At the beginning of marriage, most people were tied together because of love. But a well-known foreign psychologist found that love can only last for two and a half years at most.
With the passage of time, the emotions maintained by love in marriage are gradually decreasing and need to be compensated by other emotions. With what emotions? What do you need to add?
Friendship. This is the most important emotion in marriage, and friendship is also a feeling of helping each other. Never ask each other for help, always give help. Many marriages don't even have friendship, and even you will find that many people treat their friends better than their lovers, which is ridiculous and problematic.
Love. True love is the shortcoming of falling in love with each other.
Affection. That is brotherhood, that is, brother will never abandon sister, brother will always take care of sister, sister will always take care of brother, and sister will always warm brother.
Compassion. Compassion is not high and low sympathy, but more like a sense of * * *. It is to cultivate yourself, make up for the shortcomings brought by the family, and give the lover what he lacks to make up for his shortcomings. This is a very, very important emotion in marriage.
Kindness is accompanied by life, and we are grateful to each other. When the hair is gray, help each other and walk in the afterglow of the sunset. This is the most beautiful emotion in the world.
Wen Ling added the above things to her marriage through love and happiness, and finally she felt:
Time never steals our passion. It has always been in our hearts, just like our initial heart when we fell in love and got married. It has always been there and never left us. We just need to turn around, find it and hug it. We need to grow up in marriage.
How did she change? How did she add the marriage enhancer? Please read:
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Step one: arm yourself with the right ideas.
2065438+At the beginning of June 2008, a special opportunity-my husband's unit invited love and happiness to hold a seminar on "Enterprise+Home" in Beijing, and my husband entered the class of love and happiness.
He was very appreciative of Mr. Kevin·Z's theoretical system, and he couldn't wait to sign me up for the Qingdao basic class at the end of the month before the course was over.
I remember my husband was very happy when he came back from class and told me not to worry. There are ways to solve the children's problems.
I asked my husband what to do. My husband said you would know after class. If you ask in a hurry, my husband will tell me some knowledge points and cases.
I think what Mr. Zheng said is very reasonable, but it is only recognition. I don't think it has much to do with myself.
My husband said that he was helpless during that time because I didn't attend class. Although he understands, he can't say that I can't argue with me, just endure and wait.
After listening to the basic course for three days, I have subverted my original cognition. I understand that true love needs to be learned. Children's education, marriage stability and family happiness all need a set of principles to guide, not our experience.
Ignorance and fearlessness have messed up the system at home. I am the chief culprit of all the problems in my family. I want to change myself! Follow the class group and move forward bit by bit.
Step 2: Make clear the direction of change and change yourself firmly.
After the initial chicken blood period, I suddenly lost myself for a while. There are too many places to correct mistakes. I didn't do well in husband-wife relationship, parent-child relationship and filial piety. I feel that I am not good at anything and I don't accept myself. It seems that it has been changed for so long, and it has not had much effect. I really don't know where to change it.
So, during that time, I went crazy to find the voice sharing of the life story of the Zhizhi family in Lizhitai.
I heard many family life stories at that time. I clearly remember that after listening to the life story of CoCo Lee, a teacher in Zhanjiang, I found my direction.
Because many people are telling everyone the same sentence with their own personal experiences: that is, the relationship between husband and wife is a hurdle that no one can bypass, and the shortcut to practice must first pass the relationship between husband and wife.
I remember I excitedly sent a thank-you letter to Mr. CoCo Lee. Actually, it's ridiculous to think about it. Teacher Zheng made it very clear in class, but it is difficult for us to keep our words and get lost when we really face ourselves.
Because it's too hard to change yourself. Often emotional, I want to ask my husband's permission for a slight change. When I can't get it, I will easily change back to my original shape, and I love it again and again!
Fortunately, my husband has been practicing with me, and he has been very tolerant and accepting of my repeated behavior.
Every time I feel sad because I can't control my emotional outburst, my husband is particularly happy. He often tells me that the process of spiritual practice is like a sinusoidal curve, with ups and downs, gradual progress and continuous efforts, which is wrong. My husband's acceptance makes me particularly motivated to change myself!
Change will accompany growth, and it will be painful to really see yourself.
