You are the time that amazes me. Text/Xia Qixi - He is the gentle moonlight and the tender years, you are the bright and amazing time of the morning sun. When Luoyang told me that this was my good friend Gu Xibai, I looked up and was dazzled by you wearing a bright yellow sweater on the dance machine. A long time later, I remembered the first time I saw you, and the only word I could think of was thunder and fire, a combination of ghosts and gods. You are like an atomic bomb, shot into my world. And at that moment, I actually had ulterior motives and forgot about Luoyang beside me, trying to get close to you. I swear, I am not coveting your appearance, because Luoyang is also one of the most beautiful boys in a hundred. But the light emanating from your bodies that day was different. He was the graceful moonlight and tender years, and you were the bright and stunning sunrise time. That day you saw me and Luoyang jumping off the dance machine. Your peers around the dance machine applauded you. You waved to them proudly, turned around and patted Luoyang on the shoulder, looked at me and teased, "This is the new sister-in-law." Luoyang held my hand and smiled, "Don't sow discord, there is no difference between old and new, that's all." You smiled cunningly, turned around to see me and stretched out your hand and said, sister-in-law, I am Gu Xibai. I have heard about you from Luoyang for a long time, and I finally met you today. I smiled slightly and held out my hand. Luoyang's hands are dry and warm, which always makes me feel at ease. Your palms, probably due to sweat from dancing, are moist and warm, with the residual heat of a bullet coming out of the barrel, and my heart begins to feel nowhere to rest. Luoyang and I have been together for half a year. If you want to ask him what's wrong with him, the only thing he has is that he is too good to me. It was so good that I was at a loss as to what to do and what to do. I asked him why he was so nice to me, and he said you are my girlfriend, no one else would be nice to you. He said I was cute, and I said I was pitiful and unloved. Otherwise, girls wouldn’t be holding their boyfriends’ hands when shopping, while I would be like a madman trying to scare a stray dog. Luoyang said, let me be your boyfriend so that you won't be lonely. Luoyang's expression was serious and solemn when he said this. My eyes glowed red. The handsome boy who was popular in No. 1 stood in front of me and said that he wanted me to be his girlfriend. He didn't say anything else, but he just wanted me to take him out for a walk. The repeat rate is just like Hunan Satellite TV's ratings, which skyrocketed. So at that moment I was fascinated and agreed to Luoyang without hesitation. Second, when we ask what love is in the world, it is one thing descending from another. Ask what love is in this world. Experts have answered before that it is one thing that brings down another thing. I support it with both hands and feet. I feel that God must have seen that I usually bully Luoyang and am too arrogant to do evil, so I sent you to surrender me. Don't say that I was a famous flower with an owner that day. You also have your own identity as the flower protector. Of course, it was not my flower, but a porcelain doll. That day when I went out to eat at the arcade, you asked your girlfriend to come with you, the porcelain doll. Just hearing the name, an image of a skinny beauty emerged in my mind. The moment I saw her, I was stunned. Girls in No. 1 Middle School often say that a ruffian like me is not a good match for Luoyang. The first time I saw the porcelain doll, I suddenly understood the meaning of mismatch. You are more difficult to match than Luoyang and I. Yes, she is worthy of this fitting title. Her skin is as clean as porcelain, and her baby face is kind and cute from a distance. However, her height, her weight... I really hate judging people by their appearance, but when I turn around and look at her thin figure , you are bright and relaxed, I feel depressed inside. All the beautiful boys in this world have been ruined by Cinderella, let’s say Luoyang, let’s say you. I almost plucked up the courage to ask the porcelain doll, it was all a waste anyway, could the two of us be a waste instead. I had mixed emotions during that meal, because I learned the news that as a fine and beautiful boy, you actually like fair and chubby girls! I knew I was out of luck, not white enough, not fat enough. The distance from your eyes is one reincarnation. On the way back, Luoyang told me, even though you look like you don't care about anything on the surface, the porcelain doll is your first love, and you have made great achievements in kissing each other since you were in junior high school. You have fun with many girls, but you are loyal to the porcelain doll. I was speechless and asked the sky why every beautiful boy was created so single-mindedly. In fact, they can have white roses and red roses at the same time. I think if Luoyang knew what I was thinking, he would probably kick me, a white-eyed wolf, long ago. I told Luoyang that I wanted to play games, and Luoyang said that the porcelain dolls were very good at playing, with a high level, and popular in the district. The two of you were like a couple of gods and goddesses, hanging out in front of Luoyang every day in the game. So, he was extremely happy when he heard that I agreed to play the game. He jumped up and down to teach me, but I was short-circuited and ran to the wrong place, fought the wrong monsters, and practiced the wrong skills again and again.

