1, please raise your hand if you love me, please stand on your head if you don't love me.

It is forbidden to urinate here, and tools will be confiscated.

3. People who run around brothels are not old. Please use Huiren Shenbao.

4. Those who have milk are not necessarily rich mothers, but must be grandfathers.

5, waving the flag of the object, holding a free B.

We will know about tomorrow the day after tomorrow.

7. If you have to pee, you have to pee. Don't wait for the bird to shake and pee.

8. Getting up now depends not on perseverance, but on peeing.

No matter how much I love you, buying a diamond is the real thing.

10, if you were a flower, cows wouldn't dare to shit in the future.

1 1, talking about money doesn't hurt feelings, but talking about feelings hurts money the most.

12, life has never died since ancient times, ah, shit without paper!

13, you can't find a mushroom cold like this lantern! !

14, that man looks, how can I put it? The pixels are relatively low!

15, you are not a VIp, not even a V, you are just a P.

16, believe it if you believe it, don't believe it if you don't believe it, and fucking use WeChat.

17, unless I am in charge, I don't know that the food is expensive, and I don't know that I am fat without taking pictures.

18, spring is not a cry, it is a real knife and a real gun!

19, flowers often do not belong to people who appreciate flowers, but to cow dung.

20, do what you want to do, otherwise, let the pig talk nonsense.

2 1, I like the way you can't get used to me and can't do it.

22. Have you ever thought of someone who makes you want to cry? Yes, creditors.

23. I knew it was so difficult to find a girlfriend, so I decided to kiss the doll.

24. Men are not colored, not true colors; Women are not coquettish and have no tricks.

25. Today, my mother asked me why I smoked. I said I like to eat soot!

26. If you don't like me, I'll give you a camera and shoot wherever you like.

27. You are a good person and a bad person. You were honest with me just to run to her.

28. Don't promise me a lifetime. I'm afraid. I'm afraid you'll be struck by lightning.

29. God gave me the task of riding a pig for a walk.

Superman always flies in briefs because triangles are very stable.

3 1, the PE teacher said: Whoever dares to wear a skirt to my class will be punished for handstand!

32. We are all good students. We don't fall in love or elope to play the trumpet with you.

33, computer, don't do this, let me go, I am a person with homework.

Modesty is also an art, let's do it well together!

Excuse me, miss, can you take your chest away from my hand?

36. Women are tools to make human beings, and men are human beings who use tools.

37. If you don't eat what's in the bowl, just eat more in the pot.

38. I suggest that Japanese women be arrested and put in our male prison.

39.who do you think you are? You are the spilled water. I don't even want a basin.

40. I didn't say you were shameless. I mean you're shameless.

4 1, I forgot to scold you at ordinary times, and I didn't know that I was both civil and military until I hit you.

42, research shows that, no matter what, the opposite sex deskmate likes each other.

43. The difference between you and a pig is that a pig has always been a pig, but sometimes you are not a person.

44. I usually read books because I am curious, and I read books before exams because I have a desire to survive.

45, nothing to bask in the sun, maybe no one will call you an idiot if you get tanned.

46. I can't find my tie again Didn't you find a rag yesterday?

47. I won't watch you jump into the fire pit. I close my eyes.

48. I am convinced that a boy will come into this world because he was tortured by me.

49. What is pleasure? The pleasure is that you eat fish, I eat meat and watch others chew bones.

5 1, what is happiness? Happiness is that you eat fish, I eat meat and watch others chew bones.

52. I'm embarrassed to tell people that school is on holiday without twenty or thirty papers in my hand these days.

53. Not everyone can keep a low profile. The basis of keeping a low profile is to keep a high profile at all times.

54. Tencent's investment has given many people hope and also disappointed many people.

55. Throw away what you can't keep as far as possible. You might bounce back when you hit something.

56. The most explicit compliment is that the bitch is drunk.

Honey, when will we get married, baby, after you have the baby.

58. If cutting my hair means cutting my memory, will I lose my memory if I cut my hair?

59. The math teacher took us swimming in the ocean of problems. As a result, she went ashore and we all drowned.

60. I have thought for countless times that I can't see the sun tomorrow, because it will be cloudy.

6 1. If you look up often, you will grow taller. If you always pick up bargains with your head down, you will bow down.

62, if there is no internal force, only external force, aliens look at the earth, is a skinned egg. .

63. I recently read a book that taught people how to forget and benefited a lot. I forgot the title and content.

64. What should I do if I meet a snake in the wild? Don't panic, hold up an umbrella with a warm smile and pretend to be Xu Xian.

