1. After lunch, I went to the barber shop for a haircut. The boss asked me how to cut it. I said, "Nice cut!" At this time, an aunt who was baking oil and perming her hair looked at me deeply and said, "Look at you, young man." Don't embarrass the boss, it's not easy for people to make some money. "I ...
2. A friend learned to smoke when he stole grandpa's cigarettes with his brother when he was a child, and also discussed with his brother how to steal. His brother pondered for a long time, saying that grandpa would find out if he stole one in a box If we steal one in a box, no one will know! Then his grandfather came home and found a cigarette completely unpacked. What a miserable beating!
I have seen some people's wives having an affair with Lao Wang next door. So in comparison, I am still very happy. First, my neighbor's surname is not Wang. Second, my family name is Wang.
4. My brother. There is a passenger on the side of the road who wants to go to a place and refuses to hit his watch. I said, 50, that's a long way. The passenger insisted that 40 yuan get on the bus. Finally, I said: Brother, give me a reason, 40 yuan, and I will kick you out. The buddy said, "Forty speaks louder than words." "Well ... this ..."
5. Parents who want to have their teeth extracted remember not to drink bean curd, soybean milk, porridge and the like for breakfast before tooth extraction. If nothing else, they just came back from cleaning the dentist's office.
6. I had a bad temper at school. One day, my classmate stepped on me and I told him to wait at the school gate after school. Walking around after dinner, I saw him waiting far away, and my anger was only half gone.
7. If both teams are popular, you must watch the live broadcast late at night, otherwise you will watch the video the next day. Watch the video carefully: first drag the progress to the middle, and drag it forward a little bit according to the score until about three minutes before the goal, and watch this wave of offensive completely and beautifully! Goal! ! Stop broadcasting, watch the video for one and a half hours in ten minutes, and then discuss it with people online! Yes, fake fans watch the ball just like watching an island action movie.
Yesterday, my girlfriend who talked for half a year finally got married. She is simple and lovely, gentle and considerate. The key is that I am her first love. When I got married at night, I asked her if she wanted to bring a condom. She said, "Yes, I don't want to get pregnant again."
9. After losing two games in a row, he went to the Zen master and complained, "Master, I lost all my money." The Zen master silently took out a cup, poured out the tea inside and handed him another cup of boiling water. He was a little puzzled: "Do you mean to let me return to a plain life?" "I bought an English victory yesterday, so I can only drink boiled water in the future." The Zen master almost cried.
10, one day my father and I were walking in the street when we suddenly heard a plop behind us. It turned out that an old man fell down. At that time, I thought to myself, "Should I help? Help, afraid of being framed, don't help, and feel sorry for my conscience ... "At this moment, my father shouted:" What the fuck are you doing? Don't help me up quickly! "
1 1. In the morning, Little Bear asked his mother, "Mom, what is happiness?" Mom said, "Go out and ask someone else. Mom will tell you when you come back at night." Bear went out and met elephants, foxes, tigers and rabbits along the way, but they all said they didn't know what happiness was. When they came home at night, the bear asked, "Mom, can you tell me now?" Mother Bear smiled. "What could be happier than a Xiong Haizi not being around all day?"
12, there is a female colleague whose English name is Life. Although I always think this name is a bit of that, I won't think deeply. Until one day, a sister came to her and cried, Come back to life!
13, a friend chased a sister, and the sister refused. Once, a friend was playing with his mobile phone when the bell rang. This is her father's. My friend got an electric shock in his brain and answered the phone: "Dad ..." Then he returned his mobile phone to his sister. Sister took the phone aside and answered it. Ten minutes later, my sister looked black: "You won, my father asked me to take you home during the Spring Festival."
14, remember to play street fighter when I was a child. One day, my brother was wearing red clothes and a red cloth strip on his head. I am so envious. So the next day, I was dressed in white and wore a white cloth strip on my head. Before going out, I was pulled by an adult, slapped and my face was swollen. ...
