Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, sir! The chief patted a soldier's chest and said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier: Sir, I'm a female soldier!
2. A farmer asked a veterinarian to breed pigs, and the veterinarian said: It seems that artificial breeding is needed. The farmer hesitated for a long time, summoned up his courage and said, yes, I'm afraid it will bite me.
One day, 0 and 8 met in the street. 0 disdainfully looked at 8 and said: Fat is fat. What belt are you wearing?
4. A sister-in-law saw a person who was about to get off the bus drop a pack of cigarettes on the pedal, and quickly said to that person, Comrade, you dropped the cigarettes! The man is furious: you just castrated!
5. A village woman wanted to go to the toilet for the first time in the city, but she didn't meet it for a long time. She had no choice but to ask the police: Comrade, there is a public toilet ahead, where is the mother toilet?
6. What would you do if I hugged you? Woman: resist! Man: What would you do if I kissed you? Woman: Resist. Man: If I ... Woman: It's over! Women's power is limited after all!
1. Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, sir! The chief patted a soldier's chest and said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier: Sir, I'm a female soldier!
2. A farmer asked a veterinarian to breed pigs, and the veterinarian said: It seems that artificial breeding is needed. The farmer hesitated for a long time, summoned up his courage and said, yes, I'm afraid it will bite me.
One day, 0 and 8 met in the street. 0 disdainfully looked at 8 and said: Fat is fat. What belt are you wearing?
4. A sister-in-law saw a person who was about to get off the bus drop a pack of cigarettes on the pedal, and quickly said to that person, Comrade, you dropped the cigarettes! The man is furious: you just castrated!
5. A village woman wanted to go to the toilet for the first time in the city. She hadn't seen each other for a long time, so she had no choice but to ask the police: Comrade, there is a public toilet ahead. Where is the mother toilet?
6. What would you do if I hugged you? Woman: resist! Man: What would you do if I kissed you? Woman: Resist. Man: If I ... Woman: It's over! Women's power is limited after all!
7. A person was constipated when he went to the toilet, and suddenly he saw a person rushing in, and it was stormy in an instant. "Dude, I really envy you, so fast." "I envy you, I didn't take off my pants!"
A foreign youth in China can't understand the difference between "iron" and "steel". One night he came home late and couldn't open the door, so he had to shout, landlady, will you open your steel door? I can't get in!
9. When the nurse saw the patient drinking in the ward, she went over and whispered, "Sweetheart!" The patient smiled and said, "Little baby."
10. On the bus, the pregnant woman standing said to the strange man sitting next to her: Don't you know I'm pregnant? I saw the man very nervous and said, but the child is not mine!
1 1. The old man confessed to his wife before he died: I once had an affair, please forgive me! Wife: What a big deal! You can sleep now! Which of our children looks like you?
12. A white couple got married for many years and finally had a child, but it turned out to be dark. The husband blamed his wife and said, It's all your fault! You must turn off the light every time you go to bed.
1. Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, sir! The chief patted a soldier's chest and said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier: Sir, I'm a female soldier!
2. A farmer asked a veterinarian to breed pigs, and the veterinarian said: It seems that artificial breeding is needed. The farmer hesitated for a long time, summoned up his courage and said, yes, I'm afraid it will bite me.
One day, 0 and 8 met in the street. 0 disdainfully looked at 8 and said: Fat is fat. What belt are you wearing?
4. A sister-in-law saw a person who was about to get off the bus drop a pack of cigarettes on the pedal, and quickly said to that person, Comrade, you dropped the cigarettes! The man is furious: you just castrated!
5. A village woman wanted to go to the toilet for the first time in the city. She hadn't seen each other for a long time, so she had no choice but to ask the police: Comrade, there is a public toilet ahead. Where is the mother toilet?
6. What would you do if I hugged you? Woman: resist! Man: What would you do if I kissed you? Woman: Resist. Man: If I ... Woman: It's over! Women's power is limited after all!
7. A person was constipated when he went to the toilet, and suddenly he saw a person rushing in, and it was stormy in an instant. "Dude, I really envy you, so fast." "I envy you, I didn't take off my pants!"
