First, the beginning: the book has outstanding value, and the author has outstanding value.
? How about the book Breakthrough in the Circle? Formerly known as "because of arrogance". Since the publication of 20 18, it has been printed five times. In Dangdang, the sales of psychology books are also in the top three all the year round. This book has also been unanimously recommended by teachers in psychology, such as,, Lin, and! The author of this book, Mr. Huang Qituan, known as the head of the group, is well known. As a senior psychological tutor and co-founder of One Psychology, in the course of 20 years' education and training in marriage, family and parenting, he has trained more than 654.38+million students and accumulated nearly 10,000 hours of personal consultation.
Second, the theme: the first chapter? Environment creates the cause of life's dilemma from the heart.
Belief determines people's actions, and different actions will lead to completely different effects. The state of our life today is the presentation of the results of past actions.
Third, transition: summarize the essence of this part.
Why is our world getting smaller and smaller? Our marriage is unfortunate. Would a different lover be happier? Is your communication effective? Are you sure your communication is not manipulation? In this chapter, our head always feels that it is not good enough for us to pass a crow, so we envy the beautiful and dazzling feathers of the peacock, so we run to the peacock's nest to collect feathers and put them on ourselves. He left the Ravens and joined the Peacocks. One day, the peacock found it and drove it away, so it returned to the crow's team, but no one in the crow's team ignored it, so it became more lonely and inferior.
The crow's feathers are only borrowed, not their own. Similarly, no matter how good the idea is, it will never be your own, and no matter how good the principle is, it will be someone else's, so the real change must start from the subconscious! Learning is undoubtedly a good way to change your life. Only those words, audio, lessons that touch the softest part of your heart, or some famous teachers that can really touch you, can truly enter your subconscious mind and become the seeds of life, and then take root in your subconscious mind, so as to truly change and move towards a happy life. What is a happy life? Or live to live or live to live? Life starts from the heart, but also from the body, because our body is full of wisdom. The head of the delegation introduced a method to awaken the body wisdom through the three senses. The so-called "three senses" are: sexiness-making our bodies sexier. ? Aesthetic feeling-enhance our aesthetic feeling. Inspiration-enhance our inspiration.
Four: Story
I clearly remember that in 18, I first came into contact with the leader because my first life mentor, Mr. Yuan Ming, recommended us to follow the leader, that is, at that time, the leader told us his book "Breakthrough in a Round Way". The first time, I bought it from Dangdang. The second time, Mr. Yuan Ming asked the head to tell us the lines. I bought a second after-school book signed by the head. Teacher Yuan Ming also gave all our teaching assistants one copy, that is, I have three copies. I shared this book with my family and my best friend. I was particularly excited when I met the head teacher, because I changed my inherent thinking mode subconsciously through one year's online practice, which made my life quality. So I am very happy and gratified to see the head teacher now. The head teacher explained to me the harm caused by language in a way that is easy for all of us to understand. I think. That is, at that moment, I understood that all problems are facts, and the focus is on how to solve problems, rather than avoiding and changing or replacing the environment and the other half around me. But through effective communication to achieve * * * win-win results. Instead of controlling each other with our manipulation?
? Let me share with you a case at the beginning of this book:
This is a woman named Wang Hua who told the team leader in the course of "Upgrading Life Software" that she wanted to change her husband. She said: "Her husband is only suitable for being a friend, not a husband. Her husband is cowardly, timid, unable to do anything important, disobedient, like a stone in the toilet, smelly and hard. I told him to do it my way, but he didn't listen, didn't care and didn't want to learn. He is always self-righteous ... "She said a lot about her husband in one breath.
After hearing her scold her husband, the colonel asked her curiously, "Why did you choose to marry him?"
? "I think he has a good personality, is very kind, helpful and good to friends. However, after I married him, I found that he treated his friends much better than me. He listens to everyone but not me, so it is better to be a friend than to be his wife. " Wang Hua has always stressed that if her husband doesn't listen to her, what he does is wrong.
The stupidest thing a person does is to find someone and make himself useless around him.