I looked at Luoyang guiltily, but he patted my head gently and said, little fool. Then he continued to demonstrate to me how he never tired of doing it. I suddenly hated myself. Luoyang was so kind to me and invited me to play games so many times before, but in the end I just wanted to get closer to you, so I picked up the game. I don’t know why, but I always feel that after meeting you, I became obsessed with you. I know clearly that you have a girlfriend, but I still foolishly hope that you can discover my goodness like Luoyang. He knew that there was a vast ocean ahead of him, but he insisted on walking alone like a moth to a flame. I gave my heart to you and my time to him. The porcelain doll is really powerful. Facing me who can only pick up some small money behind you, she leads the team to fight the most ferocious monsters. Her equipment is very good, Luoyang said. You often give her the good equipment you get, and you save the money you get to buy equipment for her. To be honest, Porcelain Doll deserves good equipment because she has quick reactions, nimble hands, and a mind that is way ahead of mine. People like me who are too lazy to guess riddles on my face can only become your laughing stock. Since I met you, the four of us have often made appointments to go out for dinner together. So in the game, I traveled to the wrong city to pick up worthless iron blocks, and the embarrassing incident of beating mobs in a low-level place and rising to level 25 became your after-dinner entertainment. There is a lot of happiness, a lot of hot topics, and a lot of troubles. There are rumors circulating in the game, saying that the porcelain doll has a high level and good equipment. It's not just you who gave it to her. She is actually having an affair with the boss of the gang. At first I thought it was just a rumor, but then we had dinner together and I didn’t see the porcelain doll. Luoyang said, Porcelain Doll confessed everything to you, and she has indeed moved on. Moreover, she was also planning to go to the city with the sea to see him and be with him. As a result, our dinner table is no longer happy, and silence dominates. Although you will not sigh, the sad eyes have proved everything. I know you are sad, so whether it is watching a movie or going out to play, I will ask Luoyang to call you. Don't fill up your time, and you won't be alone. But you are a proud and arrogant person, how could you not understand that we can care, so you often reject us. In addition to calling Luoyang every night, I will also call you and chat with you seemingly out of boredom. I don't see anything strange about your emotions. I understand that grievances that can be expressed cannot be considered grievances. Your silence is uncharacteristic and more dangerous than your words. I also want to tell you that a lover who can be snatched away is not a lover, and a porcelain doll is not worthy of your love. I am not worthy of Luoyang's love either. I left my heart to you and my time to him. Four long nights, I held Luoyang's hand. Luoyang went to participate in a competition outside the province, and I asked you to take care of me. But the day after he left, I became restless. That's right, I'm just a little ruffian, and my temperament doesn't match Luoyang's. But let’s forget about talking behind my back. A girl in the third grade of high school who was one grade above me came to my dormitory door and scolded me. After learning this in the restaurant, I immediately rushed to the dormitory. I learned that the girl had gone to evening self-study. So I rushed towards her class again. A group of good sisters followed behind me, and they came fiercely. When I passed the class door, I bumped into you. You ask me what's wrong. I ignored it and went upstairs to my senior year. I kicked the door open and let the girls come out for a duel. The girl stood up and looked at me contemptuously. When she walked out of the class door and saw you, she turned into a timid and timid look. Regardless of everyone's obstruction, I rushed forward and slapped her hard. The girl seemed to resist, but she was weak. I stretched out my legs to kick her again, but you held me back. It was six or seven o'clock, the sky was dark, the street lights on campus were dim, and there were many students watching the excitement in the corridor on the second floor. In the crowded and panicky crowd, you held me tightly and hugged me gently from behind. My waist. You said, Lin Yang, don't cause trouble. I think if Luoyang had held me back, I would have tyrannically accused him of defending pretentious girls. But you are different. Your blocking posture makes me indulge in it. That night I withdrew my hand just for a small hug from you. After I withdrew my hand, you quickly and naturally let go of me. This action made me disappointed for a long time. Your naturalness proves that you are magnanimous in your heart. You really take care of me as your girlfriend in Luoyang. You passed me by unintentionally and brought you the stormy waves of my life. Your natural pull and hug are something I will never forget. When Luoyang comes back, you tell him about my bad temper. Luoyang smiles and rubs my hair and clinks glasses with you. I also lowered my head and sipped secretly, thinking of your hug as light as thin smoke. Xibai, I never told you that every time I meet you, I will put away my usual scoundrel attitude. One of your girlfriends named A, B, B, Ding happily nestled on your shoulder. During the long night, I held Luoyang's hand in despair. Luoyang thoughtfully lifted up my bangs, replaced the wine glass, and poured out orange juice.

