Have you ever meditated: hens should lay eggs, cows should milk, and canaries should sing? Why are dogs the only animals that have no livelihood? It is enough for a dog to show love to you.
When I was five years old, my father bought me a yellow-haired puppy Tippy for fifty cents.
It brought endless joy to my childhood. At about 4: 30 every afternoon, it sits in front of the yard and stares at the distance of the path with lovely eyes. As soon as he heard my voice, or saw me shaking food behind the bushes, he ran panting to meet me, jumping and screaming.
Tippy and I have been together for five years. I will never forget that sad night. It was electrocuted ten feet away from me. Tippy's death was the greatest pain in my childhood. Tippy hasn't read any psychology, and there's no need to do so. It is born with this knowledge. If you really care as much as Tippy, I believe you will gain a lot of friendship in two months, but those who just want to be cared for, their friendship cultivated in two years is far less than yours.
I repeat: If you care as much as Tippy does, I'm sure that the friendship you get in two months will far exceed the friendship cultivated by others in two years, and the latter just wants to be cared for.
Everyone understands the truth, but someone always wants to take it. Such a person has no friends all his life. Obviously, others don't care about you, and everyone cares about themselves all the time. From morning till night, all the time.
In order to collect common telephone expressions, new york Telephone Company made a detailed survey of people's telephone contents. You must have guessed that the words "I", "I" and "I" were mentioned 3900 times in 500 phone calls!
Take out a group photo, who will you look at first? If we blindly want to impress others and attract attention, then we will never get sincere friendship. You'll never get real friends in this way. Napoleon was such a man. When he saw Josephine for the last time, he said, "Josephine, I am the luckiest person in the world. I find that at this moment, you are the only person I trust. Historians doubt very much whether Napoleon really trusted each other so much.
Alfred adler, a famous Viennese psychologist, wrote the book Inferiority and Transcendence.
The book mentioned: "If you are indifferent to others, your fate is doomed, and you will also do harm to others. It is because of these people that the world is full of suffering. Even if you look through dozens of advanced psychology books, you can't find a more important sentence than this one. Adler's famous words are so profound! So let me repeat:
People who are indifferent to others are doomed to be ill-fated and will also cause harm to others. It is because of such people that the world is full of suffering.
I took a writing class at new york University, and a famous local magazine editor taught us. He said that his desk is full of dozens of novels every day. If you read any one, you can feel whether the author cares about the readers.
"If the author is indifferent to readers, naturally no readers like his works. 」
The experienced editor interrupted his lecture twice in the writing class and apologized for his long speech. He said, "Now let me tell you. If you want to be an excellent writer, remember to care about readers like a preacher, and they will be interested in your work. 」
This is true for writing novels, especially for treating people and things. I once spent one night in Howard thurston's dressing room. This is also his last performance on Broadway. In the past 40 years, he has traveled all over the world and created countless amazing performances. * * * More than 60 million viewers paid for his performance, and he earned about 2 million dollars.
I begged Sutton to tell me the secret of his success. Suston ran away from home in his early years, wandering around, taking various trucks along the road, sleeping in the haystack, begging all the way, and learning to read by looking at the signs along the railway. Of course, the answer has nothing to do with his education. Is his magic skill superior? That's not true.
He told me that there are hundreds of books about magic, and dozens of people have as many magic skills as he does. But he did two things and no one else did. First of all, under the stage lighting, he can fully show his personal style.
As a master performer, he knows human nature like the back of his hand. Every gesture, every sound, every frown he shows will be carefully rehearsed in advance, and every movement is just right. In addition, Suston's attention to the audience is unique. He said that many magicians face the audience and think, "Oh, there are a bunch of idiots sitting under the stage, all of them are hillbillies. Watch how I play. But Suston doesn't think so. Every time he goes on stage, he says to himself, "How grateful I am to the audience. They come to watch, and I can live a comfortable life. I must present the best program to them. 」
George Dyke of North Warren, Pennsylvania, worked in a gas station for thirty years. Later, when the road was rebuilt and his gas station was demolished, he had to retire early. Soon, he got tired of boring retirement and started playing the violin. After that, he traveled around, listening to music all the way and asking the violinist carefully. Although humble, he tried to get in touch with people with a pious attitude, got to know every musician he knew and gained a lot of friendship. Later, he took part in a competition, and his story soon spread among country fans in the eastern United States, "Uncle George, a violinist from the village of Kinzia". At this time, George is 72 years old, but he still enjoys every minute of his life. George has always maintained a strong enthusiasm and interest in others. When ordinary people were dying, he created a new world.
