Self-confidence is a charm, suitable for anyone with thinking. It has extraordinary charm for anyone. Only by building self-confidence can he be interested in anything and have confidence in any job he accepts. Take care of everything easily. There are also thoughtful pursuits for people you like. The most commendable thing is that with self-confidence, people's brains will be extremely sensitive to external things. Thinking has also become extremely active. It is also quick to accept new things. The methods of dealing with problems will also be flexible and diverse. Because with confidence, you can do anything.
If a girl thinks she is not beautiful, she will not be interested in any activities and will not go to crowded places to play. Unwilling to communicate with others; A teacher knows everything, but "jiaozi is cooked in a teapot, and the goods can't be poured out". This is not because he doesn't know how to speak, but because he lacks confidence in himself and is worried that his class will not be good; An actor, when receiving the script, has a strong interest in the characters in the play, but after trying to figure out the characters' personalities, he has a timid mentality, fearing that he will suffer because he does not grasp people's psychological and ideological activities; A clever student, who has a good foundation in study, is afraid that he will suddenly lose his mind if he doesn't do well in the examination paper. These are all caused by lack of self-confidence.
The reason for this is that girls are too vain; Teachers' lack of on-site experience; Actors care too much about fame and fortune; Students expect too much. But in the final analysis, it is because of lack of confidence.
A confident person, facing any difficulties and challenges, is full of confidence in himself and firmly believes that he has no insurmountable difficulties; A confident person never doubts his ability and can handle any problem calmly; A confident person will be indifferent to the sudden arrival of honor and fame; A confident person is indifferent to flowers and applause. This is the charm of self-confidence.
In short, beauty does not determine self-confidence, and cleverness does not determine self-confidence. The essence of self-confidence comes from charm. Beautiful people are not necessarily confident, but self-confidence can make people beautiful. Smart people are not necessarily confident, but self-confidence can make people smart. I mean the human spirit. Confident people reveal and express a kind of passion in their manners. It is a heroic spirit that inspires people to forge ahead. Generation is an invisible force that can make people firm, calm, resolute and humorous.
Therefore, self-confidence is a charm. The charm lies in that it can inspire people to be positive, to go forward bravely, to enhance people's intelligence, to activate all positive factors in people, to develop people's long-term potential, to turn weakness into strength, and to eliminate people's fear of anything. With this confidence, there is nothing we can't do, dare to do or won't do.
Let self-confidence accompany us all our lives!
Personality charm
First, what is personality charm?
In today's society, the basic point of being a man is to have personality charm. What is personality charm? First of all, we must figure out what personality is. Personality refers to the sum of personality, temperament, ability and other characteristics, and also refers to the qualification of personal moral quality and human ability as the subject of power and obligation. Personality charm refers to a person's attractive strength in personality, temperament, ability and moral quality. In today's society, a person can be welcomed and tolerated by others, and he actually has a certain personality charm.
As the "spirit of all things", man is both a natural person and a social person. As a social person, no matter what kind of social form, he is not an isolated existence. Without society and interpersonal communication, people are not people.
People know themselves in social interaction, develop themselves and strengthen themselves in understanding and transforming the subjective and objective world. In social life, interpersonal relationship is often manifested as an emotional connection and psychological attraction. No matter who you are, the better interpersonal relationships you build in social communication, the more friends you have, the warmer and more courage you can get, and the more intelligence and strength you can gain.
Interpersonal relationship is one of the most basic relationships, but it is also one of the most complicated relationships. Subjectively, we tend to handle all kinds of interpersonal relationships perfectly. But objectively, we are often troubled and distressed by the entanglements and contradictions of various interpersonal relationships. We explore the psychological law of expressing personality charm, aiming at deepening understanding through communication with people, thus promoting the development of interpersonal relationship in an ideal direction.
Everyone is eager to establish a harmonious relationship with the people around him. Especially young people, they hope to get along well with others and gain their trust, understanding and friendship. However, the generation of good interpersonal relationship depends on both sides, that is, a person can not only accept others, but also be accepted by others, and their relationship will continue to develop. If people think that it is not a smooth thing to associate with a person, or they don't like him, even if he is willing to associate with others, people may not accept him. So, how can we be liked and trusted? This involves his personality charm.
