Some people say that the best praise parents give their children is to affirm their efforts, not their abilities.
I agree with you very much.
Dynamic black note
? Baby, you are great! ? We often hear parents praise their children.
Admittedly, it is undeniable that praising children is an important way to promote their progress, but we must pay attention to the way of praise. If the way is wrong, it will have the opposite effect.
So how to correctly affirm and recognize children?
When praising children, don't always say:? You are the best?
One morning, I took my children to school. When I arrived at the school gate, I saw a mother holding her child's hand and squatting down and saying to the child, You know, you are the best! ? , say that finish also made a child? v？ Gestures, but her voice is so loud that almost all parents passing by can hear it.
Most parents will tell their children over and over again:
? You're amazing! ?
? How clever you are! ?
? You are so excellent! ?
It sounds like a slogan, and the content echoes in the children's ears.
Before my child entered school, I once enrolled him in an EQ course, one of which was about how to praise the child.
In the course, the teacher repeatedly mentioned: praise should be specific, not just praise the results, but praise the process.
For example, you can say:
? I just saw you doing your homework very carefully. What are the unique ideas for doing this problem? ,
? The building blocks you put up are beautiful, and your little hands are very capable? ,
? You are kind-hearted and willing to help others? .
Instead of just saying, You are the best! ? Such praise is too general.
That was the first time I heard that there were so many ways to praise.
Why praise children?
Carol, a famous psychologist at Stanford University in the United States? Dwek, for ten years, has repeatedly studied the influence of praise on children.
Through a long-term study of nearly 20 schools in new york, it is found that after several rounds of tests in different forms, Dwek got an unexpected result:
Those children who are praised for their efforts in the experiment will think that success is in their own hands; Children who are praised as smart will ignore the importance of hard work, because hard work is tantamount to admitting that they are not smart enough, but once they face failure, they often seem helpless.
Why encourage or praise children? There is a simple reason. I just want the confused children to find confidence and courage, break through themselves and become better themselves.
Therefore, for children, encouraging praise and reversing misconceptions can bring positive educational effects, because this is the fundamental principle and method of education.
Encourage praise, children are confident and excellent.
Behind every confident and excellent child, there must be a parent who knows how to encourage children to make progress.
Last year, a popular Thai advertisement "Work a little every day" touched many people. This mom showed up? Encourage? Amazing power.
In the short film, on the football field, the strength and performance of the children are not satisfactory: the header fails and the shot is not allowed. However, the child's mother has been encouraging him in the following:
? Try harder, as long as you surpass the people in front! Just surpass yourself a little every day. ?
The mother never envies other people's children and seldom blames her own children. She always believes that her children can do it!
Socrates, a famous thinker and educator, once said: Education is to truly guide a person's heart and help him become himself. ?
Mother did it, which is the most powerful encouragement I have ever seen. This makes children firmly believe that:
In the future, you will be what you want to be!
How to praise children effectively?
Many parents know how to praise and encourage their children, but they find little effect. Does praise matter?
In fact, praise is an art. How to make your praise more effective? Here are four points to share with you:
1. Praise hard work, not cleverness.
Personally, I don't like being praised for being smart, because the IQ of a child has been fixed after birth and will not change because of a word from others. This is obviously a cheap compliment.
Smart or not, children can't decide, but efforts can be controlled by children's own behavior and will. When we praise a child's efforts, we actually want him to continue to maintain or make better behaviors. Pay more attention to the factors that can be changed in the process of doing things, such as the degree of children's efforts and rigorous academic attitude, rather than always focusing on the outcome of things.
2. Praise should be specific and not vague.
For example, if a child finishes his homework on time and writes neatly and correctly, I will tell him so. Son, your homework today is very neat. When you write, you must be very careful, and there are no mistakes, which shows that you have carefully examined the questions. The most rare thing is that you finished your homework within the specified time, which is very efficient. You really learned! ?
Such encouragement goes far beyond empty praise, such as? You're doing great? Much more practical, and most importantly, it won't cause children's disgust.
Therefore, when praising a child, the more specific it is, the clearer the child's direction of struggle will be, which will have a multiplier effect on his growth.
3. Praise should be sincere and create more opportunities to praise children.
When my children went to physical education class at school, they always made some mistakes in physical training because of their young age. The teacher never found praise for him. I asked the teacher to encourage the children more, but it didn't work. The teacher didn't see the bright spot of the child at all.
During that time, I always told my children that the teacher encouraged you to practice at home. Your movements are more in place than last time, and you can jump rope 80 times in a row, which other children can't do. The teacher said you worked hard. ?
Later, in the second grade, the child's physical fitness has been greatly improved and he has become an excellent student in physical education in the class.
4. Encourage your child when he fails.
I enrolled my son in a host class. When I took the final exam, he hesitated, but refused to go on stage. Finally, he managed to get up, but he stammered and didn't play his usual level at all.
The average parent must be mocking:? What's the matter with you? It was good to audition at home yesterday, but why is it so bad on the stage today?
In fact, when people fail, their hearts are very fragile, so are adults, not to mention a child.
I didn't criticize the children directly, but found the shortcomings behind their imperfect performance and encouraged them. For example, I'll tell him. Son, you played well. When you go on stage, relax and don't be nervous. Think of it as daily training. ? Then I will tell him some on-the-spot skills and give him more opportunities to perform in public.
Don't always criticize the child, which will always make him feel incompetent and lose confidence, which is not conducive to the cultivation of his future personality.
James, a famous American psychologist, once pointed out that the desire to be appreciated is the most basic nature of human beings. ?
For children, the real appreciation education should be that we can recognize the advantages and disadvantages of children and pass them? Positive motivation? Enlarge their advantages and stimulate their inner motivation and sense of independence.
This is a positive encouragement based on praise.
If you often praise your children, it means that you have won the initiative in education. For every child, they want to show their cutest side and hope to be affirmed by others. This desire is much stronger than that of adults.
But remember, give your child more specific encouragement and less qualitative praise, and don't let your child become? Like? kidnap
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