1 type: adults are kind but not firm towards their children.
Child: Mom, I still want to eat ice cream.
Mom: You have already eaten 1!
Child: Do I want more? I want to ... (coquetry)
Mom: We have already eaten one. How about next time?
Child: it's not delicious. If you eat another one, you won't eat it.
Mom: OK! I can not help you with anything.
Analysis? Only pay attention to the positive influence of children's kindness;
Children are sincere, tolerant, friendly, expressive, optimistic, patient, cooperative, gentle and friendly.
Analysis? Only pay attention to the negative effects of children's kindness;
Children have no sense of responsibility, no rules, willfulness, no constraints, challenge authority, dependence, control, insecurity and so on. We call this kind of upbringing "arrogance".
Type 2: Adults are firm and unfriendly towards children.
For example, the words of an adult who is too determined:
I won't say it again. Stop playing now, or all these toys will be thrown into the trash can.
If you don't stop doing that, you will have to "pause".
You'd better cooperate, or you'll lose all your privileges.
You said you would help clean it up. I don't want to hear any rebuttal. Let's go now.
Analysis? Focus only on children's firm positive influence:
Children have a sense of rules, strong, independent, upward, confident, leadership, concentration and so on.
Analysis: only pay attention to the firm negative influence of children.
Children are easy to give up, feel inferior, timid, indifferent, and have poor communication skills, so it is difficult to control their emotions. We call this kind of parenting "autocracy".
The third type: adults are neither firm nor kind to children.
Although this situation is rare in life, unfortunately, it sometimes happens in very few families. This kind of parenting is neither related nor disciplined, and always requires external intervention. We call this kind of parenting "neglect".
Analysis: In this environment, it is difficult for children to express their inner thoughts, with low self-confidence and happiness, unable to feel and express love, and adults are easily trapped by love, puppy love and precocity.
So is there a kind and firm parenting style at the same time?
Type 4: Kindness and firmness go hand in hand.
In this way, children have love, a strong sense of responsibility and rules, positive and helpful, and it is easy for children to find their sense of belonging and value, so that children can become their own masters in the true sense.
What is kindness and firmness?
We often mistake kindness for kindness or arrogance or indecision, but it is not. The importance of "kindness" lies in expressing our respect for children, and adults can have contact with children. The importance of "firmness" lies in respecting yourself and the needs of the situation. In short, it is full of respect for children and easy to accept.
Specifically, let's look at the kind and firm words:
I know you really want to play and don't want to stop. It's story time.
I know you'd rather stay outside to play, but it's lunch break. As soon as lunch break is over, you can play outside again.
I know you don't want to tidy up your toys, but now it's time to tidy up. Do you want to set the timer, or shall we sing the cleaning song together?
4. (Kindly and quietly wait for the answer-join the agreement you reached with your child in advance. I know you don't want to take turns cycling. What's our agreement on taking turns?
I know you don't want to take a nap, but it's time to sleep quietly. Do you want to read quietly or listen to relaxing music?
6. (Admit the feeling and ask heuristic questions) I know the toy you want. How long do you want to play when it's your turn?
Remarks: (Li) font is a positive punishment tool, which can be collected or forwarded!
The best attitude to raise children: kindness and firmness seem easy, but in the process of implementation, we need to consciously practice repeatedly and know how to adjust ourselves. Only by accumulating and using it bit by bit in life can we truly achieve the realm of raising children easily, respecting children and putting life first. On the way of raising children, we will practice with you and grow and progress with children.
American Montessori (MIA3-6) Training Teachers
American Montessori (MIA3-6) Music Trainer
Lecturer in early childhood active training
Educational motto: Children need encouragement just as plants need water.