How can you get married without experiencing scum? No one can just be a mother bitch. Article 2010-12-29 03:04

1. The most awesome international comment recently—— North Korea: Orphans involved in accidents; South Korea: Let the Bullets Fly; United States: Laughing in the Rivers and Lakes; China: If You Are the One +2

2. In "Let the Bullets Fly", Uncle Ge said to Uncle Jiang, I still have two things to do I kept it from you and didn't tell you. In fact, Ya filmed "The Orphan of Zhao" and "If You Are the One" behind Jiang Wen's back! ! ! ! ! !

3. Christmas, the most sugary sentence: My name is Christmas, will you merry me?

4. Today’s women don’t bother you if you are the one during the day, but let the bullets fly at night. So there are a bunch of trouble-making orphans.

5. Apple is Jay Chou, who is hated by others but is really talented. BlackBerry is Eason Chan, and he goes his own way. Nokia is Andy Lau, he has no obvious shortcomings and has always worked hard. Motorola is like Anthony Wong, who has classics but always makes bad movies. Samsung is Wu Zhenyu, and its products are a little bit evil. Siemens is Leslie Cheung, a legend, but it is already OVER. HTC is Aaron Kwok, he always wants to prove himself, but it’s the same every time.

6. How can a leftover girl get married without being a scumbag? No one can be a mother casually!

7. Love everything about a person, including his cotton pants!

8. Following the hit release of "Let the Bullets Fly", the new film "Let the Oil Prices Fly" transformed by the National Development and Liberation Commission will be screened nationwide today, with an estimated box office revenue of over 100 million; the Ministry of Land and Resources is not to be outdone. The new Lunar New Year film "Let the Land Prices Fly" will also be released at the end of the year; coincidentally, the Ministry of Housing and Urban-Rural Development is also preparing to team up with Zhang Conspiracy to shoot the blockbuster "Let the House Prices Fly"...

9. There are two in Yugong's family Son, there are two big mountains at the door. Mountains seriously hindered economic and transportation development, so Foolish Old Man moved mountains with his bare hands. Expert Hequ Zhisou came and said that Yugong was a fool. Yu Gong said solemnly: "I died, but I still have my two sons. My son died, and I still have grandchildren. There are endless descendants." I'm afraid that the mountain won't be leveled! The wise old man in the river bend said with a smile: "What's more, I'm not doing you any favors. I don't know if your two sons are both gay?"

10. The Emperor: Aunt Rong, why are you making things difficult for Xiao Yanzi and Ziwei in every possible way! What are your intentions, a lowly slave? Aunt Rong knelt on the ground and said with tears in her eyes: Your Majesty, you only remember Xia Yuhe on the shore of Daming Lake. Do you still remember that Aunt Rong who was holding the boat?

11. The farthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but the exam is about to take place. Others are reviewing while I am preparing for the exam. What's even worse is that others have passed the preview, but you haven't passed the review.

12. A child asked a rich man: Sir, why are you so rich? The rich man said: When I was a child, I had nothing like you. My father gave me an apple, so I sold that apple, used the money I earned to buy two more apples, and then sold it to buy four more apples. The child was thoughtful and said: Sir, I seem to understand. Mr. Rich said: You know your sister. Later, my father died and I inherited all his inheritance.

13. Follow your heart, translated into Chinese with just one word: coward.

14. Everyone who doesn’t want to fall in love has an impossible person living in his heart. . .

15. The National Development and Reform Commission finally surpassed the Bureau of Statistics and said that Beijing’s green space per capita is twice that of Paris. Mopper, the best in Maopu, replied: "Have you included Happy Farm?"

16. A classmate memorized words to face Level 4, but finally fell ill and was hospitalized due to exhaustion. A friend came to the ward to visit. Beside the hospital bed, a friend held his hand: "Are you okay? What did the doctor say?" "Doctor."

17. I was seventeen that year, he was seventeen, and so were you. Seventeen years old...followed General Matsushima Kaede and became the captain of the pistol team.

18. Which animal is the most dangerous in nature? . . . The answer was: "Zebra!". . .

Why? Because the English name of zebra is: Z-Bra!!!

19. Mopper summarized: "god is girl" is the American version of "There is a girl named Xiaofang in the village" and "take me to your heart" is Denmark's "Two Butterflies" and "Creep" are the UK's "That Night" and "yesterday" are the UK's "Same Song" and "hey jude" are the UK's "Xiaowei"

20. Embarrassing jokes The meaning of the cup letters: A cup - Airport: airport, B cup - Barely there: there is almost nothing there, C cup - Can do: suitable for use, D cup - Damn good: really suitable, E cup - Ecstasy: ecstasy, F Cup size—Fake: Fake, right? G cup—God: God...

21. Excellent female secretary: "Boss, good morning!", The best female secretary: "Boss, it's morning!"

22 , Student ID card, admission ticket, ID card, did not bring the following link: Listening questions, reading questions, composition questions, no answers! Hengpi: The important thing is to participate!

23. There are two most difficult things in the world: one is to put your thoughts into other people's heads, and the other is to put other people's money into your own pocket. If the former is successful, he can be called the teacher, and if the latter is successful, he can be called the boss; if both are successful, he can be called his wife, university, or church.

