1. I am not a fortune teller in the square, and I can’t talk as much as you like to hear.

2. Flowers often belong not to the people who appreciate them, but to the cow dung.

3. When mice show their power, everyone becomes a sick cat.

4. If you are still young after visiting brothels, please use Huiren Shenbao.

5. When I take off my clothes, I am a beast, but when I put on clothes, I am a beast!

6. Studying Chinese for 10 years is not as good as chatting on QQ for half a year.

7. Instead of planting grass for people to lie on, why not plant cactus instead!

8. The difference between humans and pigs is that pigs are always pigs, while humans are sometimes not humans!

4. As long as people are separated, no matter how familiar they are, they will gradually become alienated.

5. Go to the pizza shop to buy pizza! The waiter asked me if I wanted it cut into 8 pieces or 12 pieces? I thought about it and said: Let’s go with 8 yuan! 12 yuan is too much to finish!

6. When a man deceives a woman, it is called teasing; when a woman deceives a man, it is called seduction; when men and women deceive each other, it is called love.

7. The government thinks about how to reasonably collect taxes, the boss thinks about how to reasonably avoid taxes, and I think about how to reasonably sleep more!

8. Time is for wandering, the body is for loving, life is for forgetting, and the soul is for singing.

9. Love is like a ghost, many people believe it but few people see it

10. How far is eternity? Just get as far away from me as you kid!

11. Encountering a writer’s signature: It may seem like it, but it may not necessarily be the case. I came across a GG signature: Give me a girl and I can create a nation.

12. Ever since I turned into shit, no one has stepped on me anymore.

13. I want to fall in love early, but it’s too late

14. Oh my God! My clothes are slimming again.

15. The important task of the post-80s generation is to create the post-08 generation.

16. Others have a background, but I only have a back view~~.

17. Gold always shines, but when the ground is full of gold, I don’t know which one I am.

18. Don’t wait until everyone says you are ugly to find out that you are really ugly.

19. Marriage notice: The requirements are as follows, A is alive and B is female.

20. Give me some sunshine and I will rot.

21. Eat appropriately to have the strength to lose weight.

22. Question: What do you like about me? Answer: I like you to stay away from me!

23. Asking you how sad you can be is like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel

24. When problems arise, you should first find the cause within yourself. Don’t blame the earth’s lack of gravity for constipation.

25. Make decisions with a pat on your head, make promises with a pat on your chest, and leave with a pat on the back. Funny quotes about life

1. Goods have an expiration date, and people get tired of things. How long can you be awesome in my heart?

2. What you said is just like the lady saying she is pure.

3. Build your own road, dig other people’s roads, and let others build the road with me.

4. Believe it or not, I slapped you on the wall and you couldn’t even pick it off.

5. Being a white-collar worker is nothing but raising pigs.

6. The computer has the same language as me. Every time I look at it gently, it will freeze subconsciously.

7. Why is the RMB so expensive? Because Grandpa Mao is the spokesperson.

8. God created virgins, and men created women.

9. In this era, Wukong pursues leopard print fashion and sexiness.

10. The cashier said: I have no change. I’ll give you two plastic bags!

11. Others laugh at me for being crazy, and I laugh at others for being cross-eyed.

12. As long as you work hard, you should also poop seriously.

13. It’s good to listen to English songs. I've been listening to it for half a year and it doesn't bother me at all. Because my sister doesn’t understand.

14. Others eat longevity noodles on their birthdays, but I eat dried noodles on my birthday.

15. After looking at the lotus lantern, I found that Chang'e was a homebody.

16. Brushing your teeth is a mixed blessing. Hold the cup in one hand and the washing utensil in the other.

17. You can run away with her in peace, and I will keep a lookout for you.

18. At first, I was your oxygen, then, I was the air, and finally, I became carbon dioxide.

19. My dad expressed his opinion on my gaining weight: If Han Hong is not dead, I will get Han Hong’s disease.

20. When buying roasted sweet potatoes, please ask the boss loudly what kind of filling they are.

21. What is a bad person? A man who takes off his pants during the day and a woman who does not take off her makeup at night.

22. Minecraft. No one is allowed to interfere. You're here, please sit inside.

23.a: There is food on your teeth b: If you want to eat it, I will take it off for you.