65. Being single is very painful. Being single for a long time is more painful. I saw a sow the other day. I think its eyes are very good.

66. My friend's name was him in his girlfriend's mobile phone, and they broke up later.

Doctor, what's wrong with me? Paralysis above the neck, what disease is that? Idiot.

68. Life is like this. You always stretch your legs when you are too beautiful to find the north.

69. A good wife will never ask her husband to buy her this or that; A good husband will never wait for his wife to talk before buying.

70. Model husband: Model daughter-in-law has the final say. If the wife wants to eat cake, she likes porridge. As soon as his wife stared, she stood against the wall.

7 1, people, really tired! I want to sleep when I stand. I love you and I suffer. You have to pay taxes when you go to work, and you have to queue up for dinner after work. I live and suffer!

72. Go to the pizza shop to buy pizza! The waiter asked me whether to cut it into 8 pieces or 12 pieces. I thought about it and said: 8 yuan! 12 can't eat!

73. The sign of an immature man is that he can die bravely for his ideal, and the sign of a mature man is that he can live humbly for his ideal.

74. When we believe that we are already quite important to the world, in fact, the world is only ready to forgive our naivety.

75, the so-called beauty, three-point appearance and seven-point dress; The so-called temperament, three points of talent and seven points of pretending; The so-called gentleness is three points forbearance and seven points depression.

76. If there is an afterlife, I was born on National Day and died in Tomb-Sweeping Day. When I was born, the whole world was celebrating. When I died, the whole world was sad.

77. A successful man can earn more money than his wife spends, and a successful woman can also find such a man.

78. I suddenly had the impulse to study. I took a sip of water to calm my nerves. Okay, it's calm now. I was too impulsive just now. Fortunately, I have strong self-control.

79. When the flood comes, don't worry, try to avoid high places, remember when waiting for rescue, keep calm and physical strength, and handle unexpected problems carefully.

80. You are rich, you pay the bill, you are rich, you smoke, you are rich, you drink, you are rich, you walk the dog. See if you have a mobile phone, whoever sends information has money.

8 1. In high school, everyone has a name tag. Before an inspection, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, everyone put on their bras quickly. When the inspection came, the whole room was silent.

82. God said that measuring a person's level is like using a barrel of water, and the amount of water depends on the lowest board. However, God created your bucket, but it seems to be used to hold rice.

Qq signature is funny

1. Today, my quilt is sick. I will stay in bed and take care of her.

The longest love I have ever talked about is narcissism. Love yourself, no rival in love.

3. The world has its own paradise, so let heaven tidy up you!

I haven't been cheap for a long time, bitch. I heard that you have become a man and a woman?

5, hang a mosquito net and sleep naked in it, Doby mosquito, make it anxious.

6. I am not a bone. I can't let every dog run after me.

7. Old people can't kill children, women and men.

8. Close your eyes and fantasize about growing old with you. Tears streamed down her face.

9. A tailor who doesn't want to be a chef is not a good driver.

10, a chicken practiced for 1000 years, and finally became the essence, and as a result, it became the essence of chicken on people's dinner tables.

1 1, they all say that you have long hair and short knowledge. Why are you bald and so short-sighted?

12, there are still 20 days before the winter vacation! These days, it takes 33 days to be lovelorn.

13. Sleeping is an art, and no one can stop me from pursuing it.

14, be a carefree foodie and a carefree fool.

15, I blame myself for being too young to distinguish between people and dogs.

16, life is like taking a shit, sometimes you work hard and you just fart.

17, the most exclusive thing in the world is homework. No matter how you ignore it, it will still follow you.

18, there is no trace of birds in the sky, but I have flown!

19, I'll let the old lady have a red mouth and give you some color to see see.

20. When I grow up, I will marry the Tang Priest. If I can play, I will. If I can't play, I will eat him.

2 1, there must be a road in front of the driveway, and I can't stop it.

22. If you love me, put on my wedding dress and take it off yourself.

23. Buddha said: The sea of suffering is boundless, and turning back is the shore. I said: No border, where did you come from?

24. If someone uses a honey trap for me, I will cooperate.

25, I am purely fictional, in case of online, it is simply hell!

26. Men who go home early tell stories to their wives; Men who come home late make up stories for their wives.

27. If you have time to learn Feng Shui, you can make up for the regret that you can't afford a good house before you die.

28, you cheat, so open, not afraid of cold balls!

