The transformation of social form
Lu, a clinical psychologist in the Department of Psychiatry at Yadong Memorial Hospital, explained that "one child is not too few, but two children are just right" often comes from the birth control slogan advocated by the Internal Affairs Unit in the 1960s. As for why there is such a statement? At that time, Taiwan Province Province was facing the transformation of agricultural industrialization, and the medical quality began to make great progress, and the infant survival rate and the number of newborns increased greatly.
The concept of birth control
Different from the usual production conditions such as dystocia and premature death, there is no advanced medical equipment; On the premise of medical progress, if the fertility rate remains unchanged, it will lead to excessive population growth and shortage of food and employment opportunities in the future. Therefore, in order to disperse social resources, * * units vigorously advocate the concept of "one child is never too few, and the second child is just right", with the aim of encouraging people to have birth control, so as to reduce the trend of large population growth.
Today's child-rearing phenomenon
There are many fertility conditions.
Psychologist Lu said that the concept of fertility in traditional society did appear different phenomena after social changes again and again. Modern couples are not keen on the concept of "raising children to prevent old age", but simply want to have children in a small family based on each other's "love crystallization".
For modern couples, having children is no longer just a responsibility to carry on the family line, but a decision that will be accepted after considering the conditions at all levels of the existing environment. Most of them have two realistic considerations:
1. Quality of life
Couples in dual-income families have their own jobs to be busy; Women no longer educate their children full-time, and having children is not a priority. Some couples feel that it is already very hard to go to work on weekdays. If they have to take care of their children and cry when they get home, they won't rest at all! ? For the quality of life, you can have a completely relaxed rest environment, or it is better to live slowly!
Step 2 solve this problem
It is not difficult to imagine how many couples in society are caught in such a huge parenting dilemma under the premise of excessive fertility, parenting and parenting; In addition, we can better understand the wait-and-see mentality of unmarried or married childless couples, and it is not surprising that there are fewer children.
A perfect parenting system is still a key consideration for couples to become "parents". Lu Xiaohong, a psychologist, believes that the lack of a complete parenting system will only make children earn money in the eyes of nannies and preschool educators, or that fathers are more afraid of being fired than mothers, so they should take some parental leave. Therefore, the system of "nanny management plus fee subsidy" is really a big problem for couples who want to have children.
News flash. The topic of "abortion leave" is being slammed!
Wang Ruxuan, chairman of the Labor Committee, said at the press conference of "Celebrating the Centenary of International Women's Day on 20 10" that the Labor Committee will amend the Regulations on Workers' Vacation, so that future pregnant women can take unpaid maternity leave for up to one year with a doctor's certificate and still enjoy labor protection status.
Chairman Wang Ruxuan's original intention of raising this topic is to receive many complaints from women about bleeding and abortion during pregnancy, hoping to take time off to have children. However, there is no such mechanism in the current laws and regulations, and employers may not necessarily agree.
At present, the Labor Committee has begun to revise the regulations on workers' vacation and implement rest and recuperation leave, which can be implemented by the end of May at the earliest and June at the latest. The provisions will include: after pregnancy, women can show their doctors' certificates to their employers and apply for unpaid prenatal leave for up to one year; Women still retain their labor protection status during vacation.
Children are a fortune.
Nowadays, due to time and economic factors, most parents only plan to have one child; It may also be that parents themselves don't want many children, but give themselves more freedom and more space. In any case, if you plan to have a child, you might as well absorb the relevant parenting information in advance before "collecting all the essence in one child".
Three advantages of only child
Psychologist Lu Xiaohong said that the only child brings together all parents' concerns. In addition to parents should pay attention to excessive doting, children actually have many benefits:
1. Get full caress and care: this element is the basis of children's sense of belonging and security, and it is also good for mental health.
2. Have a better material life: Even families with poor economic conditions will try their best to meet their basic needs for development because they only have one child. Parents will want to train their only child into a versatile person and are willing to spend money to take their children around. After all, they only need to pay an extra fee!
3. Parents' complete attention: Parents of the only child can concentrate more on their children and even spend time and energy to help their children's intellectual development. Parents will be more patient to accompany their children in learning, games and other activities; Therefore, most only children have a wide range of knowledge, strong memory and active thinking.
Two children are in love.
