Why do you want to read this book, in order to know how to make friends? Why not learn the greatest friend-making skills in the world? Who is he? You may meet him when you are walking in the street tomorrow. When you are less than ten feet away from it, it will start wagging its tail. If you stop to pat him, he will jump around under your hand and let you know how much he likes you. And you know there is no hidden motive behind his enthusiasm: he doesn't want to sell you real estate or marry you.
Have you ever thought that dogs are the only animals that don't have to work for three meals? Hens must lay eggs; Cows must produce milk; Parrots must sing. But as long as the dog gives you love, it will have three meals.
When I was five years old, my father bought me a little yellow dog for fifty cents. It is the source of my childhood happiness. At about 4: 30 every afternoon, it sits on the front porch and keeps its beautiful eyes fixed on the aisle. As soon as it heard my voice or saw me walking through the jungle with a git, it jumped up like a fly, ran up the hill out of breath to meet me, and cried and jumped happily.
Tibby and I have been good friends for five years. However, on a tragic night-I will never forget that night-it was killed by lightning within ten feet of my head. Tibby's death was a tragedy that happened in my childhood.
You've never read psychology books, Tibby. You don't need to read. You know intuitively that as long as a person is genuinely interested in others, he can make more friends in two months than a person who wants others to be interested in him in two years. Let me repeat this sentence. As long as you are genuinely interested in others, you will get more friends in two months than someone who wants others to be interested in him in two years.
But I understand, as you know, many people spend their lives wrongly trying to make others interested in them.
Of course, this way is useless. People will not be interested in you. They are only interested in themselves-whether in the morning, at noon or after dinner.
New york Telephone Company has made a detailed study of telephone conversation, trying to find out which words are most commonly used on the telephone. You guessed it: this word is "I" in the first person. In 500 telephone calls, the word was used 3950 times.
Who will you look at first when you pick up a group photo?
If we just want to show ourselves in front of others and make others interested in us, we will never have many sincere friends. Friends, true friends, are not made in this way.
Napoleon tried this method. When he saw Josephine for the last time, he said, "Josephine, I am the luckiest person in the world; However, at this moment, you are the only person I can rely on in this world. " Historians doubt whether he can really rely on her.
Yafo Yadler, a famous psychologist in Vienna, died. He wrote a book called Life's Consciousness of You. In that book, he said: "A person who is not interested in others has the most difficulties in his life and the greatest harm to others. All human failures are due to such people. "
You may have read dozens of books about psychology, but you have never seen a word that is more meaningful to you and me. I don't like to repeat, but Yadler's words have far-reaching significance.
Once I was taking a short story writing course at new york University, and the editor-in-chief of currier magazine came to give us a lecture. He said that he picked up dozens of novels sent to his desk every day, and only read a few paragraphs, he could feel whether the author liked others. "If the author doesn't like others," he said, "others won't like his novels."
The excited editor-in-chief, in the process of teaching novel writing, once stopped twice to apologize for his preaching. "What I'm telling you now," he said, "is exactly the same as what your priest told you. But remember, if you want to be a successful novelist, you must be interested in others. "
If writing novels is like this, people are even more so.
Last time Jeston performed on Broadway, I stayed in his dressing room for one night. Jeston is a recognized magician among magicians. For forty years, he traveled around the world, creating illusions again and again, confusing the audience and making everyone breathless with surprise. Sixty million people bought tickets to see his performance, and he made a profit of nearly two million dollars. I asked Mr. Jeston to tell me the secret of his success. Of course, his school education has nothing to do with this, because he ran away from home when he was very young, became a tramp, took a van, slept in a grain pile, begged along the street, sat in the car and looked at the signs along the railway, thus learning to read.
Is his knowledge of magic outstanding? No, he told me that there are hundreds of books about magic, and dozens of people know as much as him. But he has two things that others don't have. First, he can show his personality on the stage. He is a master performer. He knows human nature. What he did, every gesture, every tone and every movement were carefully rehearsed in advance, and every minute of the movement was well coordinated. But beyond that, Jeston is really interested in other people. He told me that many magicians would look at the audience and say to themselves, "well, those people sitting at the bottom are idiots, idiots;" I can fool them. It's right. "But Jeston's way is completely different. He told me that every time he walked on stage, he would say to himself, "I am grateful because these people came to see me perform." "They made me live a very comfortable life. I want to show them my best technology. "
He claimed that every time he stepped onto the stage, he would repeatedly say to himself, "I love my audience. I love my audience. " Funny? Funny? You can think whatever you want. I just told you the secret recipe of one of the most famous magicians of all time, without any comment.