I remember the first time I saw myself deeply, because the school asked the children to write comments to their fathers. After writing and posting in the family group, other children can find the bright spot of their father, but their son is very perfunctory.
Dad was a little disappointed after seeing it, and I was in a hurry. I feel that my son can't feel his father's love at all! Leave a message in the family group immediately and explain it to your son.
I hope my son worships his father in his heart, and I hope his son can get enough appreciation and trust from his father.
This behavior was caught by Mr. Wu Ji, who let me look inside and see what kind of person I am. That question led me to a dead end. I dare not think about it for a few days. As long as I think about it, tears can't help falling.
Because when I look inward along this question, I see such a bad self, and this state of my son and father is caused by me.
The truth is, I have never really respected my husband, sympathized with him, let alone surrendered!
Looking deeper, I see that in my family, I have never felt distressed and worshipped my hard-working father all my life! I never realized that the excellent qualities I have in myself actually come from my father's influence!
That scene also convinced me that children's problems are symptoms of marriage problems, and marriage problems are symptoms of personal cultivation problems. In the process of adding a tonic to marriage, you need to have a high personal accomplishment and moral realm!
I want to break off the entanglement with my son, so as to practice the relationship between husband and wife, and the key point of the relationship between husband and wife is to love the elderly on both sides first.
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Step 3: If you want to love your lover, you must first clean up the mark brought by your family.
Because our family does not live with the elderly, although it is different from other families, there are contradictions in family relations or education, but my family ethics is also abnormal.
Because I saw my father this time and my indifference and indifference to my stepmother over the years, I began to repair my relationship with my stepmother.
Call them often, buy and send them when you think of something suitable. Unexpectedly, one day in winter, I received a package full of love from my stepmother. Opening the package, the warm current of love suddenly flows all over the body.
At that time, I was in tears. I feel my mother's love for me, and I have a magical connection with my stepmother!
Our relationship has been maintained very well since then. Now we also want to make video calls for ten minutes every day. I feel my father's happiness and satisfaction, and I am filled and nourished by this love every day. ?
Step 4: Love your lover and your mother-in-law first, so that family ethics can be normalized first.
After we moved to Nanjing, my mother-in-law lived with aunts in Xinjiang most of the time because she was not used to the climate in the south. I don't have much contact with my mother-in-law, and my two children can't get close to my grandmother.
Last year, my mother-in-law turned 80. We invited her four sisters and the next generation of children to Hangzhou. With the help of teachers Qi Ming and Ping Li and many family members, we celebrated her 80th birthday with love and happiness!
In that beautiful energy field, the children led the next generation to bow down to grandma, and grandma was very happy! The next generation also had a good impression, and the two children of her husband's two sisters also got up their courage because of that opportunity and went out of Xinjiang to exercise and develop in the mainland.
Then grandma went to Yihe's filial piety camp. In that powerful energy field, grandma's life was nourished and blossomed. Now grandma is very happy every day, insists on exercising and has been shouting slogans in the filial piety group. Grandma said she would live to be 120 years old!
In this process, my husband gave me unconditional support!
Slowly, my entanglement with my son is getting less and less. The old people at home are happy and at ease, and our relationship is getting better and better. More and more can see the husband's good and bad, and gradually find a heart that loves her husband!
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Step 5: Add friendship, love, affection and sympathy to the marriage.
Teacher Zheng said in class that in family relations, we should put our lover first, and women should worship and obey their husbands. I really want to worship my husband, but my heart can't find that feeling.
Husband works hard and has been working hard for this family. I admire him and sympathize with him. My husband is versatile and humorous, and I admire him very much. My husband is filial, honest and loves his family and friends. I am proud of him ... but there always seems to be some distance from worship.
My heart: Love and happiness say that we should worship and submit to our lover, not to this person, but to the law behind this person.
During the period of 65438+February last year, my husband encountered some things and was extremely depressed. I felt sorry for him and started unconditional companionship.
My husband likes to drink a little wine, so I drink and chat with him every day. My husband likes to watch big movies, especially those with intense and exciting scenes. Mr. Zheng said that men like to watch this kind of movies, which is a need to release pressure, so I accompany him to watch his favorite movies every weekend.
Slowly, my husband will tell me something. I also know that my husband's work in the past two years is very hard, but he always chooses a person to bear it silently, fearing that I will never say it.