A foreign youth in China can't understand the difference between "iron" and "steel". One night he came home late and couldn't open the door, so he had to shout, landlady, will you open your steel door? I can't get in!
9. When the nurse saw the patient drinking in the ward, she went over and whispered, "Sweetheart!" The patient smiled and said, "Little baby."
10. On the bus, the pregnant woman standing said to the strange man sitting next to her: Don't you know I'm pregnant? I saw the man very nervous and said, but the child is not mine!
1 1. The old man confessed to his wife before he died: I once had an affair, please forgive me! Wife: What a big deal! You can sleep now! Which of our children looks like you?
12. A white couple got married for many years and finally had a child, but it turned out to be dark. The husband blamed his wife and said, It's all your fault! You must turn off the light every time you go to bed.
13. The swimming coach is straight and loud. One day, he met a female student in the shopping mall and greeted him. He said loudly, you really didn't recognize you when you put on your clothes.
14. When a hungry wolf was looking for food, he heard a woman training her child: If you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolf!
The child cried all night, and the wolf waited outside until dawn and sighed, liar, women are liars!
15. A prisoner was shot. Because the bullet was inferior, the first shot was not fired, and then it was fired.
The second shot ... the third shot ... then the prisoner cried: eldest brother, strangle me, it's really fucking scary!
16. After watching the black 100-meter run, an old lady said with tears, she was scared to death! Several coal diggers knelt in a row and were shot.
Shoot, shoot without aiming, the children are too scared to stop the rope!
Mr. Huang loves the revolution and named his son "Jun" in memory of the Red Army.
One day, when I saw my son coming to class and the No.8 bus stop, I shouted to my son, Huang Jun, the No.8 bus is coming!
18, a bear went to the mountains to start a business. The farmer gave him a sickle and the carpenter gave him a hammer.
When the bear came to the mountain and met the tiger, he was so scared that he raised his sickle and hammer and hit him on the head.
The tiger said: I didn't see it. Are you a bear or party member!
Talking in your sleep is crazy.
1, a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy! ! ! ! !
2, the tiger does not send a cat, you think I am critically ill!
When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was very chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! ~ ~ The whole class is cold!
4. Me: That's our physics teacher. . .
Classmate: What do you teach?
Me: Chemistry. . .
In the Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "Teacher!"
6. One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold sentence: if you drink too much urine, you will drink too much wine.
7, buy oranges, boss: one yuan and five pounds. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: no, no.
8. My friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said that the monitor is a color screen. (I was going to say LCD)
9, junior high school art evening, answering session.
Hostess: "Attention, everyone, don't grab it too fast." Please raise your hand when I finish. "
Then he began to look at the topic and said, "Now. . . "
At this time, a player scrambled to answer.
The host said: "This classmate is a little too anxious. I' started' (shit) is still in my mouth, why did you rob me? "
10, I heard a MM shouting "Give me a bowl of vipers ~!"
1 1, at school
One day, my classmate called and handed it to me, saying, "Your mother wants you."
As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said, "A man and a woman."
Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for four years.
12, a classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant and shook his hair. "Boss, two onions don't want rice noodles!" After that, I added: "More rice noodles!" Boss: ". . . . Do you want rice noodles or onions? "
13, once my classmate's mother called me in the dormitory.
I am used to saying "he is not in", but this time I want to say "he is out"
The result is: "He's gone ..."
14, gg handed me a sorbet, and I took a bite and shouted, "It's burning me!"
15, my sister and I went to Li Ning to buy shoes. My sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"
16, once I patted my roommate's stomach, she said loudly, "Stop patting, I have urine in my stomach."
17, everyone was given badges in high school. . Before a physical examination, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, put on your bra and come to Zara. . The audience was silent. . .
18, go home on weekends when I go to school. After dinner, I was addicted to cigarettes and planned to go for a walk on the pretext. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked me why I wanted to go. I casually said, "Go have a cigarette!" As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and gave me a good K.
19, a leader of the Education Bureau checked the exercises between classes. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in a hurry, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting "retreat!"
20. In high school, there was a teacher named Jiang, who looked very much like (Tang Priest on a Chinese Odyssey). I went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Teacher Tang, this question ..."