24. I can resist anything except **.

25. The greatest sorrow in life is that youth is gone but acne is still there.

26. Use the blues spirit of hip-hop to live a life like the erhu.

27. No matter how beautiful I am, I will still fool you.

28. You'd better not hate me. There are really too many people who hate me, and you can't rank them.

29. The weather is so cold that it’s like a joke, and life is like nonsense.

30. Sleeping is an art, and no one can stop me from pursuing art.

31. Will the child produced by the cooperation of two people with blood type B have blood type 2b?

32. We will know what happens tomorrow.

33. The left side of your brain is water and the right side is powder. When you move, it turns into paste.

34.2.14 I must go to the supermarket and crush all the chocolates to see who can give them away!

35. The wisdom of the school is: we won’t let you do whatever you want.

Funny Quotes About Life 2

1. A good wife will never ask her husband to buy her this or that; a good husband will never wait for his wife to ask before buying.

2. The girl I like should be as talented as Daiyu, as sensible as Baochai, as beautiful as Keqing, as bold as Xiangyun, as loyal as Li Wan, and as capable as Tanchun , as shrewd as Sister Feng, and as blessed as Yuanchun, haha...

3. You even believe the advertisements, you are stupid by reading!

4. If it weren’t for making money, what would I do with my face...

5. I wanted to cry when I heard “I love you” for the first time, but when I heard “I love you” for the second time, I wanted to laugh when I heard "I love you", but couldn't laugh or cry when I heard "I love you" for the third time.

6. Stop talking about your ideals with me, okay? I quit!

7. I have eight honors on the left and eight shames on the right. They are represented on the waist and harmony is on the chest. People who stand in the way kill people, and Buddhas who stand in the way kill Buddha!

8. Chat and provide door-to-door service at night. (An epitaph)

9. How many cabbages does it take to sleep with me?

10. He was only twenty-five years old and had premature ejaculation.

11. Look at you! Looking at the back can scare away thousands of troops; turning around can scare away millions of troops.

12. In the past, young masters and young ladies were served by others, but now they have become dedicated to serving others.

13. There are many levels of low self-esteem.

The highest level of inferiority complex is bragging that you are a genius in everything you do.

14. Please solve the problem of surplus agricultural products in your city as soon as possible. During today's speech, the tomatoes thrown on the stage weighed at least more than 200 kilograms.

15. I can’t find my tie again. Did you not find the rag yesterday?

16. Never propose to me, I will say yes once you propose.

17. I knew he was not a good guy, or I forgot to tell him.

18. Let the storm come more violently, after all, I sell umbrellas!

19. What did you look like before the car crash?

20. Use a kitchen knife to cut the wires, sparks and lightning along the way.

21. Are you blind? You can't see such a big shield, but you want to throw a stone at my head!

22. When everyone is drunk and I am alone, I am not serious!

23. Everyone in high school is given a name badge. Before an inspection, the head teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, everyone, put on your bras quickly, we are here for inspection... The whole place was silent...

24. You are not Huang Rong, you are just a locust, why do you want Jing? elder brother? You are so shameless.

25. If you can’t explain it clearly to your instructor, then just confuse him! How much disappointment, how much sorrow, and even more sorrow in sorrow

1. Fate, fragrant yesterday; fate, tainted tomorrow; fate, lingering today

2. The sound of wind , calling me with a distant light breath, I followed the wind and the sound and returned to the quiet place

3. The plum blossoms fell, leaving a lingering fragrance, adding to the sadness of separation. Pick up the remaining flowers and put them next to the burial tree. The flowers will bloom here at the end of autumn and winter.

4. Why bother to recall those unbearable memories?

5. The curtain is just rolling, the first quarter moon is like a hook, I am thinking and cutting in secret, my reasoning is still chaotic, and the sorrow of separation is lingering. , It’s already the autumn wind and cold. The leaves are falling, the autumn breeze is cool, and the fragments of memory have not left the branches, as if you have never left in my heart. However, this sadness has imprisoned my long-term expectations, to be alone in the world

6. Sadness has turned into a river, spreading my past and eroding the years I have left. October is no longer October, but an eclipse. My vision gradually blurred, and my memory slowly faded away. This October, I still haven't been able to pick up the long-lost happiness. Instead, I've been immersed in more sadness.