The colonel used Satya's sculpture to make her see her coping style clearly. The colonel asked her to invite a woman among the students to play herself and another male student to play her husband. After she glanced at the audience with her eyes, she asked them to take the stage with her fingers in a commanding tone, and asked the classmate who played Wang Hua to stand high in the chair, with his left hand around his waist and his right hand pointing at the actor who played her husband (a gesture of accusation), while her husband's actor held his hands on his chest (super rational). She looked at her husband's actor and said, "Yes, yes, that's his virtue." He just won't listen to me. He just talked loudly and didn't see what he did. Alas! Tired of it! " "Well, since you are not satisfied with this type, please change it." So he chose a nice-looking person from the audience to take the stage and replaced the original actor. The man kneels in front of her actor, puts his left hand on his chest, palms of his right hands face up at her actor, looks up and smiles (please gesture). Then ask her: "Is this satisfactory? Absolutely obedient, people are handsome. "
"Not good, not good, like a slave, not manly, I don't want it." He glanced at the male students kneeling on the ground and said in a disdainful tone. "Ok, then let's change another one." I turned my eyes to more than 300 students and said, "Please stand up for those men who think they are masculine." There were dozens of men standing at the scene at once, so I asked her to choose the one she thought was suitable and stand in front of her actors. Everyone admires her vision, because this man is not only handsome, but also full of masculinity, and he is a successful person at first glance. I let this man stand in front of Wang Hua's actor for a while, and then I asked him, "How do you feel in the face of such a senior lady who accuses you?" He said this: "I can't stand it, I really want to run away." I then asked him, "If you love her and have children with her, and you are reluctant to leave this home, what will you do?" "Then I will confront her." So he learned from each other's appearance that his left hand pinched his waist and his right hand pointed at each other, naturally posing as a copy. Then I still felt uncomfortable, so I asked the staff to move a chair and stand up and point at each other. In this way, both sides stood on high chairs and fought ... When Wang Hua saw this scene, he couldn't help crying. I asked her: "We have changed several husbands, will we continue to change?" "No, no, I get it. This woman can't stand anyone." At this point, she was already crying.
Ms satya calls this behavior pattern "coping posture". What is a coping attitude? Coping attitude is a person's inertial response to external pressure. There are four common coping postures:
The first is the accusation. People who respond with this attitude always put the blame on each other. When he strongly defended his own interests, he ignored the feelings of others and always thought that he was right and others were wrong, and others should replace him to change.
? The second is to please. People who respond to this attitude always feel that they are not good, or if something goes wrong, they will feel that it is their own fault and will always be kind to others. I hope everyone is satisfied with themselves, and the market sacrifices itself to satisfy others.
The third is super-rationality. This kind of people rarely touch the emotional part, they will quote classics and list data to prove their views are right. Superrational people tend to be dull and unreasonable, which may give people a cold feeling.
? The fourth is to interrupt. Interrupters are just the opposite of super-rational people, and there is no reason in their world. People who interrupt others feel happy and optimistic. They are very likable, because their appearance will break a lot of deadlock or unpleasant pictures, but they will habitually avoid pressure and responsibility.
It is not difficult to see from the above description that Wang Hua's coping attitude is accusation, and it is precisely because of this coping style that his relationship with her husband will get worse and worse. Therefore, he thinks it is right. What should really change is not her husband, but her coping attitude.
So, how to change your attitude? Satya put forward a growth direction called "consistency".
The so-called "consistency" means that in communication, we should not only take care of each other's feelings, but also express our own feelings, and work out a reasonable solution together on the basis of mutual feelings. Only when both sides can pay attention to the three factors of "me", "you" and "environment" at the same time can the relationship be truly harmonious. Simply put, it is hello, I am good, hello everyone!
I believe that when we can communicate with friends, leaders, colleagues, partners and children in a consistent way, our love will be sweeter, our marriage and family will be happier and our work will be more satisfactory.
Communication is the process of the transmission and feedback of thoughts and feelings between people and groups, so as to achieve ideological consistency and emotional smoothness. As can be seen from this definition, real communication contains several important elements:
? (1) Transmission and feedback of ideas.
? (2) Emotional transmission and feedback.
? (3) Looking for the part that can reach an agreement in thought in transmission and feedback.
? (4) Keep your feelings open in this process.
? Communication that meets the above four elements is the real communication, which is divided into the following steps:
(1) See and accept each other's feelings.
? (2) express your feelings.
? (3) Listen to each other's point of view, find their deep needs from each other's point of view, and try their best to meet each other's needs.
? (4) Express your own opinions and needs, and invite the other party to meet their own needs if possible.
? (5) On the premise of frankly putting forward the needs of both sides, seek the place where both sides can reach an agreement.
The above steps 1 and 2 can make the emotional transmission, feedback and smooth, while steps 3, 4 and 5 can make each other's views and needs clearer, and finally seek the parts that can be agreed. In a word, it is "moving with emotion, knowing with reason." Communication is a two-way street. If you only focus on achieving your goals, it will easily become manipulation.
? Fifth, sum up that all the pains between people come from relationships. Those who don't care about winning or losing for a while seem to have lost the quarrel, but they have won the relationship, the support, the cooperation, the opportunity and finally the life. Relationship is the door to happiness, which happens to be a book to solve the relationship between people.
? 6. Implant the author to write this article, hoping that more people will start to learn psychology, temporarily put aside winning and losing, and win a happy life. Through reading this book, I found and corrected many of my subconscious, improved my communication skills, left family conflicts for myself, and improved the level of psychological counseling, which benefited a lot. If you are willing to have a harmonious relationship and a happy life from now on, then buy books and courses quickly and study with me!