Leaders attach great importance to "personality" and think that a person's greatest property is "personality".
A well-known store manager once said: "Some people are born with the nature of interacting with others. They are naturally decent in dealing with people, themselves, others, gestures and behaviors, and they can gain the attention and love of others without any effort. But some people don't have this talent, and they have to work hard to get the attention and love of others. But whether they are born or hard-working, their result is nothing more than winning the goodwill of others, and the way and means to get goodwill is the development of' personality'. "
Only a sound personality can win people's love and cooperation. Therefore. All wise people in the world often try their best to show their individuality.
It can be said that these "personality" characteristics that make us love others are a kind of charm that radiates from others. Many people, whether handsome or not, have the charm of this personality and the cohesion of respect and love.
The basis of personality charm also lies in people's personality characteristics.
Second, the personality characteristics of personality charm
The attraction of personal quality lies in a personality quality that people like, admire and are eager to get close to. This inherent attribute-personality charm, embodies a person's spirit and morality, and can make people gather around him like a magnet.
1968, American psychologist Anderson listed 550 adjectives to describe people. He asked the university
Students point out the qualities they like. The research results clearly show that the highest evaluation of college students' personality quality is "sincerity", and among the eight adjectives with the highest evaluation, six (sincerity, honesty, loyalty, truthfulness, trustworthiness and reliability) are related to sincerity. The lowest qualities are lying, pretending and dishonesty.
This research result is of universal significance. In daily life, we always like sincere and reliable friends, but hate and guard against people who are duplicitous and hypocritical. Sincerity and selflessness can add a lot of inner attraction to a seemingly unattractive person. From the analysis of people's personality structure, the personality characteristics with personality charm are shown in the following aspects:
First, in the attitude towards reality or in dealing with various social relations, it shows sincerity, enthusiasm, friendliness, sympathy for others and the collective, helpfulness and communication, concern and active participation in collective activities; Be strict with yourself, enterprising, confident but not arrogant, modest but not inferior; Treat study, work and career with diligence and seriousness.
Second, intellectually, it is characterized by keen perception, rich imagination and strong logical thinking, especially innovative consciousness and creativity.
Thirdly, emotionally, I show that I am good at controlling and controlling my emotions, and I am optimistic, cheerful, inspirational and open-minded, and my emotions are stable and balanced. When I get along with people, I can bring people happy laughter and make people refreshed.
Fourth, in terms of will, it shows a series of positive qualities such as clear goals, self-awareness, self-control, courage and determination, perseverance and initiative.
People with these good personality characteristics are often popular, admired or can be called "popular" people in the group. Of course, no one can fully possess these excellent qualities. The differences in the quantity and quality of these personality characteristics between people determine the differences in the attractiveness of individuals to others.
Third, be sincere-open your heart to others.
The basic point of personality charm is sincerity. Personality charm comes from perfect personality, and treating others sincerely and abiding by faith are the necessary prerequisites to win people's hearts and attract people. Be honest with others, be sincere and trustworthy, and you will gain more trust, understanding, support and cooperation from others, thus gaining more chances of success.
We advocate making friends with people we know. Be wary of people who don't know much about it, trust more friends who have a basic understanding and can be trusted, be less suspicious, be more sincere and be less vigilant. It is unwise to distinguish between true and false, to be evasive and vague about people you can trust. Mr. Fu Lei, a famous translator in China, said: "As long as a person is sincere, he can always impress people, even if he doesn't understand it for a while, he will understand it later." He also said: "I have always been the first confession, the second confession, and the third confession. Circumcision, evasive, suspicious; It's better to be fair and square than to use means. To tell the truth, as long as you are sincere, humble and respectful, people will not treat you any way. " Treating people with sincerity will build a bridge between people who can be trusted, open the door to each other's hearts through this bridge, and work side by side and cooperate with each other on this basis. I am sincere and frank, and I am willing to show my sincerity.
"Open your heart to others", and the other person will feel that you trust him, thus eliminating suspicion and vigilance and treating you as a confidant.