29. There are so many people who despise me. Who are you?

30. It's not that we fat people are too fat, but that you thin people are malnourished.

3 1, excuse me, miss, would you please take your chest out of my hand?

32. You asked me how much I love you. Money can represent my heart.

33. It is said that the IQ of a woman in love is zero. Why am I still negative?

34. Be a rogue with temperament, a pervert with taste, and an illiterate with knowledge!

35, big head, thick neck, stupid action like a pig!

36, men are not bad, women don't love. Men are not hooligans, and their development is abnormal.

37, Yuanyang playing in the water, all fucking drowned; Fly with me, you fucking fell dead!

38. If the garden can't be closed in spring, I will draw an almond out of the wall.

39. After drinking the medicine bottle, hang it on the rope, jump off the building and wave a handkerchief to see you off.

40. We are all dreamers. When dreams are gone, only the dreamer is still there.

4 1, I'm not a genius, because I haven't worn Finch's diapers.

42. Have you been thrown three times at birth and only been caught twice?

43. My future is not a dream, but a nightmare.

44. Summer without watermelon is not a good summer.

45. Your teeth are like the stars in the sky, brightly colored and far apart.

46. Women are tools to make human beings, and men are human beings who use tools.

47. When I am strong, I will sweep all the snacks in the supermarket!

If the smoke is not obedient, I will smoke.

49, nothing to bask in the sun, maybe no one will call you an idiot if you get tanned.

50. We have some differences: she wants me to turn dung into gold, and I want her to treat gold as dung.

5 1, I never hold grudges. I usually report it on the spot.

52. You dare to talk to me about basketball even if you don't know Beckham!

53. I'm stupid and I'm happy. I'm two years old and I'm healthy.

54. "Ten Years" sang the voice of every fat paper: I want to be thin and shed tears.

55, in Egypt, a man can marry four wives, that is how tired, or China.

56. Stupid or not, see if you can play dumb.

57. Take your advice and leave me ten books!

Teacher, if you ignore the bell again, we will ignore it.

59. Beauty is heaven for the eyes and hell for the wallet!

Teacher, when you put on this cassock, you will be an old woman.

6 1, women chasing men, laminated yarn. Men chase women, mezzanine mom. .

62. God has given Sri Lanka a great appointment. If not, wouldn't you still be a Sri Lankan?

63. I regard money as dirt and my father regards me as a septic tank.

64. I have never been late since I set my alarm clock on edge and got up and rolled around every day.

65. Sorry, buddy, you're blocking my cell phone signal.

66. Eat, I want to be thin, I want to be thin. I can't have both, so I left.

67, a walk and a stop, really stylish, one card per second, so chic.

68. Study hard for China! A pack of China cigarettes is a lot of money!

69. I thought I was decadent, and I didn't know that my morning paper was scrapped until today.

70. Take a newspaper to the toilet. I am a scholar.

7 1, honey, are you dead? Hold me tight when you die, and let the corpse collector know that we are a couple!

72. Watching time in bed every morning is not to get up, but to see how long you can sleep.

73. Don't think you are a gourd doll.

74. Journey to the West tells us that all monsters with backstage were taken away, and those without backstage were killed by a stick.

It is said that people have only two choices: get busy dying or get busy living. I think I have a third option: I'm busy waiting for death.

76. Give me a fulcrum and I'll put my neighbor's car in the ditch so that he won't honk when he sees me.

77. I skipped classes too much. I wanted to go to class yesterday. Seeing the teacher, the teacher was surprised and said, I haven't seen you for so long, and I have grown so big.

78. Whenever cleaning, the company will say that the company is your home; But if you are late, the company will say that you are in charge of the company?

79. The tragedy of life lies in: I worked hard to have a sweet dream all night, but I can't remember it when I woke up the next morning!

I thought that as long as I was as black as coal, no one would recognize me, but I was wrong. I was completely wrong. Now I'm shiny black.

8 1, thank you for your patronage every time you buy a drink. One day, I suddenly couldn't write Huizi in the exam, so I opened the drink next to me. I was crazy and won: one more bottle.

Spring Festival funny qq signature

1, kettle, why are you crying? Is it because your ass is too hot?

2. If fate grabs you by the throat, go and grab it.

We live in the sewer and still have the right to look up at the stars.

We have confidence, but what we don't have is pears.

5, news broadcast is the best B, even if you keep changing channels, you can watch A news.

