Negotiating marriage
Negotiating marriage, also known as "discussing relatives", is the initial stage of discussing the marriage of men and women. In the old days, it included several procedures such as "proposing marriage", "posting a post" and "dating" until getting ready for engagement. In this process, it is often the parents of both men and women who decide whether the marriage is successful or not according to the other's family background, family background and appearance, and the male and female parties have little say.
in the old days, there was a rural custom that "there is no cloud in the sky, no rain, and no marriage in the ground". Marriage between men and women can't be independent, just listen to "parents' orders and matchmakers' words." When discussing marriage, we pay attention to "pastoral life, suitable for each family", and we are extremely particular about choosing a portal. In Qinxian County, the concept of family status was very serious in the past, and the society was divided into three classes. "Those who are literate and official are superior, those who are engaged in agriculture, industry and commerce are medium, and those who are affiliated with sedan chair, a singer, etc. The superior is not married to the lower-middle class, but it is difficult for the lower-middle class to marry the upper-middle class, and each is called a family, which is the gate valve." (Qin Zhou Zhi)
At the beginning of marriage negotiation, the parents of the man usually entrust the matchmaker or rely on relatives, friends and neighbors to go to the woman's house to propose marriage, which is also called "proposing marriage". This procedure is equivalent to the "acceptance" in the "Six Rites".
If the woman's parents promise to consider getting married, it is convenient for the man to entrust another person or ask the woman's name and date of birth at the woman's house, so as to "open the eight characters" and ask Mr. Yin and Yang to "get married" to see if the fate of both men and women matches. Changzhi area is called "taking four pillars". The specific way is to write the "four pillars" of the birth year, month, day and time of both men and women on silk or hemp paper, and then ask someone to make a fortune to see if there is any difference between the two sides. It is generally believed that male and female zodiac offenders are not suitable for marriage. The so-called "hedging" refers to the collision between the child and the afternoon, the ugliness and the end, the yin and the Shen, the third and the hai, the Chen and the Xu, the Mao and the unitary, and the * * * "six red". There has always been a saying that "white horses are afraid of green cows, rabbits and dragons communicate in tears, pigs and monkeys don't come to an end, snakes and tigers are like knives, and once sheep and rats stop". Those who live together can succeed, and those who resist each other must avoid it. In my hometown, there is a saying that "a male offender's wife's family is thirty-six, and a female offender's husband's family is poor all her life". These statements are sheer nonsense, and now most places no longer pay attention to them. This procedure is equivalent to "asking names" in "Six Rites".
after the "eight characters" of both men and women are combined, the two companies will choose an auspicious day to pass on the Geng stickers, and re-state the date of birth, month, day and time of the men and women. At this point, the marriage is preliminarily decided. According to Changzhi, the woman is "taken" or "asked out". This procedure is equivalent to the first part of "Naji" in "Six Rites". Since marriage is no longer fashionable now, the procedure of "posting" is naturally exempted.
when the conditions for engagement are met, the two families of men and women should also "blind date", which is also called "seeing each other" and "watching the house", that is, the two families of men and women agree to meet at a time and finally decide whether the marriage will be successful or not. At present, this custom still exists in Changzhi, but the protagonist of "blind date" has changed from both parents to both men and women. The significance of "blind date" is not to recognize relatives, but to further deepen mutual understanding through face-to-face contact. When a man and a woman meet for the first time, they are usually introduced by a matchmaker or introducer. They sit opposite each other and spy on each other's appearance and behavior. The so-called "object" is also true.
engagement
after the marriage negotiation stage, both men and women have positive opinions on marriage, and then they can be formally engaged, that is, "betrothed" and "engaged". The man solemnly sends the bride price to the woman's home, and the number is generally determined by the time and place, depending on the family's wealth. This procedure is equivalent to the latter part of "Naji" and "Nazheng" in "Six Rites".
When a man and a woman are engaged, they usually choose auspicious days such as the 3rd, 6th and 9th of the summer calendar. Parents of both sides should hold banquets for their relatives and friends on the selected days, which are called "betrothal meals". The staple food is generally noodles, which means that men and women have become affectionate children's in-laws, so it is also called "eating noodles". In some places, jiaozi is a must at men's banquets, which means "squeezing your mouth", expressing the hope that you will not ask for a bride price again; When a woman holds a banquet, she retaliates with "noodles with minced meat", taking its advantages, which means that it can't be done without a gift.