His love has always been so appropriate and stable. Of the 50,000 doorways, there is always someone who has to go first. I often walk by the river without getting my shoes wet. This sentence is most suitable for you. You spent all your time drinking tea to pay off your debt, and finally laid the root of your disaster. When she entered the senior year of high school, a top student suddenly missed the exam without any reason. There were rumors that she was pregnant. And the culprit is you. During that time, I did not see you on campus. When I called you, my phone was turned off. I asked Luoyang, he just frowned slightly and said nothing. I know, it's true. During the summer vacation, Luoyang and I didn't have much time to date. I excused myself because the weather was too hot and didn't want to go out, so I wandered around in the game all day. Finally one night, when everyone is offline, you see that you are online. I call you, what have you been busy with recently? You said, apply for a visa. That night, I knew that your father was furious when he found out about it, and the top student's family almost hanged himself in front of your house when they found out about it. Your father finally decided to handle the procedures for you and the top student to go abroad. Let the two of you leave this place and promise that you will be responsible for the top student's home. After learning this fact, I didn't know what to say. Finally, I asked you, do you like her? It took a long time for you to come back and say, I just transferred all the money and equipment to Luoyang, and I can no longer play games with you in the future. After that, if I call you again, it will show that the person you called is not online at the moment, and you can leave a message for him. The day before you leave, treat Luoyang and me to dinner. You take the top student with you. The top student actually looks very well-behaved and beautiful. He stays by your side and looks up to you, just like a sunflower looks up to the sun. At the dinner table, you quietly picked out fish bones for her like you used to pick out fish bones for a porcelain doll. The top student was particularly shy and only said that he could eat it himself. You seem to be in the same state as when you were with the porcelain doll, but yet so different. Where have you gone before? Where have you gone, the talkative and smiling person at the dinner table, the person I once caught a glimpse of? Where are the boys doing gorgeous dance moves on the dance machine? Where is that boy wearing only bright colored clothes? There is a song that says, among thousands of doors, there is always one person who has to go first. Xibai, you go first. I don’t know whether to follow you or go in the opposite direction. Because the stability Luoyang gave me was something I had dreamed of, and I was reluctant to throw it away. 6. I am afraid that from now on, I will walk alone again. I was born in a family with healthy parents, but both my parents loved gambling, so they had no time to take care of me as a burden. I don’t remember how many times I cooked instant noodles alone, and I don’t remember how many times I was punched and kicked. The only thing that embarrassed me over the years was when I was seven years old, because no one taught me common sense in life. As for me, I never knew how often to take a shower or brush my teeth when I got up in the morning. Therefore, when I was seven years old, I was pushed to the ground by children of the same age and endured their humiliation. They said that I was a beggar, that I had no hygiene and that I had contagious diseases. sick. Since then, my personality has become withdrawn. In addition, I failed an exam and did not get the top ten. I was slapped by my father. My grades dropped sharply. I also learned to smoke and drink, and stole money from my family. . From junior high school to now, I have always been alone. When other girls go shopping with their boyfriends on their arms, I chase stray dogs. I am not lonely. Although I stood there and was no worse than my peers, I still resisted in my heart. Except Luoyang. I had known that Luoyang liked me. He often read on the rooftop when I was sitting alone on the rooftop. When I was bored and pulling flowers and plants, he would drive a stray dog ??in front of me. He only wears three colors of clothes, white, blue and gray. I guessed that he must be a dedicated person, so I safely handed over my wandering heart to him for safekeeping. Xibai, you once told me that when you like someone, you don’t want anything for that person, and you just want to be good to them unconditionally, just like you treat a porcelain doll. That's because you have always been in a wealthy family and you never lack anything, so you can give your things to others. I know that you must look down on my behavior. You obviously don't like Luoyang that much, but you stay by his side. You must think I'm selfish. In fact, I am just afraid that the warmth I have been waiting for for a long time will suddenly dissipate. I am afraid that I will walk alone again from now on. That feeling is very lonely, very lonely. The senior year of high school was a little busy with classes, and I was not good at studying, so Luoyang often copied my notes for me, trying to give me tutoring, and wanted to go to the same school as me. I said to him, Luoyang, don’t go to all the trouble. It’s easy for you to take the key points exam, but it’s difficult for me to take the junior college exam. Luoyang doted on me very much and never had any arguments with me. But facing the college entrance examination, there was no concession. We never blushed or quarreled together, because every time I lost my temper, Luoyang would comfort me. I think Luoyang is a harmless person.