6. I wanted to eat my sorrow in one bite, but now I'm fat.

7. I used to be young and energetic, but now I have no youth, only energy.

8. The first guy who knows that milk can be drunk, what did you do to the cow?

9. I'm a joke you can't afford, so I'll turn into a tooth and swallow it into your stomach.

10, the degree of a person's awakening is probably like the depth of your pain now.

1 1. You like me but love someone else. Do you think I'm stupid and cheated by you?

12, don't let me see you drinking pure milk, I feel you are polluting it.

13, is this what you call being strong? You run when the hooligans come.

14, only because your rascal is helpless, has the current media gossip.

15, I don't want your hot and cold, because I will catch a cold.

16, no money, no house, no car, what do you have?

17, have you improved your mocking skills? I think the road is crooked.

18, our love doesn't collapse, how do I know its value?

19, the way you take care of people is really special. You take all the prostitutes home and take care of them yourself.

I'm not the person you want to marry. I'm really glad that woman has a good eye for pearls.

2 1, you gave up your future, gave up, and finally gave up on me.

What does it matter to me that she is better than me, and what does it matter to your mother that you are better than her?

I know you won her back, so you should cherish it now.

I don't know your secret and neither do you. It's just even.

25. Did you say you were the first good man? Is it the kind that always helps women?

26. When you see a woman, your heart beats faster. TM is really a good man.

27. Cry if you want. You are uglier when you laugh now than when you cry.

28. I know there is someone in your heart, yourself.

29. Little TM is here to tell me about love. I'm afraid it will ruin your life.

30. When it's time to end, the love scene will also end.

3 1, you have regrets in the world of love. What does this have to do with me?

32. People with big faces can't use touch-screen mobile phones because they hang up when they laugh.

33. Be careful to let the person who loves you finally say I don't care.

I think a man who abandons his wife for his mistress is a fool.

I think the person who should cry is in front of you, and the person who should laugh is in front of me.

36. Why should I care about you, just like others?

37. We are all selfish. We are all mean. Why would anyone say who?

38. If you dare to step on my head, I will dare to step on your grave.

39. I am not a gentle girl. I can't pretend to be the woman you want.

40. I despise you for giving your love to others.

Qq group signature is funny

1, learn not to be angry first, and then learn to make people angry.

2. Who has never been mentally ill, but have you ever been schizophrenic?

There are so many people who despise me. Who are you?

4, a face of excitement, like drinking urine sugar.

5, others laugh at me for wearing thick clothes, and I laugh at others for freezing.

6. The highest level of ignorance is two words: pretend to understand!

7. When I am strong, I will sweep all the snacks in the supermarket!

Mom said that there is no regret medicine in the world, only rat medicine.

9. Japan claimed Diaoyu Island as its own, and as a result, it was a tsunami!

10, I've been much better since I got mental illness!

1 1, put your heart of stone in my cherry mouth.

12, I am in the Jianghu, but there is no legend about me in the Jianghu.

13, a walk and a stop, really stylish, one card per second, so chic.

14, you cheat, so open, not afraid of cold balls!

15, is there a moment when you feel sorry for my persistence?

16. Recently, many people jumped off buildings. Please be careful not to get hit.

17, not afraid of enemies like tigers, but afraid of teammates like pigs.

18, what is love in the world? The sage replied: waste!

19, you said that life is cheap, but once you enter the hospital, it is extremely expensive.

20. If you love me, put on my wedding dress and take it off yourself.

2 1, rogue, is a kind of temperament; Old hooligans are a kind of faith.

22, the season of black silk flooding, let us have these thick legs?

23. The sky didn't fall and hit me, but it still tormented my mind and exhausted my bones and muscles.

24. If a man doesn't help you put on a wedding dress, you can give him a cassock.

25. I won't go to see netizens unless the country changes monogamy.

26, loneliness is a person's carnival, carnival is the loneliness of a group of people!

27. Hello, the number you dialed is out of service. Please dial again in your next life.

28, joking is ok. First, don't cross the line, and second, don't poke people where it hurts.

29. Read thousands of books and Wan Li Road, make a fortune and be a heartthrob!

30. People can't take money to the grave, but money can take people to the grave.

3 1, what are you unhappy about? Say it to make everyone happy.

Don't let others get you easily, or you will be easily forgotten.

33. Is there anyone who, like me, misses someone who has returned from afar?

I said to keep a low profile, but you gave me applause and screams.

35. If one day I fall down. Remember, I'll come up for you.

Since a clock was installed at the back of the classroom, our turn-around rate has increased.

Please don't shit in front of the fly, it will think you are showing off your wealth.