My friend, I am willing to tell you everything. Psychology believes that everyone's thoughts have an implicit and closed side, and at the same time, they hope to gain the understanding and trust of others and have an open side. However, openness is directional, that is, it is open to people you trust. Be honest with others, you can gain people's trust, find an open mind and win a friend who helps you wholeheartedly. This is true for true. If people can replace vigilance and suspicion with sincerity when developing interpersonal relationships and interacting with others, they will get an unexpected happy ending.
Treat people sincerely, be open and selfless, and be open and aboveboard. Once the other party is found to have shortcomings and mistakes, especially those closely related to his career, he should be corrected in time and urged to correct them immediately. Although people don't like being criticized, when others realize that critics really think for themselves, they can understand and accept it, so that their hearts can communicate and friendship can develop.
Be honest with others, you should know people and make friends with them. When you fall out of your sincere heart, first look at who is standing in front of you. You shouldn't open your heart to people you can't trust. Otherwise, it is counterproductive.
If you want to get a bosom friend, you must first open your heart. Tell the truth, tell the truth, don't hide, speak hesitatingly, and exchange your frankness for the sincerity and love of your friends. As Comrade Xie Juezai wrote in a poem: "After Wan Li, you are still in the key, and you have experienced all kinds of difficulties. There can be dust defects, which need to be wiped off and open the heart and lungs for people to see. "
An English writer named Halton interviewed Darwin in order to write a book "The Character and Cultivation of British Scientists". Darwin's frankness is well known, so Halton asked Darwin bluntly, "What is your main weakness?" Darwin replied: "I don't know mathematics and new languages, I lack observation and I'm not good at logical thinking." Halton asked again, "What is your academic attitude?" Darwin replied, "I worked hard, but I didn't master the learning method." Hearing these words, who doesn't applaud Wen Da's frankness and sincerity? Supposedly, a world-renowned scientist like Darwin said a few innocuous words when answering the questions raised by the writer, and even added a few rings to his reputation. Who would object? But Darwin was not like this. One is one, the other is two, and even openly expose their shortcomings to others. This noble character must be exchanged with sincere trust and respect. So are friends. Don't you dare tell the truth, tell the truth and let people know. Your friend will be moved by your honesty and he will like you from the bottom of his heart. In return, he will tell the truth, tell the truth.
There is a saying of "trusting friends" in Yanzi Chunqiu, and "faith" is regarded as an important link between friends. "Faith", regarded as one of the five permanent members in feudal society, is a virtue of human beings. In the previous children's first book, Study in Qionglin, there were chapters devoted to making friends. There were various generalizations: "I am United and my friends are rich", "I would like to be loyal to each other and forget the years when I meet young and old" and "I am like Lian Po, Sun Ce and Zhou Yu are good friends", all of which are profound.
Emotional communication between people is different. Harmonious feelings are spiritual communication. Treating each other with sincerity and meeting each other with sincerity are soul mates. The passage of time and the changes of the times have not weakened the brilliance of "sincerity" in the hall of friendship. On the contrary, people add luster to the sincerity of social progress.
Without sincerity, there is no friendship. The voice of a sincere person can mobilize the * * * power of a large group of sincere people. "Take this peach, with Qiong precious jade. Our life should be full of sincerity.
There is an idiom called "Sincerity leads to success", which means that many problems can be solved by sincerity. A publisher once told a story. When he first started out, he always hoped that the works of a famous writer could be published, but he didn't have much capital and never dared to contact those writers. But he really wants it. One day, he took an article cut from the newspaper to visit a writer. He explained his situation frankly and showed his willingness to publish a book. The writer was noncommittal, but he didn't give him a look. He returned in vain. After a month, he went to see the writer again and explained his thoughts sincerely. In this way, he went 10 times. Half a year later, he got the writer's new book.
This is "sincere, stone is open"! This is the power of "sincerity".
Why is sincerity so powerful? This can't be analyzed by scientific methods. I can only say that "sincerity" is a natural expression of a person's sincerity, so it can directly touch each other and communicate with each other's true feelings, and it goes beyond the level of real interests. "Reach out and don't hit the smiling face" and "three-point love after a brief encounter" are the feelings that everyone has. Your sincerity can not only disarm the other party, but also arouse his sympathy and unwillingness when the other party is moved, thus relaxing your position-"Seeing that he is so sincere, accept his request!" -always think so. Because if you refuse, you will blame yourself and feel too heartless, so you will be sad for a long time. This is the role of "goodness" in human nature, which is a very wonderful and subtle phenomenon.