7. Old thoughts are as real as a dream, with sorrow on the brows, a flash of insanity, and a drunken spell. How long will it take to rest? The snow cannot relieve my sorrow, and it is hard to keep a dream. I sigh at the empty flowers of eternity, and think deeply about them. Love in the world of mortals, this love is hard to end.

8. Joy, anger, sorrow, joy, sweetness, bitterness and spicyness are the spices of life. Even if you live an indifferent life, you can occasionally taste different flavors. Even in the cold winter, your heart will be different. Seasons, the meaning of human existence, you may have your own answer

9. The lonely night frightened me so much that I abruptly dropped the pet toys in my hands, and the dim yellow street lights.

I was speechless, leaning on it, and the sadness that slipped from my fingertips spread wantonly around, revealing whose sadness shone slightly

10. I am gentle, except for desolation; Except for sadness; I am gentle, except for sadness

11. Listening to the cheerful music, I want to make my heart as happy as possible, but after being filtered by my ears, I play a song that is like crying. The mournful sound is like the devastation and desolation left behind after a storm

12. The darkness pours out the sadness, hurting me alone, but how many people can see it? The moonlight cries out about the coldness of the sky and sleeps with me alone. How many people can understand? Who can understand the helplessness of no one speaking, depression and depression?

13. There is blood in the throat for no reason, and every breath involves heartache.

14. The dust has passed by, and there is no news about the lost old friend. No matter how much emotion and concern you have, it can only It turns into the bitterness in my heart, and I am alone in the cold. It turns into thousands of longings that gradually erode my longing heart.

15. A beautiful smile, but in the end, it can’t match the tenderness of Time flies, whose tenderness is scattered all over the ground, helplessly in the fingers. Passage

16. Don’t let the rain fall, leaving me alone to guard the empty city. Maybe it was a sin from the past life, but in this life, the trembling strands of love are lingering in my heart, but my sadness cannot be exchanged for the happiness you gave me. That day, the beautiful lady was so playful and charming: when you got married, you asked me to be your bridesmaid. Her misty eyes were misty, maybe I am still waiting for the light above the clouds that you promised me, and the scars in my heart are spreading wildly, and I want to go to Naihe with the oozing blood, and erase the promise you made on the Sansheng Stone, I swear. The fields are dyed red, but there is no way to graffiti

17. Buddha said: Persistence is the reincarnation in the sea of ??suffering in life. Where is my persistence? Can I wait until you turn around and gaze into your eyes

18. Autumn is a sad season, and the colorful thoughts of a love affair without autumn colors are always haunted by nightmares, turning into sad and sad thoughts in the deepest part of the soul. The rain, the sighs scattered all over the ground, the unavoidable expectation, wrapped in the thick night, sneaking towards the boundless darkness, although I know that you are a phantom accompanying me in my dreams

19. Weiyang, I have endless thoughts and endless thoughts, leaving nothing but music in the world of mortals. If my heart has no boundaries and my heart has no shore, I would like to be as low as the dust and follow you all my life. But what are you willing to do?

20. I don’t know if I am obsessed with life. I don’t know if those illusory scenes are calling me over and over again from the depths of my dreams. I am becoming more and more exhausted in such a clear scene. When I looked back, the fleeting light was like a long period of time and vicissitudes in the gap of time and space, which made me sadly stop in my tracks and asked in confusion, why? Why do you stay in my real life again and again?

21. Listening to a parting song, I can't remember the distant sound of the sound. The sky is long at midnight, leaving only a vast sky. Write a message without dialogue, and you will be drunk in the world of mortals. I can't forget the vague oaths in the diary, but those early memories of those oaths turned yellow together. Perhaps it is loneliness in this life, and the flowers bloom and fall with the wind and frost of reincarnation

22. How much disappointment and sorrow, and even more sorrowful. Those little joys were eroded by your departure, and then gradually numbed my soul.

