating, he ran away quickly, and then My brother chased him wildly and wanted to beat him, but I said: Forget it, the kid is ignorant, why should I be like him? It's not a big deal. Who knew that my brother was even more excited and said to me: It’s fucking urine! It's urine

6. I saw a beautiful woman in the library, so I walked up to chat with her: Hello, classmate, please introduce yourself. I am from the computer department. How about you? She looked at me and smiled sweetly: I have nothing to do with you. Damn, what a witty girl.

7. My girlfriend’s best friend is a complete witch. She often asks me about things that happened in bed with my girlfriend. When I got annoyed, I said she was here to see my aunt, and this girl suddenly said, I will take you to my house. Play, and I guarantee you will be floating when you go downstairs! I just wanted to ask if I can go?

8. In the morning, the couple went out to the street. Wife: My dear, the cold wind is howling, where is the coldest place for you? Husband: Face Wife: But why doesn’t my face feel cold? Husband: You can try it without makeup tomorrow morning

9. Ms. Lin came to the electrical appliance store and asked: Do you sell car remote controls for cars, mahjong remote controls for mahjong, and fan remote controls for fans? Husband’s remote control? Salesperson: The remote control is an accessory and is not sold separately. It is provided by the manufacturer of the machine. Ms. Lin: Where can I buy it? Salesperson: Of course, go to your husband’s manufacturer or your mother-in-law’s house to buy it!

10. Watching the Romance of the Three Kingdoms with my wife, I said casually: What do you think I can do in the Three Kingdoms? The wife said leisurely: Tied to the straw boat, borrow arrows! I. . . .

11. In class, the absent-minded Luca was called on by the teacher to ask questions. The teacher said: Why don’t you answer, Luca, is my question difficult? Luca said: Oh, no, I completely understand the question, but the answer is difficult for me.

12. There is really no way to teach today’s children. Today I told my son: You only have one life, so cherish it. The son actually replied: Don’t you know how to cherish only when you lose it?

13. My roommate was drying the quilt, and the static electricity on the quilt shocked him. He didn’t expect this guy to say: You dare to shock me, believe it or not, I will sleep with you at night. .

14. My sister-in-law took her money-mad niece to the clinic for injections. The doctor prescribed 3 bottles of intravenous drip, and the niece started to take the injections. After finishing two bottles, my niece started to fuss and said nothing. The sister-in-law had an idea and said to her niece: If you buy two bottles, you will get one free. The niece lowered her head and thought for a moment, then said: OK!

15. I asked a classmate who is a teacher: They say there is a teacher-student relationship, is there anyone chasing you? The teacher said: Whether there is someone to pursue you or not is a matter of level, but whether you accept it or not is a matter of character. As a teacher, your level cannot be low and your character cannot be bad.

16. When I was arguing with my girlfriend, I said angrily: There are thousands of women in the world, but I can change them every day if I have money! That stupid guy actually said: I can find any man in the world, but I can still do it even if I don’t have money. I'll go. .

17. Just a few days ago, I pursued a girl and bought her breakfast. I knew her dormitory number, so I sent it to the door of the dormitory. The girl refused to come out to get it, so I left it outside her dormitory door. After I left, she came out to get it and found it next door to her dormitory. Did I put it wrong?

18. During a blind date, the girl asked: What do you do for a living? Me: I am responsible for the comings and goings of company personnel. The girl never contacted me after that. Later I heard that she thought I was the doorman, but in fact I was HR.

19. I went to dinner with my friends and met a weird waiter. After ordering a dish of wood-fired chicken stewed with mushrooms, my friend asked: Are you serious wood-fired chicken? The waiter said: Chaiji is indeed Chaiji. I really don’t know if it’s serious or not.

20. The company drew the Water Margin character card in the lottery. Lao Wang shouted: I drew Xiao Li Guanghua Rong! Manager: Give me a pair of bows and arrows! Lao Li shouted: I drew Lu Zhishen! Manager: Give me a bunch of Buddhist beads! I shouted: I got Wu Dalang, manager, are you giving me a beautiful daughter-in-law? The manager smiled and said: Give me a cuckold!

21. The darkness ahead is filled with bicycles and tricycles. The car finally spotted a tractor in the crowd. He hurriedly stepped forward and patted his shoulder: Brother, I finally found someone I can talk to. The tractor knocked off his hand and said: Come on! Who is your brother? I was the one who spoke before.

Look at you, you can only breathe with your butt!

22. I feel that my mother has gone crazy. Due to physical reasons, my aunt is always not on time. When I had a boyfriend before, my mother would ask n times a day if she was late, are you here? ? ! Now I don’t have a boyfriend. It’s ten days late. I told my mother that I wanted to drink some Chinese medicine to heal myself. My mother actually told me that it’s okay. I don’t need to heal myself. I can also save sanitary napkins. It’s good to do it ten times a year

23. I went to a unit for an interview and went to the human resources department to see my ex-girlfriend sitting there. We looked at each other meaningfully. When we passed by the planning department, I went and my ex-girlfriend was there. Boss, why don't you just tell me if you don't want to recruit me? Why are you making all this trouble?

24. I worked in a taxi for the past two days. I had various conversations with the driver in the car until I lost my phone. The driver said that since the New Year, he has picked up seven mobile phones in one day and returned them to others. This is not the point. The point is that he dropped his phone when he got off the car. Call me on my mobile phone. It rang once and he hung up. If he tried again he would immediately shut down his phone. He was so tired!