2 1. One day, on my way to school, my bicycle had a flat tire. I asked where it was inflated, and my classmate said, "There are abortions everywhere in the street!" "
22. A teacher played mahjong all night. Seeing that the blackboard had not been wiped, he was furious: "Who is the farmer today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "
23. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use soothing treasure?"
24. When the teacher leaves homework, I copy others' if I can't do it, and then go to the office to hand in my homework. I saw the teacher say, "I finished copying!" "
25. At that time, several female students came to my house to play, and I went to fetch some water. They turn on the DVD player to watch movies. I heard Cantonese in the back room, and then I shouted, "Keep your voice down, the tone is wrong." Suddenly I was speechless, and my face turned red and purple ~ ~ I almost fainted ~ ~
26. In my high school, I go home with my MM after school. At the school gate, I saw a barbecue seller. MM said she wanted to eat beef offal. Because there were many seniors on the grill, I was afraid that the boss wouldn't hear me, so I shouted "Boss, five strings of bullwhip", and then there was silence. Three seconds later, everyone laughed together. I am so embarrassed. . . The most embarrassing thing is that MM then asked me, "What is a bullwhip?" I have to answer MM very, very quietly: "A bullwhip is a cow's tail." .
27. Go to breakfast with classmates in the morning. One of them only eats steamed buns, and the other only eats skins. Just as we were talking, the two students who ate stuffing when wasting came over and said, "Well, you can eat my foreskin in the future." All the porridge drinkers present poured out.
28. Tell a true story. MM asked me: My computer is dying. I said: Then go back and check the virus, and remember to upgrade the antivirus software. MM: oh. The next morning, I saw MM on the bus again. I asked casually: Have you checked? Is the batter out? then ... . . . . . . . . MM said loudly: I am so angry. I checked for a long time and said it was not poisonous. What do you suggest? It was very cold then. . . . Fresh in my memory.
29. A classmate from high school in my dormitory called. He said who to look for, I said I wasn't there, and then he said thank you.
30. In the past, others came to menstruation's house and just entered the door. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" " "
The afternoon before yesterday, I was just about to fall asleep when I received a phone call, which was a sales call. There: Hello, this is XXX from XX Company. Our company is doing a survey. Can we cooperate?
I wanted to sleep, and I was in a particularly bad mood, so I nodded. She: Thank you. What kind of transportation do you usually take when you go out?
Me: Cloud!
She: Cloud? ! What are you talking about?
Me: somersault cloud
She: Hehe, you are so humorous, sir. You must have flown.
I snorted impatiently again. She said, hehe, what's your last name?
Me: Sun.
She: Good surname, filial piety. I still well, may I ask her your name?
I hesitated. She said, Please don't be nervous. This is just a market survey, and it won't involve your privacy. Me: the Monkey King.
She: …
I immediately turned off my cell phone and went to bed!
During the Nanjing Massacre, a Japanese soldier went to the toilet one morning and looked down. He was very scared when he found that one of his eggs turned green. Want to know if you have done too many bad things? I heard that there is an old famous doctor in China who specializes in intractable diseases, so I went to see it.
"Doctor, what do you think is wrong with me?"
The old Chinese doctor looked at it carefully for a long time and said, "In my years of medical experience, I have never seen such a strange disease. I think it's safe to cut it! "
The Japanese soldier thought: I still have a unicycle gun, so cut it.
So the old Chinese doctor cut him an egg.
A few days later, when the Japanese soldier went to the toilet, he found that his other egg had turned green, so he quickly went to the old Chinese doctor.
"What's wrong with me?"
The old Chinese doctor looked around. "With my years of medical experience, you may have deteriorated. Young man, it's important to save your life. Cut it off. "
The Japanese soldier thought: That's it.
So the old Chinese doctor cut him another egg.
However, a few days later, the Japanese soldiers' sticks turned green.
Now Japanese soldiers are really desperate. Come to the old Chinese doctor.
"Doctor, what do you think is wrong with me?"