23. There is no waiting or expectation, I just want to enjoy the quiet world quietly

24. I really want to engrave an oath on the Sansheng Stone, a unique eternity in heaven and earth. I long for it. It's not just a warm passing, but a lifetime of waiting. In fact, it doesn't matter. The length of time is not important. What is important is the sincere love. Approaching you. I know that this life is destined to be sad, and it will also consume my life's emotions. and tears

25. Farewell is no longer far away from us. The present is always beautiful, but it will eventually become the past. There are too many deficiencies

26. The beauty is gone, who can appreciate the beauty? I want to hold the winter snow and leave the lingering fragrance, but the flying snow turns into heartless tears. After the dance, the tears in the butterfly clothes have faded. Who will be delirium in the forest stage with the wind and moon? After worshiping the moon for a while, I will wander around. The remaining beauty has no merits and demerits. The tears and laughter will be left blank in the sky. The dew is floating in the dew and is buried in the shadow.

27. I don’t know how to struggle. I struggle in your care. How can I let go of my dependence when you are not here?

28. The confession of hurt autumn, stepping on the shadow of the night, Follow the whimpering autumn wind, stop and go

29. Morning glow, sunset, dusk and sunset. The condensed season is the tranquility after blooming. The moon is like a hook, the candlelight is exhausted, and the fifth watch is still there. I saw it again in my dream, neither dust nor smoke. The vast cold sky is vast and vast, the sky is far away, the morning is like blue silk and the evening is like snow. I vaguely see your haggard and shy face, that classic moonlight when the curtains are rolled up, whose face is missing? Whose thoughts are tied to this weak heartstring? Classic Philosophical Funny Quotations - Funny Quotations

When will the bright moon come? I asked my roommate for a drink. I wonder if the handsome guy next door has a girlfriend?

Although I am not very handsome, when I was a child, some people praised me for having an idol on the left side of my nostril.

Mom’s advice: Girl, you have to eat appropriately to lose weight!

Spring is the season when colds and emotions are most common. Some people accidentally catch a cold, while others accidentally fall in love. I belong to the former.

I was also an infatuated person back then, but it rained and I drowned.

Money is not everything, sometimes it is necessary

I allow you to enter my world, but you will never be allowed to walk around in my world.

God, did you let summer and winter live together? ! What a crazy weather!

Big birds can be found in any forest!

Don’t be afraid of enemies who are like tigers, but be afraid of teammates who are like pigs.

Summer is just not good. When I was poor, I didn’t even have to drink the northwest wind...

It’s up to you!

Don’t come to me if you have nothing to do, and don’t come to me if something happens.

Do you think I will watch you die? I'll close my eyes.

The reason why angels can fly is because they take themselves very lightly...

I want to fall in love early, but it is too late...

Please Don’t speak English in front of me in the future, okay?

I hope that one day I can double-click my wallet with the mouse, then select a hundred dollar bill, press "CTRLC". Then keep "CTRLV"

I am a lonely tree The tree has been standing by the roadside for thousands of years, waiting lonely, just for one day when you walk by me, I will fall for you. If I can’t smash you, my life will be in vain.

If you love me, please raise your hands; if you don’t love me, please stand on your head.

Never hang yourself from a tree. You can try it several times on the surrounding trees.

Don’t set your bank card password to your girlfriend’s birthday, otherwise it will be a lot of trouble to change it.

The happiest thing: sleeping until you wake up naturally. Counting money makes my hands cramp. The saddest thing: sleeping until my hands cramp, counting money until I wake up naturally.

Money can buy a house but not a home, it can buy a marriage but not love, it can buy a clock but not time. Money is not everything, but the source of pain.

Everyone wants to be different from others, but the result is that everyone is the same.

When we are young, we often make faces in the mirror. When we are old, the mirror is even.

A gentleman pretends to be dead to be a confidant, and a woman undergoes plastic surgery to please someone who pleases her.

If being rich is also a mistake, I would rather make the same mistake again and again.

People are afraid of being famous and pigs are afraid of being strong, men are afraid of being poor and women are afraid of being fat.

The effect of contraception: If it fails, you will become a 'person'.

Asking you how much sorrow you can have is like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel.

Sleep is an art – no one can stop me from pursuing art.

If marriage is the tomb of love, then I expect someone to bury me.

I am not a casual person. When I am casual, I am not a human being.

To be a human being, you have to be a person who hovers between cow A and cow C

How many thoughts do you have? As far as you can, roll as far as you can

Lie down wherever you fall

Pregnancy is like pregnancy. It takes a long time for people to notice it.

Lovers will eventually get married

Your ugliness has nothing to do with your face...