Some parents think it's best to take more care of their children, because if the children are not around, they will pull their parents to do everything together, not their mothers: they should be looking at paintings, playing with toys and fighting swords. They should be more rivals than their mothers, and they will be with their children almost 24 hours a day. However, if the father has two more children than the mother, it is really difficult to take care of the children when they are young, but when the children are older, they will have their own fun, and the companionship of each other will also make the adults breathe a sigh of relief.
Companion 2 advantage
Lu Xiaohong, a psychologist, suggested that if the couple decided to have children of 1 or above, it would be ideal for the children to be 2-3 years old (over 5-6 years old, the mental level is too different); When two or more children get along, they usually have the following advantages:
1. There is affection between brothers and sisters: brothers and sisters can be the closest friends, the most loyal supporters and the closest business partners. When encountering problems, they can consult each other and rely on each other. Although not every brother and sister must have a compatible personality and love each other; But from a practical point of view, when there are family problems or parents are old, brothers and sisters can share the responsibility and take turns to visit and take care of their parents, without having to bear all the responsibility alone.
2. Learn to share and foil: children in families with many children will understand that their parents don't always revolve around themselves, and they will realize the necessity of sharing and helping each other from family life, and occasionally participate in competition, forced to learn to fight for and safeguard their rights, and have rich social learning experience.
The top priority of "family education"
Psychologist Lu Xiaohong said that no matter how many children you want, the most important thing is the way your parents educate you. For preschool children, "family education" has far-reaching influence. Even if busy parents with two incomes don't spend enough time with their children, they are still the best objects to rely on and learn from.
3 tips ~ parenting mentality
Parent-child interaction model is easy to be stereotyped. If parents want to change the parent-child interaction mode and let their children have correct and complete "tutoring" learning, they must first start with "self-mentality"; It is suggested that dad should have the following three tips when he is easier to change himself than mommy, so as to change himself smoothly and create a quality baby:
Tip 1. Be a positive role model
Dad's negative parenting style (such as beating and cursing) will make children learn to imitate, thinking that mistakes can be cursed with swearing, and punching is the correct behavior. Educate children with correct concepts and positive role models, and don't need to spend time to correct and guide the negative education that children are used to.
If we can reduce children's imitation of bad words and behaviors from an early age, it will help them quickly integrate into their peers after entering group life and be welcomed; Because most children have learned correct living habits from family education, they will not make indecent words or inappropriate behaviors to other children.
Tip 2. * * * plus education.
If only one parent changes, it will not only be ineffective, but also difficult to persist for a long time, and it is easy to unconsciously return to the past negative parenting style. Psychologist Lu Xiaohong reminded that both husband and wife can jointly fulfill and support each other's childcare responsibilities, which can enhance each other's confidence; In addition, when children are not influenced by peers or teachers, the family level has a greater impact. The learning speed of "behavior" is much faster than that of "speech". If children are often exposed to indecent remarks and behaviors, they will form habits and greatly improve the difficulty of correction.
Therefore, when one spouse has poor living habits, the other spouse must reduce the negative impact of this behavior on children and set a good example of correct learning. For example, suppose one party doesn't have the habit of littering casually, and the other party should do a good job of "littering casually in the trash can" and inform the children of the correctness of this behavior, so as to strengthen the establishment of children's concept.
Tip 3. Supplement knowledge and self-reflection
If parents know how to introspect, they can see what needs to be changed, which will help to adjust the direction of education in time and avoid negative effects on children. If you don't know the situation, you can read more about parenting information or ask the doctor's experience. Lu Xiaohong, a psychologist, said that sometimes parents are not incapable of taking care of their children. Most of them just lack relevant parenting knowledge, so they will ignore the principle of taking care of their children. As long as you have enough information, you can adjust your way and raise a healthy, smart and happy baby!
Lv Xiaohong
Present post: Clinical psychologist of Yadong Memorial Hospital.
Director of Taipei County Association of Clinical Psychologists
Education: Master of Behavioral Medicine Institute, National national cheng kung university Medical College.
Bachelor of Applied Psychology, Fu Jen Catholic University
Certificate: Certificate of Clinical Psychologist
A lecturer appointed by the Ministry of Education.
Experience: Counsellor of Taipei Mental Health Center.
Clinical psychologist, Chi Mei Hospital, Tainan
Honorary Instructor of Tainan Prison