In the review stage, Professor He Yongkang, the leader of the Chinese marking group of Jiangsu College Entrance Examination, found the book "Missing the Sky", with a comprehensive score of 37 points. After reading it three times, He Yongkang finally made up his mind to give it 54 points. Judging from the marking procedure, this is a "final judgment", which is 17 points higher than the original evaluation. I hope to encourage simple writing style.
"Recommendation is a kind of guidance." Teacher He Yongkang said in an interview, "It is rare to see a son so grateful to a farmer's father when children don't know much about gratitude nowadays. No one has used this kind of pen and ink in the college entrance examination composition. "
The so-called "guidance", in addition to expecting young students to know how to be grateful, He Yongkang also hopes that reviewers and middle school Chinese teachers can tolerate and encourage this "simplicity from real life", because this is already a long-lost style of writing in college entrance examination compositions.
Original text (including comments by Teacher He Yongkang):
Miss the sky
A candidate in Jiangsu
When the wheat is harvested, the sky looks clear. Over the golden wheat fields, I occasionally swim leisurely through a few white clouds. [The scenery is concise and brilliant! ]
During the wheat harvest season, it is often sunny at noon. Our hardworking parents have to work in the hot sun. [Click "scorching sun" twice before writing, which is well repeated! Because as farmers, this is their obligation. [What a responsibility! ]
I am a farmer's child. I understand that our parents in the countryside have to live in the fields for our education. They work hard for their children without complaining. At home, I often hear them say, "As long as the children live well, no matter how hard and tired they are, we are all willing ..." [Poor peasant parents! "Do well" is a clever and vivid word. ]
Farmer children study hard! Go all out! Our beloved parents buried themselves in the wheat fields in the scorching sun for our good life. Have you ever experienced that taste? [Shout "slogan" here, but it sounds good, good. The first two sections all say "we" and "they". Please enjoy. ]
Two days before the college entrance examination, I realized. Hot and tired. At that time, my only hope was to cut the wheat quickly, go home and take a bath, and then sleep in bed for five or six hours.
On the morning of June 5th, my father got up early. I get up after four o'clock. When he came to the ground, he told me, "Go to sleep for a while! Get up at six o'clock to cook, and then wash clothes in the field at eight o'clock to deliver meals to me. " 【 It's all simple words from the farmer's father, affectionate and true.
Yes! How many parents let their children work two days before the college entrance examination? ]
After waking up, I picked up my watch and looked at it: 5: 50. I guess I used to get up early at school. I get dressed quickly. I soaked my clothes in an iron basin. Then I go to the kitchen to cook.
I cooked and washed clothes. He put the soup in the rice bowl, took five steamed buns and put them in the basket together. I finished my meal quickly. I rode to the ground without washing the bowl.
By the time I got to the field, my father had cut seven or eight ridges. His face was covered with sweat and his clothes were soaked. He said, "Have you eaten? I cut this ridge, and then eat ... "【 line drawing. Father's words are plain with "thick"! ]
About four or five minutes. He cut it all. He took out the rice basin and steamed bread from the basket and said while eating, "son, your father is incompetent." Have a good rest after arriving in the county tomorrow! " Take a good test the day after tomorrow, don't be nervous ... "[This is a' temporary warning' for the farmer's father to give his children the college entrance examination the day after tomorrow in the field and under the scorching sun! The world is listening ...]
I cut wheat for more than five hours in the scorching sun. [Not the kui is a farmer's child! There is no irritability before the exam, no "nutrition", no "comfort" from parents, only "labor" of true colors! Back home, I didn't eat. I took a bath and went to bed. [Echoing the above, I am really tired! ]
Now, I am doing problems in the examination room. It's cool indoors. [The word "cool" is extremely important and extremely heavy! After the exam, I will stand in the hot sun for two hours and feel the taste of the hot sun. [This is a big "bright spot". The full text is brilliant and everything is alive. Nostalgia came out, sky came out, farmers who were older than the sky came out, and fathers who were closer than the sky came out. Everything is in silence ...]