I used to know that my husband worked hard. He often said: As long as people have pursuit, physical fatigue is a kind of exercise, and they are not afraid of hardship, but they are afraid of hardship! I didn't expect that his heart was really so bitter.
After knowing this, I felt uneasy and complained endlessly, but I was worried that my husband was too tired to show this emotion, so I hid it deeply in my heart, and from time to time I discussed with my husband the reason of walking the red line, examined myself internally and broke love.
Unexpectedly, my husband has been examining himself inward. He sees his own problems clearly, but he chooses to accept and forgive others' problems.
My husband and I told the story of the abbot raising a baby, hoping that what he saw in his eyes was each other's life. After listening to this, my husband was very moved and said to me: He brought up the company, just like his children, the future and destiny of the company are the most important. As long as it is good for the company, personal honor or disgrace is not important! My husband's pattern and feelings are much higher than I expected!
In this communication, I felt the power of my husband's powerful letter. I was supposed to accompany my husband to comfort him, but my husband comforted me. My uneasy heart has settled down again.
It was in this exchange that I improved my admiration for my husband! When you encounter so many things, you can still do it without complaining and stick to your faith and love! My husband's selflessness and strong belief ability conquered my heart. I know I admire my husband's simple and powerful heart, selfless and noble heart.
Unexpectedly, since I found the heart that worships my husband, beauty has come to me.
This Spring Festival, due to the epidemic, I will naturally slap my husband for more than an hour every day. My hands are strong when I slap, but my husband can fall asleep quickly and snore everywhere! He really needs to relax! Every time I slapped my husband, I was embarrassed, and I had to take a few shots.
We prepared delicious food for the children together, and the whole family laughed and laughed. My husband's mood also improved quickly, and the piano I haven't played for nearly 20 years has also moved out. The first song played was "Textile Girl", which carried too many good memories for us.
On that day, the cherry trees outside the window bloomed and the trees were full of cherry blossoms. My husband and I snuggled up to the window and felt that life was particularly beautiful and satisfying.
I asked my husband to play the song Textile Girl for me again. I haven't played for many years, and my husband can't play anymore. I turned out the music and gave it a try. I smiled and asked my husband if he regretted marrying me. Excited by her husband, she wrote a song "Rain in the Forest" in one breath. Husband said: live up to spring!
The drizzle is crisp, green and deep in the courtyard. With the ravages of COVID-19, it didn't stop. It was spring. Last night, a good wind blew into the house, blowing flowers and trees. Take advantage of time, feast for the eyes, cherish spring, why stay in spring.
Take care of each other, cut candles, and make Weaver jealous. 23 years, no regrets. Holding hands, my thoughts dance with the cherry blossoms. I feel so romantic, my heart is like a cloud.
This word has been 22 years since my husband last wrote me a love poem! My husband and I have found a good feeling of falling in love again, and people seem to be much younger at once.
Two days later, I chatted with my husband and recalled that I moved several times in Beijing, Shandong and Nanjing to support his career for so many years, but I didn't feel the pain of wandering inside, because my husband always gave me a feeling of peace of mind. "My peace of mind is my hometown."
This sentence made my husband very moved, so he began to write another song "Forever Happiness":
Gengzi alternated between the old and the new, and ran rampant at home and abroad and in COVID-19. Spring is lonely, but unfortunately no one comes to enjoy the flowers and grass. A window of cherry blossoms, a brilliant atrium, an incomparable endless amorous feelings. In this case, it will only take three to five days, which can be called enough spring addiction. ?
After a few times, I felt at home and never felt sentimental. Ten years of entrepreneurship, sweat and tears, why pursue it? I will be over half a year old, and I will look in the mirror. Start from scratch, set a young ambition and strive for another ten years.
My husband said that I ignited the passion in his heart again! These are all beautiful things that we never thought of, and everything is natural and silent.
Now I know:
Time has never stolen our passion, it has always been in our hearts, just like our initial heart when we fell in love and got married, it has always been there and never left us.
We just need to turn around, find it and embrace it;
We just need to grow up in marriage;
Only need to operate with morality, responsibility, sincere dedication and even sacrifice;
As long as we respect each other and help each other in the same boat, we will add a lot of love and affection to our marriage.