If a tree doesn’t want its bark, it will definitely die; if a person doesn’t have a face, it will be invincible.

When I give birth to a son in the future, I want to name him "So Handsome." Then when people see me, they will say, "What a handsome dad."

Work, take a step back, the sky is brighter, love, If you step back, you will be empty.

The highest level of work is to watch others work and receive other people's wages.

Money is not the problem, the problem is lack of money!

When I'm drunk, I won't accept anyone, so I just hold on to the wall.

I'm like a fly lying on the glass, with a bright future but no way out.

Senior brother, do you know? The meat of the second senior brother is now more expensive than the master’s meat

If eating more fish can make people smarter, then you have to eat at least a pair of whales... …

When the water is clear, there will be no fish, and when the people are humble, they will be invincible.

Youth is like toilet paper. It seems that there is quite a lot of it, but when you use it, it is not enough.

Friends around me, please hurry up and become famous, so that my memoirs can sell well

A female classmate was too dark, and her boyfriend was too fair. One day, there was a vicious tongue in the dormitory. The queen suddenly said to her: "You can't do this, you will give birth to zebras."

I have always regarded handsome men and money as dirt, and they have always regarded me this way.

Don’t be lazy with me, I am too lazy to compare with you

God said, let there be light, I said I was against it, and from then on there was darkness in the world

My name is God , my nickname is Jesus, my English name is God, my dharma name is Tathagata...

The farmer’s three punches hurt a little

In fact, I have always been very popular: when I was a child, everyone loved me , now I am loved by bitches

I am not afraid of enemies who are like tigers, but I am afraid of teammates who are like pigs

Go your own way and let others take a taxi (Go other people’s way, Let others be cornered

The rat carries the knife and looks for the cat in the street

As long as you work hard and poop seriously

Who is the fastest? (Cao Cao? Not Liu Xiang). Because it is said that Cao Cao arrived

Only when there is a long queue at the train station can one truly realize that he is the "descendant of the dragon".

Spring is coming, and a group of wild geese are here. Flying north, sometimes forming a B-shaped formation, sometimes forming a T-shaped formation

If the tiger doesn't show its power, you think I'm HELLOKITTY!

Donkeys can't be fooled

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The highest level of self-service: support the wall to get in, support the wall to get out.

If I don’t have money or power, I won’t be nice to you.

Can you take it with me? I am a scholar.

Go to Google and search Baidu.

Women must be kind to themselves. Once you are exhausted, another woman will spend your money, live in your room, sleep with your husband, and beat your baby!

Grandpas are descendants of grandsons...

Get away as far as your thoughts lead!

It’s been a long time since anyone has made cowhide look so fresh and refined!

Boss, is money really that important to you? I talked for more than three hours and didn’t get a penny drop?

When I woke up, it was dark.

If I became the HR manager, the first thing I would do would be to promote myself to the position of boss.

I spend all my time losing weight except eating, and you still say I don’t have perseverance?

I won’t tell you even if I beat you to death.

No problem that money can solve is a problem.

After studying for more than ten years, I think it is easier to get along in kindergarten!

You even believe the advertisements. Are you stupid by reading?

How can you have the energy to lose weight if you don’t eat enough?

The early bird catches the worm, and the early bird catches the worm.

Oh my god, my clothes have lost weight again!

Water can carry a boat and cook porridge.

Buying a computer but not having broadband is like having all the food and wine prepared but becoming a monk before eating.

There is a very old legend - those who can see beautiful women on XX campus will live forever

Life is easy; life is easy; life is not easy.

My name on my girlfriend’s mobile phone is “him”. After we broke up, I became “it”.

I am different from you because I am human.

I only drink pure water and pure milk, so I am very simple.

When God gives us youth, he also gives us acne.

When problems arise, first look for the cause within yourself. Don’t blame the earth’s lack of gravity for constipation.

Boys must be poor, otherwise they will not know how to struggle; girls must be rich, otherwise they will coax them away with a piece of cake.

Destiny is responsible for shuffling the cards, but it is ourselves who play the cards!

Loving others is a kind of helplessness, being loved is a kind of posture, waiting for love is a kind of expectation, and being without love is a kind of ability.

The beauty of a woman lies in her stupidity without regrets, and the beauty of a man lies in her ability to tell lies in daylight.