1. Life is like fighting against landlords. Some people who were in the same group a moment ago become enemies in the blink of an eye.

2. In the past, as long as the feelings were true, age did not matter. But now, as long as the feelings are true, gender is not an issue.

3. I bought a pot of mimosa today. I am not shy about moving it when I go back. I will ask the boss. The boss said: "Maybe you bought this basin shamelessly."

4. When it was time to review, I found that some other people’s heads were printers, some were tape recorders, and some were digital cameras. Only my head was a Joyoung Soymilk machine.

5. Why do you think there is a need for intrigue among you girls? Anyway, we will all be dancing in the square together in a few decades.

6. When the alarm clock rings every day, five hundred reasons for asking for leave appear in my mind, and I don’t want to go to work, but none of them are reliable.

7. When you were a child, you were called a turtle grandson by your grandma, and you were called a brat by your mother. When you grow up, you are called a bachelor by others. Your whole life will be like a beast.

8. If you really think there is something wrong with me, please tell me. I won’t change it anyway, so don’t hold it in until you get sick.

9. After my wife disappeared, I immediately went to the police station to report the matter. The policeman said to me: Calm down first. You won’t be able to record the incident if you keep laughing like this.

10. Make up your mind every night to change from tomorrow, live a good life and work hard. The next day at noon, you turn over in bed and say: Hey, let’s try another day.

11. A girl stepped on me in the elevator and said sorry to me. I replied smoothly: You're welcome.

12. When a man really falls in love with you, you will find that hey, you have an extra father. When a man pretends to fall in love with you, you will find that he has an extra son, but he is still a rebellious son.

13. Our father can change light bulbs, repair electrical appliances, and cook. In the future, the father of our children will only know how to play kings, eat chickens, cheat in science, and be a lolita.

14. Women, when they are young, their father loves them, when they grow up, their husbands love them, and when they grow old, their sons love them. Men, listen to their mother when they are young, listen to their wives when they grow up, and listen to their daughters when they grow old.

15. I used to have no criteria for choosing a mate, until I met you, I told myself that I couldn’t have someone like you.

16. When I was a child, I went to the zoo to see tigers and vowed to raise one when I grew up. After 20 years, my dream finally came true. Enough talking, it’s time to cook for my wife.

17. I found a thief at home in the middle of the night. I stayed in bed and didn’t dare to move. I also looked forward to him finding some money in my house.

18. When you get old and your teeth get bad, I will cook a big table of your favorite dishes and eat them all in front of you.

19. If someone I hate suddenly says he likes me, then I won’t hate him or her at all. There’s nothing I can do about it, because I can’t hate a discerning person.

20. For those who say that their husbands gave them big red envelopes, I just want to ask, how do you manage your home? Why does your husband have so much money?

21. I met an old man carrying something on the road. I wanted to go up and help him carry something, so I said casually: "Old man, let me help you carry it."

22. I can’t always get a girlfriend. Could it be that my requirements are too high? Don't be stupid, other people's requirements are too high.

23. In fact, everyone’s worries can be summed up as: it’s hard to make money, spend money quickly, look average, and no one loves you.

24. It is said that 90% of the time when a boy touches a girl’s head, it’s because he likes her, and 80% of when a girl touches a boy’s head, it’s because she’s touching her son.

25. Life is not just about living in front of you, but also about a house you can’t afford and a salary you can’t afford to support your family.

26. I believe that time can really change a person, just like you were ugly before and then became uglier and uglier.

27. If you learn, you will find that God has closed the window of English for you, closed the door of mathematics, plugged the drain of physics, and blocked the drain of chemistry. water pipe.

28. Others stay in bed because they are rich and can sleep as late as they want. I stay in bed because I have no money, so every meal I can save is a meal.

29. People say that making friends with beautiful people will make you look better. No wonder you find that your friends around you are getting better and better looking.

30. In the past, staying together was a couple, but now staying together is a mobile phone. Once the phone is in your hand, it will last forever. If the phone is not in your hand, your soul will be gone.