Comments: This article is typical, without publicity, "flying all over the sky", with dazzling "highlights" and in-depth play. I only described my father cutting wheat and my own scene very simply, and even shouted "slogan" in the middle! However, it is true, true, pure, true, and turbulent inner waves lurk in it. Father's words are rare, but thick and broad; The son's emotional expression is very common, but it is all from the heart. The biggest highlight is at the end: "the examination room is very cold", compared with the wheat field, it is very hot; "After the exam, I will stand in the hot sun for two hours and feel the taste of the hot sun"-no son in the world appreciates being a farmer's father like this, and no one in the article has used this kind of pen and ink, which is witty! It's so touching, it's been so long! Chinese teachers in the front line of middle schools can take this as a teaching example to further grasp the orientation of composition. (He Yongkang, Dean, Professor and Doctoral Supervisor of Nanjing Normal University College)
Attachment: Re-comments of netizens on Missing the Sky.
When the wheat is harvested, the sky looks clear. Over the wheat fields, I occasionally swim leisurely through a few white clouds. [The scenery is concise and brilliant! ] The scenery description is concise and lively, and the writing is concise. But it is not in place. Because I only paid attention to the sky, I didn't write the side of my body, that is, the ground. Here is not deliberately picky, but the description of "land" is really necessary. If the author is really present, he still has some observations and feelings about the ground. If you add: there is no wind in the wheat field, the earth is like a steamer, and it is extremely sultry. Is it better? It shows that the students' experience is not true enough. As for the realization of the look, I don't know what to say. Because it's just a description, it's not magical. During the wheat harvest season, it is often sunny at noon. The vicious sun often makes people sweat and feel dizzy from the heat. But our hardworking parents have to work in the hot sun. [Click "scorching sun" twice before writing, which is well repeated! Although I ordered the "scorching sun" twice, it was not in place, so I added the vicious sun ... because as farmers, this is their duty. [What a responsibility! ] is also a kind of helplessness. I am a farmer's child. I understand that our parents in the countryside have to live in the fields for our education. They work hard for their children without complaining. At home, I often hear them say, "As long as the children live well, no matter how hard and tired they are, we are all willing ..." [Poor peasant parents! "Do well" is a clever and vivid word. Here, "well done" belongs to dialect, just like "Lagua" in Shandong and "Laoke" in Northeast China. Used in the article, it is unique and fresh. Farmer children study hard! Go all out! Our beloved parents buried themselves in the wheat fields in the scorching sun for our good life. Have you ever experienced that taste? [Shout "slogan" here, but it sounds good, good. The first two sections all say "we" and "they". Please enjoy. ] The question in this paragraph is not whether to shout slogans or not. After reading this paragraph, I think the author has been writing in the way of "we" and "them", that is, writing the whole. Also like the conclusion, it is "Luo", giving people a feeling that it is not smooth. Perhaps the main problem lies in this paragraph. Two days before the college entrance examination, I realized. Hot and tired. At that time, my only hope was to cut the wheat quickly, go home and take a bath, and then sleep in bed for five or six hours. The narrative here has changed. To say "feeling" first and "description" later is to highlight the "bitterness" of wheat harvesting. This is a transitional period. "Hot and tired", the word "hot" was not well highlighted in the last article, so I added "There is no wind in the wheat field, and the earth is like a steamer, which is extremely sultry. It is not appropriate to use "lag", as if the author did not describe it in time. The usage of "lag" is influenced by social and political terms, so it is better to say "behind" directly. On the morning of June 5th, my father got up early. I get up after four o'clock. When he came to the ground, he told me, "Go to sleep for a while! Get up at six o'clock to cook, and then wash clothes in the field at eight o'clock to deliver meals to me. "[are the simple words of the peasant father, affectionate and true! How many parents let their children work two days before the college entrance examination? Writing "individuals" from this paragraph is "distorted" from the overall crime above. After waking up, I picked up my watch and looked at it: 5: 50. I guess I used to get up early at school. I quickly put on my clothes. I soaked my clothes in an iron basin. Then I go to the kitchen to cook. [In an orderly way, one by one. I cooked and washed clothes. He put the soup in the rice bowl, took five steamed buns and put them in the basket together. I finished my meal quickly. I rode to the ground without washing the dishes. 