Mrs Schumann Hainke told me something similar. Even though she was hungry and unhappy, even though life was full of so many tragedies, she almost killed herself and her children once-even though there were so many misfortunes, she kept singing and finally became the most outstanding Wagner singer ever. Frankly speaking, one of the secrets of her success is her infinite interest in others.
George Dyke of North Warren, Pennsylvania, was forced to retire because a highway passed through his service station. Soon, the boring days of retirement became unbearable for him. So he began to play his old violin to kill time. Then, he traveled around listening to music and met many well-cultivated violinists. With a modest and friendly attitude, he became interested in every violinist he met and their backgrounds. Although he is not a great violinist himself, he has made many friends. He took part in many competitions, and soon, country music fans in the eastern United States knew "Uncle George", a violinist in Kinsua County. When we heard uncle George's name, he was 72 years old and still enjoyed every minute of his life. Because of his constant interest in others, when most people think their time is over, he creates a new life for himself.
This is one of theodore roosevelt's most popular secrets, and even his servants like him. His black footman James Amos wrote a book about him, named theodore roosevelt, and he was a hero among his servants. In that book, Amos talked about this enlightening event:
Once, my wife asked the president about quail. She had never seen quail, so he described it in detail. Soon, the telephone in our cabin rang. (Amos and his wife live in a small room in Roosevelt's house in Oyster Bay. My wife picked up the phone and it turned out to be the president. He said that he called her and told her that there happened to be a quail bird outside the window. If she looked out, she might see it. He often does such small things. Every time he passes by our hut, even if he can't see us, we will hear him whisper, "Woohoo, Annie!" " Or "whoa, whoa, whoa, James! "This is a friendly greeting when he passed by.
How can a servant not like someone like him? How can anyone not like him?
One day, Roosevelt visited the White House, and it happened that President Taft and his wife were not there. His sincere love for humble people is shown, because he can call all the old White House servants by their first names, even the little sister in the kitchen.
"When he saw Obasan Alice in the kitchen," archibald wrote, "he asked her if she was still baking corn bread. Alice replied that she sometimes bakes some for the servants, but no one eats them upstairs.
... "Their taste is terrible," Roosevelt said somewhat unfairly. When I meet the president, I will tell him so. '
"Alice brought him a piece of corn bread. When he walked to the office, he ate it, and at the same time, he greeted the gardener and the workers as they passed by. ...
"He treats everyone as he used to. They were still whispering about it, and Ekkhufu said with tears in his eyes,' This is the only happy day we have had in two years, and none of us want to exchange it for a hundred-dollar bill.' "
It is because of his strong interest in other people's affairs that Dr. Charles Elliot became the most successful university president in history. From the end of the Civil War to the first five years of World War I, he was the president of Harvard University. The following is an example of the way Dr. Elliot does things. One day, clanton, a freshman, went to the principal's office to borrow a $50 student loan, which was approved. "Then I thanked him very gratefully. "Just before I left," clanton recalled, "President Eliot said,' Please sit down for a while.' Then he surprised me and said,' I heard that you cook by yourself in your room. I don't think it's that bad, if you eat the right food and have enough. I did the same thing in college. Have you ever made beef lion's head? If the beef is badly cooked, it is a good dish, because it will not be wasted at all. That's what I did. Then, he told me how to choose beef, how to cook it with low fire, how to chop it, press it into balls with a pot, and eat it when it is cold. "
And the same thing. A seemingly insignificant person helped Edward Keyes, the sales representative of Qiang Sen Company in New Jersey, get an agent again. "Many years ago," he recalled, "in Massachusetts, I visited a customer for Qiang Sen Company. This dealer is in Yem's grocery store. Every time I go to the store. I always talk to the clerk who sells cold drinks for a few minutes before I talk to the shopkeeper about the order. One day, I was about to talk to a shopkeeper, but he told me to ignore him. He no longer wants to buy Qiang Sen products. Because he felt that Qiang Sen Company concentrated their activities on food and discount stores, which was not good for their small grocery stores. I left in despair and wandered around the city for hours. Later, I decided to go back and at least explain our position to him.
