There is still one month before the wedding, because the man doesn't want to buy a wedding dress and wants to rent it. The woman thinks she will get married once in her life. She was wronged and broke up. She's not married.

After a careful look at the chat record sent by Po, the man was actually quite sincere. He paid the down payment on the house, and his relatives and friends informed him that it was in place. Wedding preparations also cost a lot of money.

The result was blocked by a wedding dress.

When it comes to wedding rings, wedding dresses, wedding photos and weddings, women's eyes are sharp and men are depressed.

This four-piece wedding set has also become the second stumbling block for many lovers to live forever: they finally survived the bride price of their parents-in-law, but fell at the feet of their loved ones.

The man is filled with indignation: I am sincere, but I can't compare with these things that go through the motions and waste money? Women are too vain.

It's really necessary, but if you don't understand the real needs of women, you still have to work hard, bro ~

You can't want to have children before you get married. Review: having children is because of love, so is not having children.

1.

Magical woman

Fantasy is a defense mechanism of self-satisfaction after unconscious desire is frustrated.

When I was a child, when I saw someone get married, I felt that the bride was the happiest and most beautiful person in the world, and I unconsciously wanted to be such a person.

But the reality doesn't allow me, and my desire is blocked, so I began to splash ink and outline my fantasy: a dream wedding, a charming wedding dress, a handsome prince staring gently and kissing affectionately.

The little girl's bride dream was born.

Until adulthood, entering the marriage stage, the longer this fantasy is suppressed, the more vivid the details are portrayed, and the stronger the desire.

How strong is it?

Jenny once said in "The Romance of Wife" that he was looking forward to his wedding. He shouted "Buy Super" and urged to make up the wedding.

Yan, love, baby, money, in the eyes of others, this is the peak of a woman, but still can't control her own desires.

In the last concert, Anita Mui, wearing a picturesque wedding dress, cried herself and everyone.

A woman's longing for this fantasy can't stop until the end of her life or near the end.

But then her "prince" suddenly said, "It's not cost-effective to buy a wedding dress. Just rent one and go through the motions. "

The "bride dream" that has been in business for many years has been destroyed, and the feeling of not being cherished and cared for comes to mind. Can I not be wronged?

The excellent fantasy ability of women is also reflected in the construction of meaning.

Take the wedding ring as an example.

The ring represents life and eternity, the ring finger symbolizes entering the heart, and the diamond is eternal. One can make love last forever.

Women like this very much, and every sentence satisfies their fantasies about love and marriage.

But at this time, the "prince" is smart again: isn't it just a carbon? It's just a broken stone, cheating you into paying IQ tax. Don't waste money.

Deconstruction is really beautiful. By the way, I deconstructed the happiness at the fingertips.

Some boys who are not good at emotional communication are single because they are "strong". Looking back, I was a virgin at the age of 32.

In fact, what men say is reasonable, and their thinking tends to be more rational and realistic.

But at the same time of disillusionment, it also hurts women's narcissism and feeling of not being caught, which makes them instantly fall from fantasy paradise to unbearable hell.

This great sense of frustration and loss makes me uncomfortable, and whoever pokes it will project it on it.

My fantasy is right, but it's all your fault. You are stingy, stingy and don't love me. Goodbye.

2.

A woman who wants to feel safe.

The sense of security is related to the degree of trust in the world.

This is an important issue for women. After marriage, women's demand for security reached a peak.

The latest episode of "Qipa Shuo" discussed the fear of marriage, and Qiu Chen said:

My partner wants to marry me. Did he try to understand the entanglement of raising children after marriage, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and the problem of parents supporting the elderly?

Especially in the era of derailment, domestic violence, dystocia, jumping off a building, and even killing his wife to cheat insurance, "unmarried, infertile and safe" has become a resounding slogan.

No wonder the survey of China Youth Daily shows that as many as 6 1.2% of the respondents prefer fear of marriage.

From the perspective of evolutionary psychology, since primitive times, due to the special P

With the development of society, the marriage system has created better conditions for women, locked a reliable object, shared responsibilities and risks, and ensured the quality of life of future generations.

The reliability here is reflected in: being able to support the family, being able to accompany and pull the baby to grow together.

After all, this is a matter of gene transmission and blood continuation, and it is also a major event for human beings.

But whether this person is reliable and the future is controllable is itself a huge unknown and risk.

Fear of marriage means that men are more afraid of losing their freedom, while women are afraid of uncertainty. To put it bluntly, they don't have enough trust and trust in the person in front of them, and they don't know whether it is a person or a ghost who invited them to spend the rest of their lives.

From the perspective of economics, Professor Xue Zhaofeng gave a more interesting explanation:

Get married, run a family business, and sign a lifelong wholesale futures contract.