15, an anecdote in middle school. At that time, the school academic affairs office and the class teacher often raided the beds at two or three in the middle of the night. One night, my best friend in the dormitory next door had a fever and was shivering with cold, so I ran to his bed and hugged him to sleep ... In the middle of the night, the head teacher kicked the door and watched us sleep in shorts. I froze for two seconds and turned away with a face of disgust ...
16, I heard that acupuncture and cupping are very effective in losing weight, so I tried it. Come back and show my husband the purple block on my waist. The idiot shouted, "Ah, you look like a crushed pork!" " "
17. On the way to Tibet, the train kept pumping oxygen. The conductor has always stressed that it is best not to walk around at will, but to lie flat for fear of altitude sickness. There is a man in the sleeper who is always alive and kicking, talking loudly and climbing up and down the lower berth to get something. And said he was absolutely fine. Finally, I was found fainted and turned over in the toilet! No left, no death!
18. After lunch today, the fruit distributed by the company was bananas. My aunt pushed the car and threw bananas on everyone's table. Those who work, doze off, brush Weibo and play with mobile phones all sit up and start peeling bananas, just like wild chimpanzee nature reserve.
19, there is a very shy boy in my class. Boys have a childhood girlfriend who grew up together and had dinner together one day. A bunch of girls teased him and said, "What if your childhood friends get married and the groom is not you?" The boy was very calm and said without looking up, "I hope his father is me!" " "Decisive belly black ~ ~
20. The subway to work today is super crowded. A man accidentally stepped on a woman's foot and said he was sorry. Unexpectedly, the woman insisted on cursing, and the man couldn't bear to point the phone at her and open the Tom cat on the phone. ...
2 1, Snow White (because of her beauty) was jealous by the queen and almost killed. Fortunately, she was spared by the hunter (because of her beauty) and saved by Qi Xiaoming. Although he almost died from eating a poisonous apple, he woke up with a deep kiss from the prince. She was loved by the people of the whole country (because of her beauty) and lived happily with the prince from then on. Do you understand the moral of this story?
22. I remember coughing and seeing a doctor. The doctor told me to smoke less every day. In this way, I learned to smoke
23. Sima Yi came to the city gate with a great army, only to find that the city gate was wide open and Zhuge Liang was the only one playing the piano on the rostrum. Under the tower, a big wave of square dance aunts glared at Sima Yi. At this time, Zhuge Liang shouted to the aunts: "It is these people who want to grab your square dance site!" Sima yi, a pawn.
Just now, I told my wife that I bought her a suite in Beijing. She grabbed my hand and said, "my god, is this true?" Husband, I am so excited. " To be honest, I'm excited, too. After all, this is the first time I have lied.
25. Little Nutbrown hare wants to know what happiness is, so he goes to ask the tiger. The tiger said that a family together is happiness, and then asked the lion. The lion said that it is happy for the people you love to love you, and finally asked the leopard. The leopard said that good health is happiness. Little rabbit came home and told all this to his mother. Mom said you were actually very happy today. Little rabbit doesn't understand why. Mom said: because you are still alive today, son!
26. There is a four-year-old girl at home who just played with a neighbor girl (the same age). The girl said, "Let's play house. You are the mother and I am the daughter. " At that time, the landlord thought: silly, that won't make people take advantage. At this moment, the prostitute came: "Mom, I want to eat crushed ice." So the neighbor's child went home and took it away. I want to say, daughter, how deep are you hiding!
27. A group of people traveled to Egypt, but when they heard that Egypt was haunted, they asked an old woman who worked as a doorman in a tourist office, "Grandma, is this forest really haunted?" Old lady: "Nonsense! I have lived here for 300 years, and I have never heard that it is haunted! "
28. My nephew is very naughty. In the evening, he will play football anyway, but my aunt won't let him, so he has to read. The nephew opened the door and ran downstairs. Aunt grabbed Xiaoming's arm with one hand and slapped her father with the other. Ho: If you don't study hard in the future, marrying a wife will be as fierce as me! Xiao Ming looked at his father's red and swollen face and silently went back to read.