This is also the reason why President Roosevelt was deeply loved by the people. Even the attendants like him very much. One of his entourage, James E. Amos, wrote a book about him called Theodore Roosevelt: the hero of his valet. Amos wrote an interesting thing in the book:
My wife has never seen quail. Once she asked the president about this bird. The president introduced her patiently and in detail. Soon after, the phone in my room rang (Amos and his wife lived in a small room at the Presidential Villa in Oyster Bay). The wife answered the phone. It's the president. He said there happened to be a quail bird outside the window. If you look out of the window now, you may still see it. Whenever he passes by our house, he will say hello from a distance: Hey, how's Annie? Hey, how's James? These are his friendly greetings.
It is such a small thing in many lives that reflects the president's approachable character. As his attendant, can you not like such a master? Who doesn't like it?
One day, Roosevelt visited the White House, and it happened that President Taft and his wife were on a business trip. He greeted all the former White House attendants, even the cleaning lady. He showed great respect for people in humble positions.
Seeing Alice, the kitchen maid, he asked her if she was still making corn bread. Alice replied, sometimes it's for servants, but no one eats it upstairs. Archie Bart, another attendant, wrote, "Roosevelt deliberately raised his voice and said," They really don't understand good food. I'll tell the president when I see him.
"Alice brought a piece of corn bread and handed it to him on a plate. He walked and ate until he got to the office. Wherever he goes, he will never forget to care and take care of gardeners and workers. ...
"He greeted everyone as before. Ike Hoover, a foreman who has served in the White House for forty years, talked about Roosevelt with tears in his eyes: "(Seeing him again) is the happiest day in these two years, and I won't change a hundred dollars. " 」
Edward Sikes, the business representative of Cham, New Jersey, got a deal because he was considerate of strangers.
He recalled, "In Massachusetts, I visited a customer on behalf of Johnson Company, a grocery store in Hinham, Boston. Every time before I enter the store, I greet the clerk in charge of mixing drinks and selling, and then talk to the owner about the order; This time, I was just about to talk to the shopkeeper, and he suddenly asked me to leave, saying that I would never buy Jiaosheng's goods again.
Because he thinks Johnson & Johnson pays too much attention to grocery stores and discount stores, ignoring and damaging the interests of grocery stores. I had to leave in a hurry and walk around the city for several hours. Finally, I decided to go back, at least to explain the situation to the shopkeeper.
"I went back to this small shop. As usual, I greeted the shop assistants before and after, and then walked to the owner. At this time, the shopkeeper welcomed me with a smile and ordered twice as many goods as usual. I was surprised and asked what happened just now. The shopkeeper gestured to me and said, "You are one of the few salespeople who greet the clerk. They think that if anyone is worth doing business, it must be you. The shopkeeper was persuaded and has been my loyal customer ever since. I will never forget it. Giving sincere care to others is a quality that a salesperson should have. This should be true for anyone at any time. 」
I came to the same conclusion from my personal experience. As long as a person is sincere and caring for others, no matter how busy and unattainable this person is, you will always get his feedback and win opportunities for conversation and cooperation. Let me give you an example.
Many years ago, I started a novel writing course at Brooklyn College of Arts and Sciences. At that time, I planned to invite some famous writers with unique styles, such as Catherine Norris, Fanny Hearst, Ida Tabell, Albert Payson Tehuen and Rupert Hughes, to share their creative experience. I wrote a letter to these people, expressing my admiration, hoping to get their guidance and learn from their successful experience, and begging them to come to school after their busy work.