The old Chinese doctor pondered for a while and said, "With my years of medical experience, you have a beautiful woman with faded underwear. She passed a madhouse after work in the middle of the night, and suddenly there was a scream behind her, which scared her half to death. Looking back, she saw a man standing in front of her naked, so she ran away, and the man followed. She runs and runs like this. No, there is a dead end ahead. Desperate, she begged the man, "Please let me go, and you can do anything as long as you don't kill me." I saw that man smiled strangely: "Hey, really?" The woman nodded. "As long as you don't kill me, be my guest." "Well, you chase me from now on. "That was a few years ago. I just swiped my card at that time. When the bus arrived at the station, a tall woman came over. Her IC card may be in the back pocket of jeans, so as soon as I got on the bus, I leaned my ass against the credit card machine and got into the trunk with a drip. This woman is followed by a short old woman. She felt strange. Why can I get on the bus as long as my ass is against that thing? So as soon as she got on the bus, she desperately picked up the pedal and leaned her ass against the credit card machine. I tried several times, but it didn't work. At this moment, the driver said, "Auntie, what are you doing? Get in the car with a coin. "Aunt said: Isn't that girl riding on her ass here? Haha, I see. The driver can't laugh or cry, so he can only explain to him that the girl uses an IC card.
But aunt doesn't understand that shrimp is called IC card, and she also pesters the driver. "You're an unreasonable young man. You let people in when a beautiful girl pouts with you. My wife has pushed your ass so many times, and you won't let me in. What do you mean? " Everyone in the trunk laughed, and the driver just waved her in because he couldn't get off the stage.
I heard wrong.
A foreigner holding a ticket for 50 yuan waved it in front of the conductor: See? Have you seen it? ……
The ticket buyer was stupid, so he simply took out a program of 100: Have you seen it?
Finally, I learned that the man wanted to go to "Jianguomen!"
3. thief
A gentleman often loses his wallet on the bus. One day, before getting on the bus, a gentleman folded a thick stack of paper and put it in an envelope. After getting off the bus, he found the envelope stolen. The next day, a gentleman just got on the bus and felt a hard object around his waist. He felt it and saw it. That was yesterday's envelope, which said: Please don't joke like this, it will affect his normal work. Thank you! !
Ask for money
Going home by bus, I found that there was no one yuan change in my wallet. When I was in a hurry, I took out a ten-dollar bill and put it in the slot. Later, the more I thought about it, the more I felt timid. I discussed with the driver whether I could stay at the door and keep the money that the next passenger should have put in the slot for myself. The driver agreed.
The bus soon reached the next stop, and many people scrambled to get on. I stopped at the door and said to the first passenger, "Give me the money." The other party was stunned: "Why?" Without a few words, I said, "Just give it to me, and don't worry about the rest." The other party stared at the driver, and the driver nodded by default. So, I got a dollar. According to the law, and soon received eight Zhang Yiyuan money. At this time, a big man came over, hunched back, shaved, and tattooed. Seeing that I stopped him, I said angrily, "Why?
Dude. I said, "Talk to you later. Give me the money first. " The other person's eyes are round: "What are you talking about?" I said, "Give me the money!" Another man opened his mouth and asked the driver, "What does this kid do?" The man was blocked at the door, and the people behind him couldn't get on, but the people in the carriage were anxious to start, so everyone shouted, "What are you busy with?" Give the money quickly! "The big fellow soon fell. I saw him take out his wallet from his pocket and hand it over. He said sadly, "boss, that's all I have." There are many of you. I'm impressed. "
Chasing cars
I caught the bus in the morning, and when I got to the platform, the bus had already left. So I had to chase and shout: "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! "
At this time, a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me, "Wukong, stop chasing."
get off (a vehicle)
When the bus was waiting for the red light, a man shouted, "driver, open the door, I want to get off."
"Is this the bus stop?" The driver growled.
"Just because this is not a bus stop, I will give you a chance."
The driver was speechless.
7. Extension ring
A very fat woman got on the bus and couldn't find a seat, so she had to pull the pull ring on the bus. Unexpectedly, the driver suddenly braked, and the fat woman pulled off the pull ring and jumped in front of the driver. The driver looked at her and the pull ring on her hand and said angrily, "There are three sets. Send the driver an autographed photo!" " "
8.seats
A beautiful lady took out a tissue from her bag and wiped her seat hard after getting on the bus. When she was about to sit down, she farted. A gentleman next to him listened and joked that the young lady really loves hygiene. After rubbing for so long, she still wants to blow!