Twenty-five. A painter wanted to paint a portrait of Wukong. Wukong took off his clothes and stood in front of the painter. The painter looked at Wukong and said: You'd better put on your clothes and I'll paint it for you! Wukong asked: Why? The artist said: There is no need to draw such monkey hair when wearing clothes, it will be faster!

26. Boss, the workers asking for wages are here again. What a hassle. If it weren't for the fact that today is the first day of the Lunar New Year, I wouldn't be able to move the broom. I really want to sweep them all out at once. However, the broom has been taken away by the cleaner and used as salary!

27. The farthest distance in the world is when I keep looking at you and you keep looking at me on the bus. I fall in love with you at first sight, but you hold your wallet tightly.

28. Xiao Ming came home from school and there was a guest at home. His mother introduced him to him: This is his cousin. cousin. This is my cousin. Cousin. This is my cousin. They are all expressions! Pa, I was slapped by my mother. Xiao Ming cried aggrievedly. That’s right, Xiao Ming said while crying.

29. My son yelled that his classmates’ parents were taking them to a haunted house, and he wanted to go too. I said, “No, you’re still young and it’s easy to scare you.” My son insisted on going to a haunted house as a family over the weekend. I thought the child would be scared, but he yelled loudly as soon as he came out. I thought the ghosts were so scary! cut! It’s not as scary as when my mother is angry! ! !

Thirty. The naughty kid downstairs has just gone to school and is very naughty. His grandparents told him to study hard, and he said: If I study hard, what should I do if I get admitted to Tsinghua University? I heard that the tuition fee is expensive, can we afford it? His grandfather said: Study hard and if you can afford it, don’t worry! Naughty kid: You’re lying. In the morning, I asked you for a dollar but you said we didn’t have any money!

31. A person interviewed college students. Half of the boys said they had never watched AV, and most of the girls also said they had not watched it. They also said that although they had not watched it, they knew that all boys had watched it. Yes, and boys like to watch it.

32. Wife: Husband, do you have arthrogryposis? Me: Why do you say that? Wife: Don’t you feel that your arms are getting shorter? When we first got together, you could still wrap your arms around my waist. I. . .

Thirty-three. Male: You are so beautiful, I don’t even know how to express my love for you? Woman: Use money. Man: Our love is pure, how can it be related to money! Woman: Then use diamonds.

34. Dad, why don’t you call me by my name? You call me little thing every day. Why? Son, things mean cute. Because you are still young and look very cute, everyone calls you little thing. Oh, I think Dad is cute too. I'll call you old guy from now on. . .

Thirty-five. Wife: Wear it! Husband: It feels better if you don’t wear it. Wife: It’s safer if you wear it. Husband: Trust my skills. Wife: I won’t let you go in if you don’t wear it. Husband: You look like a man if you don’t wear one. Wife: Are you annoyed? Will you die if you wear a helmet while riding a motorcycle?

Thirty-six. When a man came home from a business trip, he did not tell his family. When he arrived at the door of his house, he secretly Put your ear against the door and eavesdrop on the conversation inside. The son said: Mom, I miss my dad so much! Mom: Come on, let’s call Dad! The man was moved to tears outside, so he took out his cell phone and waited for half an hour, but the call never came. . . But the conversation was lively inside

37. The difference between my husband and me is that he watches country love and I watch Korean dramas! Each voice got louder than the last, and when I was about to pull out a tissue to wipe my tears, he was laughing loudly! The battle between ice and fire!

Thirty-eight, Aguang bought a kitten and loved it very much. But the kitten was very naughty, so Aguang taught it a lesson: Lambs know how to kneel to breastfeed, and crows know how to feed in return. I feed you delicious food every day, why don’t you know how to repay me? Unexpectedly, the next day, a half-eaten mouse appeared on Aguang's dining table.

Thirty-nine. I just went to the toilet, and a strange man came next door, squatting in the pit and talking on the phone. The content is as follows: "My dear, I am eating. I am eating now. It tastes pretty good. I will bring you to try it another day. Well, okay. Goodbye, baby!"

Forty, summer, at home My dog ??had a skin disease, and my wife used Fuyanjie to wash it, and the effect was very good. One day, my wife went to buy Fuyanjie for the dog. The clerk came over and said that if you use some topical ointment after washing, it will heal faster. My wife thought about it and said seriously, if you can't apply the ointment, he will lick it! The clerk’s eyes almost fell out. My wife realized that she had been misunderstood and explained, I meant that my dog ??can lick! ! Wife, have you really explained it clearly? !

41. Watch two kindergarten children playing a ball guessing game. One child takes a table tennis ball and three cups, turns the cup over to cover the ball and moves it, and then asks the other child to guess. You can always guess every game! I was watching from the side, and what I wanted to say in my heart was: Boy, you can’t play this game with a transparent cup!

42. Ask your husband: If you had money, would you buy me a plane to go to work? My husband said: Yes. I said: You are so rich and you still let me go to work? What should I do if someone makes me angry? My husband said: If you see someone unhappy, hit them with a plane!

Forty-three. A buddy showed off his shiny gold watch to the girl across from him and said: A good watch is a good one. It was more than 20 minutes late a few days ago, and it took less than five days to catch up. ! I was holding it in until I was injured internally!

Forty-four. A couple was having an quarrel. The man didn't speak at first. Then he suddenly started talking: First, we are husband and wife! Second, we are people with higher education, knowledge, culture and quality! Third, you are the one who said you want to go shopping today, and you are the one who said you don’t want to go shopping! Why are you angry with me? The woman raised her head and said: I am happy