On the day of engagement, the male family will send flour to the female family. The flour sent by the woman's family is fried with millet into oil cakes and then sent to the man's family. It is called "notice" for the man to distribute it to relatives, friends and neighbors.
In Shangdang area, the man should give the woman ten things, which means "perfect". Among the things that the woman "gives back" to the man, there are ten packages of wheat bran mixed with salt powder. These ten bags of bran salt should be sprinkled on the heads of future in-laws and sisters-in-law, indicating that everyone is blessed (bran) and predestined (salt). Huguan, Pingshun County and other places, both men and women have to send "four-color gifts" to each other. The man gave the woman "engagement clothes", rings, earrings, bracelets and other things, and the woman returned the man Four Treasures of the Study, fans, purses and belts. Among them, the waistband is particularly indispensable, which means "I'll tie you up from now on" or "I'll serve you and undress".
In many areas of Shangdang, when they are engaged, they also pay attention to exchanging "dragon and phoenix stickers", that is, red paper stickers with dragons and phoenixes printed on them. The "dragon post" given by the man to the woman is written with the words "seeking good luck", also called "sincere post", which roughly reads: "I am ashamed of my lack of jade, and I pray for my promise. Xxxx bow ". The "phoenix post" given by the woman to the man is written with the words "Yunji", also known as "Yuntie", and the general writing content is: "I am more ashamed than phoenix, and I would like to cut Lapras. The foolish brother (brother) bows. " "Dragon and phoenix stickers" are usually made of red gold and gold, and they should be folded into a 1% discount to show that the marriage will last forever (9). Others are folded in half, and the year, month, day and time of birth of men and women are written in the middle seam, which is just right together.
After the engagement, Wuxiang still has the rule of "inviting a date", that is, the man chooses an auspicious day to prepare gifts and prizes, and is led by the matchmaker, who carries his daughter's house with two boxes and tells her the date of marriage. The woman will also be accompanied by relatives to the man's house once. When he returned, the man gave the girl a certain amount of money, but also a bundle of cotton, which was called "touching the pro-cotton" or "sticking the pro-flowers", indicating that from then on, the friendship continued.
After getting married
After getting engaged, if both men and women have reached the marriage age recognized locally, the parents of the man will hold a banquet to invite the parents of the woman and the matchmaker to choose a wedding day together, which is called "meeting choice" or "choosing a date". Earlier, Mr. Yin and Yang were usually invited to see the auspicious day of the zodiac in advance. The wedding months of various local animal signs are: "Chicken and rabbit are in July, tiger and monkey are in February and August;" Pigs and snakes in March and September, dragons and dogs in April and October; Cattle and sheep in May and November, rats and horses in June and the twelfth lunar month ". Because people think that the wedding date is related to the life of both men and women, they are very cautious. Parents of both sides often delay their engagement for more than one year or even longer.
after the wedding date is finally decided, the man should formally write a post to inform the woman. Tunliu area is called "sending the weather", and Pingshun and other places are called "writing books" and "posting posts". This procedure is equivalent to the "invitation period" in the "Six Rites". In some places, it is only at this time that the bride price is officially given to the woman. Before the engagement, it was a "small delivery"; Now I'm going to marry "Nabi" as a "big gift".
Before getting married, both men and women should hold a bride price ceremony. The man should give the woman clothes, articles and money according to her requirements. There are basically six kinds of bride price: betrothal money, wedding cakes, wedding noodles, inserting and wearing, ready-made clothes, and red-loving. Xihong is red cotton cloth, which is used to make women's trousers. The other five kinds of bride price are not necessarily compulsory, but you must have it.