Each letter is accompanied by the signatures of 150 students, and the letter also expresses their understanding of their work. Maybe they didn't have time to prepare the speech, so I attached a questionnaire so that they could introduce themselves and share their creative methods. They all like this way of communication. Who wouldn't? Finally, they all came all the way to Brooklyn to help us.
Similarly, we also invited Leslie M. Shaw, the Treasury Secretary during President Roosevelt's term. Gee W. Wickersham, Attorney General during Taft's presidency, and other celebrities such as william jennings bryan and Roosevelt Jr. also came to give public speeches to our students.
Whether we are workers, employees or high-ranking monarchs, regardless of our status, we all like people who praise ourselves.
After the First World War, the German emperor William II was greatly degraded and vilified by the people, which even led him to flee to the Netherlands to save his life and become a public enemy. Everyone hates William II's guts and wants to dismember him or burn him at the stake.
When everyone was angry, a little boy wrote a letter to William II. The content is simple, but very sincere, full of friendship and admiration. The little boy said that no matter what others think, he will always love William II and hope to continue to be his person. The emperor was deeply moved by this letter and invited the little boy to see him. The little boy came, and so did his mother. Later, the Kaiser married the little boy's mother.
The little boy hasn't read books on making friends and interpersonal relationships, but he has these skills in his nature. If we want to be popular, we should spend time and energy thinking about how to contribute and serve others. When the Duke of Windsor was Prince of Wales, he planned to travel around South America. Before he left, he spent several months learning Spanish, and then delivered a speech in the local language, which was warmly loved by the people of South America.
For many years, I have tried my best to inquire about all my friends' birthdays. How? I know nothing about astrology, but I will discuss it with my partner and ask him if he believes that birthdays will affect his personality and habits. Of course, the other party will tell me his birthday, such as 1 1 24th of the month. When I hear this, I will repeat this number in my mind. As soon as I leave, I will write down his name and birthday on the calendar, so that I can remember it naturally. On the eve of this friend's birthday, I will write or send a telegram to congratulate him. You can imagine how happy they will be! Perhaps I am the only person in the world who remembers his birthday.
If you want to make friends, you must invest enthusiasm and vitality to infect others. You can use this psychological skill when someone calls. You can clearly say, "Hello! I am glad to receive your letter! When many companies train telephone operators, they will ask the tone of the phone to reveal their concern and enthusiasm, so that the receiver can feel that the company really cares about them. Tomorrow, you can try it when you call.
Is this method commercially feasible? Of course, I can give many examples, but the space is limited. Let me just give you a few examples.
Expressing concern and enthusiasm for others can not only retain the loyalty of customers, but also make many friends. The publication of the North American National Bank in new york published a letter from the depositor Madeleine Rothday:
I want to tell you that I really appreciate the employees in your company. Each of them is warm, polite and helpful. When I get to the end of the queue, someone will always greet me kindly, which is very pleasant.
My mother was ill in hospital for five months last year. Mary, the cashier who often serves me, often asks and cares about my mother's progress.
There is no doubt that Rossdale will continue to support this bank.
Charles Walter works in a big bank in new york. He is ordered to prepare a confidential report of the company. He knows that only one person in the whole company can grasp the relevant evidence he urgently needs. When Walter was introduced to the chairman's office of this company, a young woman leaned out from behind the door and told the chairman that she didn't have any stamps for him today.
The chairman explained to Walter, "I'm collecting stamps for my twelve-year-old son!" Walter explained his purpose and asked some questions. The chairman was obviously absent-minded. He answered with a gangster and didn't want to talk much, so the meeting was short and boring. Walter recalled in class:
To tell the truth, I didn't know what to do at that time. It suddenly occurred to me that the chairman of that company said to his secretary, "stamps?" Twelve-year-old son? " ..... So I thought that the foreign exchange office of our bank often received letters from all over the world and collected a large number of stamps.