29. The conjecture "What would happen if Mehmet was born in China" has finally been accepted by most people: he is unlikely to become an athlete, because he has been ill since he was a child and will definitely not be selected by the sports school. He is probably bullied at school because of lack of money. He is short and introverted, but he is smart, studies hard and has been admitted to a famous university. Now he is busy looking for a job. ...
30. The head teacher asked everyone, communication is so developed now, who knows what is the earliest communication method? A theory: "dream". The teacher said, "Well, get out of here!" "
Editor's note: Hey! Don't tell me, this house with hundreds of millions of investments is really comfortable to live in! Let's forget about furniture and appliances, just talk about this style! Is it comparable to the things in Xiao Lou's apartment? ! Forget it, my buddy is going to rob my bed. How can I beg if this smelly boy sleeps in my bed tomorrow? By the way, it feels good to step on the floor of this donated house.
The wronged character, can not be wronged?
Talk about the wronged personality
1, people who play with people's hearts will never get them; People who test their feelings can't keep their feelings every time.
The most painful feeling in the world is not lovelorn. But when I gave up my heart, I was cheated.
You love her, I give up. You love me, and I will never give you to anyone else.
4. An upgraded version of a friend is a lover, and a lowered version of a lover is a stranger.
5. Some people, I can't let go, but they are helpless. They pretend to be strong and say that it doesn't matter with a smile. The more they laugh, the happier they are and the more painful they feel.
6. I want to turn my life to the last page. I want to see who I will grow old with.
7. Time is changing and people are changing. Some things, no matter how hard you try, can't go back.
8. Some people inadvertently forget it; Some people, no matter how hard you try, can't forget.
9. You have no idea how scared I am. I'm afraid you are liked by others, and I'm afraid you like others.
10, there must be another me in this world, doing what I dare not do and living the life I want.
1 1, when you see through it, give yourself a little surprise, a little sunshine and a little care; It will be warm this winter.
12, numbness pain, forgetfulness, growing up day by day, a little sensible, a little throbbing.
13, waiting has accumulated into damage. Turn around and leave. It is said that the love between seabirds and fish is just an accident.
14, having a crush on someone is like a hysterical monologue. The person who entered the play is the one I don't know. It is you.
15, I don't want anything that doesn't belong to me. I don't want what I didn't really give me.
16, no matter how unhappy you are, you won't disturb the happiness of others. This is the principle.
17, the word "later" sums up all the unrecognizable things we don't want to change.
18, obviously he is very gentle, maybe he can give you more, and I will automatically become a friend without choice.
19, of course you won't feel that you said something wrong, let alone say sorry to me.
20, be good to yourself, life is not long; Be kind to others and you may not meet them in your next life.
2 1, don't wait for my tears, you will understand my sadness. Don't wait for me to disappear before you know I exist.
22. When a person is alone, the power consumption of the mobile phone is particularly fast. But when someone is around, it doesn't matter whether you bring your cell phone or not.
To put it bluntly, time can cure everything, although I can't tell you how long.
24. Maybe one day, when I am crazy enough, I will look down on myself and turn over a new leaf.
25. In our story, you and he are the protagonists, and I am just a passer-by.
26. Is there a moment when you feel bad about my persistence?
27. Dreaming that you haven't left yet, you just gave me a long, long holiday.
28. I know you are sad. If you don't really pay for your feelings, there will be results.
29. I broke an innocent heart at my most unexpected moment.
30. It is a common problem for women to get to the bottom of everything but can't stand the stimulation of the truth.
3 1, why do you always say to be quiet? Can you face it bravely for once?
32. It's not that I pretend to be sad, but that my nature is thin and cold, and there is despair in my bones.
33. It turns out that love never left, but I remember it and you forgot it.
34. why Why use that little affection to maintain the current relationship?
35. I don't pretend to be a snake or scorpion. How can I deserve your charm and incomparable?
36. I said: bet that I will get a good card one day. But you don't know the last sentence: the corruption of love is not a bad thing.
