1. The teacher said that a wrong question is a kind of wealth. I looked at my paper and realized that I am a rich man.

2. Girls are actually very easy to coax. If she wants a star but you don’t have one, it’s okay to fool her with a diamond ring.

3. Men like pretty faces, and women like sweet words. So women wear makeup and men lie.

4. I am a person who is good at reflecting on myself. For example, after I slap you with my backhand, I will think about whether I hit you lightly.

5. Dad, Mom, you should be calm during the parent-teacher meeting, and you should calmly face the teacher trying to provoke a relationship between you and me. I am your biological child. If you believe me, you still believe him!

6. My girlfriend is a foodie. I remember the first time I brought her home for dinner, my mother kept bringing her food. Finally she couldn’t help it anymore and secretly said to me: "Can you "Give me a piece of meat?"

7. I went to a canteen at the door to buy cigarettes. It was 21 yuan a day. I only brought 20 yuan. The boss quit. I had no choice. He opened the cigarette case and gave the boss a cigarette. I will never forget the way the shop owner looked at me!

8. In order to attract business, the Hotpot City posted an advertisement on Maopu: "Self-service hotpot, 30 yuan per person, free for children under 1 meter in height." The aunt from the kindergarten was extremely excited after reading this. , she took 30 yuan in her arms and led 50 children in her class to the hotpot city.

9. When I brushed my teeth in the morning, my daughter wanted to use my toothpaste. I said, "You can't use it. You are still young, so you have to use the baby's toothpaste." My daughter gave me a cold look and said, " Did I tell you that you use my baby cream every day?”

10. I just received a call: I have your wife! Give me 10,000 yuan quickly, or I'll kill you. After hearing what he said, I shed tears silently: Don't argue, just bring her over to me and I'll give you 20,000. Is it easy for me to be a bachelor for so many years?

11. When I see that everyone’s boyfriends are getting uglier and uglier, I know that everyone is getting serious and really want to start a family.

12. I don’t want any identity or status, I just want to simply become a rich man.

13. Why can’t snoring wake me up? The master’s reply: I’m addicted to my own snoring and can’t help myself!

14. Why do Japanese people say before eating: "I'm going to start." God's reply: Let's be mentally prepared for the meal.

15. The reason why I smoke is very simple: my grandfather smokes and my father smokes too, so I can’t stop smoking when it’s my turn.

16. Student: "Teacher, what you teach is useless." Teacher: "I don't allow you to talk about yourself like that."

17. Talking about mobile phones on TV There would be radiation if I put it under the pillow. I was so scared that I quickly turned off the TV and threw the pillow away.

18. Many things in life are like eating desserts. You are very happy when you eat them, but you always regret afterwards because you accidentally ate too much.

19. I will never watch the World Cup with my wife again. I explained no less than 10 times in one night that the person standing next to the ball frame is called a goalkeeper and not a doorman.

20. Sometimes two people who chat happily on the Internet don’t talk so much when they meet, maybe because they can’t send emoticons face to face.

21. In the employee passage, the goddess recognized by the company walked by. I bumped my brother with my arm and told him to look! Unexpectedly, that guy ran over and hugged her, and turned to me and said: Why are you pushing me? Bitch!

22. A friend’s husband is a lawyer and specializes in divorce cases. Question: "Husband, please don't fight divorce lawsuits in the future. It's a bit immoral to break up other people's families." Husband: "Split one pair to make two pairs, accumulate virtue and do good.

23. Take a sharp look You are not very good, but then I took a closer look and found that it is better to take a sharp look.

24. In the past, the carriage and horse were slow, and you could only love one person in your life. Now, the carriage and horse are fast, and you can collect several people in a day. Express.