【 Business as usual, not afraid of dull machinery. By the time I got to the field, my father had cut seven or eight ridges. His face was covered with sweat and his clothes were soaked. It seems inappropriate for him to appear "he" many times in his article. I'll try to say "Dad". "Have you eaten? I cut this ridge and eat ... "[Line drawing. Father's words are plain with "thick"! ] About four or five minutes, he cut it all. He is "he" here twice, which is disrespectful. Take out the rice basin and steamed bread from the basket, eat and say, "son, your father is incompetent." It seems redundant here. There is no need to say "children" when facing your children. There is no way to say "your father is incompetent". Even if he wanted to say it, he wouldn't say it at this time, or what was behind, and the author didn't write it. Have a good rest after arriving in the county town tomorrow! Take a good test the day after tomorrow, don't be nervous ... "[This is a' temporary warning' for the farmer's father to give his children the college entrance examination the day after tomorrow in the field and under the scorching sun! The world is listening ... I cut wheat for more than five hours in the scorching sun. [Not the kui is a farmer's child! There is no irritability before the exam, no "nutrition", no "comfort" from parents, only "labor" of true colors! Back home, I didn't eat. I took a bath and went to bed. [Echoing the above, I am really tired! Now, I am doing problems in the examination room. It's cool indoors. [The word "cool" is extremely important and extremely heavy! After the exam, I will stand in the hot sun for two hours and feel the taste of transpiration in the hot sun. Because my father and my fellow villagers must still be harvesting wheat under the scorching sun ... [This is a big "bright spot", and the full text is full of colorful things. " Nostalgia came out, the sky came out, farmers who were older than the sky came out, and fathers who were closer than the sky came out. It goes without saying ...] Do you want to stand here for two hours? It's not easy to understand, so I can say it casually, so I added "make a determined effort", "the earth is transpiration" and "because my father must still be harvesting wheat in the scorching sun, and my hometown", which expanded the meaning of the problem and took care of our parents at the beginning.
Generally speaking, the student still lacks some efforts in description, and he also lacks in feeling. Description because of inexperience, feeling because of short working hours. The so-called "year-old has its thing, and things have their contents; Love is based on things and words are based on feelings. " It means "the spring and autumn seasons are constantly changing, cold weather makes people feel dull, and warm days make people feel comfortable;" The changing scenery of the four seasons has also infected people's mood. "What do you think is bad, natural write not to come out. Life is the foundation of writing.
This paper is also divided into two parts, with "the morning of June 5" as the boundary. The problem mainly lies in the upper part, because it is not in harmony with the lower part. If the upper part can be compressed, it may be better to let the lower part (subject) stretch upward appropriately, that is, write more about me and my father and less about our parents (them). Because writing about our parents is an extension of the text, we just need to simply "discover" it.
Another problem, if it is in the plain, is that most of them don't use sickles to cut wheat now, and the problem will be solved as soon as the combine harvester goes. If it is a special geographical location, such as mountains or fields, it still lacks explanation.
It would be nice to be able to write such a composition in a hurry. It is more simple and true than those essays composed of "famous sayings and historical events" and closer to real life. Instead of writing personal life, writing "overhead" articles is not only the wind direction of college entrance examination composition, but also related to students' cultivation and habit formation. "The times are constantly developing, and the simple and gorgeous style of writing is also changing." Influenced by the world wind is also the reason of the times. Isn't it what we expect to get rid of impetuous glitz and set foot on a solid earth to care about and participate in society and life?
Giving 54 points seems a bit much, and I think it is still appropriate. As for giving a low score (36), it is not unreasonable. The shortcomings of the composition are still obvious. If you give a score below 50, you may get more recognition.
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