In the afternoon, I came back from the car outside and my mood dropped bit by bit. I sat in the back seat of a taxi and looked at the outside world. I have been in this familiar and strange city for eleven years. I can't help thinking, what have I been doing all these years? Muddle along.
Under the banner of quiet years, I don't want to make progress. I stand still and live a life day after day. Watching the people around me get farther and better, and I have been here, marking time. Maybe it's my personality, maybe not. If I really want a stable life, I should choose to get married early. This is the last life. Ordinary can't be ordinary.
I first came to this city more than ten years ago, when I was a freshman and a sophomore. It was the first time I went out of the county (in fact, I haven't been to the county several times) to visit my sisters. Living in the house they shared with others, it was small and crowded, and the bathroom was shared outside, but I was still very excited. Perhaps it was from that time that I planted the idea of working hard in this city. Even if I went to college in other cities, I resolutely came here after graduation. Then, after a while, so many years passed.
In the eyes of others, I should be the least valuable. For ten years, I have been living with my family except for the first year when I shared a room with my classmates for one year. They say envy, but I know that the first few years were really happy and simple. However, with the marriage of families, the population has increased and people have more mouths. It's like I'm wandering around, comforting myself that they need my help. In fact, no one can rely on it for a lifetime, even family members sometimes separate. I'm just not ready.
This sense of dependence is getting stronger and stronger, probably from last year, or the year before? I don't know. I always make excuses for myself. I didn't have the courage to leave after I failed in the exam last year. I'm not afraid that I can't support myself. I shouldn't find a suitable and reasonable reason to leave.
What the hell am I doing after all these years? I haven't improved at all, but I'm getting old. There are really fewer and fewer friends around, only a few single young women are left. It's not easy for us to get together and discuss life, but I find that we may all be the same kind of people, too content with the status quo. We will talk about the hard work in Kan Kan and cheer each other up, but there is no direction, clamoring about how others are so powerful, and envy will become a thing of the past.
This life is terrible. I tried to throw myself into the sea of books for help and answers, but it had little effect. Day after day, year after year. I remember on the first day of July, my friends shouted hope for the second half of the year in the group. Another friend said that this slogan seems to have been shouted for many years. Yeah, that's why we've been beating around the bush. Pursuing simplicity and beauty, but never taking it seriously, self-pity has become our constant state.
If we get married earlier, maybe the days will be so quiet, if we keep standing still like this. Therefore, regardless of age, it has long been said not to choose comfort at the age of struggle. No one will wait for someone all the time. We have been saying that there are still dreams. If it comes true, you have to work hard yourself. It's no use shouting slogans.
I feel so depressed suddenly, in fact, because I was stimulated by people I used to know. I said in the group that the same people have different lives. This is what we shared many years ago, and that friend often said. Although I know that we have different starting points, people have a high starting point from the beginning, but over the years, watching friends play while learning has solved all the major events in life. It's useless to say envy when we are still living so well, because others have worked hard enough, and what about me?
As a frog in a pond, I still feel happy. When did I forget my motto "You can only be a gentleman if you suffer", which has always encouraged me, but I am no longer so serious. Think it's great to read a book every day? Think it's good to have a leisurely day every day? Do you think it's good to be a nerd? Hehe, I just want to say these two words to myself.
God will not help those who don't help themselves. Yes, you didn't even reach out. How can others help you? It's terrible. I've read it for so many years, and now I suddenly realize it. The so-called ease, let it be, is not so idle and degenerate now. Do your best, but it's not. You should rely on your own ability to fight for your own life and work hard step by step. Don't stop learning, maybe the process will be very hard, but as long as the result is good, everything is worth it.
Like them, stupid birds fly first. Nothing is impossible. Some of my sisters are in their forties and fifties, so they are riding the wind and waves. Always remember today's words, the feeling of regret and disappointment is really bad. Don't let yourself down again. The road ahead of life is always a little harder, and there will be good days ahead.