Easy in front of people, extremely gloomy behind.

He was released on bail in June last year, and now he has been at home for more than 10 months. My uneasy mood and things at home make me worse. I was locked in my room all day, smoking in a daze. I don't know how to support this family in the future, how to tell my children in the future, how to face my relatives and friends, whether I will be put in prison in the future, and how to plan my future life.

The decadent life every day has lasted 10 months. 37 days in the detention center is my most unforgettable experience so far, and maybe I will have an unforgettable experience in prison in the future. I had suicidal thoughts, but only for a moment. There are parents, wives and children at home. Everyone around me told me: you were released on bail, which is the best thing, or you won't go back in, and so on.

The winter wind in Zhengzhou at night is still biting, and there are fewer people on the street. Perhaps because of the epidemic, the whole area has become rigorous and solemn. I think for people who are released on bail pending trial, in cold weather, you have become much warmer because you are at home. This is not a confession, but a ringing of the mood.

Before writing an article, I feel a lot of words come to my mind like waves, but at the moment of typing, you will find that your thoughts have begun to be messy and you can't write the words that poured out before. We are also ordinary people, but at a certain moment, we have been given a specific slogan-criminal suspect!

I had a quarrel with my wife because of things at home, but they didn't complain about my excitement and anger. I may understand that this is family, and they have to take care of your emotions in pain. When I see my wife going to work, getting off work, washing and cooking; When you see your friends making money every day; It's even more painful for me to see my family sad and unhappy.

The pain is that you don't have the courage to stand up again. Even if you want to, you don't know what your future result will be. Is it a true sentence? Or probation? Or are you most looking forward to dropping the lawsuit and not prosecuting? You won't prepare for the best, because you know it's impossible. You read other cases repeatedly every day, see how others judge, and imagine your future prison life. Is this the worst?

I haven't had a job for 10 months. Before that, you were a normal ordinary person, and occasionally you had dreams of "Are we Artemisia people?" Unfortunately, now you can't even be an ordinary person!

In the meantime, don't always talk to others. In fact, many people don't eat internal organs. Nothing is more convincing than the demonstration of practical ability. It is almost impossible for a desperate person to get help.

I saw a chilling but realistic question on Zhihu:

How to feel the same? "The answer to the high score is actually: no matter how big the grievance is, it may be just a story in the eyes of others.

There is no empathy in this world. Your emotions have nothing to do with others. Your touch on others is not like a movie. Your hesitation and sadness are all caused by yourself.

In fact, you have made enough good and bad plans, so you might as well take a few steps forward. I'm afraid that you will turn around in the same place and chew the pain repeatedly like Sister Lin, which is not good for the present and will delay the future.

Everyone is sad sometimes, but believe that time will take away your sadness bit by bit.

At the same time, I hope you can cherish your time and face life well at every difficult moment.

The only thing we can control is the present, and our actions now determine the possibility of the future.

To all of us: don't be discouraged, come on, come on, come on! ! !