37. I hate that my friend always makes me look at her face.
38. Actually, I'm always behind you. I just need you to turn around.
39. On New Year's Day, I came again, and everyone in the world was happy.
40. Let me love you all my life, okay? Really, it will be a lifetime soon.
4 1, not good, not good at all, I will harm you.
42. If you don't understand my silence, how can you understand my sadness?
43. Loving someone who doesn't love you is like holding a cactus. The tighter you hold on to it, the worse you get hurt.
44. I don't expect anything I just hope that every woman in your future is not as good as one.
They said that as long as I never saw you again, I would forget you.
46. How many people pretend to be crazy and laugh in order not to let others see their worries?
47. Why the ending must be sad, and why happiness always passes me by.
48. Sometimes, people always know when they lose it. Some people and things think that they are just a floating cloud in life.
49. In fact, everyone who is looking for a personalized signature here wants to find a sentence in his heart here.
50. once. You said you loved me, and I smiled. Now laugh happily. You said you loved me, and I smiled. A sarcastic smile
Do you think I can't live without you? I love you, but I also know when to give up.
Maybe one day, when I am crazy enough, I will look down on myself and turn over a new leaf.
53. What other words can be used to express the feeling of happiness? I don't know. I just hope this moment will never stop.
Maybe one day, when I go out of line, I will look down on myself and start over.
Every time I want to find someone to accompany me, I find that some people can't find it, some people shouldn't, and some people can't.
56. I am the kind of person who hangs himself from a tree and is reluctant to take his body off!
57. I am wasting my time. I'm wasting time. I'm blurring now. I am afraid of the future.
58. Don't say you are not good. I tell you, as long as I like you, you are the best in my heart.
59. I miss you and want to cry. I miss you and want to cry. Correct your dreams and love you.
60. Most mistakes are because you didn't persist, didn't work hard, didn't stay, and then hypnotized yourself that everything was fate.
Modal phrase: I want to look relaxed, relaxed.
The wind is silent, and loneliness seems to be pulling wildly. How can you say that you don't want to give up, but you turn around and leave?
This is the last time to do such a stupid thing.
For some things, we stop crying. Are we heartless or strong?
You and I are both thin and cool people, so there is no need to make love words so lovely and moving.
My love for you is exhausted.
When you don't understand me, even if I show you my sincerity, you can't understand.
The wind took away the clouds, the sun took away the haze, but I can't take you away.
Never fall in love when you are a teenager. Don't get dirty.
Time will tell whether you love me or not, even if we are not together.
The worst place I fell was where I started over. This is my feeling. I'll clean it up myself.
You never care about my feelings. How do you know how sorry I am?
The wind took away the clouds, the sun took away the haze, but I can't take you away.
My deepest love is that after separation, I will be like you in live high.
The taste of forgetting is like appreciating a cruel beauty and then telling yourself to face it in a small voice.
That kind of feeling that hurts to the bone, you know? Don't say empathy or being there.
The dog barks at two o'clock in the morning, much like that night when I loudly told you not to go.
I can forgive you, but I can't forgive myself.
Without a beginning, where did it come from?
I don't know if liking you is an exciting thing in this barren years.
What is happiness? Happiness is holding hands, walking through the noise together and waiting for loneliness together. Is to accompany a person who wants to accompany him, laugh together when he is happy, and cry together when he is sad; Is to have a heart that you want to have. It is not boring to repeat boring days, nor is it boring to do the same thing.
In love, people who care most often lose the most. Find someone who can make you happy all your life. This is the goal of love. The best is often the one who has been with you the longest. Therefore, we don't need too many criteria to choose lovers. We only need these three things: don't lie to you, don't hurt you, and accompany you.
My heart is broken, but even if I move the sky, I can't touch you.
I always try to explain the story between us.
Those who say that they will never part have already been scattered all over the world.
The bravest thing I have ever done is to walk away without looking back when I love you the most. Abbreviation of Yugoslav currency name
I can feel your heartache. You have unspeakable helplessness, but you show indifference. The more you do this, the worse I feel.
It's not easy to love you for so long. Now I decide to forget, but you appear in my sight.
No one missed it, but passers-by will leave.
