Good compositions have been changed! Experts often say this, and teachers often emphasize it. Indeed, "jade is uncut, abrasive" and "articles are never tired of changing". For us students, if we often revise articles repeatedly, we can gradually find some writing rules and constantly improve our writing level. In particular, developing the habit of self-modification and cultivating the ability of self-modification can benefit for life.
But many students are confused about this. Some students hold their own compositions and feel that they don't know where to revise them except to see if there are any typos and sick sentences. What is the criterion for judging a composition? Where should I go to revise my composition besides the revision of words and sentences? Many students don't know much about it, and they are at a loss when revising their compositions. In fact, there are many criteria for evaluating a good composition, such as beautiful language, novel conception, unique structure, ingenious conception, substantial content, true feelings, proper expression and so on. Therefore, we should pay more attention to these aspects when revising the composition:
See if the composition is positive. Look at the quality of a composition, the first is the intention. Eternal articles are based on meaning. Meaning wins literary victory, meaning is smooth. "Beauty in poetry means good intentions", while beauty in writing means good intentions. If the intention is incorrect, the effect of the article is not good, the intention is not profound, the ideological significance of the article is not high, and the value is not great. Articles can not only show the truth, but also show people's emotions. Some people's emotions are positive and some are negative and harmful. A good article should express the beautiful feelings of human beings. Anything vulgar, backward, decadent and tasteless is harmful, and of course it will not be universally recognized by people. There are many dark sides and negative things in social life now. Our composition is not an article that cannot expose the dark side and negative things of society. The key lies in students' narrow knowledge, shallow life experience, weak ability to distinguish right from wrong, irrational analysis of problems and easy to be one-sided. When writing about exposing the dark side and negative things in society, we must grasp the scale, and we must never look at the problem unilaterally and absolutely. Don't vent your emotions casually. Articles should show less negative and decadent attitude towards life. Praise as much as possible and expose less; Acura more and less exposure; Understand more and vent less. Life is so beautiful, why do we use monotonous gray to describe our life?
Examples of pathological texts
In this world of flowers and flowers, impatient and frivolous people pursue unlimited money and truly achieve "people die for money and birds die for food." They were rich before they died, but did they listen to the birds and sit and watch the blue sky and white clouds roll? I don't think they are really happy. The ancients said that "eat, drink, and be merry in time", and it is sad that they did not learn to cherish what they have and enjoy the present. They want to spend their lives moaning about self-pity. "Knowing that there is nothing to do, but feeling at ease" is the true meaning of life. (Practice clip "Cherish what you have and enjoy the present")
On the whole, this article is good. The full text is light in conception, orderly in discussion, and reasonably uses positive and negative arguments and hypothetical arguments. The analysis and discussion after the case is also concise and accurate, and the quotation is reasonable, which reflects the high literary and cultural literacy. However, the intention of the composition is obviously insufficient. "The ancients said that it is sad not to learn to cherish what you have and enjoy the present. They want to groan in self-pity all their lives. " There is a slight negative breath in the language, and there is no positive wind, which gives people a gray feeling and makes people unable to see their children's beautiful ideals.
Modify and upgrade
In this world of flowers and flowers, impatient and frivolous people pursue unlimited money and truly achieve "people die for money and birds die for food." I think if they listen to the birds chirping while running hard, they will sit and watch the blue sky and white clouds roll. They might be happier. It is the true meaning of life to "know its helplessness and feel at ease", cherish possession and give life back to songs. (Cherish what you have and return to life with songs (upgraded version))
Although there are few changes in the revised article, only one sentence is added, "Cherish what you have and give your life back to the song", but the thinking is clear and vividly shows the young author's life ideal of being based on the present, optimistic about life and enjoying life reasonably. From the author's pen, we can see both the hope of life and the strong and optimistic smiling face of the little author.