But now he started to restrict me in everything. He had to make up lessons after school and make up lessons for self-study. He even picked me up from school and had to memorize vocabulary words on the bus. I couldn't stand this kind of life. I argued and quarreled with him. At first, she still comforted me. I gave you extra lessons because I wanted the two of us to be together. Such days lasted for a long time, and finally, once again, I became seriously overweight, and I blurted out unwillingly that if I were faced with making up lessons and losing you, then I would rather choose to lose you. I rarely consider Luoyang's feelings. I feel like he is like plasticine, which I can round and flatten. So, I don't know how lethal that statement was. He told me very gently, Lin Yang, if you don't like me, why don't you tell me. I won't make things difficult for you. After saying that, he got out of the car. He never spoke to me again. But there is still a warm breakfast on my desk, boiling water in the tea cup every day, and a whole box of stomach medicine in the hole in the desk. I thought that Luoyang and I should have separated long ago, so that maybe I could be free to go away with you. But since I separated from him, I feel inexplicably lost. 7. Because the left atrium is too crowded for two people, I chose you. You occasionally send postcards back, and occasionally I meet you on Q. You always look very busy. The casual conversation was just nonsense like "Have you eaten?" and "Is the weather okay over there?" Because of the different time differences, daytime on your side is early morning on my side. In order to talk to you, I often stayed up all night online. Although our words often only lasted a few words, I was used to watching the changes in your QQ signature in a daze and guessing about your life. Because I paid too much attention to you, I ignored Luoyang's distressed eyes. When the college entrance examination results were released, Luoyang's scores were indeed far ahead of the key lines. And I only have enough to go to a junior college. But when I saw Luoyang Tian’s wish, I cried. Because his ambition is exactly the same as mine, a junior college. I grabbed his application form and asked him, are you crazy? Why are you doing this! Luoyang shook his head, Lin Yang, I said I went to the same school as you. Luoyang was calm, but his family went crazy. They found out that Luoyang had gone to the same school just to be with me. They even came to me and said that they could spend money to help me study at the key point in Luoyang. I shook my head and smiled bitterly, I didn't want to get to the point. I said, Luoyang, you are forcing me to die. If you do this, then I will not study anymore, not even in junior college. Luoyang's eyes were full of sadness, and he said, Lin Yang, don't be like this. I suddenly became furious and said, Luoyang, what do you want from me? I don’t want to go to the same school as you. We are not on the same path. Please don’t force me. You know I am most afraid of being forced by others. Luoyang lowered his head and remained silent. His bangs covered his eyes. I calmed down and said, "Luoyang, let's go to our own schools. If we don't find a boyfriend or girlfriend within two years, how about we stay together?" Luoyang raised his head, took stock, and finally nodded. Before leaving, he said, Lin Yang, I will definitely wait for you. Being so decisive towards Luoyang is not what I want. Because the left atrium is too crowded for two people. So I only chose you. He is a good man in Luoyang. Wherever he goes, he will meet good girls who admire him. They will not be willful and bully him like me, nor will they be surly, irritable and difficult to serve like me. Luoyang doesn't have to be in pain to be with me. I don't want to delay him either. I'm not great, I just can't bear his kindness. So, at least, I won't hurt him again. Eight But, what I miss in the end, do you know what it is. When I was in college, I returned to my former mischievous nature. Apart from causing trouble every day, I also had a good time outside of school. I had a lot of boyfriends. Xibai, I finally understand how lonely you were at that time. There are many beauties around me, but there is no one who knows me. They all said they loved me, but I had met two of the best, so I thought they were not affectionate enough and their words were frivolous and not calm enough. Luoyang occasionally calls me. He just greets me and says, "You have returned from abroad and broke up with the top student." The top student has found her lover abroad and is no longer determined to let you go. You go to college in another city. Live a worry-free life. I heard that the porcelain doll came back to you later, but you didn't forgive her. Although you have loved many girls, you are always thinking about this only one. But you said that being forced sometimes becomes a habitual action. Let her be free while I still have good memories of her. You started playing games again and started joking and talking. When you returned to the game world, you were surprised to see my level. You must not know that in the past two years, my level has been as good as fire. I am now in the game. It's like a porcelain doll that can control the wind and rain.