38. As the saying goes, if you are not afraid of leaders being like donkeys, you are afraid of subordinates being like pigs.

39. There are no women who can't marry men, only men who can't marry women.

40. A blind cat may not be able to meet a dead mouse, but a scholar has long been a soldier.

4 1, ugly people should read more books, and I finally got a doctorate from college.

42. God didn't take special care of me, nor abandoned me, but just toyed with me.

43. When I heard the teacher say that the fine would start again, I knew that his salary had been spent.

44. After the Chinese exam, I cried. After the math exam, I found myself crying early.

45. I try to lose weight every day except during meals. You still say I have no perseverance?

46. I passed you, but you didn't know it was me because I turned my head away.

47. Tomorrow will be a new day. There are so many tomorrows. Since there are so many, we might as well postpone it.

48. Oh, how can I solemnly bow and scrape to the high-ranking official Hou Lu? Anyway, you spent ten dollars.

49. When I live to this age, the only thing I can put down is chopsticks.

50. Don't think that just because a girl is beautiful can seduce me, at least she is stupid enough!

5 1, I changed her from a girl to a woman; She turned me from a boy into a poor man.

52. There are two things in the world that can lie on the glass. One is a gecko, and the other is a class teacher.

53. Rich people are afraid that others will know that they have money, while poor people are afraid that others will know that they have no money.

54. I must appear in your household registration book. I can't be your wife or your little mother.

55. Don't complain behind my back, or come out and kill me.

56. A: It's hard to swallow this evil spirit if this revenge is not reported. B: Then how can I let you die?

57. If you save enough 4.5 yuan and I save enough 4.5 yuan, we can get married in the Civil Affairs Bureau.

You can't miss yourself, you can't take care of yourself, you can't take care of yourself, you can't take care of yourself, you can't give yourself happiness.

59. How long is a minute? It depends on whether you are squatting in the toilet or waiting outside.

60. Breaking my word is my style. Betraying my loved ones is my status quo. Long life is my result.

6 1. Can eggs from all over the world unite to break stones? So be realistic. .

62. Flowers bloom not for anyone, but also for themselves. The world does not exist for anyone, nor does it exist for itself.

63. Think about how different your world would be if you didn't meet the person who changed everything for you.

64. It is said that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. Looking back, I actually streaked in Too Many Cooks for 20 years!

65. After getting up today, I said to my husband: I want to make up. These idiots came to a sentence: that's not makeup, it's transformation.

66. How did you peek at my notes! How do you know I remember seeing you? I saw it in your notes!

67. How can I sleep when the sun is shining high in the sky? The teacher is kind and hypnotic. As long as I don't take exams, I will have many dreams.

68. Give me a woman and I can create a country; Give me a bottle of wine and I will lead them to conquer the world!

69. If someone scolds you for having no guts, what should you answer? You have seed. You have many kinds of colorful seeds, but it's a pity that you are a hybrid.

70. I am a very thrifty person. I never shit with paper, never eat with chopsticks, and never wash my hands!

7 1, Xin, I didn't find a place to live, so I wandered around. We all have a past that we want to go back to but can't.

72. In high school, I felt that I didn't get enough sleep. When I was in college, I felt that I didn't get enough sleep and spent enough money. I don't feel enough sleep and spend enough money after work.

73. In the past, the primary school teacher said to us for fear of silence: When I ask questions, all of you will raise your right hand instead of your left.

74. If one day you suddenly disappear, do you think someone will look for you crazily? If I still owe the bank mortgage and car loan.

75. The most touching words in the world are not that I love you, but that you have lost weight. The most hurtful thing in the world is not that I hate you, but that you are fat.

76. It's really annoying to go to work every day. I advise you to work hard, try to find a job as soon as possible, make money steadily, settle down in a big city and have a happy family.

77. A pot of wine from the flowers, free cigarettes; Until, holding up my cup, I asked the moon that there was no money; Have sex when you wake up and pay when you are drunk. Will goodwill be guaranteed? , eat and drink!

78. Wife, wife, I love you, I really care for you, my family moistens you, and Amitabha bless you. I take this short message as proof: I will always be with you.

79. How many times have I told you, go to bed early at night and don't go out, but you just won't listen. No, I dreamed again last night, which made me unwilling to wake up!

80. At school, I learned to swear, copy homework, compare with others, rebel, puppy love, fight, poke people in the spine, know many dogs, and learn nothing else.

8 1, this is a terrible story: it will happen in buses or canteens everywhere in China. There are obviously empty seats in these places, but the people next to them say: Someone!