1. I was riding a tram home from get off work. I was riding very fast in the alley. An uncle came across from me and was also riding very fast. I was about to collide with him. The uncle shouted: You go to the left and I go to the right! That day, we both lay on the ground for a long time...

2. My lips tend to get chapped this winter, so I asked my mother to buy a lip balm when I went to the supermarket. I applied it for almost two months, and I just found out that it was a lip balm. Solid glue.

3. Eating together is called sharing a meal, and going home together is called carpooling. You leave the rest of your life to me and live together from now on. This is called desperately.

4. A friend asked me, would you marry anyone just because you are older? Are you kidding, can you find it if you just look for it?

5. When I talk to people, I can’t help but stare at their belly. It’s not because they have a big belly, and it’s not because I’m incompetent. It’s because I’ve watched too many foreign movies and I always feel that that place should be there. There are subtitles!

6. "What is the most crowded bus you have ever taken?" "I was just passing by the bus but was squeezed into the bus."

7. My wife was on a business trip and just got off work in the afternoon. When I got home, she called me: "Where are you?" I replied: "Home." She said: "Really? Then tell me how many potatoes are in the refrigerator?" Fortunately, I didn't go out tonight, so I opened the refrigerator and said : "Two." "What about the eggplants?" "Two too!" "Where are the green peppers?" "I'll count, one, two, three, four, four." "Okay, you fry the ground and three delicacies, and I'll be there right away. Home!"

8. The theme of this debate is "Is there any point in the debate?" The positive contestants made careful preparations and arrived at the debate venue early. The debate time is over and the opposition has not yet arrived. OK, I declare that the negative side wins!

9. I just got home a few days after getting married, and my mother-in-law opened the door. When the door opened, I screamed: "Hello, aunt!" My mother-in-law looked at me with a smile: "Is the money for the change of account due? ”

10. Every time after a fight, I feel that I have not performed well, and then practice it in my mind over and over again.

11. From a woman’s perspective, if a favorite product is on sale, buying it is not spending money, but making money.

12. If you can shoot yourself in the foot, you can take it and let it go.

13. Some people may just talk about eating dirt and still have a lot of money in their pockets, but I am different. I talk about eating dirt, but in fact I have already drunk the northwest wind.

14. There is no real friendship between men. On the surface, they are brothers, but in fact they all want to be each other’s father!

15. I like sleeping now. When I fall asleep, I don’t feel pain, joy or loneliness. I don’t have to think about anything. If I’m lucky, I can save a meal.

16. During the Chinese New Year, I heard the eldest sister upstairs shouting hysterically: No takeout! Your stomach capacity these two days belongs to mom! After raising a child for a thousand days, isn’t it right for the child to eat leftovers for a few days?

17. If you run out of cigarettes, you can light another one. If you run out of wine, you can pour another drink. If you lose the game, you can start a new one. If you don’t have a girlfriend, you can keep smoking, drinking and playing games. ,very nice!

18. What is a master? It is to be able to judge the opponent's intention in an instant, and then kill the opponent invisibly. For example, me: Mom, I want... My mom: No money!

19. When the boss’s nephew first came to the construction site, he couldn’t carry it on his shoulders or lift it with his hands. He was also unsophisticated. He would start a fight just because the workers didn’t turn off the lights when they left for work. It has been two years since I saw him, his resolute back under the moonlight, his clothes soaked with sweat, talking and laughing with the workers stealing steel bars from the boss, I have really matured a lot, I am very happy!

20. The weather has been cold recently, and I saw a friend showing off that his girlfriend knitted a scarf for him. To save my face, I said my girlfriend knitted it for me too. I told my girlfriend about this when I got back from get off work. As a result, she said: "People only wear scarves when they have a neck! You are so fat that you have no neck. If you wear a scarf, people will think someone's snowman has become a spirit!"

21. Are you having a difficult relationship? Okay, there's no one along the way.

22. If there is something I haven’t done well enough, please tell me. Don’t hold it in, I won’t change it anyway.

23. When taking the blood pressure during the physical examination, the doctor was a young woman. After taking the test, she said to me seriously: Your blood pressure is a bit high! I also said to her seriously: Your neckline is a bit low!

24. The old lady used fish to release fish by the river.

An uncle came up and persuaded: "Mom, please don't release this kind of grass carp again! You can release that kind of tilapia!" The old lady wondered: "Is there any particularity in releasing fish?" The uncle said honestly: "Grass carp spines It’s so much that my wife can’t get used to it.”