So we should keep in mind the words "sincerity makes the stone break", because many problems can be solved through your sincerity.
However, you must first understand the essence of "sincerity"-"sincerity" is an emotion that is not artificial, false, deceptive or calculated. Only this kind of emotion can really impress each other. Let the other person accept you and agree with you.
Doing things with "sincerity" is easy to get the cooperation of others, even if it hurts; "Sincerity" is easily accepted by others. However, it is very important-how to make the other party feel your "sincerity"?
I say this because there are too many people who can act, too many people who can cry and laugh, so that you can't feel his true feelings. Therefore, for some people who are wary and have deep insights, you must express your "sincerity" with external behavior.
How?
Perseverance. In other words, no matter when or how many times, we must continue, because time is also a kind of "expenditure". If we were not sincere, we would have given up long ago.
At the expense of work. Everyone is afraid of spending unnecessary money, if they don't really dare to spend such money? Then, people who "can't borrow money" have no hope of showing their "sincerity" That's not true. You can tell your situation frankly, and the other party will consider your situation separately. "Sincerity is in the heart, appearance is outside", and the other party will feel it. If you pretend to have money without it, it will only be self-defeating.
Modest attitude: Full sincerity can also be erased by arrogance and rudeness, especially when you want something from others.
4. Sincerity-from sincere concern for people
It is not difficult to be sincere to people. What is important is to be interested in people and really care about them.
There are many people in society, and what is obviously lacking is this kind of interest in people. The reason is that they don't have natural personality charm and don't work hard in social communication. They are indifferent to life, just like table tennis players, who are not good at playing, and golfers are not good at playing. Therefore, they will always be losers. These people should learn how to establish extensive and good interpersonal relationships.
In order to develop personality, we must understand that an individual's personality charm comes entirely from his interest in people and his heartfelt love. By developing this charm, people can win everywhere, their interest in people will naturally increase, and their ability to attract people will also be enhanced.
To this end, Carnegie said: As long as you are really interested in others, you will get more friends in two months than a person who wants others to be interested in him in two years.
Carnegie told many interesting stories about it.
He said that American President theodore roosevelt was so popular that even his servants liked him, which was the reason. James Amos, Roosevelt's black footman, wrote a book about him called theodore roosevelt, the Hero of His Servant. In that book, Amos tells the enlightening story:
"On one occasion, my wife asked the President about a quail bird. She had never seen quail, so he described it in detail. Before long, the telephone in our cabin rang. My wife picked up the phone and it turned out to be the president himself. He said that he called her and told her that there happened to be a quail bird outside the window. If she looked out, she might see it. He often does such small things. Every time he passes our hut, even if he can't see us, we will hear him whisper,' Woohoo, Annie!' Or "whoa, whoa, whoa, James! This is a friendly greeting when he passed by. "
How can a servant not like someone like him? How can anyone not like him?
After Roosevelt left office, he visited the White House one day, and it happened that President Taft and his wife were away. His sincere love for humble people is all shown, because he greets all the old White House servants and calls them by their names, even his little sister in the kitchen. The book says, "When he saw Obasan Alice in the kitchen, he asked her if she was still baking corn bread. Alice replied that she sometimes bakes some for the servants, but no one eats them upstairs.
"'Their taste is terrible,' Roosevelt said somewhat unfairly. When I meet the president, I will tell him so.
Alice brought him a piece of corn bread. He went to the office, ate it, and greeted the passing gardeners and workers. ...
"He treats everyone the same as before. They were still whispering about it, and Ekkhufu said with tears in his eyes,' This is the only happy day we have had in two years, and none of us want to exchange it for a hundred-dollar bill.' "
Another example is that Dr. Charles Elliot became the most successful university president in history, because he had the same strong interest in other people's affairs. One day, clanton, a freshman, went to the principal's office to borrow a $50 student loan, which was approved. Clanton recalled: "Then I thanked him very gratefully. When I was leaving, President Eliot said, "Please sit down for a while." Then he surprised me and said, "I heard that you are cooking in your room. I don't think it's that bad, if you eat the right food and have enough. I did the same thing in college. Have you ever made beef lion's head? If the beef is badly cooked, it is a good dish, because it will not be wasted at all. That's what I did. Then, he told me how to choose beef, how to cook it with warm fire, how to chop it, press it into balls with a pot, and then eat it cold. " He was moved by a headmaster's sincere concern for a junior student.