The two sides took out the resource package, the woman paid for the baby early and took care of the family, and the man planted it late and harvested it late.

There will be problems, and people in the back are more likely to rip off people who pay in front.

Nobody wants to suffer. For women, the need for security is particularly strong.

Therefore, women are always testing men, including bride price, room books and wedding photos, and at least they can get the following information:

First, the economic strength is ok? Will the baby have something to eat in the future?

Second, the character is ok? Do you have long-term management and sincerity about risks?

Third, is the attitude ok? Will you respect my feelings and wishes?

Any mistake will reduce a woman's sense of security, but there are no three. Sorry, you're out.

3.

A woman with a sense of ceremony

Ritual sense is a kind of self-suggestion, and it is also a way to give meaning and realize identity actively.

More popular and complete: because people have certain psychological needs, they have constructed a series of processes, which are endowed with certain significance and full of faith. When the process is completed and self-suggestion is completed, their wishes are satisfied and their identity is recognized.

For example, religious ceremonies complete prayers, funerals complete mourning, and Spring Festival reunions are completed.

The four-piece wedding ceremony was originally a ceremony, and what * * * accomplished together was to witness love, establish a new entrance and claim a new identity.

For example, at a wedding, a father accompanied his daughter on the red carpet and solemnly handed his daughter's hand to the groom.

At this time, many fathers and daughters can't help blushing.

Its symbolic meaning is very obvious: when a girl grows up, she will bid farewell to family of origin and join hands with another man to form a new family.

It also represents psychological separation and reconstruction.

The white wedding dress, bright ring and beautiful photos complement each other and witness the girl's innocent last time together. After the wedding, she will officially become her wife.

In this process, women complete self-suggestion and take the initiative to accept new identities. From now on, a lot of energy will be devoted to the new home, taking care of life and running a family.

Friends travel to get married, eliminating the trouble of a four-piece suit, but after several years, I still have a faint regret:

Or something is missing. It has always been a little girl's mentality, unlike married people.

Therefore, women need such rituals to help them complete their identity transformation and identification.

Why is the man's consciousness weak?

First, although the division of labor between men and women in modern society is becoming more and more equal, for most men, the main battlefield is still "outside", that is, career. In other words, with a stable rear area, they can devote themselves to their careers better.

Because there is no obvious psychological turning point, it is difficult for them to understand and identify with their new identity more deeply.

Second, marriage is a natural constraint on financial freedom and reproductive freedom. It's strange that men can't resist subconsciously, and it's such a big waste of money.

Don't be unwilling to reciprocate, but in the face of this profound ceremony (especially for women), if you show perfunctory, impatience and disrespect, don't blame others for thinking you are selfish, indifferent and rude.

4.

A man with a beautiful wife.

There must be a man spitting: just talking about feelings. Doing something flashy, having money is another matter.

Really don't underestimate these "feelings". Most women are emotional, and they like it.

If the economic strength is really average, it is particularly important to accept, hug and empathize with the above three feelings when women can't meet all their requirements for a while.

Provide a reference example.

My cousin's husband, an IT of an Internet company, has average family conditions. They have been in love for three years and have saved a sum of money.

Near the end, my cousin asked for a diamond ring, when the man had just paid the down payment for the wedding room. In first-tier cities, this is not a small sum. He spent all his savings.

The man didn't agree immediately, so they quarreled about it and had a cold war for two days.

On the third day, he deliberately left work early, made a sumptuous dinner and formally made peace.

This is what he said:

Honey, I know you want a diamond ring. Every woman is the same. (Review and accept)

Just like men want to wear Rolex, Rolex symbolizes status, and diamond ring symbolizes love and your uniqueness. (Empathy)

I didn't promise. I understand your loss, sadness and anger, and I am also very distressed. (keep)

But now that you know my financial situation, I will give you the most sincere and best I can. (Sincerity)

If you have a diamond ring, can you find a suitable time to supply it to you in the future? Platinum was wronged first, and diamonds kept the true feelings of witnessing our suffering after marriage. (Put forward the scheme and reconstruct the meaning)

My cousin was very moved. The man passed the customs smoothly and was promoted to my cousin's husband.

They all say "Long live understanding". Behind understanding is respect for feelings, which is just an expression of love.

When emotions are seen, understood and firmly grasped, when women feel respected and loved, psychological space is created. The little girl who loves fantasy, narcissism and insecurity stopped crying and began to return to rational thinking;

Do I want a diamond ring or someone?

In this process, men give themselves a lot of extra points, except for those who really require higher material life, they generally have a great chance of winning.

Of course, please keep your promise after marriage and don't cheat.

It's hard for my beloved woman to bury her light in the daily necessities. When she and the baby were exhausted, she asked with great bitterness: Husband, where is the wedding ring you promised me?