On July 3th, in the men's singles final of the Tokyo Olympic Games, Malone defeated teammate Fan Zhendong and won the championship. It was supposed to be a national event, but it was a "tragedy" for a little boy who watched the game in front of the screen. He cried and said "Come on" to Fan Zhendong who supported him.

After the little boy's father posted this scene on the Internet, it was a hot search in an instant. Netizens looked at this "funny" boy and said in succession that whoever made him cry was coaxed!

But looking at the crying boy, one can't help wondering why children care so much about winning or losing.

Behind children's concern about winning or losing is the development of self-awareness, that is, children will care about what others think of them, which is a step in the process of children understanding that they are an independent individual.

In fact, we are not born to know that we are an individual independent of others and the outside world. Little babies have no self-awareness. They won't recognize themselves in photos and mirrors.

All the knowledge about themselves began to develop at the age of 12 months, and they began to have a vague understanding of their bodies and abilities.

When children are 2 years old, they begin to master pronouns such as "I" and "you", which means that children are developing an important step in the formation of their self-awareness. This means that children realize their relationship with others and begin to think about their differences from the outside world in many ways.

Of course, self-awareness is also the "culprit" of the "terrible 2-year-old", but it is not a bad thing, on the contrary, it is realized that children are getting smarter and smarter.

As children grow up, their self-awareness is also constantly enhanced. They begin to gradually develop empathy, guilt, inferiority, self-confidence, etc., and will care about others' evaluation of themselves.

And human nature is extremely disgusted with setbacks, so are children. Because setbacks will make children's psychological expectations fail, thus creating a sense of powerlessness to the world.

so is the little boy in the video. His idol represents the person he recognizes. From a certain point of view, the idol is also his personal projection. If the person he supports loses, it means that he loses to some extent, and losing also means that he does not recognize his own ability, and his psychological expectations are frustrated, while his frustration is greatly increased. Crying is the outward reflection of the boy's instantaneous mentality.

In a person's life, setbacks always accompany him. Babies don't know how to express themselves when they are young, and it's a setback if they can't get their needs; Grow up, conflict with peers is a setback; After going to school, failing to get high marks is a setback; After marriage, it's a setback to handle the intimate relationship badly ...

As a competitive sport, table tennis is in a state of "competing with others" at home, and almost all the wins depend on losing "to feed the big ones". If you can't afford to lose, you will probably be eliminated.

In all the matches between Fan Zhendong and Malone, Fan Zhendong was almost completely suppressed by Malone. But in the face of "two kings and one horse" Wang Hao, Malone also played hard.

for them, it is a blessing to face stronger people, and it is also a blessing to lose, because the loser needs to make constant efforts and have a more tough mind to take responsibility while maintaining high competitive ability.

For such people, frustration has become the ornament of their lives and sent them to win the other shore. For them, learning to lose is a more important survival skill than learning to win, and this is something that we need to warn our children.

Children in developed countries will accept sports competition from an early age, and the education of losing for children also begins with sports competition. The first criterion of an excellent athlete is to admit defeat, be willing to admit defeat, lose beautifully and lose decently, and this is what we need to teach our children from an early age.

1. Accept children's bad emotions

When children face setbacks, they will not only feel powerless to the world, but also doubt themselves. This is the time when they are most sad and need us most.

Every child's frustration tolerance is different, and the degree of psychological vulnerability is also deep and shallow, but the pain is the same. At this time, we need to accept the child's bad mood, let him release and make him cry. Crying is not cowardice, but a way to release stress.

when a child is crying, don't preach the truth, let alone complain blindly. Because when crying, the child is immersed in his emotions and can't receive your message, and complaining may not only make the child more sad, but also cause rebellion and confrontation.

Therefore, when a child cries, you can accompany him quietly, or give him a hug, and wait until the child cries.

2. The optimistic description fails

Parents are children's first teachers, and children will learn from us how to treat people and all kinds of things. In the process of growing up, what kind of response parents give to their children's success or failure, what kind of attitude children will treat.

If parents belittle and criticize their children's failure blindly, children will lose self-confidence in constant blows, become inferior and dare not challenge. But on the contrary, if parents change their attitude and describe their children's failure in an optimistic way, the outcome may be completely opposite.

Parents need to keep a normal mind when dealing with their children's winning or losing, and don't take winning or losing too seriously, because this will not only increase their psychological burden, but also make them do whatever it takes to win.

Teach children to be calm about winning or losing, not to be discouraged when losing, to actively sum up lessons and make up for deficiencies, and not to be complacent when winning. Winning is the result of previous efforts.

3. Check and catch up

Many times, a child is always overconfident in himself, but the failure of an appropriate benefit can make him realize the reality.

After dealing with children's emotional problems in the face of failure, another step is also very important, that is, "cleaning up the battlefield".

It is far more important to think calmly about why you failed than to work hard blindly. Only by strengthening your own shortcomings and tenacity can you set sail on this big ship of life.

The little boy who cried and said "Come on" to Fan Zhendong was "on fire" and asked others, "Will you support him (Fan Zhendong) in the future?" When asked, the little boy answered "support".

Yes, in life, we will encounter different setbacks. After crying, it is the right way to stand up and pat your ass forward.