"When I went back, I greeted the cold drink seller and other shop assistants as usual. When I walked up to the shopkeeper, he smiled at me and welcomed me back. After that, he gave me twice the usual order. I looked at him in surprise and asked him what had happened in the few hours I had just left. Pointing to the young man next to the cold drink machine, he said, after I left, the young man said,' Few salespeople are so lazy as you to say hello to him and others when you come to the store.' He told the shopkeeper that if anyone was worth doing business with, it was me. He thought it was right, so he continued to be my client. I will never forget that sincere interest in others is the most important character of a salesman-for anyone, at least for this matter. "
From my personal experience, I found that if a person is really interested in others, he can even get attention, time and cooperation from extremely busy people.
A few years ago, I taught novel writing at Brookline College of Humanities. We hope to invite famous and busy writers such as Catherine Norris, Fanny Horst, Ida Tabell, Yabo Huth and Rupert Hughes to Brocklein to tell us about their writing experiences. Therefore, we wrote to them to express our admiration for their works, and deeply hoped to get their advice and know the secret of their success.
Each letter is signed by about 150 students. We said that we knew they were too busy to prepare their speeches. So we attach a series of questions about themselves and their writing methods for them to answer. They like our method very much. So they rushed from home to Brocklein to help us.
Similarly, I gave advice to Leslie Shaw, the finance minister of theodore roosevelt; President Taft's chief prosecutor George Wickell Hill, William Byron, franklin roosevelt and many other important people came to my lecture class to talk with the students.
If we want to make friends, we should stand up and serve others-do things that need time, energy, sincerity and thinking. When the Duke of Windsor was Prince of Wales, he arranged a trip to South America. Before leaving, he spent several months learning Spanish so that he could make a public speech in the local language.
For many years, I have been calling my friends on their birthdays. How to inquire? Although I don't believe in astrology at all, I will first ask the other person if I believe that a person's birthday is related to his personality and temperament, and then I will ask him to tell me his birthday. For example, when he said165438+1October 24th, I kept saying to myself, "165438+1October 24th,165438+/October 24th." As soon as he turned around, I wrote down his name and birthday, and then transferred it to a birthday book. At the beginning of each year, I mark these birthdays on my calendar so that they can automatically attract my attention. When someone's birthday comes, they will receive my letter or telegram. What a magical effect! I am often the only person in the world who remembers their birthdays.
If we want to make friends, we should greet others with joy and enthusiasm. When others call you, use the same psychology. Speak in a voice that shows that you are glad that he called you. New york Telephone Company has set up a course to train their operators to say "What number do you want to dial" in the tone of "Good morning, glad to help you". Don't forget this when we answer the phone tomorrow.
Showing your interest in others will not only make you many friends, but also increase customers' trust in your company. In new york, a publication published by a North American national bank published a letter from a depositor, Madeleine Rothdale.
I really hope you know how grateful I am to your staff. Everyone is so polite and enthusiastic. After a long queue, it's really pleasant to have a clerk greet you in a friendly way.
My mother was in the hospital for five months last year. I often meet a clerk, Mayi Patricia. She was very concerned about my mother and asked her how she was.
There is no doubt that Rosalie will continue to associate with this bank.
Charles Walter is an employee of a big bank in new york. He was ordered to write a confidential report about a company. He knows someone who has information he really needs. So, Mr. Walter went to see the man, who is the chairman of a big industrial company. When Mr. Walter was welcomed into the chairman's office, a young lady leaned out of the door and told the chairman that she didn't have any stamps for him today.
"I'm collecting stamps for my 12-year-old son." The chairman explained to Walter.
Mr Walter explained his purpose and began to ask questions. The chairman's statement is vague, general and ambiguous. He doesn't want to speak his mind, and it's no use trying to persuade him. This meeting is very short and impractical.
"Frankly speaking, I didn't know what to do at that time," said Mr. Walter, who raised the question in class. "Later, I remembered what his secretary said to him-stamps, twelve-year-old son ... I still remember that the foreign department of our bank collects stamps-stamps extracted from letters from all over the world.
"The next morning, I went to see him again and sent a message. I have some stamps for his children. Was I brought in by enthusiasm? Yeah, man. Even if he wants to run for congress, it is impossible to shake my hand. He is very polite and has a smile on his face. "My George will like this one," he kept saying, stroking the stamp. Look at this! This is priceless.
"We spent an hour talking about stamps and looking at his son's photos, and then he spent more than an hour telling me all the information I wanted to know-I didn't even suggest him to do that. He told me everything he knew, then called his subordinates in and asked them some questions. He also called some of his colleagues. He told me all the facts, figures, reports and letters. In the words of a reporter, I have gained a lot. "