Second, see if the composition is sincere. "Touching people, don't worry about love first." This is especially true of composition. Only true feelings can impress and infect people. Slogan is the most taboo in composition, and empty and insincere "rhetoric" can only make everyone hate it. Pay attention to life, say sincere words, treat readers as friends, express their true feelings and avoid affectation. Mr. Lu Xun warned us "to speak modern, own words;" Speak your thoughts and feelings directly in plain language. "
Examples of pathological texts
My father is very great. He loves us very much. He cares for us in every possible way, taking care of us in every possible way. He loves us deeply, and in his heart, only we are the most important. It can be said that dad gave us all the love. Dad, my dearest dad, you love us deeply, and we will always love you.
This clip is to express dad's love. The language is fluent and the center is clear. But how does dad love us? In what ways does father love us? These aspects are not described in detail. It can be said that the content of this passage is empty and the slogan is empty. Father's love is not specifically expressed. So I didn't express my true feelings and couldn't really impress the readers. So, how to express your true feelings? Then we should pay attention to writing those empty slogans, that is, turning invisible fatherly love into visible and tangible things in life, and integrating emotions, things and lovers in narrative. In this way, people can feel the feelings to be expressed by reading words. Of course, the expressed feelings can also be turned into things or people, so as to achieve the blending of feelings with things and lovers.
Modify and upgrade
Dad's love for me is meticulous. Today, when I saw the bamboo swaying in the wind in front of the window, I remembered your love for me. I can't forget that several times, you lifted me high with broad shoulders and ran among the flowers and plants everywhere; We can't forget that in order to support us, you ran around in summer, picking up wine bottles and rags. When I came back, I was covered in dust and sweat, and there were hardships and difficulties hidden in deep wrinkles. I can't forget that when I was sick late at night, you ran to the hospital with one foot deep and one foot shallow behind my back, regardless of the fatigue of the day and the sudden wind and rain outside. I can't forget your haggard face when you left the hospital. Dad, every time I look at you, I can't help crying. Tears of heartache fall on your shoulders, telling you how much I miss you day and night.
Reading the first two paragraphs, we can easily find that the second paragraph is more touching and sincere than the first paragraph, because it expresses dad's love for us through three things rather than empty slogans. In this way, the abstract feelings are turned into tangible things, which are sincere and touching.
Third, look at whether the lyricism of the composition is natural. When writing a narrative, whether it is about a person or a narrative, when the author can't fully express his feelings through description, he often uses lyric methods to express it. Lyricism refers to the author's expression of praise, praise, joy, joy, hatred, disdain, sadness, nostalgia, regret, sigh, etc. on the basis of concrete and full description. Lyrics must be "touching the scene and feeling" or "seeing things and thinking about feelings", which is the natural expression of thoughts and feelings. However, the lyrical articles written by students often make people feel unnatural, as if they are lyrical in order to complete a certain task or express their feelings, or they are untrue to pull up the theme, or they are hard to express their feelings by labeling people and things, giving people a very awkward feeling.
Examples of pathological texts
It's getting late, it's past nine o'clock in the evening, and the heat hasn't dissipated. At this time, there was a sound of banging on the table in the classroom. It's hot and it's so late. Who is still in the classroom? I walked in with curiosity and saw Zhang Xiaoming, the monitor, sweating under the electric light, fiddling with the broken table.
Ah! My heart is beating violently and tears are pouring out!
What a good monitor! You are so concerned about public property and the collective. In order to educate students who damage public property, you set an example and work hard. Your heart is the most beautiful! You are the living Lei Feng in our class! You are a good example for me to learn.
In this clip, it is written that the monitor braved the heat to repair the table at night. This action is commendable. The problem is that the author exaggerates his feelings to an inappropriate degree. This kind of feeling is very blunt, and it is suspected of "creating feelings for writing", which is difficult to arouse readers' * * *. For example, the psychological activity of writing "I" in the text. Especially the first one. Two paragraphs of a series of slogans, a series of exclamation points, I am afraid that the "monitor" will blush.
Modify and upgrade
It's past 9 o'clock in the evening, and the summer heat hasn't gone away. At this time, there was a sound of banging on the table in the classroom. It's hot and it's so late. Who is still in the classroom? I walked in with curiosity and saw Zhang Xiaoming, the monitor, sweating under the electric light, fiddling with the broken table.