On the eve of wedding in most areas of Shangdang, both men and women give each other "sacrificial materials". The sacrificial materials of the husband's family include a little rice flour, a knife of pork (about a catty), a piece of raw copper and a piece of wrought iron. Female domestic animals are short of pork and have a little salt. Each item symbolizes a certain meaning: rice flour, which means rice flour husband and wife, and wishes the couple to be diligent and keep the house; Pork means dead meat for live meat; Raw copper and wrought iron represent the marriage of copper and iron, and wish the couple a lifelong dependence and a long life together; Salty salt means fate, and I wish the couple live in harmony. The male family is expected to be personally delivered to the female family by the new husband; The bride's family gave it back and brought it back by her new husband. After "coming back", the Yue family will wrap small pieces of pig iron, a pair of chopsticks and a handful of rice flour in red cloth, which means that the rice flour couple will have a baby soon. As for the bride wearing red, it is everywhere. Marriage is a great joy, and people always try their best to get good luck, such as music concerts, worship of heaven and earth, chopsticks in pillows (having a baby soon) and wedding lanterns.
the day before marriage, the woman should send the dowry accompanying her daughter to the man's house, which is called "dowry". In the old days, the dowry was usually tables, chairs, cabinets, clothes, bedding and toiletries, all of which should be labeled with red happy characters or tied with red cloth. Wuxiang, Licheng and other places pay attention to putting walnuts and dates in the basin of dowry, and then covering it with red paper-cuts; Some villages in Qinxian, xiang yuan and the eldest son pay attention to putting chopsticks and walnuts in pillows, bran in shoes, and sewing dates and peanuts on the four corners of the quilt. These customs all express the hope that the newly married couple will have a baby early, have both children and have a beautiful and blessed relationship.
On the eve of marriage, the woman's family will also give her daughter a "head" and "face". "Top" means changing hair style and putting braids in a bun. "Open face" is also called "open face", and smoothness is called "Hao face". In fact, it is the bride who carries out a beauty shave to show the end of her girlhood. Generally, an "all-blessed person", that is, an elderly woman with in-laws, parents and husbands, and children, is invited to wring the hair from the girl's face with fine thread, trim her eyebrows and trim her sideburns. After "going to the top" and "opening the face", the woman will entertain her elders and neighbors, and at the same time entertain her daughter who is about to get married. Folks believe that when a daughter goes to the top, she is a family member, and her family must treat her as a guest, so the banquet is very rich, and her daughter is also settled in the first place of the banquet. In addition to congratulating the married girl, the elders and neighbors should also instruct her to respect her in-laws, wait on her husband and handle the relationship between sister-in-law and aunt.
Go to the woman's house the night before the wedding to discuss the schedule for the next day. The man needs to find a glib talker. Generally, the next day's time and vehicle arrangement are agreed. Note: the man needs to carry a bag of noodles and five pounds of meat. (No joke)
Wedding
Wedding, also known as "wedding" and "marrying a daughter-in-law", is equivalent to "kissing" in the Six Rites. Usually, the groom personally goes to the woman's house to marry the bride. On the eve of the wedding, several young men will sleep together in the new house, commonly known as "greenhouse".
on the wedding day, the husband's family placed a bundle of cereal grass on both sides of the gate, which was called Xi Cao. The word "Xi" is posted on the grass, and two cannons are hidden inside, which will be lit as soon as you get married. Before liberation, we had to prepare a bundle of straw and put it in front of the shrine of heaven and earth, and at the same time, we had to prepare a handful of hay cutter and the couple, and only seven knives were allowed to cut the straw, so it was called seven knives. Part of the chopped grass is filled into the new pillow, and the other part is put into the bucket for yin and yang use. After departure, post wedding couplets at the gate and new house.
In the old days, the wedding procession paid attention to all kinds of ceremonial ceremonies. From front to back, there were gunners, gongs, flags, "silence", "avoidance" of Zhu cards, palace lanterns, golden melons, axes and cymbals, flying cymbals, dragon and tiger flags, round fans, and sundials, but it was even more impossible to play drums. Generally, the sedan chair takes two rides, and the bride and groom take one ride. When you go, the bride's sedan chair is not empty, and you should put flower cakes and green buns as town objects; In some places, a little boy who belongs to the same family as the bride and whose parents are still alive sits on the sedan chair, which is called "pressing the sedan chair".
at the time of marriage, the man needs to choose one companion son-in-law, two brides and one firecracker to go to the woman's house. When returning, the woman needs a bride and a gift taker (usually the bride's younger brother) to send them to the man's house. Sometimes the woman's aunts, uncles and close relatives also send their daughters to the man's house. There must be people accompanying the groom in the wedding procession in Shangdang. Wuxiang area, from the elderly relatives and friends to find two people, known as the "ice man"; Then, from the groom's sons and nephews, find someone who is about the same age as the groom, which is called "introducing the husband." Some places pay attention to "one woman and two men", asking the groom's nephew and two brothers to go with the sedan chair; When she came back, the woman naturally accompanied her "one woman and two men" to see her off. In some places, wedding and seeing off relatives are accompanied by skilled etiquette among the wives of both sides. The person who accompanies the groom is generally called "companion"; Those who accompany the bride are called "seeing the guests off". In addition to "seeing the guests off", if the woman goes to another person, it is "eating guests".