It's just that I earned everything myself. I didn't ask for anyone's money or their equipment. I came up with it by staying up all night and fighting monsters by myself. You know that after I broke up with Luoyang, you asked me about the appearance of my current boyfriend, but I pretended to be confused and asked which one you were asking about. I didn't give Luoyang any chance. I said that after I went to college, I found that I disliked him even more. I was joking, I was with you because I had little experience. I know how sad this sentence will make Luoyang. He is not a superficial boy at all. In college, he is still the one who stands out from the crowd. But I never tire of it, I just want him to have a day when he gets tired and gives up. Sure enough, I met you at a bar in my hometown city during the summer vacation of my sophomore year. I saw a beautiful girl standing next to Luoyang. She was the kind of girl who would turn heads when walking on the street. She looked like a model. Luoyang truly became a golden boy when he stood with her. There is no one around you. I have to ask you jokingly. You said that after breaking up with the top student abroad, you never found him again. You pretended to be serious and said, I have already seen through the world of mortals. When Luoyang saw that I was single, he was a little embarrassed and couldn't bear it in his eyes, so he sat with the girl for a while and then left. Half an hour after he left, I received a text message from Luoyang. He said, Lin Yang, if you need me to look back, I will rush to your side immediately. I looked at the text message and smiled. I smoked a cigarette and shed tears. I gently pressed the delete button on my phone. The vicissitudes of life are the results I have long expected. How could I turn around and hurt you? We stayed in the pub until late that day. Later, when people were inside, you came over and sat next to me. You were a little tipsy, so you sat down and leaned on my shoulder. You have never been so close to me. You murmured, Lin Yang, it feels so comfortable to lean against you. The music in the bar was a bit noisy, but I heard every word you said. It weighed down my hair, so I could only tilt my head and I didn't dare to move. I have imagined this scene countless times. Xibai, I met many different boys in college. I joked with them, made noise with them, and even kissed with different mouths. But, what I miss in the end, do you know what it is? It was the hug that left no trace that night. When I think of it, my heart beats. Jiuwo's ??refusal took all the courage in this life. I don’t know how long we sat there. I only heard you whisper in my ear at the end, Lin Yang, how about we try it together. I heard from Luoyang that your family has a family business, so your family hopes that you will start a family as soon as possible. It's just that you are tired of love and just want stability. But, Xibai, what do you want me to say? Your words made my whole body stiffen, and the drum beat of the music fell into my ears like a thousand pounds. I was so suppressed that I couldn't breathe. Finally, I sat up straight, picked up the cigarette from the table, lit it, put it to my mouth, turned around and said frivolously, haha, okay. You go and book a room and send the room number to my mobile phone. Everything was revealed, you laughed drunkenly, and you said, what did you learn in college? It's too direct and I can't accept it. You said jokingly, covering your heart as if you were frightened. Love is a war. Sometimes, just one word can make the other person lose. We are no longer the young boys and girls we were before. So, you understand that I refused and took it with a relaxed attitude, and we are still good friends from now on. Xibai, you only saw my casual refusal. However, you must not know that after I dragged my heavy body out of the bar that night, on the way home, I stood on the deserted street and suddenly started wailing loudly. That kind of wailing is like a seabird losing its favorite mate. Xibai, I like you so much that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. My refusal took all the courage in this life. From the time I met you in 2005 to today, four years have passed, and I have been with others, but my heart has always been with you. I have been looking forward to you saying these words "together" for four years. But when you really said it, I didn't dare to accept it. Four years ago, our minds were clear and we made a lifelong commitment when we loved someone. Four years later, we have long been swayed by the sophistication of the world, and our emotional life has gradually become numb, and we can no longer regain the burning love we had before. I'm afraid that it will be too ordinary for us two people who have been tortured by love to be together. I'm afraid that from now on, the daily necessities of life will make me forget the surprise I had for you in the triviality. Do you know my parents? They also fell in love at first, so they decided to stay together. But life destroyed all their love. On the day you said "together" to me, they fought over who took the last money to gamble. In the end, my mother was sent to the hospital, but my father picked up the gambling money and ran towards the casino.

He never looked back and had no nostalgia for his mother. He only remembered the bustling, decadent, drunken atmosphere of the casino, and forgot that the person he loved most was behind him. The lessons learned from my parents made me dare not make any demands on the people I love. All my life, I was afraid that this was just a fairy tale that would never exist. I once read a very vicious saying that love is nothing more than two endings: living together until we grow tired of it, and forgetting each other until we cry. For you, I choose the latter. Others may never understand my shyness towards others. It is a kind of pain that becomes more and more hopeless the more you love. I definitely rejected you, and I definitely rejected myself. Only by being good friends can our connection last forever. Love is too short, but it is so easy to be sad. Of course, you who were born with a privileged birth may never understand my worry about gains and losses, and you will also find a new girl to accompany you in the years to come, but I will always remember those times when you were amazing and your warm embrace. If we are not together, the memories you left for me will become warm white moonlight instead of wounds crushed by the years. I am willing to carry the beautiful thoughts you left me to find someone who can give me stability like Luoyang, and then live my life again.