At this time, my heart was burning, and a series of scenes appeared in front of me. Zhang Xiaoming repaired bicycles for his classmates, sent sick classmates home, and helped students with financial difficulties pay their tuition fees. I walked quickly to him and put my handkerchief in his hand. While he was wiping his sweat, I quickly picked up the hammer without waiting. When I was hammering a nail, he took the hammer away and said, "Xiao Lin, didn't you have heatstroke this afternoon?" Go back to rest, this classroom is like a steamer, which will wear you out. "Then push me out.
I stood at the door of the classroom and haven't left for a long time. The passion in the heart is far better than the heat. Monitor, what a good man!
The modified paragraph is narrated first when expressing emotion, which has a certain foothold and the expression of emotion is quite natural. It can be seen that the application of lyricism in composition must be closely combined with narrative, emotional and natural, and don't casually apply other people's words.
The fourth is to see whether the composition description is vivid. We often find that some students always scratch their heads and stomachs every time they write a composition, and finally put it together and hand it in before they can breathe a sigh of relief. But when the teacher corrected the composition, it was the same comment: "The article is dull, the language is boring and not vivid." The child worked hard, but the teacher was not recognized. It can be seen that the revision of the composition should be as vivid as possible. So what is a vivid image? The so-called vivid image is nothing more than reappearing the object of description in front of readers in a tangible, vivid and colorful way, so that readers can see people, feel the scenery and smell the sound, give people a strong and profound impression and are easy to understand and accept.
Examples of pathological texts
I didn't really feel the depth of maternal love, but I really felt my mother's deep love. When I woke up in the hospital, it was already midnight. That night, I opened my eyes and looked at the surrounding environment, and my heart was full of panic. I know, this is a hospital. But how could I be in the hospital? Turning my head, I saw my mother lying on her side by the bed, her hand tightly holding mine. My heart ached and I turned my head and tears came down.
After reading it, we found that although this paragraph has no empty slogan and specific content, it is purely narrative and lacks specific and subtle description, so the image of the mother is not vivid and vivid, and the whole paragraph still lacks "key points" to impress readers.
Modify and upgrade
I didn't really feel the depth of maternal love, but I really felt my mother's deep love. When I woke up in the hospital, it was already midnight. That night, I opened my eyes and looked at the strange and horrible pale environment, and my heart was full of panic. I know, this is a hospital. But ... why am I in the hospital? Turning her head, my mother lay on her side by the bed, her face full of fatigue and vicissitudes, and her brow faintly revealed her inner anxiety and worry. Messy hair, gray with white silk, trembled slightly with mother's breathing. Those calloused hands hold my white hand tightly. My heart was sour, and I turned my head quietly, and tears poured down, like a shower in spring, trying to moisten my mother's vicissitudes.
The revised paragraph is more vivid, with both narrative of events and typical details, including portraits, environment, demeanor, movements and so on. These meticulous descriptions truly show the mother's inner anxiety and worry, highlighting her deep love. The characters in the narrative should stand up, not by comments, but by vivid and detailed descriptions of their psychology, language and actions, even a subtle expression. Making good use of detail description can enhance the authenticity of the work, deepen the theme of the article and achieve the effect of "vivid with one eye"
Fifth, see if the composition uses a variety of expressions comprehensively. There are five common expressions, namely description, narration, explanation, discussion and lyricism. However, these five expressions are not isolated and used alone in composition, and it is often two or more expressions that are used together to get good expression results.
Examples of pathological texts
Before the game, the school had a day off, and you asked me to go to your school to review. You took me to your school, made me wait in the office, and cleaned a classroom by yourself. I was bored in the office alone, so I went downstairs to the door of the classroom. You are very busy in the classroom. The figure shook. I suddenly realized that I haven't seen you for a long time. I walked in without saying a word. You are still busy. The light is not bright, but I see some dazzling light on your head. I noticed that you have white hair for the first time. You are struggling to move the table, and the sky shines on your forehead. At that moment, I suddenly found the feeling of being surrounded by father's love.