Before a daughter gets married, there is a custom of "crying to marry" in Shangdang, which is called "a daughter-in-law cries, and her family is rich". According to the research of folklore experts, the origin of this custom is related to the "robbing marriage" in ancient times, and then the crying of women when they were robbed gradually evolved into the "crying marriage" in marriage customs. This is not joy and sorrow, but often has its real content. Generally speaking, I sigh the end of the carefree girl's life, thank my parents for their kindness, miss my brother and sister-in-law and get along well with my girlfriend, and feel very confused about the turning point of my life as a wife and daughter-in-law. If you are not satisfied with the marriage and feel wronged, you should take the opportunity to play and cry a lot. The bride's mother, girlfriend and family members usually cry with her.
After the wedding procession arrives, the bride's home is often closed and locked by the bride's sister or girlfriends. On the one hand, it shows the dignity of the woman's family, on the other hand, it deliberately plays tricks on the wedding guests. The wedding guests are afraid of being late, so they have to pay the "opening money". When the new husband goes out, he takes a piece of pork with him, which is called tiger meat. When he arrives at the woman's house, he throws it on the roof of the bride's house.
after the wedding procession entered the door, the woman gave a banquet and treated her warmly. When the groom enters the bride's family, he must also salute the ancestral tablet first, and the bride's family must give the groom a gift of worship. The bride's family gave a banquet in honor of the groom and his guests. After dinner, the woman usually asks the groom for "money" (money). Some families also ask for the gift of combing their hair. When the son-in-law leaves the woman's house, he needs to "steal" something from the woman's house to bring it back, which means good luck. Small objects such as small wine cups and teacups are usually stolen, which are prepared by the woman's family and hinted to the son-in-law. Locals call it "getting rich". In Qinxian and other places, the daughter has to eat egg cakes before leaving, commonly known as "three eggs and a pot of wine, and send the daughter to the sedan chair." There is also a custom of "grasping wealth" in xiang yuan: both men and women grasp a few prepared banknotes in their parents' arms, hoping to have money to spend in the future, but they can't finish it, so they must leave some financial resources for their parents.
After leaving, the groom kowtowed to his father-in-law and mother-in-law again. Then the music was loud, and the wedding team, together with the escort of the woman, set off with a more grand momentum.
When a daughter gets married and leaves home, it is customary to take her mother's native land with her in Shangdang. Folks believe that "the earth can produce everything, and the earth can produce gold", and they are afraid that taking away the earth will take away the good luck of the family to grow crops. This is naturally a deep-rooted traditional concept in agricultural society. When a daughter gets married, she should put on new shoes on the kang, and then her brother or uncle will carry or carry her sedan chair. Or sit in a chair and be carried on the sedan chair; In some places, the floor is paved with red carpet or red cloth. The daughter takes off the old shoes on her feet and gets into the sedan chair and then changes them into new shoes. No matter how you go out, you don't touch the ground.
When the daughter leaves, the mother should circle the sedan chair twice with tears in her eyes and silently wish her happiness and good luck. The father symbolically escorted the "Hundred Steps", and then accompanied by four people, including his uncle, uncle, brother and younger brother.
generally speaking, the wedding route pays attention to taking a big circle, and when returning, it doesn't take the right path. The wedding team should bring red carpet or red cloth, which is not only for the bride to step on the sedan chair, but also used to cover the sedan chair window and the bride when passing through temples, well platforms or stone mills, in order to prevent the white tiger star and other sneaky monsters from interfering with each other. When other people's wedding teams in Lu Yu, the two sides should exchange "needle and thread", that is, the bride's needlework to eliminate disasters. Now, when the wedding teams meet, they give each other handkerchiefs, which is the legacy.
In the old days, sedan chairs or cars were often used for weddings. Besides, in some places in Pingshun Mountain area, brides married and rode donkeys. Changzhi, Tunliu and other places, the bride and groom