Carnegie himself recalled: From my personal experience, I found that if a person is sincerely interested in others, he can get attention, time and cooperation from even extremely busy people. Carnegie gave an example:
"A few years ago, I taught novel writing at Brocklein College of Humanities. We hope to invite famous and busy writers such as Catherine Norris, Fanny Horst, Ida Tabell, Yabo Huth and Rupert Hughes to Brocklein to tell us about their writing experiences. Therefore, we wrote to them to express our admiration for their works, and deeply hoped to get their advice and know the secret of their success.
"Every letter is signed by about 150 students. We said that we knew they were too busy to prepare their speeches. So we attach a series of questions about themselves and their writing methods for them to answer. They like our method very much. So they rushed from home to Brocklein to help us.
"Similarly, I suggest that theodore roosevelt's finance minister Leslie Shaw, Taft's chief prosecutor George Wickell Hill, William Byron, franklin roosevelt and many other great people come to my lecture and talk with the students. If we want to make friends, we should stand up and serve others-do things that require time, energy, sincerity and thinking. "
Carnegie has been asking about his friend's birthday for years. How to inquire? He said: although I don't believe in astrology at all, I will first ask the other person if I believe that a person's birthday is related to a person's personality and temperament, and then I will ask him to tell me his date of birth. For example, when he said165438+1October 24th, I kept saying to myself, "165438+1October 24th,165438+/October 24th." As soon as he turned around, I recorded the name and birth of that person in my diary, and then transferred it to my birthday book afterwards. At the beginning of each year, I will write these birthdays on my calendar, so that I can get my attention in time. When someone's birthday comes, they will receive my letter or telegram. What a magical effect! I am often the only person in the world who remembers their birthdays.
If we want to make friends, we should greet others with joy and enthusiasm. When someone calls you, you should be happy and enthusiastic, and your voice should show how happy you are when he calls you. New york Telephone Company has set up a course to train their operators to say "What number do you want to dial" in the tone of "Good morning, glad to help you". Don't forget this when we answer the phone tomorrow.
Showing your interest in others will not only make you many friends, but also increase customers' trust in your company. In new york, a publication published by a North American national bank cancelled a letter from a depositor, Madeleine Rothdale.
"I really hope you know how much I appreciate your employees. Everyone is so polite and enthusiastic. There was a long queue and it was really pleasant to have a cordial greeting from the staff. "
"My mother spent five months in the hospital last year. I often meet a clerk, Mayi Patricia. She is very concerned about my mother and asks her how she is doing. "
There is no doubt that Rosalie will continue to communicate with this bank.
Charles Walter belongs to a big bank in new york. He was ordered to write a confidential report about a company. He knows someone who has information he really needs. So, Mr. Walter went to see the man, who is the chairman of a big industrial company. When Mr. Walter was welcomed into the chairman's office, a young woman leaned out of the door and told the chairman that she had no stamps to give him that day.
"I'm collecting stamps for my 12-year-old son," the chairman explained to Walter. Mr Walter explained his purpose and began to ask questions. The chairman's statement is vague, general and ambiguous. He doesn't want to speak his mind, and it's no use trying to persuade him. This meeting is very short and impractical.
"Frankly speaking, I didn't know what to do at that time," said Mr. Walter, who raised the question in class. "Then, I remembered what his secretary said to him-stamps, 12-year-old son ... I also remembered the stamps collected by the foreign department of our bank-stamps taken from letters from all over the world."
"The next morning, I went to see him again and sent a message. I have some stamps for his children. Was I brought in with enthusiasm? Yeah, man. Even if he wants to run for congress, he can't shake my hand without enthusiasm. He is very polite and has a smile on his face. "My George will like this one," he kept saying, stroking the stamp. Look at this! This is priceless.