24. Our middle school has two principals, one principal and one vice principal. But something tragic happened: the principal's surname was Fu, Fu Shujia; the vice-principal's surname was Zheng (what didn't Zheng know). What a coincidence, the principal's surname is Fu, and the vice-principal's surname is Zheng... So every time the leader gives a speech, there will be a joke: next, I invite Principal Fu to speak, and next, I invite Principal Zheng to speak---tangled!

25. "Do you know why children like tadpoles?" "I don't know." "Because they are all tadpoles!"

26. First line: House prices are rising. .The price of land has gone up. The price of oil has gone up. The price of electricity has gone up. The price of water has gone up. The price of food has gone up. The price of meat has gone up. The price of eggs has gone up. The price of vegetables has gone up. The price of medicine has gone up. This has also gone up. That has gone up too. How can one word increase? It has gone up. Still rising. Second line: It is difficult to go to school. It is difficult to join the army. It is difficult to find a job. It is difficult to buy a house. It is difficult to rent. It is difficult to choose a spouse. It is difficult to get married. It is difficult to raise children. It is difficult to seek medical treatment. It is difficult to provide for the elderly. It is difficult for men. It is difficult for women. It is difficult to see the world. Difficulties are getting more difficult. . Hengpi: Living in China.

27. God is fair to everyone. If he gives you one thing, he will take away another. We always see what He takes away, but not what He gives us.

28. If a woman doesn’t sleep between 10 and 12 o’clock, she is shameless; if she doesn’t sleep until 4 o’clock in the morning, she is desperate for her life. Do you often live a shameless and life-threatening life?

29. Shocking quotes from "Let the Bullets Fly": 1. I believe that one has to drink wine one mouthful at a time and walk one step at a time. If you take too big a step, you will break your balls. 2. You don’t want beautiful women, and you don’t want money either. What do you want? 3. Do you want to kill me or sleep with me? 4. There is no road in the world. If you have legs, there will be a road. 5. If you live, you will die sooner or later; if you die, you will live forever. 6. She is already a widow, and I cannot let her remain a widow.

30. Maopu netizen: A childhood friend died in a car accident in 2008. His QQ avatar has always been dark, and his signature will never change: "I am a special person, and I only know special love. I just want to put a cloud in my heart." Every time I see it, I feel sad. For our generation, Internet IDs are tombstones, and every signature may be our epitaph. . .

31. There is a kind of crash called incorrect password input, there is a kind of panic called account login from another place.. There is a kind of emotion called invisible and visible! There is a misunderstanding called man-machine offline. There is a kind of loss called you don't have access. . .

32. If I plan to have two children, and they are all born before the age of 30, and the children are three years apart, then I have to have the first one at the age of 27, and I have to get pregnant at the age of 26. If I want to get pregnant, I will have two children. The world has two years, so I have to get married at the age of 24. After getting engaged, I want to spend a year meeting my parents, traveling, and preparing for the wedding. Then I have to get engaged at the age of 23. Why do I have to date for two years before getting engaged? Then I have to do it at the age of 21 When I meet this person, I have to be friends for a year before dating, so I should have found this person by now. .

33. The meaning of good night Good night: wan an! Split the Chinese pinyin of this word, they are: I love you, love you! The pinyin for "good night" is wan an. When broken down, each letter represents one word, which is Wo Ai Ni, Ai Ni - I love you, love you!

34. Teacher: What is the difference between a condom and a parachute? Boys: One protects the upper head and the other protects the lower head. Teacher: 60 points. Girls: If the parachute breaks, one person is missing, and if the condom breaks, one person is missing. Teacher: 100 points

35. I don’t want much, just a glass of water, a piece of bread, and the words “I love you”; if it’s a little extravagant, I hope: the water is poured by you and the bread is cut by you. , I love you is what you said to me personally...

36. Awesome short novel Monday: I, bed, her. Tuesday: her, bed, him. Wednesday: Me, the bed. Thursday: Me, bed. Friday: me, bed, her, him. Saturday: me, bed, her, him, fly.

Sunday: Me, pol.ice.

37. When you do something right, no one will remember. When you do it wrong, even breathing is wrong. . .

38. This is what they mainly do! People in Xinjiang sell mutton skewers, people in Gansu sell ramen, people in Ningxia sell wolfberry, people in Tibet sell cordyceps, people in Yunnan sell flowers, people in Shandong sell green onions, people in Shanxi sell coal, people in the Northeast sell rice, people in Fujian sell tea, and people in Guangxi sell rice noodles. , Anhui people collect scraps, Henan people work as coolies, Sichuan people sell snacks, Hunan people drive taxis, Hubei people open restaurants, Zhejiang people run shopping malls, and Beijing people sell approval documents.

39. The difference between a daughter and a wife. Because her father owed money, a woman had no choice but to marry the creditor. On the first night of their wedding, the woman said to the proud groom: I married you because of the money my father owed you. Don't be too proud! The next day, the woman opened her eyes, shook the sleeping groom awake, and said: How much does my father owe us? But we can't just let it go.

40. China’s standard line for rich and poor. Are you a poor person? The following are the annual incomes: ① Super rich: more than 50 million yuan; ② Rich: 10-50 million yuan; ③ Rich: 3-10 million yuan; ④ Rich: 1-3 million yuan; ⑤ High-yield: 300-100 million yuan ⑥Middle-class: 150,000-300,000 yuan; ⑧Low-income: 80,000-150,000 yuan; ⑨Poor: 30,000-80,000 yuan; ⑩Very poor: 10,000-30,000 yuan; ⑪ Very poor: 5,000-10,000 yuan.

Are you poor?