Don't say goodbye when you want to leave. Goodbye means never seeing you again.
I want to see it lighter, lighter, until I don't want to see it.
Think of me as air. At least you can't live without me.
I don't know if liking you is an exciting thing in this barren years.
Every time I encounter troubles, I am used to writing about Weibo and venting in my circle of friends. To be honest, you can only prove to others how bad you are. The encouragement and warning of others will never make up for the scar in your heart, but will make those who can't see how you are being laughed at. Tears used to be wiped by others, but I won't cry easily. What I was afraid of in the past was relieved afterwards, and the disease in my heart was the best cure.
You are in memory, I am in sadness, and we are just passers-by of each other.
Thank you for giving up halfway and letting me see things I didn't see before.
Honey, are you tired of playing? My eyes are tired.
Touching the tearful face, I seem to hear the voice of loss.
I don't think I can stand it, I can't stand it, I can't stand it.
Just pretend that the wind has never blown, the rain has never rained, you have never been here, and I have never loved.
The fragrance of clothes covered the temples with a few sighs, and looked coldly at several parting scenes of neon.
The dog barks at two o'clock in the morning, much like that night when I loudly told you not to go.
2020 funny signature short sentence: No matter how white you are, I can't beat you.
God didn't give me much responsibility, but it still hurts my heart and bones.
The exam, like the third grade, is destroying family harmony.
I can walk into the elevator calmly, just you and me.
Only mosquitoes never leave me this summer.
No matter whether you go to work or not, the company is there and hasn't changed.
Girls can't be too thin, or Cupid can't help you.
The night will not be kind to those who sleep late, it will give you dark circles.
I don't want to have a dog or a cat, but I want to keep you. After all, I want to raise pigs and get rich.
In the future, I will marry Tang Priest to be my husband. If I can play, I will. If I can't play, I'll eat.
After watching the meteor for a long time, I forgot to make a wish.
Dogs are so powerful nowadays that even people can pretend to be them, right?
You act with me, and I will repay you for your acting.
I am willing to be your loyal audience and watch you pretend to be forced from beginning to end.
People with dirty mouths are generally hiding their inner integrity.
One must be ambitious.
I don't want to show love, because I am afraid of dying quickly.
Do you smell my malice? Give you a sock to feel it.
You can disagree with me, but I can hit you.
I have a headache. I think I have too much knowledge to overflow.
Everyone who shakes his legs has a sewing machine in his heart.
I don't want to do anything today, just want to be handsome in peace.
Those who call me shameless are all nonsense. I'm too handsome to give up.
I will always like you until I get full marks in the English exam.
Every time I miss you, the picture is full of mosaics.
Baidu couldn't find you, so it had to enter sogou.
Shenzhou trip is ok for me, but I won't pay to see if you can do it.
You can't judge a book by its cover, but a mistress can't judge a book by its cover.
Play soy sauce all over the world and make others jealous.
If you have a pair of wings, you should be braised.
Cucumber must be photographed, and life must be high.
If there is a pear, put it in the refrigerator and it will turn into a frozen pear.
Fools don't say fools are stupid, and villains don't say villains are bad.
Since you stopped chatting with me, my internet speed has been much faster.
I eat more fans in Sina than you do.
A brother's lifelong love, you will win the battle.
The person you dream of should go to bed with him when you wake up.
Don't make a deal with me unless you are my man.
If you were whiter, I wouldn't be able to hack you.
No longer wandering around the world, home is where you are.
There is a kind of backbone called boring to death without reviewing.
You are my Youlemei. Have another drink after one.
Trying to catch the tail of time, I didn't expect the dog's tail to be so slippery.
It's not that I don't want to lose weight, I'm just afraid of rebounding.
I am interested in your feelings. As soon as the light is turned off, oh, I'll go.
Don't ask me if I cried, because Superman won't cry.
I never hold a grudge, because I hold a grudge on the spot.
Sometimes I want to eat not because I am hungry, but because my mouth is lonely.
Holding the sun, the moon and the stars, there is no one like me in the world.