The explosive conversation on the bus
I heard it wrong
A foreigner took a 50-yuan note and waved it in front of the conductor: See you Have you passed? Have you seen it? ...
The ticket seller was stupid, so he simply took out a 100 ticket and showed it: Have you seen it?
Finally, I figured out that the person wanted to go to "Jianguo" Door!"
Car Chase
Catching the bus in the morning, when we arrived at the platform, the car had already started. So I had to chase and shout: "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me!" At this time, a passenger stuck his head out of the window and said to me: "Bajie, please stop chasing me."
Pull tab
A very fat woman got on the bus and couldn't find a seat, so she could only pull the tab on the bus. Unexpectedly, the driver braked suddenly and the fat woman pulled the bus. The pull tab broke and she rushed in front of the driver. The driver looked at her and the pull tab on her hand and said angrily: "If you collect three, I will give the driver a signed photo!"
Classic slip of the tongue in school
4. I was sick in physical education class in junior high school. I was the sports committee member. After asking everyone to line up, I originally wanted to give the leave request note to the physical education teacher, but it turned out to be a dime. Money and banknotes, before I could react, I said "I'm asking for leave"
After that, everyone burst into laughter, and some said "bribery", "too corrupt" and "not enough"
The teacher was also very happy. Within a week, I became the topic of conversation. . .
5. The director of the high school political education office criticized some boys who like to watch XXXXX at a school-wide report meeting: "Not proud of it, but ashamed of it", which made everyone laugh
6. On the playground, the teacher said: The male student stands on my left, the female student stands on my right, and the others stay put...but he didn't move.
13. There was a teacher who stayed up all night playing mahjong. When he saw that the blackboard was not wiped, he was furious: "Who is playing mahjong today? The blackboard was not wiped!"
20. I once watched Dou Wentao talk about what he just said The embarrassing things that happened when he was a host, let alone the opening and closing... What made me angry the most was that he once said that when he was hosting a party, he calmly walked up and said affectionately: "Friends, have you ever seen the Yellow River?" Do you know that it is our mother river~~" After an affectionate introduction to the Yellow River, he said: "Please listen to "Song of the Yangtze River" now.
21. Go to class in high school During the physical examination, a girl in my class found out that the person measuring her blood pressure was actually a male classmate from junior high school. She seemed to be doing an internship there. The girl's sleeves could never be rolled up. When she got anxious, she said to the boy: "How about that?" Should I take off my pants? The boy's face immediately turned red and he said, "Ah, no need." That mm must be cold to death
23. I met a girl I had admired for a long time coming out of the bathhouse. I wanted to get close to her, so I held it in for a long time and said: "You take a bath, are there many men in there?" Huh?”
25. When I visited a factory and saw an assembly line, I blurted out: “What is coming from this assembly line?”
26. I once recognized the wrong person on the road. , went up and slapped me hard, and the man turned around as if he wanted to eat me. I was nervous and said: It doesn’t matter, I admitted my mistake...
30. The call was obviously from home, but as soon as I opened my mouth, Asking: "Dad, where are you?" The father on the other side of the phone was confused. Answer: "I'm at work!
1. Recently, the company organized a singing competition. The manager suggested that everyone participate in a chorus, which can fully reflect the cohesion of all employees. The song was selected as "We Are All" "Family". On Wednesday afternoon, the competition went on as scheduled. After the employees walked onto the stage in neat steps, the manager took a step forward and said, "We present a small chorus for everyone. The name of the song is "We are all a family"... …"
2. In class, the teacher asked the students to judge whether it was right or wrong on the spot.
Teacher: "Xiao Lin, please judge. ”
Kobayashi: “I think the answer should be ‘wrong’.
"
Teacher: "Why?
Xiao Lin: "Because Xiaoyan answered 'correct' earlier, but you didn't let her sit down." ”
3. On a dark night, a woman in white with disheveled hair sat in the last row of the last bus.
The bus drove forward, The driver glanced at the rearview mirror and suddenly found that the woman was gone. He braked quickly and opened his eyes to take a closer look. The woman appeared again. The driver was so frightened that his heart beat faster. He glanced at the rearview mirror and found that the woman was gone again. He braked quickly, and when he calmed down, he found that the woman's face was covered in blood! The driver turned pale with fright and his legs were weak, but he heard the woman say: "Brother. , I have a grudge against you, you hit the brakes as soon as I tie my shoelaces. "
4. There was a director of a medical school who took a group of students to a hospital for clinical practice. When they arrived at a certain ward, the director said: "Go in later and let's take a look and diagnose. Take a look at the patient's condition and think about what disease he has. If you know it, nod your head. If you don't know, shake your head. ”
Jia Sheng went in and looked around for a while, bit his pen and thought about it, and shook his head helplessly. Yi Sheng went in, looked around, and shook his head helplessly. Then Bing Sheng went in. , sighed, shook his head and walked out. When Ding Sheng walked in, he saw the patient rushing out of the bed, grabbing him with tears on his face and saying, "Doctor, please save me. I don't want to die! ”
Reference: Upstairs