This fragment describing fatherly love contains both concrete events and touching details. However, judging from the essay title "I saw you across the generation gap", people always feel that their feelings are a little thin and their center is not clear. The reason is that there are no lyrical and argumentative sentences in the article, and various expressions such as description, discussion and lyricism are not integrated, which makes the expression effect of the article much worse.
Modify and upgrade
Before the game, the school had a day off, and you asked me to go to your school to review. You took me to your school, made me wait in the office, and cleaned a classroom by yourself. I was bored in the office alone, so I went downstairs to the door of the classroom. Your busy figure is shaking in the classroom. I suddenly realized that I haven't seen you for a long time. I walked in without saying a word. You are still busy. The light is not bright, but I see some dazzling light on your head. I noticed that you have white hair for the first time. You are struggling to move the table, and the sky shines on your forehead.
I can't believe my eyes. Is this my father? Once upon a time, the father who worked so hard at home became so cowardly! You are still old! At that moment, I suddenly felt a shock coming out of my heart, generate, which shocked my whole body. I think it comes from endless affection and is the echo of my heart. I suddenly found the feeling of being surrounded by my father's love. This kind of fatherly love is not as extensive and detailed as before, but it is more profound and can arouse my inner voice more. I think I know you again. Family ties are the same, but blood ties are the same. Feelings may be alienated, but no matter how wide the generation gap is, I will eventually see you!
After the author's appropriate revision, the author paid attention to the comprehensive application of several expressions and received good expression results. It can be seen from this that the narrative text that writes people's narrative, if it can be properly lyrical after narrative description, is an excellent touch, which can not only make the details touched, the emotions rendered, but also sublimate the theme and receive shocking artistic effects.
Sixth, see if our composition materials are fresh. Dai Fugu of the Southern Song Dynasty said, "You must teach yourself to get out of your chest and never follow in the footsteps of others. "So, the materials selected for children's compositions should be as fresh as possible. Freshness of materials means that when selecting materials, we should not only pay attention to the typicality and authenticity of materials, but also strive to choose novel and fresh materials. Fresh and unique materials can express lively content, which is attractive, moving and convincing.
Examples of pathological texts
If a person has great ambitions, he must have different opinions. Sima Guang is an outstanding example. Once, he was playing with his neighbor's children and suddenly found a child falling into a water tank in the garden. A group of children were stunned. Sima Guang used his quick wits to pick up a stone and smash the water tank to save the fallen child. Great thoughts make great actions. The young Sima Guang proved this.
The story of "Sima Guang smashed the jar" is too old! We heard this example from our teacher when we were in primary school. Today, if children talk again, they will lack freshness and the article will be stingy. Some of our classmates choose examples, and when it comes to helping others, they talk about learning from Lei Feng: Lei Feng travels thousands of miles on business, and a car is good. When we talk about self-improvement, we say Zhang Haidi: The more disabled we are, the stronger we will be, and we will not plummet. When we talk about dedication, we will talk about Kong Fansen: I left my mother for Tibet twice. These examples, which people use too much and overuse, are all old-fashioned. If you use it again, it will be tacky, and it will also make the teacher feel tired and it will be difficult to have a good impression.
Modify and upgrade
Most of a person's success has a great guide. Some people say that Reagan became president of the United States because of his father's teaching. There is some truth in this statement. When Reagan 1 1 was years old, he kicked a neighbor's glass. Neighbors claimed 12.5 USD from Reagan and could buy 125 laying hens. After the trouble, Reagan admitted his mistake to his father. Father said: You should be responsible for your mistakes. I can lend you money first, but I will pay it back in a year. Reagan read his father's expectation and responsibility from his words and face. So, he started a hard working life during the holiday and paid off his father's money in half a year. It was his father's teaching that made Reagan understand the meaning of responsibility, inspired him to work hard and struggle all his life, and finally became the president of the United States of America. In his Memoirs, he wrote: Everyone has the potential to become president, and the key is whether he can help him to reach the top.
When the composition was revised, the little author changed an angle and gave an example. Presumably, many American students know Reagan, but they don't necessarily know his story. Therefore, Doing What Others Don't Do makes people shine, gives people fresh aesthetic enjoyment, and makes people feel the rich background of the author.