The next afternoon, I visited the chairman again. Before the visit, I told him in advance that I wanted to give some stamps to his son. I received a warm welcome this time. He shook hands with me as if he were running for Congress. He smiled knowingly and said, "We George will definitely like your stamps. He continued to express his obsession with stamps: "Look, this stamp is a treasure! 」
We spent a whole hour discussing stamps and looking at pictures of his son. Then I spent more than an hour telling the information I needed-although I didn't ask him to say that much. The chairman finished what he knew, and then called his subordinates to ask. He also called a circle of friends and gave me all the cases, charts, reports and materials.
To use a word often used in news, it is really "exclusive news"!
Give another example. Carnafil, a student in Philadelphia, has been racking his brains to sell fuel to a large chain company, but the company always buys fuel from another dealer by a detour. One night, Carnafil gave a speech in class and severely condemned this chain enterprise, calling it a national moth. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't find a breakthrough in selling fuel.
I suggested that he try other methods. I organized a debate contest in my class, and divided the students into two groups to discuss "whether the chain enterprises violated the national interests".
During the debate, I suggested that Carnafil join the opposition, and he also agreed to defend the chain enterprises. So he found the manager of the chain enterprise who refused him and said to him, "I'm not here to sell fuel, but to ask you a favor." He explained the debate being prepared and added: "I really can't find a better person to help me prepare the debate materials."
I really want to win the debate. No matter how much help you give me, I will be grateful. "Canaphile tells the story of what happened next:
I only asked him for a minute, and after listening to this condition, he reluctantly agreed to see me.
After listening to my introduction, he sat me down, chatted with me for 1 hour for 47 minutes, and called one of his colleagues to introduce the situation. His colleague is a director of the company and wrote a book about chain operation. The manager also wrote to the National Chain Store Association to help me collect some information.
He believes that chain operation really serves the public and is proud of it. His talk was full of enthusiasm, and I have to admit that he opened my eyes. I never dreamed that I was completely changed by his views.
When I was ready to say goodbye, he walked me to the door, patted me on the shoulder and wished me success in the debate. Meanwhile, please tell him the result of the debate when I visit him next time. Before leaving, he said, "Come back in late spring. I want to order your fuel. 」
For me, this is incredible. I didn't say a word about selling fuel, but I was really interested in him and related issues. The conversation in less than two hours has gained much more than in the past ten years. Before, I only knew how to make him interested in myself and my own products.
This truth was not discovered by Canafe. A long time ago, in ancient Rome, one hundred years before the birth of Christ, the famous poet Ju Lushi once famously said, "If you want someone to be interested in us, you must be interested in him first. 」
Like other interpersonal skills, you must be sincere if you want to understand each other. Only in this way can both of us benefit from it. Martin Ginsburg, a student on Long Island, mentioned that he would never forget the care of a nurse:
On Thanksgiving Day when I was ten years old, I was admitted to the hospital because of illness and had an operation the next day. I understand that during the recovery period of several months after operation, I will be inconvenient and painful. My father died young, and my mother and I lived alone. We lived in a small apartment and lived on social welfare, but my mother didn't show up that day. I fell into deep loneliness, despair and fear. I know my mother is worried about me, too. She stayed at home alone, with no one to accompany her to dinner, and even had no money for a Thanksgiving dinner. My eyes filled with tears, I buried my head under the pillow, and my heart ached secretly. I couldn't help shivering and crying.
Hearing my crying, a young nurse came to see me. She took the pillow and dried my tears. She said she was lonely, too, and she had to continue working on Thanksgiving Day, so she couldn't eat with her family. She asked me if I could have dinner with her. She brought two plates of food, including turkey and mashed potatoes, strawberry jam and ice cream for dessert. That day, she kept chatting with me and comforting me. Although I can get off work at four o'clock in the afternoon, she kept playing games with me that day until I fell asleep at eleven o'clock in the evening.
Before I was ten years old, I spent many Thanksgiving days. But I will never forget this Thanksgiving. I still clearly remember the feeling of depression, helplessness and fear at that time. The warmth of a stranger made it disappear without a trace.
If you want others to like you, gain friendship, help others and get help at the same time, then remember: care for others with a sincere heart.