"We spent an hour talking about stamps and looking at his son's photos, and then he spent more than an hour telling me all the information I wanted to know-I didn't even suggest him to do that. He told me everything he knew, then called his subordinates in and asked them some questions. He also called some of his colleagues. He told me all the facts, figures, reports and letters. In the words of a reporter, I have gained a lot. "
Carnegie pointed out that you should express your concern, but it must be sincere. He quoted another touching story.
A man named Ma and Ginsburg attended our course in Long Island, new york. He once mentioned that a nurse's concern for him deeply influenced his life:
"It was Thanksgiving, and I was only 10 years old. Because of the social welfare system, I live in a municipal hospital, and I am scheduled to have a major plastic surgery tomorrow. I know there will be some restrictions and pains in the next few months. My father has passed away, and my mother and I live in a small apartment and live on welfare. My mother couldn't come to see me that day.
"That day, I was completely overwhelmed by loneliness, disappointment and fear. I know my mother is worried about me at home. She is alone. She has no one to accompany her to dinner, and she doesn't even have money for a Thanksgiving dinner.
"Tears in her eyes, I buried my head under the pillow, a person sobbed, trembling with pain.
"A young nursing student came to see me when he heard my crying. She took the pillow away from my head and wiped away my tears. She told me that she was lonely because she had to work on this day and could not be with her family. She asked me again if I would like to have dinner with her. She brought two dishes: sliced turkey, mashed potatoes, strawberry jam and ice cream for dessert. She chatted with me, trying to allay my fears. Although she was supposed to get off work at four o'clock, she stayed with me until nearly 1 1. She played and chatted with me until I fell asleep.
"I spent many Thanksgiving days before 10, but this Thanksgiving will never disappear. I still remember the feeling of depression, fear and loneliness. Suddenly, the warmth of a stranger makes all this irrelevant. "
Therefore, Carnegie solemnly advised that if you want others to like you or cultivate true friendship, you should help others. We should remember this principle: helping others is helping ourselves.
"Sincerely care about others."
5. Keep your word and keep your promise.
The so-called adherence to faith means that the promise must be fulfilled. If you promise something to others, they will naturally count on you. Once others find out that you have written a "bad check" and you don't keep your word, you will have a strong dislike. A "bad check" will bring unnecessary trouble to others and damage your reputation. Do what others entrust with all your heart, and don't promise what you can't do. Washington once said, "You must keep your promise and don't do anything beyond your authority." The sage warned people that it is easy to lose dependence because they have undertaken some tasks that they can't do or grandstanding, and they can't fulfill their promises.
The Chinese nation has always emphasized credit, and credit and loyalty are very important in interpersonal communication. Confucius said, "Do you believe in making friends?" Mozi said: "Without strong will, there is no wisdom, and those who don't believe in will will fail." There are also "a promise of a thousand dollars, in a word" and "a promise of a thousand dollars", both of which emphasize the word "trust". In the Qing Dynasty, Gu wrote a poem to express his ambition: "If you are born with a promise, you should bear this heart." Expressed his attitude and inner character of sticking to credit. Therefore, China people have always regarded trustworthiness as the basic quality of dealing with people and managing the country, and they will do what they say and do what they do. Since ancient times, people who keep promises have been welcomed and praised, while those who don't keep promises have been reprimanded and reviled. Li Bai once wrote in his Long March: "I will wait for you in my post until I die, and I will not lose heart in the silent watchtower." The so-called "keeping a post-trust" means that a man named Wei Sheng dated a woman under the bridge, and the river rose before the woman came. In order to keep his promise, Weisheng still hasn't left, and the woman hasn't come yet. She would rather hold on to the bridge post and drown in the water. Weisheng's behavior is too pedantic, but his spirit has always been praised.
During the Eastern Han Dynasty, Zhang Shao of runan county and Fan Wentong of Shanyang County both studied in Luoyang, the capital city, and their studies ended. When we parted, Zhang Shao stood at the intersection, looked at the geese in the sky and said, "I don't know when we can meet today …". Paradigm took Zhang Shao's hand and advised him, "Brother, don't be sad. In the autumn of two years, I will definitely visit the old man at your home and meet you. "
Leaves rustle and hedges bloom. Two years later in autumn. Zhang Shao suddenly heard a wild goose calling in the sky, which touched his feelings and couldn't help saying to himself, "He will come soon." Then he hurried back to the house and said to his mother, "Mom, just."