This man is Franklin.
1
Franklin was very good at arguing when he was young. He often starts with seemingly irrelevant questions and gradually leads to the topic. He often refutes his opponent to pieces and is speechless. So that the boss is afraid to answer his usual questions at work, for fear of being taken in by him.
His debates often get even knowledgeable opponents into trouble.
Later, a social friend kindly told him that he felt arrogant and arrogant, giving people the feeling that Laozi was the best in the world.
One word woke the dreamer, and Franklin suddenly realized that he was a very introspective person, and immediately made a rule for himself: refrain from all tit-for-tat remarks and put an end to subjective and arbitrary remarks. Don't use words that express clear views in language; Such as affirmation and no doubt. Words like absolute, 100% are replaced by "I think", "My understanding is", or "What do I think of one thing" or "What do I think of this thing at the moment".
And even if other people's views are wrong, he will not be greedy for temporary benefits and kill him with a stick. It means "in some cases, your point of view may be right, but at present, I think the situation seems or seems different" and so on.
This change soon paid off, Franklin became more pleasant to talk with people, others were more willing to accept his opinions, and the refutation of his opinions was greatly reduced;
Franklin said, "In this way, even if I find that my point of view is wrong, I won't feel embarrassed. If my point of view happens to be right, I can easily persuade others to give up the wrong point of view and reach an understanding with me. "
This way, Franklin forced himself to do it at first, and then gradually got used to it. He said that thanks to this habit, although I am clumsy and have many problems with my language, I can often persuade others to accept my own point of view.
2
The main purpose of conversation is to provide information or get information.
Arbitrary and conceited words are often offensive and easy to attract opposition.
If you want to provide information and express your opinions, your arbitrary attitude may lead to refutation and hinder the transmission of your own information.
If you want to receive information and gain knowledge, your conceited attitude will make modest people give up arguing, and will make you stick to your own opinions and go further and further on the wrong road.
Your attitude determines whether the person who listens to you can really be persuaded to reach an understanding with you.
three
British poet Pope wrote:
It is with such high emotional intelligence and wisdom that at the end of the Philadelphia Constitutional Convention, everyone held their own opinions and almost collapsed. Everyone turned their eyes to Franklin, who was 80 years old and had a long beard, and hoped that he would stand up and say a few words.
So Franklin said a passage, this is a famous era. ......
After listening to these words, the delegates put aside their disputes, compromised with each other and signed their names. This is how America was founded.
four
Looking back, China read a passage before.
The Buddha Guang Cai gen tan said:
Generous and kind people are good at saving face, don't haggle with others, and know how to tolerate, so they are often surrounded by luck.
And the hard-working people try their best to show their superiority by not loving face, so they make too many enemies and the road ahead is getting less and less.
Being kind to others is actually being kind to yourself.